Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Consumed (Jennifer)

I have been so consumed with how I havent been feeling good, and frustrated with the lack of answers.  I think I hit a low and I hope I never feel that way again.  Although I still dont have any answers I am learning to move on.  I cannot and will not spend all of my time wrapped up in how I dont feel well and be consumed with worry.  I have had several tests and its time to move on.  Its time to focus on the positive!

I have been running here and there and it feels great.  I went for a run when visiting my parents last weekend, despite the flurries that were falling!  I didnt use my new running watch so I dont know the distance but it was an amazing feeling to get out there and accomplish a run.  It was cold when I started but by the end I was fine.  It was about a half hour so must have been about 2 and a half miles or so I am thinking.  Not bad.  And the park near my parents house is great for running which made it even better.  There are special color coded paths and just a nice environment to be in.  I dont have a place like that near our house that I am aware of.  Its nice to think that when I go home to my parents house that I actually look forward to going out and having a great run.  And going home to see "my people" is such a warm feeling.  I find that I am getting homesick lately, even though its only two hours away.  I am thinking its probaby from being couped up in this cold and snowy winter!  We are supposed to get more snow today and some chilly weather for the next week but I hoping that will be it for the winter weather.  One can hope right?

Today's reason for losing weight:
*Today I watched Margene's video on her blog.  It is truly inspiring and really touched me.  I had goosebumps and tears throughout the whole thing.  If you havent already maybe stop by her blog and watch it.  Its quite moving.

Today I am thankful for:
*My family.  There are times when life gets hard and there are certain people you turn to.  For me, its my family and God.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I did it! (Jennifer)

Yesterday I was feeling a little cranky and still not all that great.  So I decided to fight back and get on the treadmill.  I have to help myself where I can.  I was hoping I could accomplish a 5k.  I am not best friends with the treadmill and definately prefer to run outside.  But this crappy weather hasnt made it possible yet.  So I hopped on the treadmill knowing that a few weeks ago was my last run and it was about a mile and a half.  I was pretty happy with that because before that I hadnt run in probably months.  Well, I accomplished it.  I set the treadmill on 5 mph which is leisurely for me and off I went.  It was like I had something to prove and I did just that.  3.1 miles.  And it felt good.  It was that accomplished feeling I have been missing all winter while not running. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
Health.  Plain in simple.  I want to be healthy for myself and my family.  Wanting to be healthy has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.

Today I am thankful for:
*my husband who made a comment that running and exercise really does make a difference for me.  Its kind of easy to *forget* that when you get away from it. 

Friday, March 4, 2011

Waiting (Jennifer)

Yesterday we went to visit some friends for dinner.  They just happen to live in our old house.  We sold our house, they bought it, and now we are friends.  We hit it off the first time we met.  They stayed and we talked for hours.  Its odd, but true.  So yesterday when we were getting out of the car in our old driveway, I noticed that some of the flowers I had planted a few years back were coming up!!!  I was so excited to see that even though there was still several feet of snow most places, that there wasnt any on the edge of the house and the flowers were budding! 

It got me thinking about how Spring *must* be around the corner even though the snow makes it feel impossible. The flowers wouldnt be coming up otherwise right?  I havent done much exercise this winter, and I realize that I am forever talking about how I cant wait for it to be nicer out (40-50 degrees without snow or rain would be a real treat!) so I can get our running.  I really have been waiting and waiting on the weather. Actually, I have been stalking the weather reports.  And to me thats funny because when Summer gets here there will be days it will be too HOT to run and I will be complaining then too!   haha.  Anyway,  this year is different from past years when I wanted spring to come so I could see some green, so I could sit on the deck, open some windows, enjoy longer days of light, or just to BBQ.  While I am still looking foward for all those things, what I am really *waiting* for is to run.  We had one day a few weeks ago that was nice and I was able to go for a run.  It was awesome!!!  Sometimes I will be in the car and a great song comes on and I think "I cant wait to go running!"  I love running to some of my favorite upbeat tunes.  It pumps me up!

So...I am offiicially welcoming Spring.  Maybe that will hurry it along....hehe.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to enjoy what I see in the mirror and feel proud of what I have accomplished.  Lack of exercise and gaining a few lbs back has taken that joy away from me.  Cant wait to get it back.

Today I am thankful for:
*finding my Ipod that I thought was lost!  Whoo hooo!  Nothing like running to some good tunes.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Its been so long! (Jennifer)

Its been so long since I have been truly careful with what I put in my mouth for the whole day.  And I found myself maybe even a little confused as to what to eat today.  It used to come so easy to be healthy.  I spent most of my pre-meal time today standing in front of the fridge and in the food cabinets asking what I had just bought at the store for $245.  So, I pulled out my handy book which I used to log my calories into regularly to *remind* me of how I used to and should eat.  I was so happy that I had kept track for so long.  So obviously its going to take me a little while for it to feel natural to eat healthy again.  But I really do look forward to it.  And so far today, I think I have done pretty good.  I wont count calories forever but at this stage in the game its important for me to remind myself what portion sizes should be and how certain foods work better for my body.

I thought about attempting a run today but it is so cold and windy out there.  I want to start it back up on a positive step.  That, and my little one had some kind of stomach bug this morning so we just hung out and took it easy.  But I really look forward to that day when I can get out and have a great run!

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I realized that my weight loss and healthy living journey started at the end of last February. year ago.  Although I have had some bumps in the road it made me realize that all in all I have kept the most of my weight off and have maiintained pretty well. And even though I havent been paying much attention to diet and exercise for the past several months I DID NOT fail!  I talked to my friend Teresa about this and she said my body has adjusted to this as my weight.  Really?  Could it be?  So I am thinking that if I havent been eating the best and havent been exercising, then maybe I can really get some results now that I am?  Its great motivation for me since I was at a plateau for several months in the 160's.  Right now I am around 170ish.

Today I am thankful for:
*One of my newer friends asked me to do her first 5k with her in June.  She never knew me when I was obese but she knows that I was.  It dawned on me that she is much thinner than I am, and here she is looking up to me as a runner.  Wow.  That hit me hard for some reason.  It remotivated me.  And I should say that about two weeks ago we had a nice day of warm weather and I attempted a run.  I assumed after all these months that my endurance would be gone and I would have to recondition myself all over again(when I first started running I couldnt even run 30 seconds at a time).  I was totally surprised that I went a mile and a half with no problems.  I could have went longer but not sure the dog could!  I am going to work on conditioning her too.  She deserves to be healthy too right?!  Here she is sleeping with her toys with her tongue sticking out  :)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Re-prioritizing (Jennifer)

I thank you all for your comments and support along the way, especially these last few months.  I have reached this point where I feel like enough is enough.  I can no longer sit back and feel sorry for myself.  I cant have pity parties, and I cant let my fear run me anymore.  I was hoping I would come to this point!  I have mentioned before how I have been having a hard time making it to the gym to work out with my change in schedule.  I talked with my husband and we made some decisions together that will hopefully change my schedule and allow me to work out at the gym more often.  I want to take my life back, to help myself in the ways I can.

I went back into my past blog posts and it made me remember how good I was feeling, both physically and mentally when I was working out.  It was just what I needed!  I went to the grocery store today and set myself up for success by having the proper foods in the house. I feel excited again.  The weather is getting into the 30's and I can feel the excitement  building within me as I watch the weather forecast for a nice day to plan a run.  I am excited about blogging again. 

The best way to put this is to say...I AM RE-PRIORITIZING!  I deserve this...right?  I wish it hadnt taken me so long but I am glad that I finally reached this mindset.  It wont be easy.  I have lost a lot of strength and muscle these past few months, but I accept this challenge.  I know it is good for me.  I thank you all for bearing with me along the way!

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to see the changes in my body again.  Although I have gained about 10 lbs, its feels like tons more because of how my body has added those lbs.  It seems like it should be way more based on how my clothes fit and how my curves arent quite curves anymore.  I am lacking tone.  I look forward to getting these back.

Today I am thankful for:
*making a decison that I was nervous about in order to make it possible for me to be successful.  As guilty as I feel even saying it, I guess I put me first.  I stressed over it for several weeks as the lbs kept creeping on.  And I am thankful that I was capable of re-prioritizing.