Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Day 14 Body for Life & pregnancy comments

Yesterday we went to look at a few houses.  We are most likely going to sell our house and get another maybe with a little more land.  So anyway, we go and look at this one house yesterday and there was an elderly lady there.  Apparently the great aunt of the owner.  No one was supposed to be home according to the realtor.  She was apparently expecting us though.  So we view the house rather quickly because who wants to look at a house with someone staring at you while you do it, right?  We go downstairs and are looking around and I hear her ask my girls(who are downstairs with me and she was still upstairs) "are you having a little brother or sister?".  Ummmm........what?  Luckily I am pretty close with my realtor.  We both give each other a look like, huh?  I yelled up to her "neither" and proceeded to look downstairs at the other rooms. 

Oddly, I wasnt insulted at all.  I dont think I look pregnant.  I am 180 something pounds and I had a coat on and a scarf on the outside of my coat.  I like my coat.  I feel pretty confident that I dont look preggo. She had made a few other comments that were odd while we were there.  Then we were getting ready to go and she was saying how she plans to live there forever or something like that.  Ummmm....this house is FOR SALE with a sign saying so on the lawn.  Does she come with the house??  Anyway, the house was nice but not for us.  It was all so odd.

Today is day 14 of the Body for Life challenge and I am still in awe of how I am not having cravings.  Today we went to the mall and I sat in the food court and watched everyone else eat.  It didnt dawn on me until much later that I wasnt even tempted for anything.  I dont know what is going on with this body of mine but I like it!

Today was a cardio day.  I was super tired last night and went to bed around 8:00.  I woke up several times in the night with an awful headache.  It was still there this morning so I decided to hold off on my cardio until later.  They recommend it be the first thing you do in the morning but I just couldnt.  I dreaded it all day.  But I did it and I was so pleased with how far I have come.  My progress was evident to me tonight.  I had to increase my speed on the treadmill to reach my appropriate levels of intensity. 

Tomorrow starts week 3 of Body for life.  It is weigh day and a recheck on my body fat % and BMI. Fingers crossed.  I have put in the hard work.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*so that when I walk past a mirror the first thing I see is NOT the roll of fat above my jeans.

Today I am thankful for:
*that Christmas Eve or Christmas day fall on a *free* day.  I will choose which day as the weekend gets closer.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Day 12-Body for Life

Yesterday was free day.  THE free day I have been waiting for all week.  I woke up yesterday with a mixture of excitement and fear.  What should I eat?  Is it really okay to be eat freely today?  I reminded myself its part of the plan and what will make me successful.  So I had a few pieces of a donut. The hubs and I had made the plan to go to Denny's on free day.  So we went there for lunch.  I ordered a grilled ham and cheese sandwich which tasted of oil.  It was so oily that I couldnt even enjoy the taste of the fat...hehe.  So I picked at it and then traded with the hubs.  Where I then picked at his meal and returned what was left.  And although I picked at both meals I am sure it was more calories than I had eaten in any given day on plan.

We went to a friends for the rest of the day.  We picked up some snacks and such.  I had some of this and that and enjoyed it.  Overall, for free day I think I did pretty well.  I indulged on things I wanted and even had some wine.  We woke up this morning and got back on track.  There was never any doubt.  And I love that.

Today was a cardio day.  I hate cardio days.  Ironic that I joyfully ran a half marathon and trained for it for months.  Yet, these 20 minutes of cardio are so intense that I dread them.  It wasnt until almost 7:00 pm that I put the procrastinator in me aside and jumped on the treadmill.  I am excited that the cardio sessions do seem to be getting a little easier.  What does that mean?  I am making progress...and...its time to increase the intensity :(

Today we went out to lunch with my inlaws.  I ordered the salad just the way I needed it...grilled chicken without the blue cheese and bacon, and with extra egg.  Oh, and dressing on the side.  This salad was so good I was sad to see it end. But overall I felt proud that I had made such a healthy choice and that I loved it so much.  I will definitely order it again(and probably scrape the plate clean again too  :). 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to have energy!

Today I am thankful for:
*I have found some meals that I really love that are on plan and very healthy.  I  have even discovered how to enjoy some foods I didnt used to care for.  I will share them in a later post.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Some tidbits about Body for Life-day 10

I realized that maybe my last post about only losing 3.5 the first week may have come across snobbish.  And that is so far from who I am so I just wanted to take a second to explain.  I  have been doing this weight loss *thing* for years.  About 15 years now.  Its only been the last few years I have been successful.  Anyway, when I start some sort of weight loss program, whether its WW, Medifast, counting calories, etc, I am used to a typical pattern.  The first week I tend to lose big, like 7-10 lbs.  Then after that things slow way down.  So I guess I expected the same with my Body for Life challenge.

I worked super hard last week.  Six days of exercise and a total change in my eating habits.  So I was hoping, and expecting, a bigger number as I have had in the past.  But this isnt the Biggest Loser.  This is real life.  In the grand scheme of things I think 3.5 lbs is awesome.  I think part of my frustration is that I am up 30 lbs and having to redo my hard work to relose this weight is annoying.  Its no ones fault but my own.  

And lets talk about the hubs for a second.  He is following the same plan with a little variation as he doesnt eat veggies :(   Anyway, he was down 8 lbs last week which added to my disappointment about my 3.5 lbs.  But, the pity party is over now.

I  have had some huge changes in the past 10 days.  I thought I would share.  Some amazing things (to me) about the Body for Life plan:

1)  I am having very few cravings, if any at all.  The book said it would happen but I guess I didnt believe it.  When/if my tummy growls at me it is a much different feeling than it used to be.  It is now more of a "okay, time to eat" instead of a "ahhh, what kind of yummy fattening sweet or fried food can I eat to please this growling tummy?".  I eat for nutrition, not because I am super excited about it like I used to be.  That is a huge change for me.  I usually love food!!!

2)  I have learned that I love my weight workouts.  Having a structured plan is right up my alley. I love the burn I feel when my muscles are working.   On the flip side, I have also learned already to dread my cardio sessions.  Which is odd because they are only 20 minutes.  I ran a half marathon in October.  Over two hours of running.  And I dread 20 minutes of cardio 3 times a week??  Thats because Body for Life  gives you an insity schedule to follow.  The plan really pushes the intensity factor.  Pretty much their theory is that is that they are only asking you to do 20 minutes so please do your absolute best.  Makes sense, as dreadful as it is.

3) I am learning that I might have an allergy or sensitivity to either wheat or the Omega 3 vitamins I am taking.  At age 32 I am apparently getting a bunch of allergies or sensitivies, including my cats that I have had for over 10 years.  Odd right?

4)  Free day.  Ahhhhh free day.  Although there has been only one so far I have learned that this is my saving grace on this plan.  Knowing that I have a free day makes me do my best on the other 6 days.  It takes the deprived feeling away.  If I want something I know I can have it on free day.  And I love that free day is totally allowed and a part of the plan!  Tomorrow is free day!

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I tried some pants on my closet that dont fit.  And my friend Laura gave me some other size 12's.  Same thing.  I cant wait to see them fit eventually!

Today I am thankful for:
*free day tomorrow!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Day 9 Body for Life and Week 1 results

My week one results are okay, but I would have liked to have done better. But hey, I am glad I lost. I am just used to week one losses being larger.  Plus its that time of the month for me and I feel so huge and bloated. I drank a ton of water yesterday and it didn’t seem like much came out... so I am hoping I am just retaining and next week will be better.
I have also realized that I have been eating too much.  My portions are bigger than they are supposed to be I think.  This plan is not cut and dry as far as serving size.  A protein serving is the size of your open palm, width of a deck of cards.  Um, does this include just your palm or fingers too?  These are things a girl who loves food needs to know!  Carbohydrate servings are the size of your closed fist.  But some info I found said 1 cup for liquid but most serving sizes are 1/2 cup so I dont know. This week I am going with a little less and I will see what happens.
Starting weight: 190.6  
Today’s weight: 187.2
Loss: 3.4 lbs

Starting body fat %- 38.6%
Today’s- 38.2%
Loss: .4%

Starting BMI: 32.6
Todays BMI: 32.2
Loss: .4
The hubs and I did upper body last night.  I pushed myself.  It felt great.  I love working out with the hubs.  Even though we are doing our own thing its so nice to have him there.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*being able to walk into a store and pick something off the rack and know it will fit.
Today I am thankful for:
*most of my gift wrapping is done.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Day 7 of 84-Week one complete

Again, another day of sweet comments on yesterdays post.  I just love you guys! 

Today is day 7 of 84 for my Body for Life challenge.  My weight training and aerobic exercise has been spot on.  I have followed the daily training guide and completed all the exercises I chose for myself.  I always have to wonder if I can push more though.  And now that the wonders of week one are done, I will try to push my body harder next week.

As for eating, I think the same thing as with my weight training.  I ate six meals every day but I am thinking that my portion sizes might be too large.  Tomorrow is weigh in day so I guess I will find out sooner than later!  To my surprise I havent had many cravings this past week.  My husband said the same.  And, for both of us that is odd.  We love yummy sugary foods.  I was hungry a few times and added some cheese here and there with my meals.  But overall my appetite seems to be in check as the week progressed.  So next week I will focus more on portion sizes.  I also could have been better about my veggies.  Some spinach on a turkey wrap is probably not enough. 

I tried some new things this week.  Brown rice being one of them.  It was kinda boring.   Blah...  I am sure used to fries or something full of carbs but little protein.  I have learned a lot this week about protein and carbs and how they should be paired together when eating.  I am shocked by how few temptations I have had, for just about anything.  If there is something I want then thats fine.  I know that I can have it on "free day" come Saturday. 

Free day has got me thinking.  If I am going to have free day (and surely make the most of it) then I owe it to myself to make the very best effort to eat the proper portion sizes all the rest of the week.  I am telling you that knowing that I have that free day is my saving grace.   Its a day of no limits and just knowing that it will roll around again makes me more successful the days that I have restrictions.  Does that make sense?  And the more people I talk to, and the more I read about the program, people tell me to really allow myself that free day.  Like to the fullest.  Without guilt.  And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.  Its the treat for my super hard work for the other six days.  That free day is what will keep me on plan the other six days, and hopefully make me successful.  I wish I had made more of free day this past Saturday.  This Saturday I already have a mental list of what things I want to eat.  The hubs too apparently.  I was telling him that I wanted something on free day and he said he wants wheat thins on his day.  Apparently he has a mental list too :)  These foods on my mental list arent things I am craving but just things that I want to treat myself to.  I also heard that free day is what tricks your body from being bored and keeps your metabolism from slowing.  Even better.

Weigh day is tomorrow.  I will also check my body fat % and BMI weekly.  Fingers crossed.  Tomorrow starts a new week.  1/12 of the challenge complete.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*so my boobs will get smaller.  Even the hubs hopes so...  They are rather obnoxious.

Today I am thankful for:
*that I am choosing to make improvents in my efforts instead of giving up.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Day 6 of 84-Body for Life

I only had three comments on yesterdays post but those comments were the kindest, most meaningful comments.  I think it goes unsaid most of the time just how much the support of others plays in our success.  So I want to really express my gratitude to those of you who follow and also to those who comment.  Its like when a stranger is kind to you, or someone smiles or says hello as they pass by.  Its little things like these that make a persons day.  I always try to go out of my way and be kind when I can.  Sometimes I sign my hubby up for kindness too, although, he's not always as thrilled as I am...hehe.  The other day I was at Kohl's which is quite a coupony kind of store.  Who doesnt love to save 20% right?  The lady in front of me was older and writing her check out.  The cashier asked if she had any coupons and then seemed shocked when the lady said she didnt.  Well, me being the frequent Kohls shopper I am knew that she could use mine and then I would get it right back.  So I handed it to the cashier and told her to use mine.  The lady was so taken back and clearly touched that I had done this.  She turned to me and said  "Merry Christmas to you" in the most stunned yet kind way.   If something that little made her day then I was happy to help.  I love random acts of kindness, both doing and being on the receiving end :)

That was a bit of a ramble.  But hey.  Thats me.  Today was a lower body weight day.  I love weight lifting more than I thought I ever would.  Maybe its because there is a plan to follow and the confusion is taken out of it.  Maybe its because I can feel the muscles working and just knowing I am on my way to success.  Maybe its the quality time with the hubs.  Although the kids were less than cooperative today.  Whatever the reason, I like it and havent even seen any results yet.  Hopefully the results will make it even better!  Tomorrow is cardio.  Its only 20 minutes but the idea is to make it as intense as possible.  I dread it for some reason.  I shouldnt because that is what is going to burn the fat off my body.

While we were working out today I wondered if the dumbbells were the proper weights for me.  I wondered if other women doing the program started with more or less. Its still a learning lesson.  But what isnt right?

Today I convinced the hubs that he needed before pics taken as well.  He was unsure about it at first but I made it clear that our pics are for him and I only.  I take this very seriously and before pics are no joking (or bribing...hehe) matter.  He must have sensed my seriousness because before I knew it he was asking what he should wear.   I am so happy to be on this journey with him...even though is has literally HALF the body fat % as me...

For those of you who asked about the body fat % thingy.  I totally recommend that you get one.  I got mine brand new on ebay for $30.  Its so exciting to be able to measure success in another way besides the scale.  The hubs has been doing it daily and has already lost body fat.  I am not going to do it very often.   I havent decided yet what my personal protocol will be for both weighing on the scale and the handheld body fat % thingy. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I cant wait to go shopping and be excited about it again!

Today I am thankful for:
*this blog and the support it provides.  I have "met" such nice people.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Day 5 of 84

I decided after much thought that I was going to take before and after pics for my Body for Life 12 week challenge.  I know lots of people say they dont have the guts to do it.  And I am surprised I was brave enough to do it myself.  And actually, I was even more brave because I had the hubs take them.  After putting 30 of my 65 lost lbs back on, I knew I wouldnt be happy with them.  But the book highly suggests taking these photos. 

But after looking at the transformation of others on the Body for Life website, I found myself going back to look at my pics to see what they actually look like.  Does that sound stupid?  There is nothing more real than seeing a picture of yourself I guess.  And having once been 230-240 pounds, then losing 65, then gaining 30 of that back...I have quite a confused and unsure self perception of my body.  I must have gone back and looked at the before pics we took 4 times because I just cant grasp how I "compare" to the other women who took before pics on their Body for Life journey. 

After a few trips back to the camera, here is what I came up with(it took all day to come up with this....):   There is much room for improvement.  Afterall, I am 38.6% body fat :(   My midsection is a wreck.  I have had 4 abdominal surgeries over the years.  It isnt pretty.  There is definate cellulite on my legs and my back pictures have more rolls than the Pillsbury dough boy.  Yet I noticed I am smiling in all of the pics.  Funny right?   Despite how much I am able to pick the pictures(myself) apart, there is still a little bit of pride.  Because even though I am up 30 lbs from my lowest weight, I am still down 40ish from my highest.  And I have to proud of myself for that.  And while I dont have physical pictures of me in a bra and underwear at that weight, I know it was much worse than it is now. 

I hope to make enough progress that I can get over the embarassment and share the before pictures, along with afters, on here one day.  Its things like that that inspire me.  And if I can inspire others then all the better.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to be able to look at my before pics several weeks from now and see that I have come so far!  I really hope I can see a big enough difference to keep me motivated! 

Today I am thankful for:
*my husband who keeps telling me how proud of me he is to see my determination.  I am also thankful for his efforts to be on the plan himself.  I never thought it would be something he would be interested in and did not pressure him into doing it.  He made the choice on his own, and its great to see his determination too!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

38.6% body fat :(

Today my legs are still sore but nothing like I was yesterday.  Whoo hoo!  I can actually sit and stand up from sitting without grunting or holding on to something.  I worked upper body yesterday and I am little sore today but nothing like my lower body was. 

I was out of clothes options today and was forced to wear my size 12 jeans(really I should be in at least a 16 right now).  They are snug but not as bad as they were recently.  I am so excited to see where this program will take me.  I have such hope and faith!  Before bed last night I sat down with the computer and did some more research on the Body for Life program.  While there are some negative comments as there will be for any given thing in life, I kept my focus on the positive comments to maintain my excitement and enthusiasm about the program. 

Today is my "free" eating day.  I have chosen Saturdays for free days.  I have had this breakfast sandwich from Burger King on my mind for a week now.  So I figured I may as well indulge (as recommended) and have it.  I made a little mommy daughter time out of it and brought the girls out to breakfast as a treat.  We dont do it often.  It was nice to be with them, but much to my surprise I was not as hungry as I thought I was, and it wasnt nearly as yummy as I thought it would be.  I am still super excited about this.  They said it would happen but I didnt believe it.  Maybe my body is adjusting to my new clean eating style.  Which, by the way, my tummy is quite happy with :)   Thats a big deal for someone with a less than kind digestive system.

The girls had a bowling party to go to today.  I was so excited that none of the snacks were calling my name.  I had a few bites of pizza and a cake pop (they are very little) and there is no interest in eating anything else right now.  I am really enjoying this satisfied feeling in my tummy.

 I ordered this fat analyzer thingy and it came in the mail yesterday.  Its a very accurate way to measure your percentage of body fat.  And I really wanted to be able to measure by something other than the scale.

  I took it out immediately and checked my stats.  Ugh.  Disgusted. 

38.6% body fat (should be 25-31% for women to be in the acceptable category...lower to be considered fit)  I am in the OBESE category.  Ummm....38.6 is like almost half.  So half of my body is made up of fat.  Nice...  ugh.

32.6 BMI. (should be less than 25)

I am glad to have this tool to be able to measure my progress.  The hubs came in from work and I immediately handed it to him to do his stats.  19%.  Men....   (his should be between 15-25%)

Along with this tool I also had the hubs take before pictures on day one of Body for Life.  I had on just my bra and underwear.  Boy.....if that dont tell the hard truth.  If I wasnt so embarassed I would have it printed out at walmart and hang it on the fridge.  But I dont dare...  Maybe WHEN my results are so awesome I will do it and maybe even share.  I hope that comes!!!  For now it will sit on my camera.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Day 3: Super Sore

Today is day 3 of the Body for Life challenge I am choosing to do.  I have found the first two days that I am hungry mid afternoon.  I need to figure out a plan to combat that hungery.  I am hoping that my appetite will adjust as I go.  As for the first two days the best thing I could think to do  was have an extra protein meal.  It has been working, but I really want to follow the program to a T.  But its only day 3. We will see how it pans out with time.  I wont eat the extra meal unless necessary.  And by necessary I mean that its either that or blow the whole thing and eat whatever is in sight.

I was sore yesterday and it got worse as the day went on.  Today I woke up and I am even more sore.  Like a lot.  I am hobbling around and its quite a sight.  Now I know why they give you 4 days recovery time before reworking the same muscles.  Today its upper body. 

I ordered one of those body fat measuring things that they have at the gym.  You hold it in your hands and it measures your body fat and such.  I hope it comes today.  Heres what it looks like.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to wear jeans and feel good in them.

Today I am thankful for:
*to actually understand this program I am doing.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Day 2 of Body for Life

I have committed to the Body for Life 12 week challenge.  Its no surprise to me that I do well on a structured program.  I did well on Medifast a few years back.  And I maintained a lot of my loss.   I trained for that half marathon.  I believe I was capable of that because there was a structured schedule to follow which led me to success. 

Body for Life excites me.  It makes sense.  It seems to combine what everyone has been attempting to tell me about nutrition and exercise over the years, yet its structured and laid out in a way I understand(something I never thought possible).  Six meals a day with a regimented exercise program is good.  And a free day once a week. 

Yesterday the hubs and I did lower body.  I am feeling the results more and more as the day goes on today.  I love knowing my work paid off!  We did all the exercises with dumbbells and a stability ball.  Today was 20 minutes of cardio.  Even cardio is laid out in a  20 minute routine explaining where your intensity should peak, regardless of what exercise you choose.  Today I did a very inclined walk on the treadmill.  I was sweating something fierce.  The point is to make your short 20 minutes count.  Tomorrow will be upper body. 

Right now its all still new.  I am learning what weights and exercises work for me, and which foods I like best.  For breakfast, I had some egg whites with a piece of turkey bacon on a whole wheat bagel thin...with a tiny bit of cheese.  For mid morning snack I had a half a cup of cottage cheese mixed with a fat free yogurt.  Much to my surprise I love this combo.  For lunch, a whole wheat wrap with grilled chicken and spinach, and just a tad of light dressing to spice it up.  And lots of water every day.  About a gallon.  I dont have a problem drinking that much.

So here I am on day 2 of 84.  I am  1/42 of the way done :)   But truly I expect to come out of this a changed person with changed habits.  I have read the book cover to cover and done my share of independent  research.   It takes a lot for me not to skeptical.  I expect the beginning is supposed to be the hardest part.  Its something new.  The results dont show for a while.  It can be hard to stay motivated.  Yet, I am still excited. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*Although I have never gotten to my actual goal weight, I have had a taste of being pleased with my results (in the past).  I cant wait to walk around with that feeling again.

Today I am thankful for:
*my excitement and confidence that this Body for Life plan is going to change my life.  Dramatic?  Maybe a little, but hey...its who I am.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Body for Life

I have been blogging for a while now.  So its no secret that when my inlaws are in town that I really struggle to stay on track with my eating.  With them come so many goodies and options that I normally do not allow myself.  But I am in no way blaming them.  Its my choices and decsions to make.  And I usually expect that I will give in to all the temptations.  Thats my first problem.  And that is no ones fault but my own.  I am responsible for me.  This weekend was not pretty. 

I have been getting over bronchitis for the last week.  It really got the best of me.  I was pretty sick.  But I am on the mend now.  I am not quite ready to begin exercising again, other than maybe a walk.    Its amazing how much we take for granted. 

A few months ago I was talking to one of my neighbors.  I was telling her about my half marathon and how I had gained so much weight while training for it.  I told her how I really struggled to control my appetite.  One day the hubs was out taking the kids for a walk.  She came out and gave him a book and said she hoped it would help.  Apparently her son is a personal traininer.  He brought it home, and to be honest, the book sat on the counter for weeks.  I picked it up the other day and started looking at it.  Much to my surprise it really intrigued me.  Its called  Body-for-Life.  I had never heard of it and had no intention of even reading the book.  But as I started flipping through the pages it really started to make sense.  I never really understood clean eating, or complex vs simple carbs and so on.  This book simply explained it all and I actually understood it.  The main concept is to eat 6 meals a day with each meal consisting of a lean protein choice and a complex carb(and two veggies a day).  There is even a list to choose from.  And there is a workout schedule to follow as well.  I tend to get overwhelmed and confused with which exercises to do and when.  All of a sudden there is something that makes sense and seems easy to follow.  I have been talking to the hubs about it and he is so supportive and agrees that this is a great thing to try.  He is a firm believer of weight training.

I read the book, cover to cover and now need to make a start date.  The hubs is getting me the appropriate dumbbells I need as well.  I need to go to the grocery store and make meal plans for the week when I choose to start.  Its a 12 week commitment with a plan to follow.  Right up my alley.  I need to take a before picture.  I am all in.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to not have to worry about what I have that will actually fit today.

Today I am thankful for:
*this feeling of confidence and excitement that I can do this!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

WI in results and no gym :(

While I was really hoping to feel betterenough to make it to the gym yesterday, it didnt happen.  Instead, my mom, husband, Laura and my boss GANGED up on me and demanded I go to the dr.  I almost fell over when I realized my hubs did this!  He is not really the type, so he must have been worried.  So, instead of the gym I ended up at the dr's office.  I am not a fan of dr's or how most of the healthcare system is run.  At least not the ones I have been to.  I have had some super sour experiences and now find that I will do most anything to avoid a trip to the dr.  Its mainly become a fear I have developed (says me with my handy dandy psych degree :)   So after waiting an hour in the waiting room and another 20 minutes in the actual room, the dr came in like a whirlwind and was out in less than 3 minutes I think.  The verdict?  Bronchitis (although she never told me this...I learned from the paper I left with) Apparently, its bad enough that I need an inhaler and steroids to accompany my antibiotics.  She said she should xray me but since she is treating me anyway theres no point.  Fine with me.  I had already spend enough time in that place.  I havent been able to talk in three days because of all the coughing I have done. Apparently my vocal cords and lungs and such are quite inflamed.  I prefer to say they are angry in there...    I have been sooooooooo tired.  Not like, oh I could use a nap, but more like if i dont lay down my body is going to stop working...dog tired.  Who made that phrase up anyway?  My dogs arent tired... Anyway...  I was disappointed when she said I needed prednisone (steroid) because I know it makes me hungry.  And it makes me unable to sleep.  Oh, and sweaty apparently(the hubs and kids were less than thrilled with the open windows and fans on today).  And I realized at the pharmacy that it is a higher dosage than I took back when I had some sort of reactive arthritis.  So, I was less than thrilled to say the least.   But at this point I am REALLY accepting that I do need medicine.  I started the antibiotics last night and the prednisone this morning.  Any doubt I had about starting it was erased when I got up this morning and could barely breathe while coughing :(   I was actually crying as I called my mom( because my mom can fix everything in my eyes).

So, today I am feeling a little better.  I think its going to be a longer road to recovery than I planned.  But I am realizing that getting better is what is important.  And I will do my best to eat well while STARVING on this medicine.    And I should be happy this is happening now and not last month before my half marathon.  See?  Isnt that me being a glass is half full kinda gal?

And the good news is........

Today I am thankful for:
*I lost 4.7 lbs last week!!!!!   184.6  I hope my scale was telling the truth.  The one at the drs was much meaner.  But arent they always?  Plus I had my shoes and coat on.  Lets call it the truth for now.  10 lbs in two weeks! 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I went with the hubs to grab something he needed at his work.  I waited in the car with the kids.  As his coworkers were coming in and out I was hoping they didnt see me.  Then I realized that I am back to being ashamed of my weight.  Not a good feeling and I cant wait to lose it again!!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Indulge vs Overindulge????

I am unsure what tomorrow's weigh in will bring after being sick this week (I still am) and throwing Thanksgiving into the mix.  I have not stepped on the scale since last Monday.  But it is what it is and whatever number it shows I accept it.  I dont feel like I overindulged at all. I indulged as most people do on Thanksgiving, but I dont think I overindulged.  Does that make sense to anyone out there??  This was again, one of those eye opening, clicking, light bulb thoughts I had.  I had some pie and cheesecake, but small slices.  I tried to be careful of my portion sizes.  But come Wednesday I came down with a relentless chest cold and I havent exercised since. Unless you count constant coughing as exercise...because I will have lost significantly this week if I can count that!  hehe.

I am hoping to feel better in the morning.  At least well enough to make it to the gym.  I am going to try some new training techniques this week.  I feel good about having a structured routine instead of just feeling disorganized or unsure when it comes to weight training.  Thanks to Jamie for the info she sent me!! A personal trainer isnt an option for me right now so this really feels like a Godsend.   I really cant wait to get started.  I am going to add that onto my cardio and see where it takes me.  My measurement are already on file on the gym (an included service :) so I will check them again in a month or so.  I am so excited. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I noticed that since I have put some of the weight back on that my self confidence has slipped away.  I am finding that just the effort I am making is helping but I look forward to feeling more confident with time.

Today I am thankful for:
*sugar free jello.  Need I say more?

Saturday, November 26, 2011

No hungries

Thanksgiving is over and now the tree is up.  I did some black Friday shopping which really was on Thanksgiving.  But my little girls benefited by me waiting in line.  They will have two brand new bikes with training wheels under the tree Christmas morning.  Well, maybe next to the tree.  I am not really sure how I feel about the new "let shop on thanksgiving night" thing.  Thanksgiving should be about giving thanks.  I think I sound more like my mother every day.

My family came into town on Wednesday and left this morning.  It was such a nice time like usual.  Although they are only two hours away I miss them a lot, as do my hubs and kids.  My mom cooked most of Thanksgiving dinner by herself, I am sorry to say :(  For those of you who have asked how my daughter is feeling...she is much better.  But now mommy has one heck of a chest cold.  I went to lay down for "a few minutes" on Thanksgiving and when I woke up it was over 2 hours later.   I am not a daytime napper.  My body doesnt really allow it.  So I must have been sick in order for me to actually fall asleep!  I can feel things loosening up in there today so I am hoping I am on the mend.

I am not sure if its the sickness or what but I havent had much of an appetite.  I mean, I have been eating my points, and did enjoy some dessert but the hungry thoughts are not there.  No hungries?  It was so odd and I cant help but wonder is this what people who do not have an intense love for food are like?  I mean, I ate.  I enjoyed it.  But it made me realize how different it usually is for me.  Its quite eye opening really.  I love food.  It is yummy.  Some people enjoy baseball, football, scrapbooking.  I enjoy food.  Same kinda thing.  I dont think  I have a bad relationship with food as I am not an emotional eater or anything.  I just really like food :)

Weigh day for me is Monday.  I think I forgot to mention that my last weigh in showed 189.3, a 5.3 lb loss for the week.  Still up 29 lbs from my lowest. Grr.  But it is what it is.  I have been going to the gym.  I havent gone since Wednesday and not sure when I can go again.  Going down/upstairs to do laundry or taking the dogs out is an out of breath experience with this cold.  What an awful feeling.  But on the upside it makes me realize that usually I am in so much better shape!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*It was nothing short of utter disgust when I was trying clothes on in the dressing room while black friday shopping.  Its great to know that I am working hard to get back to the smaller me who is much happier with myself.

Today I am thankful for :
*being able to spend the holiday with my family.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Negative associations

I realized something that is kind of upsetting to me today.  While I should be so proud of myself for my half marathon accomplishment, I realize that every time I talk or think about it, I associate it in my brain with my weight gain.  I think how I trained and worked my tail off to run all those miles and gained so much weight. It was only recently that I realized WHY  I gained the weight and why I felt so out of control of my eating.  My appetite while training (doing 30+ miles a week) was big.  Huge actually. 

Appetite has always been a  problem for me.  When I am hungry the beast within comes out and eats whatever looks and tastes yummy...until I am full.  And when my appetite is not raging I find it much easier to eat healthier.  I am able to make better food choices and portion sizes when my stomach is not screaming at me eat.  So...now that I am not running much with this chilly weather, my appetite seems so much more manageable.  I am eating healthier and making better choices overall.

Is this one of the biggest keys to my success?  Could be!  And maybe that's why I feel so excited about getting back into my weight loss.  Without the insatiable appetite I feel like I can do this!! 

So, once the warmer weather comes back around (sooooooooooooo many months from now ) I need to figure out a better way to control my appetite when running.  Because I am not going to give up running.  I plan to do more half marathons actually.  But I don't want to have any negative associations when I think of the half.  It is a huge accomplishment so why cant I make myself believe that?  Any suggestions?  I want to look back at that day and be proud, without disappointment  of how much weight I had put on and how uncomfortable I felt in my own body. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*today at the gym I was on the elliptical which is surrounded by mirrors.  I have been wearing baggy tshirts.  I am so disgusted with what I see in the mirror.  How did my body creep back into the old(ish) Jen?  I swear I woke up one day and nothing fit.  I look forward to being able to look in the mirror and see the positive changes in my body again. 

Today I am thankful for:
*my appetite was so manageable today.  I drank a lot of water and sometimes this helps and sometimes not so much.  Not once today did I want to eat naughty things.  I actually came in just under WW points today without any issue.  So maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe (this is a stretch at positivity here) the increased appetite I was having while training for the half was a learning lesson afterall...one of those "every negative thing can be turned into a positive lesson if you try hard enough" things.

You think?

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Still going...

I am still going with this "I can do this" epiphany.  I am not going to try to figure out why, I am just going to ride this wave for as long as it lasts.  And once it ends and I have to really push myself to make good decisions I will look back at these posts.  For me getting starting is always the tough part.  There are few results in the beginning, a lot of challenges and so on.  So I am going to take this excitement as far as it will go.

As promised, I did a workout on the treadmill yesterday.  I walked with alternating 1 minute runs and increasing inclines.  I had it set in my head that running is the ultimate cardio but I was quickly reminded how an inclined walk can kick my tush.  And it did :)  I was huffing and puffing and I loved the challenge.  Its great to be reminded that there are so many exercise options!

Today the inlaws came.  It was a nice visit.  I ate probably more dip than I should have, and a donut too many but overall I was happy with my day.  I chose to get on the treadmill again this evening.  I decided to do one of the preset trainer workouts.  These are so nice when I want to take the brainwork out of challenging myself.  Its set and I go along with it.  Again I was reminded not to underestimate the power of walking at an incline.  I did two 30 minute sessions back to back and was sweating something fierce when I was done.  The speeds and inclines vary throughout making it impossible to get bored.  Am I possibly saying something positive about the treadmill???????????????  Hmmm...

I decided to bring the "Today's reason for losing weight" and "Today I am thankful for " back into my blog.  I was doing that for a long time and seemed to have phased it out without realizing.  So here it goes.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I was very unhappy to see the extra weight on my arms when I wore a tshirt today.  I had it gone once and I will do it again.  I have never thought of my arms as one of my problem areas but putting some of the weight back on clearly made a (nasty) difference in that area.

Today I am thankful for :
*my friends.  Many of my friends have called to check on my little girl who has been sick.  Its nice to know that people genuinely care.  Its a nice reminder that small acts of kindness really do touch people.

Saturday, November 19, 2011


My last post I talked about how something just clicked and I am feeling on track.  I am feeling good about being on track.  I had to work yesterday afternoon and had to drop the kids off at school in the late morning.  And I realized that I was actually disappointed that I wouldnt have enough time to drop them off, drive down to the gym, get a workout in and then shower and get back to get the kids and go to work.  So I made the plan instead to get on the treadmill last night or do Jillians 30 day shred.  That was the plan until our littlest one came down suddenly with shaking chills and a high fever.  I put her in my bed and didnt leave her side after that.  She has a tendency to spike 105 fevers when she gets sick, so I watch and monitor her carefully.  Plus, she was bit by a deer tick over a week ago and has been on antibiotics since.  The dr does not think this is related.  I hope she is right.  

But today the hubs is home and I am going to get some exercise in.  I like feeling good about my choices.  I have enjoyed the gym this week, watching what I am eating and then feeling good about it at the end of the day.  It gives me a sense of pride I guess.  And it must because today for the first time I put my half marathon tech shirt that I got with my name on it.

Thank you to those of you who have been following my journey, and also to those who comment.  Your support and reassurance always seems to be perfect timing.  So, thank you.  I am finally feeling like I can do this again.  And that is priceless.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Not proud to admit...

I am not proud to admit that I have been extremely off track lately.  But, I have always believed in honesty and keeping it real when writing this blog.  Yes, usually when people disappear from blogland its because they veered off track, as is the case with me.  I am not proud of it but at the same time I have learned so much in the past few weeks.

The scale is up to 194.6.  I deserve it I guess.  Thats up a a good 15 lbs from when I was training for the half and up 35 lbs from my lowest weight.  35 lbs.  I am one of those people who has to be very careful what I put in my body because my body never holds a steady weight.  My weight is a direct result of what I eat.  And while it didnt seem that bad while eating unhealthy, one day I woke up and there was all the weight. It seems to happen that way with me.  My pants dont fit.  I look in the mirror and see more rolls, dimpled skin, lack of muscle.  I am tired.  Cranky.  And disappointed in myself.  So now, I am doing my best to get back on track.  And it feels good to my surprise.  I guess I had to hit rock bottom before I could get back into it.  And I am happy that my rock bottom was not gaining all of my 70 lbs back.

I have learned to take much less from the scale than I used to.  How my body feels and how my clothes fit are so much more important to me. That is a HUGE epiphany for me.  I was so frustrated when I couldnt get below 160 at one point.  No matter how much I exercised and how well I ate my body refused. And then the epiphany...  You know what?    Who cares what the scale said?  I was wearing size 10's! Mediums!  I was fit.  My boobs were smaller (a good thing in my case).  My fupa was smaller.  I had muscles and I was toned up.  Overall I was sooo much smaller. But I didnt realize it at the time.  I only saw the flaws.  I only saw that I still had a fupa.  I still had hanging skin off my midsection.  But its gonna be.  Period.  Unless I have surgery its gonna be.

So, while I am not proud that I veered off track, I think that it actually did me some good.  Does that make sense?  My eyes are open and I am learning to understand how MY body responds.  And more importantly is that mentally something "clicked".

One thing is clear though, regardless of how off track I get.  I know that I will NEVER go back to the old me.   No matter how much I struggle there is never any doubt in my mind.  It makes me feel strong just knowing that. This disgusting feeling I have is not an option.  I am taking control.  I have been logging what I eat.  I have been going to the gym.  The feeling of  "I can do this" is here and I am so excited!  If I did it once I can do it again.  Here I come!!!

It does amaze me however, that with all that half marathon training I was doing, all those miles of running that I was gaining weight!!!!   Another lesson learned.  I definitely need to get back into the weight routine at the gym that helped me get smaller!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Another 5k under my belt

I decided last minute that I would run the Carol Baldwin breast cancer run with my friend Laura this morning.  Carol Baldwin is the mother of Alec and Stephen Baldwin.  It is a local inaugural race that benefits the our university hospital and cancer research.  Great cause in my opinion.  I really like to do races that I know the fee to run is a donation for something I support.  Medical research is always a great donation.

I figured that because my muscles arent sore anymore after my half marathon last weekend that I would be fine.  And maybe I would have been...if there hadnt been tons of long and very tough hills.  I started out strong hoping that maybe I could get a decent time.  Three miles should feel like cake after running 13 last week, right?  WRONG.  My legs and ankles were tired after the second hill.  The hills were long and steep and just kept coming one after another.  And even though we got to go back down every hill we did, I couldnt even enjoy it because I was so tuckered out.  And, for the first time in any of my "races" I had to walk...twice.  Did I mention the hills were killer?

But, I am so glad I did it.  It was a great cause and it was fun.  I love being in that environment where so many people get together for an awesome cause.  There were so many people in so many shades of pink.  There were girls with hot pink bras on the outside of their clothes.  There were young people and old people, and people of all shapes and sizes.  There were men wearing shirts of all sorts talking about "boobies".  There were tents for all sorts of things (even exotic pets) and tons of free goodies.  I love free stuff :)  There was music and coffee, muffins, bagels, fruit...compliments of Freihoffers, Wegmans and Tim Hortons.  It was one of the better race environments I have been at.  And one of the best things was that Carol Baldwin was there herself.  She was walking around with her walker(with pink bows on it) and assistants at her sides.  She was introducing herself to everyone and shaking their hands.  She was so happy to see such a great turnout.  There were over 2000 people signed up she said.  Pretty good for an inaugural race, and even better to see her so touched!

Here are some pics.

Me and the hubs.  He didnt run but wore my shirt :)

Laura, Carol Baldwin, and me before the race.

Me and Laura

Not loving my midsection in this pic.  But...it is what it is.  Reality.

The hubs in my pink shirt.  He wears pink well, right?

A guy walked in front of the camera...

A random tooth walking around handing out free (pink) toothbrushes.

This lady was loving up on this lizard.   Giving it kisses and hugs like it was a dog. It had a long snake like tongue.  See our faces?  Scared.  Take one....

Take two.... a little calmer.

Pretty turtle

Ewwwww...I left at this point!

Laura:  "cookie anyone?"

Okay...am I the only one that thinks this is inappropriate at a cancer run???
And here is the newest addition to my car after the half last week.  I drive around with pride and get excited every time I see it!

I pulled a muscle in my back at some point today and my legs are tired.  A few days off and a more serious effort on my eating plan are in store for this week!  Hope you all had a great weekend!

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Thank you to those of you who said such nice things about my first half marathon!  I hope you all enjoyed the pictures.  If it werent for other people blogging and pictures of their half marathons I am not sure I would have even gotten up the guts to try one for myself.  So thank you to those of you who have inspired me and made me feel like I could do this!!!!  This blog has been an amazing support system for me.

And now that I have, I think I am addicted!  I cant wait to do another one.  In fact, I just looked at some races coming up next month in my running magazine.  Its getting a bit too cold here in NY for marathons around here, but I did find one in VA which is probably an 8 hour drive.  Crazy?  Perhaps.  But I am totally looking into it!  And, I called my friend Laura and asked if she wanted to come with me because she is totally capable of doing a half.  And I want her to have that surreal feeling that I still have!!!  Plus, a girls weekend sounds awesome doesnt it???  We have 6 kids between the two of us so I am thinking we are deserving, right?

My soreness and stomach issues have subsided.  So now I am left with some pictures, memories and a medal.  It was such an amazing experience and I cant wait to do it again.  If you had told me two years ago that I would have run a half marathon in my lifetime, I would have laughed (as I  took another bite of my donut...hehe).  This has made me feel like I am capable of whatever I put my mind to.



Monday, October 17, 2011

I DID IT!!!!! My first half marathon...

Me at the expo!
 I did it!!!!!  What an amazing feeling it is!  My family came into town to support me and I also had some amazing friends come to the run to support me.  It was an amazing experience mainly because of my people who were there supporting me! 

Saturday afternoon my family started arriving.  My cousin Mike(he ran the race with me), my cousin Trish and my parents came into town.  We hung out for a bit, made some signs with the kids, had a pasta dinner and just relaxed.  I got my stuff all ready and headed to bed.  I was nervous, but not nearly as nervous as I was for my first 5k.  Odd right???   The morning came early at 5:00.  It was race day!!!  Finally the day to put all my hard months of training to work and prove to myself that I can do this.

For breakfast, some coffee and a bagel.  Here we are before leaving for the race.

The weather had called for clouds, showers and wind.  We were thrilled to get there and see...sun? And it was about 50 degrees.  Perfect!  We found the porta potties and then it was time for the full marathon to start.  We watched them take off then got in position for the half marathoners to start.  The gun sounded and off we went.  Mike wished me luck and we parted ways.  His pace is much faster than mine.  The first three miles was pretty unevenful once we left the start.  The course brought us on the closed highway and onto a parkway along the lake which was also closed.  So there were no spectators along this part of the course.  My pace was steady around 11:15 min/mile.  Thats comfy for me.  At three miles they brought us off the parkway and into the park to run along the lake where I saw the first spectators.  Yaay!  Then I realized it was my friend Karen and her family.  Here's the sign she was holding.  It made me chuckle.

After I passed her there were more spectators.  Not much further along I could hear my family and friends in the distance screaming for me!  They looked like they were having a tailgate party!  They were clapping and cheering as I came around the bend.  I could hear whistling and noisemakers.  My reaction totally took me off guard.  As soon as I saw them all I got all choked up!  Literally.  I was in tears.!  Not the best for my breathing!  I tried to hold them back but that was worse and made me choke.  But I was so touched that I couldnt help but cry.  I am in tears right now just thinking about it.  Here are some pics from around mile 3 ish.

I had the best support there!!!!

Tailgate party with coffee and donuts I heard!

homemade signs...love my girls!

homemade shirts too!

You can barely see me in the back behind the girls with the white shirt.

behind the girl with the green.  My sneaks are orange :)
Okay...clearly not the best picture of me, but hey...we are keeping it real right? Fupa and all...

Then we ran the whole rest of the length of the lake and turned around at the 6.55 point.  I was doing well and holding a steady pace.  I had planned to take Gu every 3 miles but seemed to hit a wall at mile 5 so I took it  a little early.  It worked out fine because I took it every three miles after that to carry me through.  I liked the out and back course because it helps me mentally to know I am on my way back and more than halfway there!  Around mile 10 I started getting tired but I knew I would be coming up on my fan club soon, and that I could take more Gu at mile 11.  To my surprise my awesome friend Laura was there to meet me before I reached them!  She gave me a pep talk and ran with me until we got to our peeps!  It was just what I needed at that time.  Here are some pics!
Waiting for me!

Here I come with my pep talking Laura!
Hi guys!  Sooooo happy to see you!!! (10 miles ish in)

Seeing them along with the high fives and pep talk boosted my morale.  Where they were standing was perfect because 1) I got tired at mile 10 where they were and 2) after I left them it was back out of the park and onto the parkway and highway where there were no spectators.  There was however, at mile 12, an aid station with some volunteers.  They were great and reminded me that there was only a mile left! There were plenty of cheers and supportive words from them and even some music whcih was nice.  Somewhere around mile 11.5 it dawned on me that "I AM DOING THIS!".  It was perfect timing  for this epiphany because just before this at mile 11 I was talking to myself (literally outloud) saying "You can do this Jen.  Keep going."  No one was close enough to hear me.  I was struggling to keep it in the 12 min/mile range. After the aid station I started having some grumbling in my stomach.  Perhaps some downward movement.  Oh boy, please not now is all I was thinking.  I dont usually have this problem when running.  I was talking to God saying please let me get through this!  I had heard of people having "accidents" while running and didnt want to be one of them.  Luckily I was fine (until today). 

At mile 12.75 I knew in my head it was almost the end but still no sign of the finish line in site, and not that many spectators either.  Hmmm...  Then I turned the bend and saw it in the distance.  I kept going and my watch said 13.1 but I still wasnt at the finish line.  Whatever.  There it was.  I could see it.  I was sure up to this point I didnt have much left in me but once I got to the cheering spectators and my family and friends on the home stretch I gave it all I had.  I was all smiles as the people were clapping and yelling motivating things.  I looked down at my watch and it said I was at an 8ish min/mile!  I dont know where the burst of energy came from but I loved it!  I finished at 2:38:23.  I did it!!!!!  Here are some more pics.
See me in my pink shirt back there next to the sidewalk?

Home stretch!

Still smiling!  So happy to see the finish line!

Hi guys!  I am almost done!!!!

All done!  Me with my medal!!

Me and my cousin Mike who ran too!

Me and the hubs :)

The crew...
And at the end of the day here is what I have!

I am still on cloud nine today.  I am in awe that I put my mind to this, completed the training schedule and achieved my goal!  And to think that I used to not be able to run for even 30 seconds!  I was one of the bigger girls there but that just made me more proud. 

I am super sore today and having some stomach issues which apparently is normal the day after(??????-Shelley?????).  But it is all worth it!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A little stressed....

But not about the half marathon(which by the way is in 4 short days!!).  Actually I am really looking forward to it. I read there are 900 marathoners and 1100 half marathoners signed up.  I like bigger races because they attract more spectators and its easier to blend in.  There is more people of all different shapes and sizes.   There is such a great feeling amongst the runners all out to accomplish a goal.  And with this many runners I am betting there are others out there doing their first half just like me. 

But my stress is about something else.  We have decided to sell our house.  Its not really the season for selling a house since its starting to get super chilly.  But, we want more land and maybe some more animals.  I like my house but I am excited about moving at the same time.  The hubs and I have talked it over and over again and decided that listing the house is what we should do.  So the sign is in the yard as of yesterday and it feels so...decisive.  We think its better to list it now instead of the spring so that we can settle into a school district for the girls before they start next year.  I dont want next summer to come and us still not know where the girls will be going to school.  Thats cutting it too close.   Even though we are only looking 20ish miles north of where we currently are, it will put our kids in different school district than their (preschool) friends.  So, that makes it hard too.  I have made some awesome friends in the past few years(and our kids).  And it doesnt seem like 20 miles would change that.   I will be praying about it.

Monday, October 10, 2011

6 days and counting....

I cant believe this half marathon is in 6 days.  But now having done the 12.3 mile run last week I feel like I am capable.  At least I hope so.  I am so excited that I can taste it.  I feel so blessed to have such an awesome support system.  I have three good friends (and their families) , my parents, hubby, my kids, and my cousin coming to support me. And my other cousin is running it too (at a much faster pace for sure).  This race is early.  7:00 I think.  Now, that is hardcore support.  I am so blessed to have people who care about me.  I dont think any of them know just how much it means to me.  I can be quite sappy at times. 

But on the flip side...I am so mad at myself.  I just cant get my eating under control.  I joined Weight Watchers.  I did great for the first two weeks.  Lost 10 lbs.  Then it all went downhill.  I didnt go to the meeting last week.  I kept trying to get back on track.  Everyday I would start out well.  I would track my food.  Midafternoon (every single day) something came over me.  I ate what I wanted and stopped tracking.  I said I would start again tomorrow. And I did.  Every day.  Started out great then veered off plan...everyday.  It is a nasty yet familiar blast from the past.  I dont like it.

I have had several bloggers tell me in the past how their weight depends mainly on how they eat, regardless of exercise.  And I am realizing that is so true for me. 

Let the plan work.  Thats what I have to keep reminding myself.  If I follow the plan it WILL work.  What is so hard about that?  I am fighting myself here.  I am getting fruit tomorrow so I am prepared when I get hungry.  Any other suggestions?  The long runs make me hungry the two days after my run.  I am finding hard to control the hunger.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

My longest run in preparation... 10 DAYS!!!!

First...where has all the love been?  Where are my regular commenters?  I miss you!!!!!!   I have been freaking out the past few weeks that this half marathon is right around the corner.  Actually, its 10 days from today.  I figured the only way to calm the nerves and "what if"'s was to get out there and prove that I CAN do this.  I needed to turn the doubt off now so I dont spend the next 10 days petrified. 

So yesterday I dropped the kids off at preschool and left from there for a run.  I knew I had exactly two hours and thirty minutes before I had to get back to pick them up.  I set out for what I figured the time would allow me:  12 miles.  I was armed with my Gu and Gu chomps, my friend Laura's water belt (I now realize this is a must have), my Ipod, and Garmin watch.  When I dropped the girls off I could feel people staring at me.  But I didnt care.  One dad said I looked like a science experiment.  hehe.  I really did.

I went six miles and hoped to go a bit further to make it 6.5 so I could make an even 13 miles, but I knew that would put me over the time that I had to be back to pick the girls up.  The first six miles were better than the last six, as expected.  My legs were getting tired and my speed slowing.  But I was doing it!!!  And when I returned to the school 2 hours and 26 minutes later I had gone 12.3 miles.  And if I can do that then what's .8 more to make a half marathon, right?  I felt so proud of myself.  People were stunned that I had just run 12 miles in the time we dropped our kids off.  I was still in shock myself.  The most I had ever run before that was 10 miles. 

Last night my legs started to stiffen up before bed.  I woke up several times during the night because they hurt.  My knees and ankles were so sore.  Even my upper body was a little sore.  When I got up this morning it wasnt much better.  But it doesnt matter because I set out to accomplish 12 miles and I did.  Mind over matter. 

I did have a little "altercation" along my unfamiliar route yesterday.  There were several groups of construction guys I assume working on the same thing in different spots.  The first set was two guys.  The one guy saw me coming and went over to the other guy and said something in his ear.  They both looked up and stared at me.  So 7th grade right?  It bothered me the whole run.  On the way back, about 11 miles in, the same thing.  He saw me, went over to the guy and said something and again they both stared.  They were down in a field.  I worked too hard to let them take my pride.  So...I went right down there into the field and said "Is there something you want to say to me since you keep talking about me and staring?"  He looked shocked that I spoke up.  He said.... "uhhhhh, we have to look for traffic".  I said "Down here in the field?  What you are doing is rude" and off I went.  Now, I know I am a bigger girl (for a runner) with big boobs and a FUPA.  I dont need to be reminded.  Maybe it was traffic, or maybe they were judging me. Or maybe it wasnt negative at all.  Whatever, I said my piece and accomplished my 12 miles.

So the countdown is on:  10 days!!!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Reoccurring dream....

The self doubt is settling in.  I dont like it.  Last night I had a dream that left me exhausted when I woke up.  I have had several variations of the same idea behind this dream over the past few months.  The half marathon is two weeks from Sunday.  Oh dear.  Its coming up and nerves are settling in.  Especially knowing that I am attacking this goal solo.  Well sorta.  I will have support there (yaaaaay!!!-I am soooo excited about this)and my cousin will be running the race too, but surely not at my much slower pace.  Anyway, here was my dream last night:

Its half marathon day.  I am running late (I am a pretty prompt person so this is stressful for me).  I am fumbling around looking for my running shoes.  I cant find them.  There is an option to wear different shoes but can I run 13.1 miles without MY shoes???  Then I find them.  I get to the race.  I am late and it has already started.  I realize I dont have my Ipod.  I am stressing.  How can I run without my Ipod????  I NEED music to run. Wait, I can go get it.  But its not charged and I dont have time to charge it.  Because I am late remember?  I am dreading the run because now I am late and dont have any running music.  I am looking for a place to put my purse so I can go run.  I leave it with these random ladies who are selling food.  There are thousands of people cheering at the start, and all along the course.  I am shocked to see this but excited.  I start running.   I am passing a few people but not many.  I am really behind.  Then I have to squeeze through these parallel bars which are a bridge and pretty close together.  I think to myself "well, I guess they assume runners are thin".  I squeezed through.  I continue running until I woke up and thought to myself, that was a short 13.1 miles!  But I was exhausted when I woke up. 

I think I have a sinus infection which has left me very cranky and impossible to run.  I say that with total honestly.  It hurts to even talk, let alone sneeze or bend over.  My head and eyeballs are killing me.  My teeth even ache.  I cant taste properly.  I am exhausted and even napped today.  Thats a rarity. 

The bottom line is that I am feeling unprepared.  I am getting scared.   What if its rainy?  I hate running in the rain.  What if I cant do it?  What if my sinuses still hurt?  What if I have to walk?  What if I let myself down?  Or my "peeps" who are coming to support me?  What if its a miserable run (I have had my share lately)WHAT IF _______ (the list goes on and on).   The self doubt is speaking to me and the only way for me to combat it is to go out for a long run and prove that I can do it.  But I need my sinuses better in order to do it.  I need to set myself up for success!  Its only 16 days away.  I have worked too hard to let this dream slip away now.  I completed the whole half marathon training schedule which dropped me off at 10 miles....and that was several weeks ago.  I put on weight.  I am down 10.8 on weight watchers though so I am getting there.  But I am surprised at my fear of this half when I have been so excited all along!