Friday, April 29, 2011

Medifast week 2 results

I ate more protein than "allowed" this week. I mentioned that even though my choices could have been worse that I have felt guilty for not following the plan to a T. The result: a loss of 2.3 lbs! Weigh in today was 164.9. I am happy to see this number but frustrated at the same time because this is not my lowest weight and I feel like I am redoing the hard work I did once already. Having said that, I am proud of myself though because this is a far cry from 233 which was my highest recorded weight. I had some intense cravings yesterday (pms) and I am also proud to have made it through that still on plan...even though I did try to talk myself into quitting Medifast! I am glad I recognized it. I feel much more in control of my appetite today luckily. I look forward to another week. Five more lbs would bring me to 159.9 and a new territory for me! I can't wait to feel the success of that! It feels so close and is keeping me motivated!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The only thing stopping me....

After watching The Biggest Loser last night it seemed like those girls who are 160 to 170ish are so thin and dont look like they have another ounce to lose.  Then I look at myself who is in the same range and see something totally different.  I recently had someone tell me I should be happy with how I look and that I dont look like I have anything to lose.  When I look in the mirror at 170ish pounds I see so much loose skin and cottage cheese.  I know so much of this can be improved with toning and I am sure that I am capable of doing so while on Medifast.  So, I think I will set that as my goal.  I did the 30 day shred a few days back and literally could not have done another workout for the next few days I was so sore.  But thats good!  I need to stop being lazy.  When I really think about it not exercising and eating extra on MF is just prolonging my current weight.  It really isnt helping me to lose and get to my goal.  The only thing that is stopping me is ME.  I guess I have been thinking about it like this:  If I am doing MF and giving up all sweets and lots of other stuff then I should be losing quickly and be happy with how I look.  But I now realize that I need to do more than just the bare minimum.  I need to follow the plan to a T.  I need to be toning, etc.  The weather is nice-ish lately so I should be out walking the dog at the very least!  Sometimes it feels good to call myself out  :)

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to tone up the loose skin and lose some of the cottage cheese.  Again, I am realistic here.  I know I will never look like a model but there is much room for improvement. 

Today I am thankful for:
*my mother who is so supportive.  I have been missing her so much lately(she lives a few hours away from me).  Here is one of her comments on one of my recent posts:

Hi Jen, I was stunned by your willpower on Easter!! I never thought I would see such a thing from you, it just goes to show you that if you want something bad enought you'll dig deep down and go to the ends of the earth for it. You did it baby!! Thank goodness for your husband encouraging you because I would have said to go ahead and have a bite, it's Easter! I'll keep your stash for as long as you need! Love mom.

Monday, April 25, 2011

A sneak peak (Jennifer)

After a struggle with the holiday this weekend and being on Medifast I couldnt resist a sneak peak on the scale this morning.  Even though my weigh day is on Fridays, I wanted to know how I handled the weekend visiting my family(in the scales eyes).  There were so many temptations and like I posted yesterday, I think I handled it pretty well despite not following the MF plan 100%.  I aimed to keep my carbs in check.  And apparently I did good because the scale said I was down another 1.5 lbs since Friday  :)   I definately needed to see that on the scale this morning! 

Last night while everyone was feasting on ice cream cake, cookies and Italian pastries from the bakery, I made myself a cinnamon roll using the MF pancakes and some cream cheese.  This is from Sandys website and I am so grateful to her!  It made dessert time totally doable for me.  I did, however, feel a little deprived because there were so many things in the the past few days that I would have eaten in the past.  Its one thing to pass something up but to pass just about EVERYTHING up while everyone else is indulging  kind of took a toll on me.  How did I fight back?  I took some of the leftover pastries and cookies and put them in a freezer bag and stuck them in the freezer....for a later date when I am not doing MF and can enjoy moderation of course.  Just doing this made me feel better.  My family was laughing so hard as the freezer bag got bigger and bigger.  It was pretty funny I admit.  But I dont think there has ever been a canoli passed up by this girl...hehe.  I know it probably looked like I was planning a future binge, but I feel like I have it under control to eat such yummy things in moderation.  During dessert my grandmother made sure she told me what self control and determination I have.  It felt good.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to look in the mirror and feel proud of myself.  And I must say that I think I am realistic in this thought.  I know I will never have the body to wear a bikini or a size 4.  But seeing progress again is what I am looking to achieve.  It would be nice to lose some of the nastiness off the back of my thighs .  Thats a perfect example of progress.  I hope that day comes!

Today I am thankful for:
*My cousins thought of me when planning their next running event.  They want to do a half marathon this summer.  I know right now while on MF I cannot possibly train for a marathon of any sort but I thought it was so great that they think of me as a runner! And I will get back into running after my MF days.  I dont know it there will be enough time at that point to train for a half marathon. 

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Week 1 Medifast results

Just a quick post since I am using my new phone and it takes me forever! Results from week one... Down 5.5 on Friday morning! Weight: 167.2. But this holiday weekend with my family has been a struggle. But all in all I think I handled it pretty well. It definitely could have been way worse. I think I kept the carbs in check. But still, the feeling that I strayed even a little from plan is uncomfortable and I look forward to my normal routine again tomorrow. For those of you who celebrate Easter, happy Easter! I really enjoyed our family gatherings this year. :)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Why was I obese? (Jennifer)

So tomorrow is weigh day.  When I originally started Medifast over a year ago, I remember the first week seeming like it took forever.  And although I have come up on some small challenges (and hunger) this week I really think I did fine.  The week did not drag.  I looked forward to my lean and green meals each night and really enjoyed my 5 MF meals throughout the day.  Some things never change though because each time I had a MF meal I wished it were bigger!  hehe. I love food and there is nothing more to it.

That leads me to this thought...  How had I become obese for so long?  I was not an overweight child.  My mother always cooked healthy meals every night.  When I started putting on weight I wasnt depressed or unhappy.  I went to college and got up to 180.  I thought at the time that was big.  And for me who was at 160 before it was uncomfortable.  So I joined Weight Watchers and got down to 152 or so.  Then I met my husband.  He is a big guy, but not fat.  We both started gaining weight shortly after we started dating.  I am convinced it was happy fat. Another downfall for me is that I discovered I love fast food.  I rarely had it growing up.  And once I got a taste of it, I wanted it all the time(and thats how I got a fatty liver I am sure!). I learned that fast food is quick, easy and cheap.  And I believe that is what started my laziness. 

It has been a fight to get out of that way of life. When I had children it was no longer about just me.  They deserve the best start to life.  They deserve healthy nutrition.  And I have been working hard on that.  I have switched to whole grains whenever possible.  I even shop in the organic aisle at the store sometimes.  I am trying new things.  Now, if I could just get my husband on board...  He doesnt think twice about giving them crappy sugary snacks.  He, while he is no longer overweight, eats no veggies other than potatoes and very few fruits.  I know he means well.  He just doesnt see the harm in giving them crap or the benefits in giving them healthy things.  Its something we are working on!

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to set a good example for my children.

Today I am thankful for:
*having lost the 65 lbs I have lost to this date.  Although there is more to go I have come a long way.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Excitement (Jennifer)

Excitement is something I have been needing lately.  We havent taken a vacation in a while, or my weight loss kind of came to a standstill, I havent done much fun shopping, etc.   So when my friend Karen told me about Sandy's blog and I checked it out...I got excited.  There are so many recipes on there.  Some are MF recipes and some are regular recipes. When I saw the MF recipes I got so excited to try them.  And I am having a ball experimenting with it!  There are recipes on her blog to make using the actual MF meals and also recipes for Lean and Greens.  So today I made the cauliflower pizza.  I was going to have it last night but didnt get home in time to make it.  I have made this before and it is a favorite of mine, whether on Medifast or not.  But Sandy's recipe varies slightly because you flip the *crust* and cook it longer and it actually becomes crust!!!  That was the one and only thing that I could possibly critique was the flimsy crust...but no more!  Here is a pic or what I will be having for dinner:

Fresh out of the oven.  She suggests using parchment paper for lots of her meals so I bought some and gave it a whirl.  It made cleanup a breeze! I added some garlic and basil and yumm.... I inhaled ate 1/4 of the pizza before it made it to the fridge.  I wanted to test to see if the crust really was crunchy.  It was!!!!

Another amazing recipe I made from Sandys site was using the MF pancakes.  I turned it into a muffin and added cream cheese on the top.  It was sooooo delish and a new favorite of mine for sure.  I am definately going to have to buy more pankcakes now that I have made this recipe.   I am so thankful to have found her blog because it allows you to learn to make regular MF foods into some really delicious stuff!  Who knew?  I only wish I had this knowledge when I did the plan the first time around, even though I did great without!

Right now, I have some zucchini and yellow squash slices in the oven.  I am baking them for about 4 hours at 200* and apparently that will make them crispy like chips.  I added a little salt and garlic/basil powder.  This, just like the cauliflower pizza, is something that I will eat when I am no longer on MF.  Why not make healthy alternatives right?  The recipe for this is also on her website. 

Although right now most of my blogging is Medifast based, it wont continue to be like that.  I am just using it right now to get back into my daily blogging.  Because, honestly I dont feel I have had much to say lately. It feels good to get back into blogging.  I dont get nearly the comments I used to get but thats okay.  I know that as the weight loss starts again I will have so many more things to say.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I would like to wear a size 10 pants.  Right now I am about 170 and I am in a 14, sometimes a 12.  Although part of me wants to aim for a smaller size, I think for my build a 10 will be fine.  If I get lower though...even better.

Today I am thankful for:
*actually being excited about doing Medifast.  I really wasnt thrilled about it until I found Sandys website.  It opened up so many more options for how to prepare foods.  That makes a world of difference on this plan(in my opinion anyway).

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Day 5 of Medifast (Jennifer)

Today is day 5 of getting back on Medifast.  Yesterday I had some extra protein to combat the hunger.  I actually feel guilty about it though so I am going to try to be on plan 100% today.  My plan is to have cauliflower pizza for dinner (yuuuum).  I was able to sleep in this morning for a change, thanks to my hubs, so that means I didnt have my first MF meal until later than usual.  That should help out with the hunger too.  I knew the first few days would be hardest and I made it through them so I am not going ot beat myself up over extra calories and protein.  Its not like I caved and had ice cream milk shakes with my kids and hubby last night.  Although it was at that time that I started second guessing my choice to go back on Medifast.  I wanted to snack.  And the only reason I didnt is because my husband ordered food for me last week and I cannot waste it.  We are not in a financial position to waste that kind of money.   The food I currently have was given to me so cheating wouldnt have been so bad.  But when we actually spend big money on it, it somehow becomes more a committment.  And I am thankful for that!

Several months ago I blogged about how I had a fatty liver and my dr was concerned about it.  Some of my liver functions were off and the ultrasound showed the fat on the liver.  He told me to get the weight off before it was too late.  He said it could be reveresed  and the fat globules could be reabsorbed if I acted now.  If not it could lead to end stage liver disease.  Scary.  That was more than three years ago.  A few months ago, after seeing my dr for a followup (after losing 65 lbs) he ordered another ultrasound of my liver and some bloodwork.  He told me to call him the next day for the results.  I did, but the cranky lady who answered the phone said that if there was a problem he would have called me.  I had my followup appt last week(he was not thrilled that the woman had not put the message through that I wanted my results).  I was so excited to learn that the ultrasound showed NO fatty liver and my liver functions were totally normal!   How exciting!!!  Its one of those weight loss benefits that you cant see from just looking at someone.  I left there so proud of my weight loss and that I was able to undo some of the damage I had done to my body by eating bad.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I have lost some of that boney look in my neck and chest area.  I look forward to seeing that again!

Today I am thankful for:
*My husbands support in me wanting to do Medifast again.  It really isnt in our budget but he made it happen for me.  He might not be much of a romantic type but its these things that let me know that he loves me. 

Monday, April 18, 2011

Like riding a bike... (Jennifer)

Being on Medifast again is like riding a bike.  Today is day 4 and although I am eating only the allowed foods, I have added a few extras to my serving sizes.  A little extra chicken here, an extra few olives there, etc.  But I have done this only because I know that the first few days are toughest and I wanted to make sure I got through them.  I am trying to set myself up for success to get these last 20 lbs off.  Like I have said in the past, if I get hungry, thats when I lose control of my eating.  Plus, the last time I did Medifast I struggled with not enough calories for what my body needed, and my weight refused to budge after a while.  So I figure if I am adding a few calories with the allowed foods for now I am not too worried about it. 

It actually feels good to be on a "plan" and feel like I am heading in the right direction.  I struggled for so long with calorie counting and exercise and just couldnt bust past that 160 mark no matter what I tried.  So I backed off a little bit(or a lot) of the intense workouts and calorie counting and to my surprise only gained 5-10 lbs.  And that is now the weight my body has accepted as normal for me as I have maintained around 170 for several months now.  I actually take pride in that.  The old me would have yoyo-ed until I eventually gained all of my weight back.  But I havent.   Not even close.  And that in itself is a success for me.

Today's reason for losing weight: 
*Health...plain and simple.  We only get one body in this life.  Its important to take care of it so it can perform at its best.

Today I am thankful for:
*Blogging has been such a helpful tool for me. I have met some amazing people, and there are even a few I wish I lived closer to so we could be real life friends. When I wasnt blogging every day, or even every week for that matter, I found myself missing something. I am glad to be back. Thanks to those of you who stuck around.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Day 2 of Medifast (again ) - (Jennifer)

Today was day two of Medifast.  I expected to be hungry the first few days, and I have been.  But, its not anything I cant handle.   This time around I feel more "prepared".  Having done Medifast and successfully lost a large chunk of weight, I already know the ins and outs of the plan.   I know which foods I like, what times to eat to curb my hunger, and I am thinking ahead for my lean and greens.  I also expect the temptations that come my way and I am prepared to handle them.  So, yes...I have been hungry here and there.  But I am finding my second time on this plan to be easier.  Maybe its because I know I only have twenty lbs or so to go.  Or maybe its because for the first time in a while I feel like I am helping myself. 

Thanks to all of you who have left such sweet and sincere comments.  They are so appreciated.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Some decisions (Jennifer)

I have made some decisions and some changes in my life.  I have been so consumed with my health situation that I felt that some change was needed.  My weight has remained about the same, around 170 lbs for several months now with very little effort.  I am thankful that this seems to be my new weight that my body has accepted for me.  It used to be 230 so 170 is fine with me!  My eating has been awful, and although I have exercised here and there, it hasnt been with the excitement that I used to have. 

Soooooo....after speaking with my friend Karen and my cousin Trish, I have decided to recommit myself to Medifast.  They have recomitted themselves on their own and support is such a great thing on this plan. Medifast is how I got the majority of my weight off.  And I have kept it off for over a year now.  It was quite a thought involved decision that I didnt make lightly.  Its an expensive plan and the last time I was on it I did not cheat even once.  I am going to aim for 150lbs, maybe a little less.  Then I will get back into my running.  I will do some walking and weight training while on the plan, but I know from past experience that I cannot run while doing Medifast.  I have learned that running makes me feel sick(nausea) because of the lack of carbs and calories on MF.  And, running also burns too many calories for MF and puts my body into starvation mode and I am unable to lose weight. It took several weeks for me to figure that out.

Its time. 

Its time to refocus my attention on something other than my health issues that still remain a mystery.

Its time to get the rest of this weight off and be get to my goal weight.

I look forward to this journey again.  I am so thankful for the changes that Medifast made in my life the first time around.  I went from an obese woman with little confidence to a capable, confident, more fit woman.  There are no words to explain the difference.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

A very honest and deep post (Jennifer)

I feel like things have been a little turned upside down for me lately.  I dont feel like I am depressed.  Just frustrated and anxious.  I havent been feeling well physically and have been to several dr appts over the last few months.  They all have different thoughts and opinions and its been scary.  Some have talked of biopsies, some say I am fine, and one even told me I had cancer while others have assured that was not the case, but no one seems to be on the same page as to whats going on.  The bottom line is that I still dont feel good so something is going on!  

Not having answers as to what is going on with me gives me a few different emotions.  Part of me is glad because I would like to think if something serious was going on it would have been found by now.  But part of me cant ignore how I feel and therefore I am frustrated by not feeling well.  I have tried so many different medications of which none have helped, had so many scans(and probably more radiation than is healthy), and I am now in TMJ therapy as well.  So far it hasnt helped but I am trying so hard to be hopeful that it will work soon!  I dont feel confident that anyone has really pinpointed what is going on, and therefore I dont feel assured that I am okay. That lack of confidence is where my frustration and stress comes from I think.

I think about how just a few months ago exercising and losing weight to become a healthier me was a huge committment for me.  My life had changed and I loved the "new me".  I gave it all I had and was so dedicated.  And now there is a shift.  I am so frustrated by not feeling well and being so very scared(more so as the time goes on and my symptoms intensify) and I just want to put it behind me. I want to move past this.  Part of me is so worried that there is possibly something serious going on that they just havent found yet.  I have been so scared and have come up with some worse case scenarios which have only intensified my fears.  My children are little.  I want to be here for them for a long time and the thought of not being here petrifies me.  And I want to grow old with my husband.  These are things I hadnt really considered before.  I just assumed I would.  I have gone from a confident person to someone who now feels so scared.   

I thank those of you who have been able to bear with me through this.  I know it hasnt been my normal style of blogging.  I want more than anything to get back to my weight and health committment!  As of today, my weight is 171.  Not too bad but not my lowest.  I did manage a run in this beautiful sunshine today, and I got to use my Garmin running watch for the first time.  My friend is training for her first 5k and we ran together.  I ran at her capability.  We did about two miles, mostly jogging and walking just a few times for a minute or two.  It felt good to get out there and run.  And even better, it felt awesome to bring the kids outside and play with them today.  The love to play outside and it was a great time!

This was a deep and heartfelt post for me and I was hesitant about posting it.  But I thought it might help to get it out.  In the meanwhile I am going to schedule a massage for myself and try to think positive.  I thank God everyday for my children, and my family.  They are my sunshine and bring me such joy!  Thank you to those of you who have been asking about me.  It is greatly appreciated.