Friday, April 30, 2010

Week 9 Already? (Tricia)

Well, I had my week 9 weigh-in this morning and I am down another 3.3 lbs and I am very happy about this. I am only 14lbs from my mini 50lb goal. But, that might take me a few more weeks to get there. I really can't believe we have been on this plan for 9 weeks. It really doesn't feel like it. However, today I started to realize that my food is starting to taste different. I am starting to dislike my favorite MF foods. That is not good! I only have a small number of foods that I can deal with as it is!
Oh well, time to plug my nose and drink it up!
I hope everyone has a good weekend, the weather here is supposed to be beautiful. Me and my garden have a date tomorrow followed by a girls night with my friend Brooke. PJ's, Pizza (cauliflower for me, of course), and Movies. You really can't beat that.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Week 9 weigh in (Jennifer)

I got on the scale this morning and saw 1 pound lost. My weight: 178. I had figured I would gain this week based on how I was feeling this week but I didnt! But a part of me is still a little let down. I am not sure if I exercised too much? I jogged about a half mile one day and walked 1.5, another day I did zumba, and another I just did a quick weight workout. But mainly I am guessing it was the sausage. I ate sweet italian sausage for like 3 days since hte last weigh in...not realizing it was not on plan. But...178 processed, accepted and on to the next week! I have decided to do my zumba next monday and then maybe just walk on other days. I only jogged this week because I desperately want to be healthy. Like I said is a mental battle for me NOT to exercise while trying to get healthy.

The other day I got a call from my friend. She informed me her husband(soon ex) had a stroke. He is 35 and has children. It was determined he had a fully blocked coroted(sp?) artery. How scary is that? She put it best saying he didnt smoke, wasnt a drinker but just loved food. He was a heavy guy but not as heavy as you would expect for this to happen. It made me realize that it is somewhere in the age range of 30-50 that it seems like your body starts to fail from all the damamge you do it. The damage all adds up...cholesterol, etc. I am praying for him to make a full recovery. He has a long road ahead with surgery, inpatient therapy(speech, OT, and PT) for several months, etc. This is just one more reason for me to get the weight off.

Today's reason to lose weight:
*what I just wrote about says it all. I want my body to be healthy. I want to undo all the damage from all that fast food and junk I used to eat. I have a fatty liver and I want to reverse that before its too late.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Cranky (Tricia)

Today, I am cranky. Well, it really started last night when I decided to go to bed at 10 because I was just so exhausted. This morning was dreary and raining. The extra caffeine I drank didn't seem to help me any. I was doing ok until lunch time. I heated up my food, brought it back upstairs and then I was called in to a meeting with one of the department managers and a supervisor and informed that I did not get the position I applied for. I am not too upset about it because I am sure the person who did get it will do well and the feed back from the manager and supervisor was really good and uplifting, not one negative thing. But after that it got busy and I forgot about my heated soup and around 4 I realized that I didn't eat my lunch or my afternoon snack. As a matter of fact, I hadn't eaten since 10:30, a big fat Medifast no-no. And I am sure that this contributed to my irritability as I had only eaten about 200 calories for the day. I ate a bar quickly, but that didn't seem to help. So, I am Cranky McCrankerson and feeling pretty wiped out. I am going to eat my dinner, throw a shake in there soon after and head to bed and look forward to a better tomorrow.
On a side note, I have noticed that the pants I was recently able to fit into are now getting too big for me. But, I dug out some clothes when I cleaned out my closet this weekend and I am wearing some shirts that were previously too small for me. In the past few days I have been going through the motions and it occurred to me that I am not really thinking of myself as being on a diet and accepting this as my new lifestyle for a while.
Last night I went out with some friends for dinner. In NY restaurants now have to list the calories of a meal on the menu and boy, were we all surprised at some of the foods. I mean, 1900 calories for one meal?! It really makes you re-think what you are going to order. Before, I never payed attention to how bad something was for me, but I think that being on Medifast, and just more conscience of my eating habits will help me continue this trend after I am back to reality. Really, how can you justify eating a meal that is more than your total daily caloric intake? And what the heck do they put in that food to make it so bad for us? And darn good.

Something different (Jennifer)

I love food. Period. It makes me happy. What the large amount of yummy food does to my body is what I dont love. I read from a fellow blogger that she was able to skip the deprived feeling that I was having because she was smelling food. I, really? So then a few days later I overheard someone on the TV saying that 90% of the pleasure of food is the smell. Again, I thought....Really??? Could this be? I had to check this out. So from that point on I went around smelling things that I would have normally eaten before my medifast days. Not really randomly looking for things to smell but if it was there and I WANTED IT...then I would smell it. Luckily my husband is accomodating to my new experiment and never complains when my nostrils are on his cookie(or sub, or donut, or french fries, etc) he is in the middle of eating. I am smelling lots of foods these days and I have to say that I do get pleasure out of it...even without tasting it! I dont feel like I need to eat it because when I smell it I know that this is also how it will taste! This is an amazing concept for me, and I excited to feel like I am still getting a little piece of YUM but without the calories.

Just this morning the girls were eating the "special donuts" I had bought them at the store yesterday. They are a treat since they usually dont eat crap for breakfast. But anyway...I took that donut and put it right up to my nose and sniffed. And sniffed again. And I knew just what it would taste like. I put it down, the girls ate some. I had gotten my pleasure from just a few sniffs and then had my strawberry shake. And about this shake...I was not a big fan of this shake the first time I tasted it. But this morning I put some Davinci vanilla syrup in it along with my water and ice and used the bullet. It was sooooooo much better. Yum!!!! For snack I had a peanut butter bar and I think I will do another shake for lunch. For me the shakes are very filling and that is a good thing.

Yesterday I looked at my husband and told him that I am surprised how much control I have over myself and what I am eating. I said this after I got back from grocery shopping which consisted of mostly foods that I cant eat. To my surprise he said this: "You are doing very well. When you brought those donuts in (his downfall) I was mad but then I said..."If Jennifer can resist them so can I'". Could it be that my husband was actually looking up to my strength? Again, he is not the expressive type so usually I am stuck searching for a compliment :) Anyway...I will take it!

Today's reason for losing weight:
*Laundry. Maybe if I am not a "big girl" I will not think that going "all the way downstairs" to do laundry is such a task. The other day I heard the phrase "fake it till you make it". And so from now on there will be no complaining when going downstairs to do laundry. I will pretend to enjoy it until maybe one day it doesnt seem like such a hassle!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

From last week through today.... Teresa

Okay so last week I lost 2 pounds and finally left the teens into the 20's for total weight loss. I am considering measuring myself because I feel like the inches are starting to come off....that is a good feeling. The people at work keep telling me how good I look and how "skinny" I am getting. I would not go that far but I must say it is nice to hear. I cut my hair off over the is pretty sassy and my tan is coming along really good :) so I am starting to look and feel like a new person. I have had ample opportunity to stress eat but I haven't and for me that is a huge success!!! I have been going to the gym but not as much as I would like to. I did go today...ya see I tan at the gym so that gives me the extra push I need to get there! My pants are way to big on me but since it is so close to summer I am trying to hold out to by more fashionable summer clothes. I have decided that I am into looking sexy and sassy. So my summer clothes will be just that! Which means kicking up the weight loss! I got a new nose ring which looks super sparkley with the tan!!!! Yes I know that was random but it is important because I like the way it looks! Today I had a very interesting experience.....I was at Price Chopper and when I walked through the door this guy looked at me....and kept looking at me and then when I walked by he said "Hey how are you" in a way that was kinda weird cause he was wanting me to stop and talk to him. I think he was actually hitting on has been a while since that has happened.....I said hi and walked by really fast.....I'm married. The weirdest part was that he was white and for all of you out there that know me you know that I am and look like a BGD....(Jen I hope you know what that is!). So I def must be slimming down...LOL!

My reason for losing weight~ I want to play softball again....

Frump-ier (Jennifer)

The good news is that I have not been hungry today. Yaay! The not so good news is that even though I was hoping to wake up and not feel frumpy... I still do. I actually feel frumpier than yesterday. I have to say that this is possibly a first for me on medifast. Even when the weight was coming off very slowly I never felt like it was a gain (at least I dont remember). I mean I had days when I felt bloated because it was that "time" but this is different. That is expected. And I am not confident that the scale will say good things on Thursday. By the way I feel I am expecting a gain for sure. But I will try to remain positive until then. Tomorrow I will try to drink more shakes than other food because that is supposed to help. And I will have some plain chicken with my salad tomorrow night. Maybe it is just all the salad I have been eating making me feel bloated and it will have a happy outcome afterall. Or...maybe it is that darn sausage I discovered(that I now realize wasnt on plan...probably because it is too fatty and too many calories!!!). Tonight I had sausage again for dinner BUT ( I am sure some of you are saying "seriously? didnt this girl learn her lesson???) this time I went and got some chicken sausage which is way better for me. It had way less calories and fat. The only problem was that I dont like it nearly as much. Kinda had to choke it down. I wont buy it again.

Today's reason for losing weight:
* I want to go to an amusement park and not have to stress over whether the seat belts will latch or whether I will be stuffed in there like a sardine looking all ridiculous. The last time I went to an amusement park was a long time ago. And I am pretty sure it was before I was big. Maybe I had some extra pounds but not like the 80+ that I was carrying around until recently. Anyway...I remember sitting in one of the roller coaster rides feeling very squished even a smaller size! And because of that I would probably not have even attempted to try any while being so much bigger. I think Trish made a comment that they make rides bigger now a days to accomodate the "growing population". But thats not a guarantee. I would rather get the weight off and feel like a "normal" person.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Frumpy (Jennifer)

Today is Monday and I went to my Zumba class. It was fun like usual. I missed it last week and missing a week apparently makes a difference! I was doing the moves but somehow it felt different. Like my body was not cooperating fully or something. Today was a very hungry day for me so maybe that is part of it. Yesterday I was hungry but once I drank my water all was well. Today I was hungry and even though I drank water all day I was still hungry :( I decided to have some of my lean portion of my lean and green before Zumba. So I took a few pieces of my chicken and felt a little better.

Another thing that is different today is that I dont see that "wow" when I am looking into the mirror. I have been seeing the difference in me more and more lately and its great! But today I am just not seeing it. Instead I am feeling "frumpy". I did wear my size 16 capris so maybe that is the difference. They are definately not tight but certainly not as loose and roomy as the stuff I was wearing. They actually fit just right. But maybe that gave me a false sense of snug since I was used to wearing clothes that had gotten too big for me? But then I got my workout clothes on and although it was somewhat better I still seem off. I wonder if I am bloated or something. Something just looks off to me. Odd right? It may be the guilt from all of the sweet italian sausage I have been eating. I dont know how I have missed out on this food for 30 years. I LOVE it! I I havent looked in my Medifast book to even see if it is allowed. I guess I just assumed as long as I weigh it and it doesnt have carbs I am good. But it could be making me retain water, or maybe it is just too darn fatty for me. I guess I just compared it to the 5 oz of hamburger patties I was eating (which is allowed) and it matched up pretty closely with the calories, fat and carbs. I guess Thursday will tell the tale since I have eaten sausage at least twice since my last weigh in... Tonight it was a salad with chicken. It was good, and filling :) Lean and green time is good :)

I will also say that my husband bought me a few more clothes yesterday , and one of the capris was a size 14! ME? wow. I know that is not my current size really but it sure does feel good that they fit!

Today's reason for losing weight"
*the other day when Trish and I were at the store looking at clothes I realized that I was looking for stuff based on if they had a big enough size for me. Some day I would like to get out of that mindset and find something that I like and then take my size off the rack and go buy it. I am so trained to look only for the "big girl" sizes and then decide if I would wear it.

The weekend (Tricia)

I had a great weekend! I weighed in on Friday and I am down 2.9 lbs! Nate and I went to see the Blue Comedy boys at the arena on Friday night and had 5th row seats. Jeff Foxworthy totally looked at me when he passed by down the isle. Then off to visit Jennifer and family on Saturday morning and to meet up with our other cousin driving in from Buffalo with his wife. We had a great time chatting, playing with the girls, seeing the lake, and having a nice dinner. I really hope we do it again soon. I didn't even notice until last night that I had a sun burn from the bright sun on Saturday. I came home on Sunday, said hi to my husband and then purged my closet. I got rid of close that I never wore, ones that don't fit, and ones that were very old. I did try on a few pairs of pants that were a size smaller than I currently am and they fit me, barley. But, I only have a few of them, so I will have to wait until I am a full size down and start shopping for clothes. This still discourages me though. 33lbs and not one pants size. But, I guess if I figure how long I have been in my current size, it kinda works out. I have been the same size for 3 or 4 years, but I have slowly grown into them going from kinda big to doing the bed-at-the-knee-and-push-out-your-stomach dance. I guess I am going in the right direction considering I can now take off all of my pants by just sliding them over my hips.( Ok, just a side note, I meant to write hips there and I totally made a typo and wrote

On to today. I went to work and then to the gym with Nay for a half our. I came home, prepared dinner, did the dishes, and mopped the kitchen floor. I still have so much energy. I know it will wear off soon, but I am amazed that I still feel motivated and I am not sitting on the couch yet. Well, off to have a nice dinner with my husband and spend some quality time :-)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Water (Jennifer)

Today was a day of realization for me. We had company today and yesterday. My cousin from Buffalo came out for the day yesterday and Trish came from Albany. It was a nice time. Trish spent the night and this morning things were a little off schedule. I am not saying its a bad thing at all. I love to have company but I get off routine. I had my shake this morning first thing. And by 9:00 I was ready for my next meal. I was actually hungry. So I ate it a few minutes before 10:00 since thats my normal time. I was still hungry. I havent had that hungry feeling in a while which is great. Around 11:45 I decided I needed to eat my lunch which I normally eat around 12:30ish. I was just too hungry to wait. I ate it and I was still hungry. So I asked myself what is different today that I am so darn hungry? And then it dawned on me....I hadnt had any water all day. Usually by lunchtime I have 60 oz of water under my belt. I was so hungry that I decided to get a diet soda at the drive thru since the bubbles in soda fill me up. Wallah...not hungry anymore. I made up for my lack of water when we got home. It was a great lesson learned. Drink my water so I am not STARVING.

This weekend I noticed a huge difference in Trish. While I have been saying all along that she has has changed emotionally I saw the physical changes to go along with it. I could see a small difference for the past few weeks but the overall "transformation" is happening now! There is a huge difference! yaay Trish!!! You look great and I am so proud of you. I would like to say that I am hearing a lot of talk from you about how long you will have to be on MF and such. I have been thinking about that a lot. Maybe you should try not to be so overwhelmed by the goal and allow yourself to enjoy the (huge) mini successes along the way. I am hoping that now that your transformation is happening that you will see how great you are looking and not want to give up. this is such a short period of time(doing MF) in comparison to how awful it feels to be overweight, out of control, and unhealthy. That is the pep talk I give myself.

I will also mention that my cousin Mike brought me a bottle of wine. And it was good wine too. I had this whole mental battle in my head. I felt so rude not drinking it since I opened it and his wife had some. But then I prioritized and tried to explain my situation and how those carbs will throw me out of fat burn and it takes four 4 days to get back in and...blah blah blah. I hope that they understood(I did try to explain) and didnt think I was rude. I like wine and any other non-medifast day I would have been so excited! But instead I felt very rude. Any comments on this from anyone? I got the impression they didnt understand how important this is to me and now I feel very rude.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to let go of the negative perception I have of how I look. Its not just how I think I look, but how I feel that others see me as fat too... It sure would be nice NOT to feel like "the fat girl".

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Week 8 weigh in (Jennifer)

I was so ready to get on the scale this morning because the results were going to be the deciding factor of how to proceed. If I gained or didnt lose then I would start exercising while on MF. If I lost a number that was an improvement from my 1-2 lbs per week then I would continue to lay off the exercise and let the plan work for me in this way. SO.......I got on the scale and just about fell off when I saw the number. Very little exercise this week and I was down 4 pounds! In one week! Other than week one this is the biggest loss yet. And it wasnt just 4 lbs that was brought my weight to....179!!!!!!! I havent been in the "7" territory in well over a decade. I was so happy inside. And it wasnt just the weight loss, although that is fabulous. I was happy to have figured out the key to how to make this plan work best for me...or my sweet spot for the time being. Apparently I need to just step back for a few weeks and let the plan work for me. I will pick up the exercise at a later time when I need to shake things up again. But I will continue to walk here and there and I wont give up my zumba since I love it!

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I am going to be boring and use the same reason as yesterday because the fact that I want this for myself is still shocking for me. I want to run a 5K. I will put these plans on hold for now though. I dont want to extensively train myself for this while I am taking in so few calories on Medifast. But the main importance here(for me) is that my mindset has changed and I WANT to exercise reguarly in "the real world".

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

It has been a while (Teresa)

I know it has been a while but I am still chugging along! Last week I lost .5 lbs which I was happy about because I went back to ww. I was not sure what would happen since my calorie intake on MF was so I will take the loss. I went to the store the other day and decided I needed a pair of jeans that fit...the jeans I had on were really sagging in the butt to the point where I looked bad and felt bad.....I went to my most fav big girl store and they did not have a size smaller in the jeans I was wearing. So I thought about it and said what the heck I will try on the next size down and to my surprise they fit!!!! Two sizes smaller and they fit!!! So needless to say I bought them and they look so much better not to mention make me feel so much better because I know what size they are... I really have to get my butt to the gym it has been a real struggle lately. I did go Sunday but not since. My goal is three times or at least three workouts. I have been trying to pay attention to the things I eat so I can learn my trigger foods...or foods that make me want to eat more. This has been very interesting to me and I think it will be helpful. Tricia and Jen...keep up the great are an inspiriation!!!

My reason for losing weight- I want to hang out with my skinny friends :)

Walking by (Tricia)

I was walking by a row of cubicles today on my way to lunch and I heard a co-worker say to another co-worker "she is melting away." My first natural instinct was to stick my head back around the corner and return the comment that would put myself down like "please, its a long way from melting" or something like that. Something that I have become accustomed to doing as most of us heavier people do-make fun of ourselves before someone else does so it doesn't hurt as much. But I didn't. I kept walking. With a smile on my face. Obviously if they wanted me to hear what they said, she would have said it to me. And, it wasn't a mean, talking behind someones back kind of comment, it was a nice complement. So I let myself accept it. I accepted it knowing that I am making progress and people can see it. Thinking that someone noticed my commitment and my loss. And that's when a little pride set in. Yup, I did it. I lost 30 lbs and I am proud of it. I am proud of myself and all of the little goals and mini-successes that I have achieved in the past two months. I had a party in my head, with a strobe light and techno music. I tell ya, it was a rocking time in there. Lately, I have been putting more of an effort in my appearance. Even though some of my clothes are a little too big for me, I have been attempting to put myself together more. I am wearing earrings again, getting up earlier to do my hair and wearing a little lipstick with my usual make up. But, today was the first day that I feel my attitude fit a little better with my new outward appearance. I felt like I was showing my confidence by not what I was wearing on my body, in my ears, or on my face, but in my posture and in my attitude. And boy, is it a good time for this new Tricia to come around because I have an interview for a new position at my company tomorrow and I really would like to have this job. So, bring it on! I will be looking my best and giving it my all!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Went shopping (Jennifer)

My mom took me shopping the other day. I just love my mom :) I was looking for size 18 assuming that is the size I wear since that is what I have at home. Originally I was a size 20 and only have a few smaller items. Well there wasnt a size 18 in almost anything I wanted. So my mom told me to try the 16's.. I did. And ALL of the 16's I tried fit! Every single one! Wow!!!! That is such an accomplishment for me. And I am glad to see results like this because it takes my focus away from the scale which is great for me. I mean, its great to know you are doing well and have the scale back you up, but sometimes the scale gets frustrating for me when it goes down slower than I think it should for my effort. Anyway, I got some really nice clothes and I am so thankful to my mom. Thanks Mom!!! You are the best and I am more appreciative than I could possibly express :)

I went to a different Zumba class with my mom. It was a new class for both of us. One word...WOW. I was like lost. Apparently I am totally hooked on MY Zumba class and I look forward to going back on Monday. I am used to a small class, a great teacher who is just that...great. This girl was quite different. And it was in a large gym with like 50 people. The whole thing was uncomfortable for me. Not because I felt like the fat girl but because the setting was just so different.

Today's reason for losing weight:
* I want to run a 5k.

A Goal? (Tricia)

My friend Brooke asked me today if I had a weight loss goal in mind. And, as I stated in previous posts, I really haven't had one. My first real goal was to lose 20lbs, which I did. I have stayed on plan for the past 7 weeks and have been able to drop a total of 30lbs altogether. I have been thinking about a larger goal for myself recently, but I haven't been able to come up with a firm number that I want to see on the scale. I think the reason for this is because I am scared that if I put a number to it, then I will have to be super committed and I don't like the idea of failing. I don't want to let myself down. I am not unrealistic either. I don't think I will ever get down to an ideal weight for my height, I think I will always be the chubby girl and I am pretty ok with that. But I have been tossing around the thought of the weight I would like to be at...yeah, still drawing a blank.

Another question that goes along with that is how long I plan on staying on Medifast? It is an expensive program, but it is working. Its working mainly because it is very structured. On all the other diets, I felt I had too much room and if I cheated one night, I could always start again tomorrow. But that is not how it works with Medifast, its all or nothing and I like that. And, I am pretty sure I am worth the cost of Medifast, as long as I am sticking to it and it works for me. I do know that after I transition off of the plan, which takes several weeks and slowly introduces foods that are not on the diet, I will start WW again to continue to lose the additional pounds. I am looking at Medifast as the beginning of me changing my habits and the jump start to what I am sure will be a long process, followed with a lifetime commitment of battling my inner fat kid.

Saying what I really want to lose is just too big of a number, and a little embarrassing, so lets just say it is a three digit number. And the idea that it has taken me almost 8 weeks to lose 30lbs, how long will it take to lose that larger number? Well, me being a little OCD and a planner, I would say that if I stayed on Medifast for the bulk of the weight loss..taking into account that my first month will be the biggest weight loss, I anticipate another..7 months on the plan. 7 months! That would take me until November! And then a transition to WW for the remainder of the weight. Oh, good grief...and this is usually the point what my procrastination and avoidance kicks in and I stop thinking of a weight loss goal because I get overwhelmed. I repeat... 7 months! Ok, ok, I am refocusing...breathing...So lets go back to basics. I can't keep thinking of a goal weight. I can't think about how long this is going to take me. I have to think smaller. Like, 50 lbs down. considering I am at 30, 50 sounds like a reasonable goal. Not too far away and achievable. After I lose 50, I can re-evaluate the situation and make another goal. (yes, I am trying to talk myself into it). Ok, 50 it is. That would put me at my pre-wedding weight and surly I would be able to buy some new clothes then. Can I get a "YAY 50?"

Monday, April 19, 2010

Still a slacker (Tricia)

Hi Everyone! Sorry for the delay in my posts! On Friday I weighed in for week 7 and I lost 3.1 lbs bringing me to a total of 30 down. I am so happy! I can see little changes in my body and I am loving most of it..except I am starting to get a little bit of a deflated balloon look to me. Time to start toning I think!

Nate and I had a pretty quiet weekend. Errands, laundry, a trip to home depot, dinner with the in-laws, and a total clean out of the linen closet. This coming weekend I think I am going to tackle my bedroom closet and start packing up the clothes that don't fit and the winter make way for the smaller clothing I hope to have soon!

Tonight after work I got to spend some time with my two favorite girls, Emma and Olivia (Jennifer's daughters) while they were in town and had a blast. They were so much fun and I had the energy to crawl around with them and pick them up, spin them and play. I also noticed that I carried little Emma all the way up the stairs tonight at a pretty quick pace and I wasn't out of breath when I got to the top to the stairs. That sounds silly to most, but I used to get out of breath just carrying me up the stairs.

Also, on my way home tonight, my car engine revved again and this time I am sure I got it on the recorder and I am calling the car dealership tomorrow. I am so happy!

Finally, I came home to my husband who folded the last few loads of laundry and we are ready to turn in for the night to watch our Monday night shows, which is really the most TV I watch during the week now.

My reason for weight loss today is:
To be at a healthy weight so I don't have to be a fat mom when we have kids. I want to not have to worry about rolling myself off the floor after playing with them. That's a good reason, I think!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Slower pace (Jennifer)

Since my last weight in and my loss of 1.5 lbs I decided to slow the exercise down at the recommendation of my health coach. And I have done just that. I am following the MF plan to a T and being extra cautious. I did order some more food last night so I am committed for at least another month. Last night my husband and I took the dog for a walk. It was just the two of us last night so we walked down to the lake. It was a leisurely walk for us but was probably about three miles all together. It was nice. We talked about what happens if I get on the scale and see that I didnt lose next week or if it is a pretty small loss. We talked about what the best course of action would be. And here is what we came up with. If it shows a better loss, great! I will continue to limit my exercise. If it is a small loss I will probably pick the exercise back up and continue to stay on plan. I just feel that exercising is supposed to be a good thing for me. It is supposed to be great for my body and mind, right? I had actually gotten to the point where I was looking forward to it and that is a new concept for me. So if the weight is coming off slow either way it is still better for me to exercise and FEEL good. Not to mention that toning is good.

I slept in this morning since the girls are at my moms house. By slept in I mean like 8:45. But to me that is a huge deal! It was nice but now I am feeling pretty sluggish today.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I convinced my husband that when I get down to 176.5 lbs (that will be a 30 lb loss on medifast and a 50 lb total loss from my highest weight) to take me away for a night. Now that is exciting when you are a stay at home mom!!! And we dont get too much "us" time these days. Plus 50 lbs is a big deal in my book!!! I deserve something exciting to look forward to!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Some thoughts (Jennifer)

This "take the bull by the horns" attitude I have discovered is much better than the pity parties I used to have. Like my husband reminded the past I would have just quit and been back to square one in no time. But I havent quit. And although the loss is slower than I would like especially for the last few weeks, it is adding up. If I had quit I would not be 23 lbs down for a total of 43 from my highest weight. I am getting somewhere and it IS worth it to me.

This time I am taking it on as more of a challenge. I need to find the sweet spot for what my body likes and needs . I have stayed on plan for the most part and didnt eat anything I shouldnt have. But I did add a little more sour cream for taste lately, or a light turkey sausage with my eggs, just little things here and there because I knew I was doing a lot of exercising and felt it would be okay. So I am wondering if this is the reason for the slow down? Or is it the total other end of the spectrum? Is it a lack of calories combined with the exercise and my body is like "what the heck girl..feed me or I am going to hold on to everything you have". I am leaning towards the last thought because with exercise and the amount of calories that I am eating my body probably isnt happy. Also, I remember posting last week about how I get full faster and cant take in my whole lean and green. That would fall right into the starvation mode thing. So I am doing my best to cut the exercise down and do a little more relaxing. Also, its that time for me and although I dont necessarily feel bloated it could affect the scale. new take the bull by the horns attitude has me fully on track. I am acting like I just started Medifast. I am measuring everything out, exercising only a little, and keeping a positive attitude. I am re-evaluating.

I will let Trish post her results for the week but I would like to take time to say this: I am so proud that you have taken your bull by the horns too!!! Your motivation is there and your results are following accordingly! Your excitement and happiness just radiates off of you. You are learning so many things about you and coming out of your shell. Not that you were ever shy but the shell that you were in when you were embarassed and unhappy with yourself. There is a whole lot of self realization and self therapy going on...hehe.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to be a positive role model for my girls. I know I have said that I want to be more active for them, but right now I am talking about how they watch everything I do every single day. I want them to see me happy and proud of myself. I want them to see me choose healthy foods and enjoy it. I want them to see me exercise and push myself. And I want these healthy behaviors to be what they consider the norm.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Week 7 weigh in (Jennifer)

I got on the scale this morning and saw a 1.5 lb loss. My weight is territory for me. It seems like it is taking me forever to get to see a 7 in the middle!!!! I have been excercising a lot over the last few weeks as my capabilities have increased. And it seems the more I exercise the slower my loss is. Hmmmmm. A connection? I wrote to my health coach and this is what she said... she told me that I am probably exercising too much and that I should cut my exercise in half for 2 weeks and see what happens. I hope she is right. This is an internal battle I have. I exercise because it makes me feel in control of my weight loss. And now she is telling me to slow it down after I am finally capable of doing it? But I am committed and I will give it a whirl and see how it goes. So no exercise tonight. Instead I will sit in front of the TV after the girls go to bed. Again...something I want to get away from. I wanted to create a habit of being active and get away from the lazy person I had become. Now I know that I am being a little drama and that I dont have to sit on the couch in front of the TV and that there are many other things I can do not to be lazy...but still. I just want to be an active person. Thats the new me that I want to be. And I am a little excited to say that maybe I have actually gotten to the point where I enjoy exercising? Wow. But she is the expert so I will try it.
Last night I got on the treadmill and walked with incline for a half hour and then a jog. I felt awesome when I was done. I jogged on a 5 and that is unheard of for me. I am usually a 4mph jogger since I am not that tall. When I got off the treadmill my husband commented on my sweat marks on my shirt in my pits. I am sure he did so because he knew that I would get so excited. Sweat=results. At least that is/was my theory. My eyes lit up :)

Tonight I went to dinner with Karen. we went to the Outback and I had my meal all planned out before I even got there. Except they no longer carry my dressing. But in the end it was all really good. It was a great time like usual. I got a steak that was so delicious, some broccoli, and a side salad. It was very good. And then the waitress came to the table behind us and brought cheese fries. I felt deprived for just a second. Maybe I am getting used to not having all that other stuff. No pity party even!!!

Today I also downloaded some pics of me from when I started Medifast and then some from the other day and compared them. I could see a difference :) Whoo hoo! If I could figure out how to put them on here I would share...

Today's reason for losing weight:
*tonight at dinner I was telling Karen how I used to hate going out...especially when I go visit my parents(where I grew up)...for the fear of running into someone I know and havent seen in a while. My graduating class was 400+ so this is very likely. At any rate...I realized that I dont want to live like this anymore. I dont want to be embarassed about my weight and how much I had put on since they probably last saw me. The shame is an awful feeling. And I can feel myself getting away from that! Yaay! I want to someday hold my head high and feel awesome about me. And I am definately on my way.

Trading (Tricia)

First, thanks Jennifer for so eloquently naming my last blog as I forgot to. Secondly, I had an email in my inbox at work when I came back on Tuesday from someone in another department. Apparently, one of my friends had mentioned to her that I was doing Medifast and, come to find out, there are quite a few people in my building doing it. We were able to talk a little about it and we actually discussed the food we had and what we liked and didn't like. We were able to swap food with each other and that's great. I don't have to gulp down any more cream of tomato soup because she likes it and I don't have to worry about wasting it. I was really excited about that. And happy that there are other people that I can network with and get support from. That's huge!

Also, people were kind of shocked to see my hair when I came back to work since I cut it off and changed the color, but everyone keeps telling me how great it looks. This makes me really happy because I never thought I could pull off such a drastic change, and I am glad I did it. But it made me realize something.--I am going to quickly interject here and say that I am really sorry for the rest of this blog. As I started typing it, thoughts and feelings just came racing at me, so hope you can keep up--So, apparently, I am not very good at taking complements. When someone tells me they love my hair or they notice me losing weight, I kinda mumble a thank you and look down at the ground. I do enjoy the feed back, I mean who doesn't love a boost like that, but it makes me feel self conscious. I think its because this means that people actually notice me. Don't get me wrong, when I am in a small group of friends, I love being the center of attention, truth be told. But I am comfortable with my friends and I know that they don't see the fat they see Tricia. Well, part of Tricia. See, I think a long time ago I realized that I had to develop my personality in order to compensate for my body. I was funny and friendly and social. I would love to be the center of attention and make people laugh etc. Sadly, somewhere along the line I lost that. I became negative and with drawn. I lost my confidence and became bitter. This has now caused me to be very uncomfortable in social situations. I have become introverted and would rather sit in the corner and watch everyone have fun than actually participate. Really, I would rather not be noticed. Why? I am ashamed of myself. I really am. I am ashamed of the size I am, ashamed of the clothes I wear, and the attitude that I have developed. But this doesn't just affect me. It really impacts people around me, my husband included. It stops me from going to have a few drinks with friends at a bar or going to see my friend's band play. And if I do go with my husband, I think sometimes he feels like he is dragging me under protest. And then I just sit in the corner with a puss and watch everyone have fun. Sometimes I send my husband out by himself and I try to convince myself that its because I am independent and we don't need to do everything together. Which is true to a certain extent, but he WANTS me to go with him. He Wants me to enjoy myself and have a good time. But I would rather sit home so I won't have to deal with the crowds or the thought of people judging me. So where did I go and how do I get me back? How do I stop being a Negative Nancy and start being a super star that I once was? How do I let myself enjoy the time with friends and not think about who is around me and who is looking at me? How do I get back to living? How can I start taking a complement and feel proud of it? Deep, I know.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

What is my deal? Teresa

Well I stuck out the medifast thing for a week and I was down a really confusing 6 lbs. That brings my total to 17.5. I am now back to counting points because the lean and green meal was really hard for me....I hate meat and I just don't eat it. I went shopping to get some really healthy food so we will see how this goes. I went to the gym today and did 1 hour of cardio so I am proud of myself. I have not been in a week because I did not feel good and neither did Shea and the one day I wanted to go my husband had to put on his "new rims" so needless to say I did not get to go...but whatever I went today. I have a meeting after work tomorrow, plus Ron is out of town and my mom is having a surgical procedure tomorrow so....I probably won't make it. But there is always Tony Little! I think that motherhood makes me extra large. Random but true. This week has been motivating for me because on Monday I returned to work after spring break and everyone at school was telling me how great I looked. My father actually said "you are really starting to show" he said that infront of my brothers friend so I had to explain to him that my father meant I was losing weight...not pregnant!

Reason for losing weight: I am doing it for me! I never do anything for me....

My crappy blogging effort (Tricia)

I was informed today that my blogging efforts lately have been "crap." So sorry everyone! I went to visit Jennifer for a few days and then Nate and I went to the outlets in MA to do a little shopping. I was really disappointed when I was shopping for clothes. I haven't yet dropped a dress size even though I am down 26 lbs. I am now in between sizes. My poor husband had to sit in the dressing room while I was putting on clothes and then taking them right off. Clothes were either too big or too small, I couldn't find any that fit well. And, I had to face the dreaded changing room mirror. The one that gives you full view of your whole body. I have been trying to avoid them for years. I managed to leave with one shirt, and the only reason for that was because it was a wrap around and I could tighten it up! I know that I can see a smaller me, but it was very discouraging. The weight I have lost suddenly didn't feel like enough. I know it took me a long time to get fat, but I want it to take less time to get smaller. I know that's not going to happen, so the only thing I can do is stay on the plan and go day to day.

I managed to stay on plan for the whole trip. I am so proud of me, Jennifer, and Teresa for staying clear of all of the food at Emma's party. I would usually find the food and plop down in front of it. This time I pretty much stayed away from it all and sat in the living room and played with the girls and chatted. This time I think it was pretty easy because we had family and friends there, not to mention Jennifer and Teresa, so I had support.

My time off flew by and I went back to work on Tuesday. But after a long day, I was so happy to go out to dinner with my good friends Carrie and Becky for my birthday. We had a great time and talked for hours. It was a little hard for me to find something to eat on the menu so I had to change a whole meal to eat on plan. But the waitress didn't mind at all and it was really yummy. Carrie, Becky, and I have always struggled with our weight. Becky has been on WW for years and she has made it to her goal weight and looks terrific. Carrie also does WW and I am always proud of her when we go out and eat. As a matter of fact, I am usually so envious of both of them when we go out to eat because they are both so good at ordering a way healthier meal than me, but I am working on it!

Today was the first day back at the gym in a week. Even though Jennifer and I went for a long walk last week, that was really the last time I exercised. Sad, I know. It was tough for me today, but I pushed through and did my half hour on the elliptical and Nay made me do some ab crunches. OUCH. I will be sore tomorrow!

My reason for my weight loss today is to be more energetic!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The zoo (Jennifer)

Today I took the girls to the zoo. It was a nice time. I decided not to bring the stroller since they are getting bigger now and I figured they would like to be able to get closer to everything. And surprisingly it went pretty well. They listened and everything! Around 1:00 my little one decided since she had missed her nap that she didnt want to walk anymore. So I carried her for a while. I got them their lunch and I had a MF bar. I brought the peanut butter one because it is my favorite and I knew I would be more tempted by the yummy food...the hot dogs, hamburgers, sandwiches, fried this, fried that...all my favorites. But I did well. And let me just emphasize that when I say I was tempted I dont meal that I feel like I am going to give in. I really just mean that I have a little pity party inside. I am hoping that with time those will stop or at least lessen? Or will I always have this excitement when it comes to food?

I realized tonight that I havent exercised much since last weigh in. I have been off schedule. And then the "old Jen" came back for a minute. I was trying to convince myself that I didnt have to work out tonight because I went to the zoo today. And that involved walking, right? But then my voice of reason came through. I may have walked at the zoo but it was hardly a workout. At no point was I out of breath or feeling any burn anywhere. Was it better than sitting on the couch? Yes. So then I pouted for a minute and went downstairs to get Tony Little. And the guilt must have sunk in somewhere along the way because I got the harder one. I remembered how great it felt after the last time I did this DVD. It was only once and I felt it for days! I love to feel the pain because it means my hard work is paying off!! Anyway, I worked out and that was that. And now I am telling you all about it :)

Today at the zoo I found myself looking at people. I was looking at their body shapes and their clothes. I have finally had this realization in the mirror that I am changing. It took me a while to get to this point, but I like it! And Teresa...thanks for your kind words which made me re-examine. I am seeing the difference in me. And now when I am looking at other people I am thinking "I wonder what size jeans those are" or "Am I about the same size as her?". I realized that even though I looked at myself in the mirror everyday while I was putting on those 75 lbs that I didnt really see them coming on. How could that be? So I am glad to look in the mirror now and see the lbs coming off.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*This one is a bit personal. It would be nice for me to feel like my husband thinks I'm hot. I should mention that he is not a very outspoken person so he wouldnt say so if he thought it anyway :) But one could wish right?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Feeling on schedule (Jennifer)

Today feels like I am back on track...back to normal living. No party, no company...just the same old. And that is good. It is Monday so I went to Zumba tonight and had a ball like usual. This week I really saw a difference in the mirror while exercising. I could see a different shape. And black pants help too I might add...hehe. But my face looked a little slimmer too.

Tonight for dinner I decided to have some chicken over lettuce with a tad of salsa and sour cream. It was pretty good but I definately couldnt finish it. I was like trying to gag it down to keep my calorie intake in order. But I did the best I could. This has been happening a lot lately and I assume it is my stomach shrinking? Before zumba I decided to have a maintenance bar. It was the caramel nut one and it was good. But I remember it tasting way better the last time I had it for some reason. I guess what they say about your taste buds changing throughout this process is true. I bought some banana extract at the store and put it in my vanilla shake since I am not ordering more food for a bit. It tasted the same as the banana shake and I am excited to have that for my last meal before bed tonight.

It feels good to be back on track. My husband mentioned to me that he thinks that maybe I will have lost a bigger number this week based on how I look. I have to say that I put on a pair of jeans (my smallest ones) and a shirt that I was wearing just a few months ago and I looked totally SLOPPY. Yaay that I look thinner but BOOOO that I have no clothes that fit :(

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I want to be able to sit down and not have to worry about how much fat is hanging over my pants... I sometimes refer to it as "my roll". That would be awesome.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

This weekend (Jennifer)

This weekend we had a few get togethers for my little Emmie's birthday. It was great but at some times hectic. Trish came out on Thursday and stayed for the weekend. It was a great time. I was so distracted that I felt totally off track with Medifast. It wasnt that I was cheating or anything, just off schedule is a better way to explain it. I was a little less strict on my lean and green on Saturday although I did not eat anything that I should not have. And I think I may have missed a MF meal or two along the line from Thursday until today. And that is what makes me realize just how important this blog is for me. It really does keep me on track. I dont like the feeling of being out of control. I guess it goes to show that the structure of medifast is just what I need right now.

So like Teresa wrote, the three of us were together on Saturday for the first time since we started the blog. And there were some interesting realizations. Like she said...I looked at the dip that we usually demolish (and then remake and do the same) and it was barely touched. And I realized that it is because we were not participating. And while at first I said it more as a joke it made me realize that it was the total truth. I bought the normal amount that I usually would, maybe even more. And not even a quarter of what we would normally eat was gone. It was eye opening. And it wasnt just the dip. It was other food (at least for me). There were brownies and cake left over. And ice cream and chicken wing dip. And there was left over buttercream from the princess cake. These are some of my favorite things. But I handled it. Yaay!

I look forward to getting back on my normal schedule. This week will be tough as far as telling how it all affected my results since it is supposed to be "that time" for me and all bets are off on the scale. At least that is how it works for me.

I will say that I am proud of me(and Trish and Teresa too) for being able to prepare so many foods that I knew that I was not going to be able to eat. And many of them were my favorites. So although I may have felt a little off schedule this weekend I guess now that it is all said and done I didnt do so bad :)

Today's reason for losing weight:

*to be able to go to a get together and not focus on what food I am going to shovel in (thank you Teresa for pointing this out). It was nice to talk with people and not be so focused on the food. Although I will say there is much room for improvement. The food all looked so good and I hope that when the Medifast days are over that I am capable of handling it in moderation. And I honestly feel that I will be able to.

Medifast week 1 (Teresa)

Well I can honestly say that I am not a fan of the medifast food but the good news is that I am eating it. I will weigh in tomorrow and see if it was all worth it. The best part about this experience so far is that I have really learned to appreciate weight watchers and I know that when I go back to the ww plan I will stick to it better than I ever have. So for the first time since starting the blog the three of us (me, Jen and Tricia) were at the same place at the same time...Emma's Bday party. I just wanted to say how proud I was of everyone!!! Not one of us ate the tempting food that surrounded us and for the first time probably in our lives we were at a party to talk and enjoy people rather than wonder what type of food we would be shoving in our mouths and then proceeding to do it! I made this taco dip that Jen and I LOVE, and someday will enjoy again in moderation of course.....but anyway the dip was made and on the table and there were probably 10 or more other people at the party that could enjoy it. About 1 hour after the dip had been out Jen pointed to it and told me to look at the dip and less than half of it was gone and she said something like "all those people were eating that and there is still a ton left because you and I are not participating" . WOW hello eye opening!!!! Jen and I were eating more than 10+ people!!! And now it all makes sense...thanks Jen! I always knew I ate a lot but wow.....that did it for me I get it now!!!!! So all in all I do not miss food I am not craving food but I am actually having trouble eating 5 medifast meals a day....they just dont do it for me. The fact that I dont eat meat really cuts my options down for the lean and green so I am not sure how long I will keep on.......but when I am done I will count points until my fingers hurt!


Friday, April 9, 2010

My Birthday

Well, My husband and I came to visit Jennifer and the family yesterday on my birthday. We are spending a few days here to celebrate my birthday and little Emma's birthday. Jennifer and I went to get our hair done and I cut off all of my hair and had dark brown and bright red highlights put in. is completely different from anything I have ever done. I have always wanted to have red highlights, but I never thought I could pull it off. I am a pretty reserved person and I didn't think I would be bold enough to have in my hair. However, recently I have been feeling better about myself and more confident so I decided to go for it. I love it! Once it was finished, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought," boy, I need some new clothes to go with my new style." I can't wait to go shopping. However, I am kind of jealous of Jennifer because she has lost the same weight as me and has gone down like two sizes. Not me! I lost 26 lbs and I am not yet down a size. But, my current clothes are starting to be too baggy and I think that I just look shabby.

For dinner, Jennifer made us some cauliflower pizza and it was delicious! we put some turkey peperoni on it and we were so full after eating it! Jennifer put a candle in my pizza so I could blow it out since we can't eat any cake.

So, later in the day Jennifer and I decided to take the girls and Sugar for a walk. We walked a full two miles. I have to say that is the most I have walked in one stretch in a long time. I mean, I am sure I have walked that much in the mall, etc. but that is a leisurely walk. we walked with purpose last night. I was so happy for myself for walking that far. I was pretty tired when we got home, but it was worth it. I only have one month left to train for our company's walk and I still have to be able to walk a full three miles. I am determined to do finish it!

Because I was going to visit Jennifer yesterday, I decided to weigh myself a day early to be consistent. I was only down 1.8 lbs, but I will take any loss I can get, so I am not discouraged at all. And, I have to take into consideration that I did weigh in a day early. Yeah. I am going to stick with that theory.

Tonight we will be making Emma's birthday cake when Sue comes into town. I can't wait to get my hands on some fondant and I think it will be a great time!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Week 6 weigh in (Jennifer)

I weighed in this morning at 184.5. I lost 2 lbs this week for a total of 22 lbs in 6 weeks. I am still pretty sore from my last workout with Tony Little. I love that sore feeling because it makes me feel like my hard work is paying off(even if my butt muscles are so sore that it hurts to sit :). This weight is new territory for me since I was able to get as low at 186.5 last year before gaining 20 back. I did realize that although I may be on the slower end of losing (Medifast says 2-5 lbs per week average) that I am nearing the 170's. Now...THAT would be something for me to celebrate. And I do believe that later today I will speak with my husband about throwing a little incentive in there. I will have to think about that one. Maybe every 5 lbs from here on out I can get some kinda little "treat"?

I am not feeling much of a difference this week though as far as feeling thinner. I am excited to come across one of the little things that makes me realize the weight is being Tricia's experience at the restaurant. That is awesome Trish. You are really making progress!!! These seemingly little differences really are huge!

I know that 2 lbs is great but I cant help but wondering if there is SOMETHING I can do to speed up the weight loss. I am exercising 5-6 times a week and staying on plan. I may try to play around with some variables to see if I can find that "sweet spot" they are always talking about on Biggest Loser. I may be exercising too much for the amount of calories I am taking in. Or not enough? Could I add an extra MF meal in for a few days? Or more protein? I think I am going to ask my health coach about it. But really I am happy with 2 lbs. It seems to be the weigh loss area my body likes.

Trish is coming out to my house for a few days and I am excited. I plan for us to exercise together although I have not told her that yet :) Maybe just a walk along the lake or maybe a double date with Tony Little since I know she likes him too.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to wear skirts above the knee. Not a mini skirt but a regular summer skirt or skort that I dont have to worry about what it looks like when I sit down. I would like my legs to look nice although they would look even nicer had I not gotten a scar for the rest of my life from my cousin at HER LAST VISIT...

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My food came (Jennifer)

This morning I went out for a walk. As soon as I stepped out the door I could feel the humidity. It wasnt like it was hot or anything, just that thick humid air that I hate. I had my sweatshirt on and although I contemplated turning around and getting a T shirt I decided I was not ready for that yet. I sweatshirt covers up so much more when I am jiggling along on my jog.... So in the first part of my walk I saw the UPS man and got all excited. I knew he had to be going to my house. I finished my walk and then started my jog back. I made it as far as I usually do but went just a tad further. I was proud of me. I was jogging with my headset on and had to keep "reminding" Sugar to keep up. I am sure it was a sight to see.

When I got back sure enough there was the box at my front door. I busted into it and the kids were all excited like it was theirs...hehe. I decided I wanted to try the honey mustard pretzels since it was the first I ordered them. Let me tell you... I LOVE THEM. I only wish I had ordered more. I think I even like them more than the cheese puffs. The girls were begging me to give them some and since I am trying to teach them to share I did. I didnt want the bag to end...yummmmm.

Tomorrow is weigh in. I am not feeling much thinner so I am curious to see what the scale says. I am still following the plan but changed up my exercise a bit this week. Less cardio and more "circuit training" is what I think he calls it. I worked out with Tony Little 4 times as planned and walked/jogged today. Lets see where that gets me on the scale.

Today's reason for losing weight:

*So that when other people see me eating they dont judge me. Lets be honest. When fat people eat in front of other people(especially something that isnt a vegetable or fruit) it is easy to think "she really shouldnt be eating that", or "no wonder she is so big". And even if I dont hear someone say it or see someone watching, I am still self conscious of it.

To sit, or not to sit. That is always the question. (Tricia)

Some of you fellow large ladies out there will know what I am talking about here, if you don't I hope you never do. But for a big girl, I always am very aware of just how large I am. When ever I am in a restaurant or a new place, I have to scope out the best seat for me. I.E. one that will support my weight. It could be at a bon fire when I have to find a non-resin plastic chair (I usually supply my own camp chair with a larger weight limit--$20 at Walmart), or if I am out at a restaurant, I have to worry about squeezing into a small booth. And god forbid if the tables are attached to the wall, there is barely any breathing room between the back of the seat and the table (this is when I usually end up with my boobs placed strategically on the table). Also, you hear in the news now about how people get removed from planes, like Kevin Smith did when the pilot told him that it was a safety hazard for the other passengers in case of an emergency. I am always terrified of that feeling. The embarrassment of not being able to fit in a seat or wondering if I do sit in it, if it will support me. If all else fails, I will stand while everyone else is sitting. I would rather do that than risk the embarrassment of a seat collapsing under me.

This really does stop me from doing things that I truly enjoy. For example, I love amusement parks. I love roller coasters and rides that spin, and go upside down, etc. But in the past few years as I started to get larger than life, I have avoided the activities. I am would rather not go at all than watch my friends have fun on rides that I can't fit on. Now, I know that most amusement parks have begun to accommodate us larger folks, but this usually means having to get into a special line for the ride (Like at Disney World...lines 3 and 5 are always the larger seats). That's terrific, but I have this fear that just because its a larger seat, does not mean that the supports are any stronger and on a loop-de-loop, I have images of the bars breaking and me plummeting to my death. My poor husband loves these parks, but I have started making up excuses for me to go to them. I really can't explain why I just don't tell him the truth. He is my husband and heck, he married a fluffy chick, he would be sympathetic..or tell me I am being irrational. But, I just don't think he would really understand.

So, what is the reason I am spilling my guts to all of you strangers? Well, tonight my husband and I went out to dinner at Carrabas and met our friends Bryan and Laurie. I was first to arrive and the waiter showed me to our booth. I immediately thought, crap. I remembered the last time I was there that the seats were really uncomfortable and I had to shove myself in and out of the booth. I didn't want to embarrass myself and ask for a table because you know the waiter would know why, so I slid into the booth. I repeat..I slid gracefully into the booth. There was no friction, There was no squeezing. No holding my breath. There was just me between the back of the seat and the front of the table..with room in between. ROOOOOM! Now, I did not want to look like a moron and shout to everyone that I was comfortable in the booth, but I felt it. That pride. That sense of accomplishment. That little three inches of room made me remember why I am working so hard. I can only say that I was just full of joy.

My reason today for losing the weight: To be able to fit and sit at any location with out thinking of my weight first.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Legs Shaking (Jennifer)

I was feeling a lack of motivation to exercise tonight. Really, I have been feeling sluggish all day. Yesterday I mentioned how my little girl has croup. Well, last night was awful. Her fever got to 105 last night after we saw the dr...and this was with the Motrin. The stress sank in. We spoke with the dr and gave her a lukewarm bath, some ice cold drink and the fever came down a bit. But I didnt sleep well last night being worried and checked on her all night. She was better today but me...I dont function well without my proper sleep. But I knew that I promised myself that I would work out with Tony Little 4 times this week. I have done it three before tonight. Thank God for this blog because it holds me accountable. So I figured I would do it tonight or tomorrow night since Thursday is weigh in. And since my husband is home and he loves to work out with Mr Little I decided tonight would be better. But...I didnt feel like all. So on came the "poor attitude" as my husband sometimes calls it...haha. I have had the attitude all day and even Trish said I was cranky after just reading an email from me :( Anyway...It was an internal battle in my head. I want this (the good results) but dont want to put in the hard work. But I went and found the dvd since I decided to do his second DVD in the series to change it up a bit. Its a little longer and somewhat different. A change of pace is good I figured. So Steven told me to get that look off my face(it was a total pout/cranky face that I didnt even realize I was doing) and off we went with Tony Little. WOW!!! Even though I know I didnt give my 100% because I was so darn tired it must have worked me hard because my legs are shaking! Like jello. It must have been those lunges. I HATE LUNGES and usually am not very capable of completing them correctly. I fall to one side or the other but tonight managed to do a little better than usual. I felt accomplised when I was done but this time I just felt more drained instead of my usual energized feeling.

This morning when we got up I was totally exhausted. I asked Steven if he minded if I went back to bed for a little while. He is an awesome dad and said sure, he could handle it. I went back to bed and when I got back up it was almost 11:00. I NEVER do that. Even when the kids are with my parents for a weekend I am not capable of sleeping in. I must have been totally exhausted. Having said that...I didnt have my first meal until 11:00 today. So my meals were less spaced out today and I was way less hungry. A new concept for me :) I didnt feel too deprived today I assume because of this. Tonight after our workout I had a new shake(for me)...the banana one. I got it "by accident" but I totally love it! I cant wait to order them in my next order. It was sweeter and has that fake banana taste I love. It tasted like banana flavored candy :) I love candy...

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I want the bath towels at my moms house to fit all the way around me. Not just the top, but the WHOLE towel. The towels as my house do as I must have bought "big girl" towels and never had an issue. But the towels at my moms house are smaller and show a little more than I would like.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Monday night- Zumba (Jennifer)

I arrived at Zumba tonight pretty tired. But last week I felt "blah" before and left totally energized. I hoped it would work the same way. And it did. I was so tired when I walked into that room. But there were only a few of us tonight so I had to be on top of my game and couldnt really blend in :) I was sweating something fierce when I left and felt pretty accomplished. I am getting to know the moves and such and focus on technique I guess. But...its still not pretty. haha. When I left I got a text message from my husband to "please pick up the pizza". Wow...what a temptation for me!! But I did it knowing that when I got home I could make my dinner. didnt work like that. I got home and my youngest was sick. I took her temp and it was 104.1. She had a cough last night that sounded "different"... like a seal. But no temp until this point. But as soon as I took her temp we were on with the dr and on our way to the office. Croup...she has croup. My poor baby. I had grabbed a bar before leaving the house knowing that I wouldnt get to eat my LG meal for a while. But the visit was quick. So I came home and had a chicken salad. And it was pretty good!!! Added a little sour cream and some salsa and it was delish.

And now...I am sitting on the couch about to relax. Last night I worked out with Tony Little, today Zumba, and tomorrow maybe a walk or jog if the weather isnt bad.

A minor concern is that I am almost out of bars and according to the TSFL website my food hasnt even been shipped yet. I will make it through I am sure but living without those bars wont be as enjoyable.

Today's reason for losing weight:
* to find a happy medium in how I feel physically. Before medifast I would eat too much and the wrong foods which would leave me tired and not feeling great in general. And while Medifast is a huge improvement in how I feel I am taking in only 800-1000 calories and get tired quickly when I add in exercise. There must be a happy medium with eating the right foods in the right amounts and I look forward to seeing that day.

Top 5 reasons why today was NOT awesome (Tricia)

5) Nay made me walk around our work campus twice. (OK, that really wasn't so bad)
4)I had to finish cleaning my house and do the laundry since we are leaving on Thursday.
3)It was a really hungry day
2)EVERYONE yelled at me on the phone today..including the woman who started mocking everything I said.
1)My dealership called me and told me that the black box on my car did NOT record the revving in my car. Apparently, the red, yellow, and green light have to be on. (I would like to note that the yellow light was not on when they gave it to me, so how am I supposed to know that?!)

Yes, today was a very rough day. I didn't even get to eat my mid afternoon snack and now I cannot wait for dinner to be ready. I still have to sneak in two more meals after that tonight. However, I am excited to eat because I am actually hungry, and not because I am trying to comfort myself and recover from this awful day. But, now that I am thinking about it. I would like a very nice food hug right about now.

As Jennifer mentioned, we went to Easter dinner yesterday with the family. It was great to see everyone, but it was really hard for me to eat. It was set up buffet style and there were not a ton of choices for the l & g meal. We kinda had to pick veggies at the appetizer station. And then we had to watch everyone enjoy their dinner and desert. It was really tough. Poor Aunt Sue (Jennifer's mom) , I kept staring at her food full of jealousy. But she was a good sport and didn't mind me drooling from across the table. I even survived taking some Italian desert home to my husband with out even opening the bag. Those poor lonely cream puffs!

So my reason today for losing the weight is:
I would like to be able to go to a buffet dinner with my family and eat in moderation and not choose all the bad foods. I also would like to beable to remind myself that I may not be able to eat everything that they do, but I would like to be satisfied with what I can eat.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Suggestions please... (Jennifer)

First, Happy Easter to all who celebrate.

Yesterday I borrowed my mom's weights and Tony Little DVD. It is really awesome that when I come home for a stay just about everything the kids and I would need is here. It makes it so much easier and I am very appreciative of this. So I went downstairs and I was one exercise into the DVD and the picture goes out. I was thinking..."are you serious?" So I jiggled some wires and tried to figure it out but couldnt. I could hear Tony Little but couldnt see him. So after a little thought and weighing my options I decided that I have done this DVD so many times that I can follow along with just sound. Now that is hard core in my opinion. I was in the basement working out with TOny Little by just the sound of his voice! I could have easily given up but I didnt. I must have really wanted it. I have a goal to work out with Tony Litle 4 times this week and I am going to achieve it. This week is different for me since the past weeks have consisted of more cardio. This week is more weight training and metablolism focused. We will see what the scale thinks of this on Thursday.

Last night I went out to dinner with Ron and Teresa. It was a great time. Adult conversation and yummy food. I got a steak that was really good and had a salad and some broccoli on the side. I have been having a problem lately (that seems to be getting bigger by the day) with feeling unsatisfied and wanting some of my favorite and non healty foods. I am concerned about this and not sure how to get past this little hump I guess. I have been finding myself wanting these foods even after I have had a full lean and green meal. This is something I need to look into myself and figure out how to best manage. I was really feeling like I was missing out on the cheese fries at Outback last night. And even after I had finished my whole meal I still wanted the cheese fries and was having a pity party inside. I am still having a pity party and it is a day later. I will say though that with my salad I decided that since I forgot my dressing from home that I was going to get what I wanted this try to satisfy my pity party. And I did. I got thousand island dressing on the side. I dipped my fork in it before picking up the lettuce and when my salad was gone I realized that I had barely eaten any of the dressing at all but felt satisfued with at least that. But I also felt guilt because I am not sure if that dressing is allowed on plan. I am going to check that out when I am done here.

If anyone has any ideas on how to boost my motivation and to stop these cravings and pity parties I would love to hear them. I need out of this "funk". I do not want to give in or give up. I just want to feel satisfied and move on. My husband seems to think that it is my disappointment on the scale after all my hard work but I am not sure that is what it is. 2.5 lbs in a week is good and really I shouldnt expect miracles. 20 lbs in 5 weeks is great. I am trying to be realistic. Again...anything anyone has to offer would be appreciated. I have not given in but I am just looking to strengthen my focus which seems to have weakened.

Today's reason for losing weight:
To feel in control of me!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Shopping (Jennifer)

Yesterday I decided to come home and visit the family for the weekend. I got in yesterday around 5:30 and my nomal dinner time is around 5:00. Normally I dont have a specific time but since I am on Medifast I realized that I really do keep quite a schedule to ensure I dont get too hungry. If I get really hungry that is when the trouble starts for me. So while on the drive here I called my mom to make she she had the necessities for my lean and green. She did which is good since I try to avoid the store when I am hungry. I figured we would all eat together when I got here. But they had company and it didnt work out that way. So I decided that was going to go ahead and fix myself my dinner in order to remain in control of my hunger. It was Good Friday so I had some tuna with pickles and some mayo and a little salad dressing in it. It was okay but not as good as the last time I had it. I bought different tuna this time and they werent my favorite pickles. Who knew I would get so picky when it comes to the one meal that I can make for myself. I had it with some leafy green lettuce. I ate it and while it made me not hungry anymore I didnt really enjoy it all that much. When it was all gone and I went back to the company thinking "all is well. the beast has been fed." haha. A few hours later (I kid you not) everyone else had pizza and I had my last medifast meal but boy did that pizza look and smell great. But I did it. I passed it up and was successful, even while helping my little Em eat hers.

Then Trish called. The weather has been getting warmer here and I dont have too many clothes that fit me anymore. A good thing, yes...but still, I need clothes. So I asked Trish if she wanted to come pick me up and go shopping. So off we went to Kohls last night around 8:30. I tried on almost everything in the store twice(Trish was quite a trooper :) and then Trish said it...this stuff isnt fitting me like it normally would because my size changed! Could it be? I no longer had to shop in the "big girl" section...well at least at Kohls? I was wearing an XL in normal people sizes! That was quite an accomplisment for me! What is odd however is that while I am wearing a smaller size my body shape doesnt seem to have changed much. I am hoping that with time that will improve. Boy do I hope that improves. As for now I appear to be a smaller version of "me".

A while back I mentioned that I had been down 40 lbs a bit over a year ago. Then I had some intense medical stuff come up and ended up on steroids... for a month. I was hungry...VERY hungry(like a ravenous animal) and gained 20-30 lbs of it back over a years time. My appetite had grown and seemed to stay that size even after the meds. It could have been worse because that was also an extremely stressful time in my life. So I try not to beat myself up too bad about it. Well, I am down 20 lbs on Medifast and was down 20 lbs before Medifast for a total of 40 lbs down from my high weight (not counting the picture from Trishie's wedding of course). And I am at the exact weight that was my lowest weight before. So now I am excited and feel like my real journey has begun. I have seen myself at this size(as brief as it was) before and anything lost from this point on will be a new and exciting experience. Its been over 10 years since I was at a healthy weight.

When I got home from shopping last night I was excited about our trip to the store. Then I borrowed some jammies from my mom (she is little) and they fit. I am not even sure why she had them since then are an XL. but not the less...they fit! Then she gave me a pair of pants that didnt fit her right. I tried them on an dont you know they fit? A little snug in the tummy but they fit! I looked at the tag after I took them off and there were a large. Obviously a loose fitting large for someone who truly wears a large but still! I hope this is a sign of things to come.

I would also like to take the time to comment on my cousin Tricia. I know I say this over and over again but there is such a difference in her. Not only did I notice her 25 lb loss but her whole attitude and demeanor is so pleasant and wonderful. I am not saying she was a cranky bag before Medifast but that I am so happy that she has found this internal control and happiness that I think she (and lots of overweight people) lost along the way. Way to go Trish...I am so glad to see you happy. Its important to look deep inside and understand where it is coming from so when its time to eat like "normal people" we can handle it. For me that has been eye-opening.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to continue to build my self esteem and comfortability with my body. And on that note I am off for my date with Tony Little :). Have a good day everyone.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Top Ten reasons why today was AWESOME (Tricia)

10)I dumped my morning shake all over me, my desk, and the floor. But that's OK..I packed an extra bar this morning.
9)I got to take a walk with Nay
8)I got a mannie and a peddie with Nay, Pam, and Nikki
7)No one yelled at me on the phone today
6)I got most of my errands done
5) They let us out two hours early from work..because we are the best!
4)I found two pairs of jeans in the closet --with tags still on--that finally fit me
3)I learned that Jennifer and the girls are coming for a visit this weekend.
2)My car finally did its crazy revving while the off-board computer was on so my dealership will finally know that I am not crazy and my car really is broken! (this really is almost #1 because I have been dealing with this problem for a year)

I lost 5.2lbs this week!!

Today was really the best day. I am bursting with happiness so much that I almost want to do a dance. I am not kidding...jiggling fat and all!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Results -I will not lie... (Jennifer)

My week five results....down 2.5. However, I will not lie. I was hoping for excellent things this week, better things. I say this ONLY becauseI exercised 6 times this week, sometimes harder than I thought capable. And I thought for sure I would see better numbers like a 4. But even a 3 probably would have satisfied me. So I told my husband my thoughts and he told me that 2.5 lbs is great and that I wasnt losing that much when attempting WW. And he is right. If I was I wouldnt be on Medifast! I was not strict enough on WW. He also brought it to my attention that I am down 20 lbs total today. So I am happy about that! I guess I just need to stop being "greedy". Is it just that??? I am being greedy? My mom said to take what I can get. And she is probably right. But the thing that makes me work so hard exercising is that it will speed along my success. At least that was my plan!
So now that I had my pity party I kicked into "what can I do better this week" gear. And I have come up with this. Tony Little. Yup...that man is the key to any weight loss success in my book. Regardless of what plan I am following his exercises make me firm and feel good. So...Tony Little 4 times this week. That is my goal. Having said that takes about 2 weeks of doing Tony Little for your metabolism to kick in. So that is my goal. Next week I will take whatever number I get, but the week after that is where I will see the results. At least I hope.

On the upside...I will say that I am now noticing a difference in my weight! I see a small difference in the mirror and that I like. And I will keep trucking on. Every pound counts right? They all add up! I apologige if I sounded a bit whiney in the beginning of my post. My pep talk has worked and I am now on my way again!

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to put on a bathing suit without disgust. I mean...I have had two children via c-section and also had my gallbladder out so lets be realistic. My stomach is very stretched out from both pregnancies and scarred. I am not going to EVER wear a bikini and I accept that. But I can wear a bathing suit that fits me well and while I may not look like a model, I hope not to feel that self conscious feeling of disgust and discomfort.