Thursday, February 28, 2013

Good food Bad food vs moderation

One thing I can say is that I have done lots of diets.  I have tried so many different eating plans(south beach, medifast, atkins, Weight watchers, etc)out of sheer desperation to get this weight off.  Some were more doable than others, some "worked" better than others, but in the long run I realize I havent really found what works for me.

But I am getting there. 

Regardless of the diet programs I have been on, it has always been good foods(okay to eat) and bad foods(no no foods).  There are foods that were okay to eat on each particular diet, and foods that werent okay.  I have learned that this has left me utterly confused!!!  I am working so hard to learn moderation.  I have some tough habits to break.  One thing I am trying to overcome is if I eat something that feels "forbidden", to try to make it NOT feel forbidden.  I want to allow myself things that I want and then to move on with the rest of my day eating healthy.  Just because I eat one thing that is sweet or yummy doesnt mean the whole rest of the day has to be a loss.


How many times have I heard this word.  TONS.  Yet it never really sunk in.

I AM HUMAN.  If I deny myself all the things I love all the time then that is not sustainable for me. It plays into the diet mentality which is not permanent.  If I eat something yummy and higher in calories and fat, its okay!  I am human. I can eat well *MOST* of the time and still enjoy an indulgence here and there.  This is moderation. 

MODERATION- the middle comfort zone between a restrictive diet (I have tried them all!) and overeating indulgent foods all day every day.

MODERATION- no starting an stopping.  Example:  "when I am done with this diet I can have cookies and cake".  There is no end because its not a diet!   Doesnt that sound amazing?

I have never been in this so called sweet spot and I feel myself moving towards it.  I just might be onto something here....  fingers crossed.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Will it ever feel natural?

Today I made a good choice.  I know to some it may sound simple but its a pretty big deal for me.  There is no doubt I love fast food.  I wish I didnt.  I havent had it in a while.  The closest I came was when we were out and stopped at McDonalds for the kids to play and have dinner on our 4 hour drive home through what seemed to be a blizzard.  I chose the grilled chicken salad with southwest dressing.  I was highly satisfied and so was my belly.  I struggle a lot when its time to eat and we are out.  I find myself in this boat a lot.  If I am hungry I tend to lose all control of my choices. 

But not today!  My mind was racing though, I am not going to lie.  My dr appt was at 10:30. It took forever.  Then I needed to get a prescription.  I looked at my watch and it was almost 1:00.  I was hungry.  My daughter was in the back seat whining not just that she was hungry, but that she wanted to eat now.  I told her we would eat at home.  She begged to go through the drive through.  I told her we needed to get home so I could take my medicine.  Its true, but it was only eye drops and it could have waited. It wasnt a far drive home.  But I almost gave in.  I almost went to McDonalds.  Instead I came home and had some burger, a greek yogurt and a few almonds. I wasnt prepared but I still made a good choice.  And after my belly was full, I was proud.  Because it was full from the foods of my choice, not from salty, fatty, carby foods.  But I almost gave in.  So, what was different this time than every other time?  I made myself drive in the opposite direction.  But I am sure if I had driven the other way I would have stopped.  I wouldnt have been able to just drive by. I need to prepare myself for these things.  My husband took my almonds out of the car the other day.  He was trying to help I think by keeping the car clean.  But I want them in there.  They are my go to if I am hungry.  Oddly they fill me.  I need to have more go to foods kept with me.  I will have to work on that.  Because if I dont get hungry then the temptation is controllable.  Make sense? one point I really thought I had this healthy thing down. But this is a never ending journey for me.  And I have to accept that because there is no other option.  Well, the other option is to be obese and unhealthy as I age.  So, really, thats not an option.   It is a ton of work and a constant battle for me to try to be healthy.  Its annoying to have to stress over every meal and everything I put in my mouth.  I want to get up and out and exercise without making myself do it.  I want being healthy to be NATURAL for me.  Will it ever be?  30 days to make a habit right?  I dont agree.  I was thin(nish) for over a year and got back to square one....or shoot...behind square one.  I struggle every single day on this journey.  Tomorrow I am going to blog about my mindset of good and bad foods and how that affects me.  I am hoping other people will be able to chime in and give some thoughts and opinions.  I will say that I am glad to be on track despite the many tantrums I am having along the way :)

Monday, February 25, 2013

Waiting to see results

I am still going at it!  My cousin is a teacher, but its quite clear that her passion lies in nutrition and being a physical trainer.  She is transitioning careers soon.  My(our) uncle passed away recently and my cousin and I were "reunited" at the services.  She is a tiny, beautiful thing, but so down to earth and easy to talk to.  I talked with her about my weight gain and my struggles with my love for food, etc.  She has so kindly offered to help me.  We may live like 5 hours apart or more, but I am so grateful.  She gives me my workouts by text and has given me some great ideas on nutrition.  I am making healthier, more natural choices which makes it much easier to track my calories(although she swears I dont need to) to keep my cravings down.  Its nothing short of amazing to me how much more control I have in my food choices when I am not eating sugary, fried, fatty foods.  I used to live off the stuff.  Its like I dont want to eat it because I dont want the cravings to come back!

As for my weight...I have no idea.   I was up to 240.  I had lost 12 lbs and had a hard time being excited about it because I am so far from where I want to be.  I was down to 160 two years ago ish and felt great.  So being down to 228 from 240 hardly seems exciting.  Its like redoing all my hard work which is so frustrating. I didnt feel or look any different after that 12 lbs.   So, I am trying something new.  I am avoiding the scale somewhat.  I want to know I am making good choices and hopefully soon feel/see the weight coming off.  I know from my experience that with my body it will most likely take 20-30 lbs before I see a difference.  Thats how I gain so easily too.  It kinda sneaks up on me.  Thats a lot of weight to gain or lose without changing clothes sizes.  I think what I will do is weigh once a month.  I will put my focus on my good choices and exercise and hope that I get the results I am looking for. 

Exercise....yes, she has me doing some short yet intense workouts.  She is a crossfit goer and knows what she is doing.  They are tough workouts.  I have had a stomach bug for a few days so I havent worked out. But before this I managed to run a mile on the dreadmill.  I have had to work up to that mile.  It wasnt pretty but I did it.  I am excited but frustrated.  I ran a half marathon...13 miles!!!!!!  a year and a half ago!!!  I want to get back there.  I wish I hadnt let myself get back to this! 

But I did.  And so I keep trucking along at least knowing I CAN get there again.  And I will.  Last night I dreamed I was training (effortlessly bu the way) for the half marathon.  It was a reminder how running didnt used to be the struggle it is right now.  I cant wait to enjoy it again!