Thursday, March 1, 2012

This was hard for me to write

I am still in awe of how much food I have been eating for the past several months.  It really has me thinking and questioning myself.  If what/how I am eating on WW is considered "normal" then why do I always want more of everything?   Why do I always think about food?

Growing up we rarely ate out.  My mom worked full time yet still always had a healthy homecooked meal on the table each night.  It wasnt until I was in high school that I started eating fast food but only here and there(I worked at a mall).  Then in college there was so much freedom and I ate the crappiest food.  I remember seeing all these skinny girls working out and eating salad all the time yet they were the big partiers too.  I remember going to the dining hall and getting grilled cheese and dessert and then going to the school store where I could use my meal card to buy anything in there including cookies, chips, sweets, etc.  But even then I wasnt that overweight.

But somewhere along the line I learned to really love food.  Especially fast food.   And to this day I still love it.  I could eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, or Wendys at any given time.  I am always hungry for something from these places.  Even when we would go to a nice dinner it is so tempting for me to order the greasiest, fattiest things. 


Why do some people not love food like I do?  I  have friend who go all day and dont think of eating until their stomach says its time.  Why do I get excited when its time to eat and always look forward to the next meal?  When we get an invite somewhere I wonder what kind of food they will have.  I have always thought that I didnt have an unhealthy relationship with food and that I just like it.  But now I am wondering if I was wrong.  Everyday is a battle for me when it comes to food choices.  Is it a mental thing that I have it set in my head that those things are yummy?  Its not like I binge eat, but I do recognize that I have a embarrassingly large appetite and make unhealthy food choices because they seem to taste best to me.  I dont feel like I eat to make myself feel better, I just LOVE food. It tastes yummy.   Some people love scrapbooking, or baseball, or jewelry...I love eating.  I just wish I loved eating carrots and lettuce instead of big fat juicy hamburgers and high calorie sweets.

For some reason this post was embarrassing for me to write.  Maybe its the possibility that something is wrong with me instead of me just passing it off as I like to eat.  Or maybe because I am realizing that it more a struggle for me than I thought.


Aunt Krissy said...

I know what you are feeling. I have lost 80lbs now and this week I have gained back 5 lbs. Food, right now is what I think about all the time. I think about when/what/how I will eat it and I find that I even plan on how I can sneak some extra food without anyone noticing. I just want to eat when I'm hungry and not have it fill my every thought.

LuckyEight16 said...

I know exactly how you feel. I'm always thinking about food. When do I get to eat next, what kind of food is at that party, etc. And just like you I like to eat junk. I have eaten an entire bo of Entemann's devil's food crumb donuts in a sitting. Not kidding. It's a battle but we can do this!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Stop - there is NOTHING wrong with you. I feel exactly like you do. I try to think about why too and for me I think it's because we were poor and I felt there was never enough...which is why now I eat and eat and eat - FAST - to make sure no one can take it from me? I don't get it. Keep blogging it out - no shame!

Shelley said...

I think admitting something publicly is hard - because now that you've stated it, you're kind of obligated to make a change for the better. And hey - you like food! That's a hard thing to change. I think you're going to have to use a lot of willpower, because let's face it, food and eating opportunities are everywhere. You CAN do this - it will be a challenge, but reining it in is possible. I know from experience.

Karen said...

You don't love carrots and lettuce because you are not a rabbit. (hehe) And you are not the only one out there who likes food. Don't think there is something wrong with you, there isn't. For some there love is food, for others it isn't.

Marie said...

I think it is messed up not to enjoy food. Enjoy it.

Kelly said...

It's hard now in the beginning, but it will get better, I promise. Work the program, eat better, move more, and you will feel better, I swear. There is nothing wrong with you, doll. Love you.

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

It's not about loving food as much as loving food that isn't the best for you!

It really is true that the refined carbs - like in white breads and desserts and pastas and like MOST of fast food... they don't fill us up and they make us crave MORE. When I eat like that, I always feel hungry, and not just mildly hungry, but ravenously hungry.

I have that tendency to focus on food and what will be served wherever I go, and my memories revolve around food and I imagine foods to make. I dream of that sugary, sticky sweet monkey bread, and juicy cheese burgers... and on and on

But, at least for me, when I have been "on plan" eating a better BALANCE of healthy carbs and proteins it really DOES affect my cravings and eventually my thought patterns on food. I am able to stop obsessing over it and enjoy good stuff.

I noticed this big time when I went off Medifast 5:1 plan and started slipping more junky food in like pizza, pb jelly sandwiches, mac & cheese, and cold cereal and before I knew it... I was hungry all the time again, and couldn't wait to eat all the time.

Everyone's situation is different... so I'm not saying yours is the same as me... but something does have to be said for how foods affect us and our appetites - and although it isn't easy - there has to be a way to modify and balance it so that we CAN enjoy healthy foods and not be famished or feel deprived.

I've often wondered about hypnosis... to just convince my subconscious that cakes, donuts, cookies, pizza, etc are all really gross and then I'd naturally just stay away from them!

I hope you continue to work it out and discover what works for YOU to be healthy, happy and have the energy you want. :)

Much love,

Jessica said...

Can I recommend a book? It's called Intuitive Eating and it totally changed my relationship with food.

Anonymous said...

Holy cow, we are so much alike, it's scary! I could eat fast food all day long, I don't know why, I just love it...even though I know it's bad for me! A few years ago, I was pretty close to my goal weight and not eating fast food at all, but it was still a daily choice I had to make to NOT eat it. It's something I'll always struggle with.


Joy said...

I can so relate. Food has taken up so much of my time and thought. I am sick of it!! Putting my efforts and thoughts elsewhere!

Keep focused!

El said...

i hear ya sister friend! i have often wondered the exact same thing. i am right there with ya!