Will it ever feel natural?

Today I made a good choice.  I know to some it may sound simple but its a pretty big deal for me.  There is no doubt I love fast food.  I wish I didnt.  I havent had it in a while.  The closest I came was when we were out and stopped at McDonalds for the kids to play and have dinner on our 4 hour drive home through what seemed to be a blizzard.  I chose the grilled chicken salad with southwest dressing.  I was highly satisfied and so was my belly.  I struggle a lot when its time to eat and we are out.  I find myself in this boat a lot.  If I am hungry I tend to lose all control of my choices. 

But not today!  My mind was racing though, I am not going to lie.  My dr appt was at 10:30. It took forever.  Then I needed to get a prescription.  I looked at my watch and it was almost 1:00.  I was hungry.  My daughter was in the back seat whining not just that she was hungry, but that she wanted to eat now.  I told her we would eat at home.  She begged to go through the drive through.  I told her we needed to get home so I could take my medicine.  Its true, but it was only eye drops and it could have waited. It wasnt a far drive home.  But I almost gave in.  I almost went to McDonalds.  Instead I came home and had some burger, a greek yogurt and a few almonds. I wasnt prepared but I still made a good choice.  And after my belly was full, I was proud.  Because it was full from the foods of my choice, not from salty, fatty, carby foods.  But I almost gave in.  So, what was different this time than every other time?  I made myself drive in the opposite direction.  But I am sure if I had driven the other way I would have stopped.  I wouldnt have been able to just drive by. I need to prepare myself for these things.  My husband took my almonds out of the car the other day.  He was trying to help I think by keeping the car clean.  But I want them in there.  They are my go to if I am hungry.  Oddly they fill me.  I need to have more go to foods kept with me.  I will have to work on that.  Because if I dont get hungry then the temptation is controllable.  Make sense? 

Boy...at one point I really thought I had this healthy thing down. But this is a never ending journey for me.  And I have to accept that because there is no other option.  Well, the other option is to be obese and unhealthy as I age.  So, really, thats not an option.   It is a ton of work and a constant battle for me to try to be healthy.  Its annoying to have to stress over every meal and everything I put in my mouth.  I want to get up and out and exercise without making myself do it.  I want being healthy to be NATURAL for me.  Will it ever be?  30 days to make a habit right?  I dont agree.  I was thin(nish) for over a year and got back to square one....or shoot...behind square one.  I struggle every single day on this journey.  Tomorrow I am going to blog about my mindset of good and bad foods and how that affects me.  I am hoping other people will be able to chime in and give some thoughts and opinions.  I will say that I am glad to be on track despite the many tantrums I am having along the way :)