Thursday, April 4, 2013

Each choice makes up the big picture

I have been struggling with making myself believe that every choice matters.  Every time I choose to eat, or to exercise(or not to)...every single time counts towards the big picture.  However, I am so far from my goal right now and I am so much further behind the starting line than I have ever been.  Its hard to accept the fact that I have to redo all of my hard work(plus more!), and that I let myself get back here.  But the fact is that every single choice that I make DOES matter.  Every choice I made got me back to obesity.  Every trip to McDonalds, every double portion, etc.  The best way I can think to convince myself is that my health and weight is like a puzzle.  And to get where I want to be, healthy and fit, I need to keep adding pieces to the puzzle until it becomes complete.  The reality is that my puzzle is like a million pieces.  I sure do wish it were an easy 25 piece puzzle.  Hehe. 

I have started to run again(sorta). I run some till I just cant anymore, walk some, run some more, etc. I started a few weeks ago, and then I stopped for a few weeks. I lost the tiny bit of stamina that I had gained back.  So now I am back at it again.  I have to remember to take the advice that I have given so many times right here on my blog when I was "a runner".  So many people have asked me how they could get into running and how it could possibly be enjoyable.  And what I have said over and over is that starting to run is not easy.  It becomes eaiser with time.  At first, that "I cant breathe and need to stop before I die" feeling is awful.  Then your heart and lungs get into shape and before you know it you are running a mile...effortlessly.  And once you are capable of running a mile then anything after that is totally doable.  The second tip to enjoying running is to pace yourself.  If you start out too fast you tire quickly and you have less endurance.  Thats not to say you cant push yourself to increase your stamina here and there.  So...there I have it.  My own advice that I have given to lots of people.  I have been going back to this advice a lot lately.

I keep asking myself why it seems so much harder to get running than I remember.  My conclusion:  I am 240 lbs(I think...I have not gotten on the scale recently).  When I first started running I think I was well under 200 lbs.  That extra weight surely makes a difference.  My body is pretty angry at this weight.  And asking it RUN at this weight seems crazy.  My daughter weighs over 40 lbs and the thought of running with her attached to me is crazy,  And thats pretty much what I am doing...running with a ton more wieght on me than I ever had.  But I am trying my best regardless of how frustrating it is.  I have to keep telling myself "It has to be this hard for it to get easier".



I am back to using my Lose It app and making good choices.  On the advice of my cousin the personal trainer I am allowing myself more calories and I will cut them as lose weight. 

*Today's reason for losing weight:  Although there is still much snow on the ground here, warm weather and then summer is going to sneak up out of nowhere.  I hate to be fat especially in the summer! 

*Today I am thankful for:  Sugar free popsicles. 


Anonymous said...

WOW....I can relate 100% to your post and frustration. I, too, have successfully lost weight and put it back on and am now the heaviest I've been. I've been very frustrated and down about it and am choosing a diet program (medifast) because I NEED STRUCTURE! I have had 0 success with everything lately that I'm beyond down on myself...and I NEED to get control of things. I have about 40 pounds to lose, but even losing 5lbs has been a total fail. I am hoping to gain some momentum...and this post on CHOICE and making a DECISION hit close to home...thanks for sharing.

Lyn said...

This was a good one for me to read today. There's no more justification for "just one bite" of this and that. All those bites matter. We have to be strict to get the results! Good for you with the running. You'll do great!

Kristen said...

I gained back 30 pounds now i am fighting to get it off. The nutrition side of this is killing me. But i signed myself up for the turning stone 10K...we can redeem ourselves!!