Thursday, June 27, 2013

Day 6 on track

I hit my highest weight ever, yet I just could find the motivation to do anything about it.  That is something I never understand.  I have battled my weight for a good 15 years now.  I have gotten to where I want to be a few years ago.  I was there.  I had the taste.  I loved how it felt.  Yet, somehow I let myself get back to the old me.  Only heavier.  The embarrassment, shame, disgust and self consciousness are all back.  And it feels awful.  I just couldn't get ahold of it. 

Over the years I have done lots of "diets", eating plans, exercise routines, etc.  And after 15 plus years and lots of failures and a few successes along the way I have learned a lot.  FINALLY I am seeing the big picture.  I used to hear the word "moderation" and instantly think "blah blah blah". I have always dieted.  I FINALLY am realizing that dieting doesn't work.  Period.  I need something I can do for life.  Something I can live with every single day. 

I really like the Lose It app on my phone.  Its very easy.  I can scan foods and foods are easy to search for.  It tells me how many calories to eat for my current weight, how many I have eaten, how many more I can eat, and takes into consideration my activity.  LOVE IT.  I have combined this with my knowledge that protein keeps me full and keeps the hungry beast away,  and that less sugar means fewer cravings.  All those years and I am finally realizing that success is not a start of a diet and an end of one.  Its a lifestyle change.

I was put to the test yesterday.  I am 6 days into tracking my foods.  We had a gathering yesterday with all the work ladies and our kids.  We are all off for most of the summer so it was great to see them.  Little did I know that when I got there they would have an early birthday party planned for me.  Cake, gifts, the whole nine yards.  CAKE.  In the past I would've thought...."oh no...cake.  I will eat it and scratch the rest of the day and get back on track tomorrow".  And then it wouldn't happen.  Instead, I ate the cake, added it to my log on my app and ate accordingly the rest of the day.  At the end of the day I was under goal with calories and felt pretty darn satisfied, and accomplished!  The cake was good and I enjoyed it...guilt free too!  Depriving myself on certain diets never works for me.  It just adds to my yoyo weight history.  I see that now.

I am not gonna lie though...its been a struggle to exercise.  I am not there yet.  But I know me, and once the scale starts moving just from eating well I will definitely include the exercise portion of getting healthy.  I know I need to and I will.  The motivation will come.  I cannot believe how hard it is to exercise at this weight.  Ugh.  My body is angry at 240 lbs. 

I am going to spend some time catching up on some blogs.  Hope you are all well!


1 comment:

Debsdailylife said...

I have lived exactly what you are saying!!! I have always said I have NOT been on a diet the last two years!!! I will eat chocolate, I will have ice cream, and I will enjoy treats!! BUT, I have to rememeber that they are treats!!! I was so determined that I would lose my weight the same way I would live the rest of my life!!! Its taking me longer, but so far so good!!!
Keep tracking your food. That makes an amazing difference!!!