Major things... (Jennifer)

I have been doing some thinking and made some decisions based on my current situation.  I was hesitant to write this post because I thought I might catch some heat.  But really, it was a decision I made with much consideration.  

As many of you may know I havent been feeling very well for the past several months.  I did see a specialist who determined that I need surgery.  I then realized he is not participating with my insurance.  I now have quite an out of pocket responsibility from those visits, and I cannot afford to have the surgery with the non participating dr.  And, honestly I am not sure that what is going on is solely the issue he suggested.  Although, I am no doctor.  Anyway...I finally got an appt with the new ENT tomorrow.  I look forward to proceeding, getting another opinion and hopefully feeling better.  In the meanwhile, I havent been exercising as much as I would like because I just havent felt well.  Without exercise I am struggling to eat well.  Its been months since I have had my regular routine of exercise.

I decided I need something rigid right now to keep me on track.  I started this blog last February when I started Medifast.  Its a rigid, tough program in my opinion.  I never cheated once on the program and I lost a lot of weight.  Until...I started exercising and the weight stopped coming off.  The program was not enough calories for the all cardio I was excitedly now capable of doing!  So I had a choice to make.  I had to either stop the cardio or come off the plan.  At that point I was down a lot of weight and decided to transition off. Financially I couldnt have done it much longer either.  On my own I lost some more and even maintained well when I came off.  But then I hit a wall.  I could not get past 160 lbs even with my exercising and healthy new lifestyle.  Then, I started not feeling well at the end of the summer and havent exercised as much as I would like to.  Since then, I have put some weight back on.  Not too much, but I could tell that I was started to fall into some of my old eating habits.  I knew I had to do something.

I have been toying with the idea of going back on Medifast but knew we could not afford it right now. Plus, I have been off it for so long now and done pretty well.  But that was when I could exercise.  I looked on craigslist and there was a woman who sold me 25 boxes of food (yes, BOXES) for $25.  It would have cost me WAAAAY more than that if I had bought it from the site.  So I went and got the food and thought about it.  I decided I would do it for a while.  Right now I am not doing much cardio so I will take this as an opportunity while I am trying my darndest to get this health thing figured out.   Today's weight on the scale reaffirmed my decision.  It said:  176.6.  Thats about 10 lbs higher than where I was sitting comfortably at 166.  I havent bumped that high since this journey started almost one year ago.

Part of me feels like a failure for not being able to maintain in the real world.  But I have to keep reminding myself that I am going to the dr tomorrow and hope to get this health stuff worked out so I can get back to exercising. One thing with Medifast is that it makes you really appreciate real food.  That is one thing I am looking forward to. I have lost my appreciation for healthy foods over the past few months.  I plan to do this for a month or two, depending on how it goes to get me back on track.  While cardio didnt work well for me and my weight loss the last time I did medifast ( I stopped losing weight) I dont see why I cannot weight train while doing the program.  I believe I am setting myself up for success.  A few months from now I hope to feel better (fingers crossed), the weather will be nicer and I can get back to running and cardio at the gym, and I will again be appreciative of healthy foods.

So thats it.  Thats my decision that I made for myself.  I am trying so hard to be excited about it so I ask if you disagree that you are gentle with your comments!  Its day one and I am already pretty hungry.  I remember that from the first time I did the program and how it lasts for a few days.  But the rigidity of the program is the difference between me caving into lots of unhealthy foods yesterday and me not caving today.

Please keep your fingers crossed that my appt with the specialist is a good one!!!