My primary dr suggested a third opinion from yet another ENT...with a third diagnosis. And honestly, I am not sure I am buying that one either. I told him my *story* from start until now. He reviewed all of my scans that I brought with me. He said he is not concerned with my enlarged lymph node, and he also doesnt believe I need sinus surgery as the first dr suggested. He scoped my through my nose and down to my esophogus. This is the third time for this and I am sure my insurance will be having a fit at any time now. He said the top of my esophogus, my vocal cords, and my throat are all pretty irritated. Surprising? Nope. I have been feeling like crap for months. His opinion: Silent Reflux. I am having no heartburn which is why its called silent reflux apparently. It causes damage with different symptoms than regular reflux(gerd) and according to him takes a while to be repaired even with the new meds that I am on. He did however, tell me I could stop all the other meds I was on which was thrilling to me because before this I had been on no meds. Having been on so many different things that werent even working was not making me happy. I am not much of a mediciney kinda person. So, I am now on Prilosec and have been for the past week. The day I saw the dr I left there such a believer. I had hope. I just wanted to hug him. But as the days go by and I am not feeling any better I am starting to lose hope. My neck/throat/ear is still bothering me on the left side. It still feels like something is in there. And I still have that feeling like there is something in my left chest area like I cant clear my lung. I did have an angiogram (to rule out an embolism) so I would like to think that if something were going on in the lung area they would have seen it? And my primary dr keeps listening and saying everything sounds good in there. Then why do I feel this way?????????????????
So....my plan is to move forward. I cannot sit and dwell on this any longer. The temps are rising into the 30's here, and sometimes we even get a treat of seeing the 40's. Thats acceptable running weather (to me...although it is still snowing here and there)! So I am going to get back onto my health kick, eat properly, exercise more and stop feeling so bad for myself. No more wallowing in my frustration.
With all of this, I have been forced to look at what bothers me so much about this situation and here is what I have come up with... I am petrified that I have some sort of cancer that is being missed for all of this time and therefore spreading. I feel helpless. My biggest fear is becoming terminally ill. I wish it werent a fear of mine, but it is. If I drop dead of a heart attack, fine. Its not death I am afraid of I guess. But becoming terminally ill where I slowly die and cannot do anything to help myself is a huge fear for me. Now, if I could figure out how to combat that fear....
Another deep post....
Hope you all are doing well!
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5 comments:
Those fears are totally understandable. I think I would have that too especially since there are no definite answers coming but just more questions. I wish there was something I could do or say to help things be better for you. I can pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. Try not to think the worst... keep those thoughts positive!! There is energy in what we think and contemplate... so assume the best until you learn any different. Sometimes we can only do all that we can do, and then put it in the Lord's hands and move forward with faith. I'm sure you are being watched over!!
God bless!
~Margene
Recovery from jaw surgery. My mouth is wired shut and will be for another 7 weeks. Its been a week now and I am down 6.7 pounds. I am below the healthy bmi now. I am in alot of pain and hating my life. You need a facebook account. That's where you will find me. Thanks for checking on me. I gave up on blogging. Too much negativity for me. Come to the dark side...I have alot of blog followers over here. Smile (I can't..lol)
I can understand that fear. You've been dealing with these symptoms forever and it just seems like everyone is saying "oh it's nothing". I hope that they are right and it is nothing. Keep your head up.
I understand your fear, but I believe that cancer would show up in abnormal bloodwork, and if you've had blood drawn recently and no flags came from that, you probably are fine in that regard. But yes, all of this has got to be unsettling. It's just crazy how they cannot figure out what is wrong with you! I know I keep saying this, but hang in there - one of these days you'll feel like your old self again.
Bless your heart! This has been such a long road for you. I agree with Shelley, if there were signs of Cancer, surely some blood work would have caught it in all these trips to the doctor.
Hang in there...glad it is warming up some for you and you will be able to get in some exercise! Maybe that will help you feel better!
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