Friday, September 30, 2011

Reoccurring dream....

The self doubt is settling in.  I dont like it.  Last night I had a dream that left me exhausted when I woke up.  I have had several variations of the same idea behind this dream over the past few months.  The half marathon is two weeks from Sunday.  Oh dear.  Its coming up and nerves are settling in.  Especially knowing that I am attacking this goal solo.  Well sorta.  I will have support there (yaaaaay!!!-I am soooo excited about this)and my cousin will be running the race too, but surely not at my much slower pace.  Anyway, here was my dream last night:

Its half marathon day.  I am running late (I am a pretty prompt person so this is stressful for me).  I am fumbling around looking for my running shoes.  I cant find them.  There is an option to wear different shoes but can I run 13.1 miles without MY shoes???  Then I find them.  I get to the race.  I am late and it has already started.  I realize I dont have my Ipod.  I am stressing.  How can I run without my Ipod????  I NEED music to run. Wait, I can go get it.  But its not charged and I dont have time to charge it.  Because I am late remember?  I am dreading the run because now I am late and dont have any running music.  I am looking for a place to put my purse so I can go run.  I leave it with these random ladies who are selling food.  There are thousands of people cheering at the start, and all along the course.  I am shocked to see this but excited.  I start running.   I am passing a few people but not many.  I am really behind.  Then I have to squeeze through these parallel bars which are a bridge and pretty close together.  I think to myself "well, I guess they assume runners are thin".  I squeezed through.  I continue running until I woke up and thought to myself, that was a short 13.1 miles!  But I was exhausted when I woke up. 

I think I have a sinus infection which has left me very cranky and impossible to run.  I say that with total honestly.  It hurts to even talk, let alone sneeze or bend over.  My head and eyeballs are killing me.  My teeth even ache.  I cant taste properly.  I am exhausted and even napped today.  Thats a rarity. 

The bottom line is that I am feeling unprepared.  I am getting scared.   What if its rainy?  I hate running in the rain.  What if I cant do it?  What if my sinuses still hurt?  What if I have to walk?  What if I let myself down?  Or my "peeps" who are coming to support me?  What if its a miserable run (I have had my share lately)WHAT IF _______ (the list goes on and on).   The self doubt is speaking to me and the only way for me to combat it is to go out for a long run and prove that I can do it.  But I need my sinuses better in order to do it.  I need to set myself up for success!  Its only 16 days away.  I have worked too hard to let this dream slip away now.  I completed the whole half marathon training schedule which dropped me off at 10 miles....and that was several weeks ago.  I put on weight.  I am down 10.8 on weight watchers though so I am getting there.  But I am surprised at my fear of this half when I have been so excited all along!

3 comments:

Kellyann said...

No matter how slow you go, you're still doing it! You should be proud of the fact that you signed up for this race, many wouldn't have even tried. You can do it, don't doubt yourself :)

Karen said...

I know it's easier to say but no matter if you run the whole time, walk the whole time or do a combo of both...the fact is you are doing it. You made a commitment and you are doing it. Think of how many people are in this area that AREN'T doing this race. Don't beat yourself up over this. As long as you do your best that day, that's all that matters. See you at the finish line! ;)

foodfamilyfitness.com said...

You can SO do this! Whether you walk, run, sprint, whatever. You're going to finish and you'll feel so amazing when it's all said and done!

Jen@FoodFamilyFitness