Monday, November 21, 2011

Negative associations

I realized something that is kind of upsetting to me today.  While I should be so proud of myself for my half marathon accomplishment, I realize that every time I talk or think about it, I associate it in my brain with my weight gain.  I think how I trained and worked my tail off to run all those miles and gained so much weight. It was only recently that I realized WHY  I gained the weight and why I felt so out of control of my eating.  My appetite while training (doing 30+ miles a week) was big.  Huge actually. 

Appetite has always been a  problem for me.  When I am hungry the beast within comes out and eats whatever looks and tastes yummy...until I am full.  And when my appetite is not raging I find it much easier to eat healthier.  I am able to make better food choices and portion sizes when my stomach is not screaming at me eat. that I am not running much with this chilly weather, my appetite seems so much more manageable.  I am eating healthier and making better choices overall.

Is this one of the biggest keys to my success?  Could be!  And maybe that's why I feel so excited about getting back into my weight loss.  Without the insatiable appetite I feel like I can do this!! 

So, once the warmer weather comes back around (sooooooooooooo many months from now ) I need to figure out a better way to control my appetite when running.  Because I am not going to give up running.  I plan to do more half marathons actually.  But I don't want to have any negative associations when I think of the half.  It is a huge accomplishment so why cant I make myself believe that?  Any suggestions?  I want to look back at that day and be proud, without disappointment  of how much weight I had put on and how uncomfortable I felt in my own body. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*today at the gym I was on the elliptical which is surrounded by mirrors.  I have been wearing baggy tshirts.  I am so disgusted with what I see in the mirror.  How did my body creep back into the old(ish) Jen?  I swear I woke up one day and nothing fit.  I look forward to being able to look in the mirror and see the positive changes in my body again. 

Today I am thankful for:
*my appetite was so manageable today.  I drank a lot of water and sometimes this helps and sometimes not so much.  Not once today did I want to eat naughty things.  I actually came in just under WW points today without any issue.  So maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe (this is a stretch at positivity here) the increased appetite I was having while training for the half was a learning lesson of those "every negative thing can be turned into a positive lesson if you try hard enough" things.

You think?


Jessica said...

I read some where once that if you are working out and logging some major hours and are hungry all. the. time. it's because you aren't eating enough protein. Conversely, if your are logging major hours and tired all the time, you aren't eating enough carbs.
I've certainly noticed this to be the case for me. I always have a protein shake after a big workout or long run and try to load up in protein the rest of the day - but if I feel sluggish, I add in more carbs.
My favorite after workout snack is a baked potato with cottage cheese or tuna salad with some crackers.
Hope this helps a bit!!

Anonymous said...

I love the "Today I am..." bits of your blog! As a more recent follower, I haven't seen these before. Can I say I LOVE them? Every night at dinner we take turns telling each other about our favorite parts of the day. It helps to focus on the GOOD when the ugly stuff is so much easier to think about. I am super proud of all this newish positivity. You are such an upbeat person that its tough for me to hear you have negative thoughts. I know its hard to NOT eat a whole horse after running 10 miles! With the cold weather swiftly approaching, and the ability to got outside and run slipping away with the sun at 4:00pm this is the time to regain control and fit back into your clothes. then when you start running in the spring you will be able to fight the urge and make good choices. sorry this is so long and ramble-ish. when are you coming to get that milk? Love Ya!

Anonymous said...

Running that much means your metabolism is burning sky high, you need more food! I have heard from many people that they gain weight while training for races, and then lose after the training is over.


Mom to the Fourth Power said...

appetite can be a killer! That's cool that you recognize how training and exercising increase it.

I did something CRAZY today....

I signed up to run a HALF MARATHON!!! AAAAAaaaaaahhhhhh... what am I thinking? I've only run a 5k and that was months ago and I haven't been running.

But you inspire me and I'm gonna do this. It's in May and it's in OREGON which means I'll be traveling there to fun it (with a friend), so I'm sure I'll be needing some tips from the rockstar herself (you!)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Debby said...

Im so far behind in my reading!! Even with you in 'my favorites' Im still behind! Hows your daughter? Thankyou for being so honest!!When I read blogs where everything is all honky dorey, I feel like such a failure, altho I think they probably arent being honest!!

I know you can do this!!! You have spunk and determination!!!