Tuesday, February 21, 2012

How is it possible...

How is it possible that just four months ago I ran a half of a marathon and I felt better than I did after my one mile run today?  And can I even call it a run?  I had to STOP....twice ....during the run.  I didnt expect to have to stop at all during a "simple mile".  It was far from simple.  My body has lost so much since I stopped running and put on weight.  I do have a slight cold (my very sweet husband tried his best to convince me that this was part of the problem), but that its  just an excuse. Its just a stuffy nose.   My lungs hurt, like actually hurt.  I was out of breath, panting like I had been running uphill for miles or something.  How could I have let my body get this way?  

But........I am so glad that I remembered how it was when I first started running about two years ago.  It was this same feeling.  I couldnt run for very long.  There was little enjoyment.  But as time went on my body became conditioned and running became much easier and even fun!  I would rarely get out of breath and learned to pace myself.  My body became firmer. I never imagined my body would be conditioned to run miles and miles.  And, because I KNOW my body is capable of this and that running WILL become easier I will stick through it during this beginning and tough stage.  I feel so blessed to have the benfit of knowing this. 

The reason for my run today:

Although I had planned to run with my friend this morning, she was not feeling well and was not able to.  So, I admit that I was going to ditch the idea of running today.  Instead I went shopping with another friend...which proved the be the best thing I could have done today apparently.  I tried on a ton of things.  All the coats were too small.  Even the XL's.  There were so many cute coats I missed out on that once would have fit.  And then there was the dressing room.  Have my mirrors at home been telling me lies everyday?  In the dressing room any ounce of denial I had(and clearly there must have been some) has completely disappeared.  Every flaw I have was very evident in that mirror.  I tried on a pair of 14 jeans that didnt even make it up to my hip.  It felt like I was trying to squeeze into a size 2.  My stomach rolls made every shirt look unappealing,  my arms the biggest I have seen them, and my boobs looked sloppy.  Lets not forget the FUPA...it was there and my zipper was unattractively pressing tightly into the middle of it making it look like I had a left fupa and a right one.   And then came the bathing suits.  Shoot.. may as well add to the REALITY of what my body REALLY looks like, right?  I decided then I would run as soon as I got home.

Talk about a wake-up call.  It was harsh.  But it put me right where I need to be.  What I eat DOES matter and lack of exercise DOES make a difference.  I did this to myself.  There are no excuses and no one else to blame.  But again, I am blessed to know that my body can get down to a more pleasurable size with hard work and determination.  If I didnt know it was possible it would be harder to have the motivation.  I never thought I would be back at this spot again.  But the reality is that I am.  Every choice does matter.


Enz said...

I want to love running! I'm not there yet :( I have to keep doing it, right?

Jenn said...

Hi! Just found your blog. You will get your groove back with the running. I'm recently back to running after I took a long break due to a big weight gain and general laziness. It was tough getting going again, but I'm finding the joy in it again. Looking forward to reading your blog! You've done it before and you will do it again!

Karen said...

Yep, fitting room mirrors are mean. It's actually not totally the mirror, it's the lighting. I HATE fitting rooms. I avoid them when possible. Lately I don't even try stuff on. I buy it, try it on at home and then 95% of the time end of having to make a return trip to return it. Great system, huh? I have to try running (again). But because I haven't done it, I'm lucky if I can run for 2 minutes before needing to slow to a walk. Oh and the running...more of like a jog. So, my goal is to try to run and like it. We'll see how that goes. I think when I "tried" running before is when everything went crazy with my foot and now two surgeries later, maybe I can I try again. I'm a little scared as I don't want anymore surgery. Oh and I even bought running shoes so I know I am good there!
Now as for you, you've done it before so I know (and you do too) that you will do it again!

Shelley said...

How long has it been since you've run? Shoot, I'm just now comfortable doing 2x2 intervals, and the one time I tried running a quarter mile at a time, I though I was gonna die. It definitely takes time to build back up, but both you and I will have our running stamina back...and soon!

As for your wake up call while shopping, yeah, it's not pretty to see the gain like that, but it obviously spurred you into action, which is better than the alternative (nosedive into food), right?

El said...

i hate those dressing room mirrors :-( you did it once, you can definitely do it again!