Monday, February 20, 2012

Perfect timing

We all know that getting back on track can be quite a struggle.  So the fact that I have a cold and a lack of appetite and cravings is perfect timing!  Although, I do hope that I am feeling better tomorrow as I have a simple one mile run planned.  I expect that just one mile will be a struggle for me.  But its okay.  Its better to plan for struggles right?  Its tough to swallow the fact that I was running 13 miles 4 short months ago and that one mile will probably whoop me tomorrow!  But at the same time I am excited to get the ball rolling again.  My fingers are crossed that my knee will not be an issue.

I got on the scale this morning.  Its only day two of my recommitment but I wanted to have an accurate starting place.  It was bitter sweet.  Mostly bitter, but a tad sweet...hehe.  199.5.  So while I am up almost 40 lbs from my lowest weight of 160 (bitter) I did not see the 200's again (sweet).  I am ashamed that I am at this place.  I never thought in a million years I would go back. But at least I am not alllllllllllllllll the way back to where I started. 

Its super annoying and frustrating to have to lose pounds that I have already lost once, no doubt.  And at first it seemed so overwhelming.  But then some more positive thinking snuck up on..  Even though my pants are snug and some of the smaller 14's dont fit, I realized that I dont have to lose all 40 lbs instantly to get back into them.  I was wearing them just a few short weeks ago.  So its exciting to be able to set mini goals for myself that seem quite attainable.  Does that make sense.   If I look at the big number of RE-losing 40 lbs its much more frustrating than taking baby steps.  Instead I am going to choose to enjoy my successes along the way.  I will do my best to share them!

There are so many negative things that come along with this weight gain.  I wanted to lay it all out there so hopefully I can look back one day and realize that these things are gone!  Sometimes we overlook the progress we are making and I want to make sure I enjoy the successes that will come along the way (again). Here are a few of the negative things associated with my weight gain:

*Loss of self esteem
*Shame and embarrassment
*Not enjoying shopping for clothes
*Dreading getting dressed everyday bc not much fits
*Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin
*Achey joints
*Lack of motivation
*Bras are too tight.
*Stomach tire above my jeans is back
*Constant wonder if/where people see the weight gain

I am sure there are more but thats what I came up with. 

I was quite taken back by all the welcome backs on my post yesterday.  Thank you so much.  I guess I forgot what an awesome support system and community this is!


Mina said...

Hope you feel better soon! You know the saying, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". You just gotta take that first run, and you will get back to the way you were before you know - probably even better!

jamie@sweatyhugs said...

Hope you are feeling better! 1 mile is certainly better than zero miles, and your mindset of mini goals is def. a great approach to take!

El said...

I hear ya...I am so sick of gaining and losing the same weight! Sounds like you mean business. And I think going back and figuring out what worked best for YOU is key...

Shelley said...

Welcome back, Jennifer. :) I hope your run went well today.