Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Honesty... (Jennifer)

The past few days have been rough.  I have been hungry, had cravings, been exhausted, the whole nine yards.  There has been minimal exercise and I just feel like crap.  I am sure all those things feed off each other.  I like to keep this blog as positive as I can.  But honesty is important too, at least I think so :).  

The hubs and I went to a wedding on Friday night.  We had a rockstar time!!!  We havent had that much fun in I dont know when.  And that was the beginning of the downfall that has been happening until right this minute.  I was out of my norm, my comfort zone.  The whole weekend (right up until today) consisted of eating out meal after meal where I feel I failed miserably.  Usually if I eat out I can manage pretty well.  Not so much the past few days. 

But something good has come of all this.  It is "that time" for me so on top of not eating well and a lack of exercise, I am bloated and just feel BIG.  And it was a wakeup call for me.  A welcomed one too!  I actually think it is great that gaining just a few lbs, thats what I assume anyway, and feeling such a huge difference in how I feel and how my clothes fit is awesome!!!  It makes me realize that I wont let myself go back to who I was.  Just a few lbs and I am uncomfortable.  I dont like how I feel.  Yipppeee!!!!  It makes me wonder how the heck I let myself go from size 10 to size 22 at one point in my life.  I dont even like how I feel after a few bad meals and no exercise! 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to FOREVER lose that uncomfortable feeling I walked around with for years and years.  How it felt to always be just a bit too big for my clothes to fit comfortably, how I felt embarassed and ashamed most of the time, and how I felt out of control of myself.  I have come so far along this journey !

Today I am thankful for:
*having the ability to recognize my mistakes, learn from them and get right back on track.  The old Jen would have let a few bad eating days take over and then let them define me as a failure.  Not this time.  I am down 65(ish) lbs and this is all part of the journey.  No one said it would be easy or perfect, right?


Christine said...

What a great post!
I so hear you on not feeling good/healthy with the bloated gain of a few days of not so great eating and never allowing yourself to keep going on a BAD cycle.

I have been there done that...don't want to go back there and hoping I learned the lessons I need to to keep me from going back!

Good for you for stepping out of that cycle here and now!!!
I am rooting for you!

jamie@sweatyhugs said...

Fantastic post! I can relate so much to that yucky bloated feeling. :X
Good for you recognizing how you feel and knowing what you need to do to gett right back on track.

dawne said...

Way to stop the crazy cycle. I believe it's what keeps people obese. So proud of you!

Shane G. said...

I get this post ever so well. I had what is now considered a large meal a few weeks ago. Yeah it was healthy and it was on plan, it was just more than I am eating now. I felt bleeech for about two hours, and recall feeling that way a lot back in the day . Not going back either, no ma'am.

Kimberlynn said...

I could have written the beginning of this post myself. I've been feeling off too. I've noticed several other bloggers feeling the same way. I wonder what's up with that? Anyway...what a blessing that you're able to see how much you don't want to go back to feeling this way...and so quickly too.

Blessings to you.

Christine said...

You look great! I'm glad that you had a brilliant time at the wedding and cut loose. But you're right, it's important to stay in control of the food when you're cutting loose in other ways. It's a delicate balance.

Laura said...

That's a great point. I seem to have this disconnect; when I eat too much, I feel uncomfortable or bad, yet it doesn't seem to connect in my mind (when I eat) that if I eat better, I don't have to deal with that.

Polar's Mom said...

Well you said you weren't gonna be totally positive, but it seems to me that you sure turned a negative into a positive.

Great job on moving on. Hey, we are human, and so NOT perfect, and we are recovering addicts. They say addicts almost ALWAYS relapse, even a little. There will be stumbles, but not falls-way to do a 180 and get going again!

Polar's Mom

Shelley said...

I know what you mean about not liking the feeling of tight clothes anymore - I lived with my old big clothes being tight for years and hated that feeling...so when it comes back now, it's easier, somehow, to take action and not let it get out of hand. That said, glad you had such a great time at the wedding - those fun times can really keep you going!

Jessica said...

Good for knowing yourself and breaking a bad cycle. You are going great. Keep up the good work.

Karen said...

I know what you mean about the clothes. So I seem to buy clothes a bit bigger than they need to be to avoid the tight, uncomfortable feeling. But in turn it makes me look even bigger. So what is worse...wearing clothes that are a bit too tight or wearing clothes that are a bit too bit. It doesn't seem like you can win either way. Someday I hope to be out of that and be comfortab;e no matter what I wear.

Syl said...

good for you for turning it around and making it a positive experience, rather than dwelling on it and making it worse, you have chosen to put it behind you and move on!
Way to Go!

Corletta said...

You are exactly right!! I, too, have thought, "How in the world did I allow myself to get to 220 once?" Though gaining small amounts of weight stinks, it does get our positive momentum goin again. Thanks for the reminder!

Lesia said...

You look amazingly happy!!.smile.

99ToGo said...

I heard somewhere that "perfect" is a dirty word. I'm trying to live by that, because I am a perfectionist in every sense of the word, and it's been the cause of so many failures in my life. Our bloopers are learning opportunities. What can you do differently at the next big event when there's lots of eating out stacked right after the other meal, so you don't feel stuck?

The difference between the winners and the losers (gainers!) is that the winners move on quickly from a mistake and get right back into the swing of things. I see you're moving on :)

Ruth Holland said...

Thank you for the honesty. I relate and have been there too. Good for you! You also have helped me be honest with myself about the need to get back onto a food plan. I do not want to go back to where I was either. Sometimes reading what others go through helps so much in knowing I am not alone.