Some pics (Jennifer)

Today I pushed through a 3 mile run...5k!!!  Yaaay!  Thats seven miles this week so far, which I think is good since I hadnt run in over a month.  I am really trying to get back into this before the weather gets all nasty for winter.  I love running in the fall.  No humidity, a little chill in the air...its just great :)  

Today I took a walk down memory lane.  And to my surprise there were a lot of emotions that popped up that I hadnt expected.  My life is so different now, and it has been so long since I have even looked at these pictures.  But as promised...here are some before pics(and these ones are true "before"' pics).  The ones on the front page of the blog are me already down some weight.  So, here you go....

me and my brother.

me on the left, Trish on the right

do I really need to comment? 

Okay....enough of that.  I realized that I really dont have too many newer pics of myself.  But I will post the ones I do have.  I am usually the picture taker...  Here's what I have:

So there you have it.  Before and now.

Today's reason for losing weight:
Self confidence.  I have already gained some back but there is a long way to go.

Today I am thankful for:
I had *some* self confidence while jogging past the construction men.  It was a long way from where I was a year ago when merely walking past any group of people probably would have made me feel ashamed of myself.  There is still room for improvement in this area but I am getting there.

WW? (Jennifer)

I dont have much to report today which isnt all that bad.  No drama = good   :)    I got on the scale this morning and it said 161.8.  I flirt with 161 now and then but never get to stay there for longer than a day.  I am still counting calories and making healthy choices when eating.  And I feel good about that.  Part of me is debating whether or not to get back into WW.  But I would most likely do it on my own.  At least it would give me a good guideline to go by.  I realize that this is where I struggle.  It isnt necessary eating bad foods because, shockingly, I seem to have that under control these days.  Its more or less trying to figure out how much to eat per day for my body at this weight.  So it may be WW in the near future.  I have always been a believer in the program but never had the control to do it properly.  But I think I may benefit from it at this stage of the game.

I am thinking about getting into the old pics I have of me and doing some befores and afters.  I havent seen many pics of me since before my weight loss so this oughta be interesting.  I hope I can look and really see a difference.  Sometimes, even though it is 65 lbs I really struggle to see the difference in the mirror. Odd right?  Still have the big girl mentality.  So anyway, when I get the hard drive out and go through 1000's of pictures I will post the ones that give me that "wow" feeling.  Stay tuned.

Today's reason for losing weight:
At one point I posted my reason for losing to be so I could wrap a normal size towel around me after a shower.  Not one of those big girl towels that I had bought but the kind at my moms house...regular sized towels.  I am happy to tell you that I accomplished this goal!  And there was way less of a peep show going on too!  My next goal:  closing down the peep show all together...

Today I am thankful for:
One of the moms at my daughters dance class who told me she cant imagine that I was ever that overweight.  Another one of those thoughts that hits you like a brick... 

Woke up this morning... (Jennifer)

I woke up this morning expecting my ankle to be in pain.  But it wasnt!  However, my back was killing me.  I was tossing and turning and it just hurt.  I have had this happen before when I started running.  And I have treated this situation in two different ways in the past.  The first few times I thought, I cant run for a while.  I would wait until it felt better.  But when I really started getting serious about my running a few months back, I got a little hardcore and went running one morning (despite the fact that I could barely WALK when I got up).  And I am so glad that I chose to do that on that day.  Because the actual run wasnt painful to my back and actually loosened things up and it was better afterwards too!  So thats what I did this morning.  And it worked the same way!  . The legs hurt from my runs, but in a good way.  I welcome pain that is proof of my hard work!!!

I saw on TV last night that there was quite a bit of rain coming in for the coming days.  I actually got onto the weather station online and looked at the hourly report for the morning.  I really wanted to run since I did it yesterday.  I had a few hours in the early morning to get a run in before the rain got here.  So I did that!  I got up, got dressed, got my littles ones all ready for the day(the bigger little one had school), and went out for my 2 miles..  The cool weather really is the best!  I got home, loaded the kiddies in the car (still all sweaty -time was tight) and dropped one off at school and then headed to the gym with the other.  I did some strength training.  I thought...am I getting my "thang" back?  My MOJO?  Whoo hoo!!!

Today's reason for losing weight (back by popular demand...hehe):

To motivate others.  If I had personally known someone who changed their life the way that I have I may have started on this journey earlier.  I wish I had found the blogging world earlier to see that real people make real changes to better themselves.  And if they can do it, so can I!  And I hope that someday someone can look at my journey and realize they can do it to!  My work is not done...it will always be a work in progress!


Today I am thankful for:

the truck that drove by me on my run this morning.  Now, cars drive by me all the time on my runs.  But today something hit me.  The truck was going by me and I waved.  He waved back. I had no idea who it was and thats when it hit me.  To random people I look like A RUNNER.  I am a runner?  When I used to see people running I would think "wow..good for them.  It takes a pretty fit and committed person to be a runner".  Now I am one. Not a big deal, just one of those moments that hit me like a brick.  I love how those sneak up sometimes :)

Patience (Jennifer)

I admit that patience was not one of my strong points.  However, I will say that over the past few years I have been forced to be more patient.  There have been many situations in my life that have taken me completely out of control and I had no choice but to learn patience.  And that is a good thing in my opinion.  Something positive coming from crappy situations.

cute right?

Today, I was feeling a little *bored*...interesting coming from the chick who was just complaining about her new busier schedule right?  How quickly we adjust.  Anyway, I was pouting around the house.  I was cranky.   I have done my best over the last month to be patient with my ankle and inability to run and do zumba.  Today, my patience ran out(did I mention it is a work in progress?).  I got my workout clothes on, my ankle brace, my Ipod, and my kicks and out the door I went.  I figured I had to try.  I set out for a 2 mile run having no idea what to expect.  Maybe I would only make it to the end of the driveway, who knew.  The ankle popped a few times here and there, BUT...I made it.  Two miles.  I thought maybe my endurance would have dwindled, that it might be a bad running experience, that maybe I would have to even stop because I couldnt breath, or that my ankle would hurt and I would have to quit (I made myself a deal that at the first sign of pain I would stop).

I was pleasantly suprised today.  And I was reminded why I love running and why I was so sad for not being able to do it for the last month. Back came my confidence, my happiness, my pride.  All this from a run?  Seriously?  I felt like a rockstar really, and I still do right now.  I was running and I had some time to myself with my tunes.  And it felt better than I could have dreamed.  The weather was cool, the sun wasnt out, no humidity...it was just awesome.  I was in a zone. 

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.  I also believe that most of those reasons we will never know.  God has a plan for each of us and its difficult to understand what it is.  I have liked running for a while now but I used to have a hard time getting myself out there to do it.  Not being able to because of my injury has brought me a whole new appreciation for running. 

Life brings crappy things to our paths sometimes and if I have learned anything over the last few years it is to try to pull the positive out of that *crap*.  If we look hard enough(with the exception of death in my opinion) we can usually find something positive, even if it something little, tiny, miniscule. 

Hope you all had a great weekend.  I leave you with one of my favorite sayings....

Well...(Jennifer)

Well, as excited as I was to get back into exercising, my ankle was not quite as excited when I got up yesterday morning.  It actually felt, and still does, worse than when I originally sprained it when I fell.  I didnt call the dr as I have a follow up Monday and she has already said I need a foot dr.  They havent called yet with the appt so I took things into my own hands and made the darn appt myself :)  Wednesday.  Maybe I can get some answers next week.

Until then I am trying to be very good with my diet.  I am watching and counting what I am eating.  I am back to the lower end of the 160's where I have been hanging out for months now.  The thing that amazes me though is that my weight has pretty much been consistent when I was working out 5 days a week and now that I am not working out.  Interesting...  I am hoping then when I can get back to the exercising it will get me into the 150's!

On a serious note, Trish who shares this blog, is having a hard time right now with a health related situation.  I am not going to get into specifics as she has asked me not to, but she has asked that I reach out to our followers for some prayers.  I am sure she will be on here soon enough :)

Have a great day all :)

I did it (Jennifer)

I did it.  I went to the gym(and even went in this time :)  With my new busier routine and my injured ankle and such, it has been a while since I have been at the gym.  Today I did it.  And it felt great.  The workout was tougher than usual since it has been almost a month since my injury and my body felt it.  But I did it.  I used the elliptical.  My ankle tolerated it but I did have some numbness in the foot area.  After 6 minutes I was asking myself how I could do it for 20 or 30 minutes.  I was tired and out of breath already.  It was a foreign feeling.  Interesting right?  But I got chatting(between panting of course) with the lady next to me and before I knew it I had burned 350 calories and was well over 20 minutes.  Then I moved on to some upper body weight training.  That felt good too.  But what really felt good was just knowing that I am helping myelf.   Even though things are busier in our lives these days it feels good to know that I am making the effort to help myself.  That plays a big part for me in the mental part of this journey. 

Another thing I realized is that although I have "stumbled" and have had a few rough eating days, my weight has really been amazingly(for me) consistent.  I usually weigh between the same 5 lbs range.  This morning I was at 163.6.  My range my body seems to be liking at this point(its been since June I think) is 161-166 ish.  Life has been busy.  I have had treats here and there.  I have had, and still do, have an obstacle with my ankle.  Life has happened day after day, and I realized that I seem to be handling it well.  I would like to get some more weight off but so far I am proud of my accomplishments.   As of today I am 63 lbs down in this journey. It is different now.   I am different now.  There is no yo-yoing going on.  There are no binges, and therefore no guilt afterward.  And there is no finish line.  I now understand that I am doing this for my health and I will never be able to go back to the way I used to eat and how inactive I was.   So despite the challenges that have come up and will come up in the future, I have confidence in myself that I can handle it.  Now...that is something I can be proud of. 

Hope you are all having a great day.

Almost (Jennifer)

This morning I got up and got my gym clothes on.  I packed my gym bag with a water bottle and my kicks and off I went.  I dropped my daughter off and headed to the gym.  I waited in ridiculous traffic getting off the exit but I eventually made it to the gym.  I parked the car and just couldnt do it.  I sat there for a few minutes thinking about how I didnt feel good.  I am on antibiotics and it must be breaking stuff down in there because I spent an awful lot of time coughing this morning.  I actually feel worse?  My chest hurt. I felt like a space cadet.  I looked in the mirror and my eyes looked all puffy and I just felt like crap.  So I started the car back up and back home I went.  My hubs must have agreed because one look at me and he told me I should take a nap when the girls did.  I am not a good napper.  Never have been.  But I layed down when they did and next thing I know it was 2 hours later.   So it probably was a good choice to relax today.  I still cant believe that I went all the way there and didnt go in!  Especially since I was really looking forward to it.  But my body told me no and I listened.  My intentions were good.  Its so frustrating that I actually (finally) have the desire to exercise and there just seem to be some roadblocks.  I just keep telling myself that my ducks will be in a row again soon and I will be back at it!

I wasnt going to weigh this morning but I figured I needed to face the music.  166.1.  Not too bad but not the low 160's I have been.    My eating today was good and although I didnt work out I am feeling like I am making good choices. 

Stumbled (Jennifer)

I think this is the first time in this journey that I can actually say that I have stumbled.  I mean, there have been meals here and there or even days that werent stellar(I AM human afterall), but this past week hasnt been good.  And I guess I am not all that surprised.  When you throw the stress of a new routine in  with the inability to exercise at full potential it is an not a pretty outcome.  But I recognize it.  I am an all or nothing kinda girl.  But I have come too far.  I am not even going to get on the scale, as I havent for a few days now.  I didnt want to know because I dont want the discouragement.  But this journey is way more than numbers for me.  I have learned so much along the way.  Tomorrow, I am going to the gym.   I will attempt the elliptical for cardio and pray to God that my ankle allows it without pain or popping.  I am hoping it is my saving grace.  Just because I cant do my preferred exercises(running and zumba) at this point doesnt mean I cant do ANYTHING.  This is just a bump in the road.  I need to get back to feeling good about me.  And it is more than just numbers on a scale, it is about making the right choices.  Exercise and making good choices makes me feel good.

So there you have it.  I may not have answers about this ankle right now, but I am not going to let it get me down.  I am not going to become a blob on the couch.  If there is no tear in the tendon and it is sore just a bit then maybe its just a really long healing process.  The scan showed bruising even several weeks after my injury.  So maybe all will be fine soon.  One can hope right?  And maybe the popping is something I can get used to with every step.  At this point it totally annoys me.  Enough that I have created a new walk for myself to avoid the pop.  Who knows....maybe with time(certainly not yet) I will attempt a short run once the soreness is gone.  Time will tell... Please keep your fingers crossed :)

MRI results...only me (Jennifer)

Only me....  Only I could go to the dr to get the results of my MRI and leave with a laundry list of diagnosises.  Before the dr even came in the nurse tells me she is getting the paperwork ready for the podiatrist.  I am thinking...great.  Then she caught on that I had no idea what she was talking about and said the dr would be right in to talk to me.  So she comes in and says the good news is that the tendon is not torn.  Yaaay, right?!  Thats what I thought.  Then she proceeds to tell me how the MRI did show that there is a pretty good bruise in there and something to do with tendons, even after 4 weeks.   She said it also showed that I have degenerative arthritis in the ankle, a bone spur of some sort(not even sure what this is), oh, and a ganglion cyst too.  All this in one ankle.  Then she says how I also have a fever(they check your temp as routine I guess) and wants to check me out.  I have been feeling a bit run down the last few days but thought it was the stress and adjustment of my new daily routine.  Nope.   I left there with an upper respiratory infection and a sinus infection to add to list of ailments.  See why I hate going to the dr?  All that from an appt to get the results of an MRI of my ankle.

She also said she wants to do another MRI of my foot and higher ankle since it is still popping.  She wants to make sure she didnt miss something.  I asked her if I can start exercising again since it has been a month and she said yes but to take it easy on the joint.  I am guessing no running or hopping around in zumba yet.  I told her how I dont have much pain in the ankle as long as I do my "special walk".  I have come up with a walk that makes no popping or pain :)  I dont think she liked that since thats when she said she wanted to do another MRI.  Anyway, I will start out slow.  Maybe the eliptical can be a popping free exercise?  My hope is that it is just the bruise causing the popping and inflammation?  Seems to be taking a long time to go away.

My tummy (Jennifer)

My tummy is now letting me know just how much it did not like all the meat, cheese, eggs and such that I ate last week while attempting South Beach.  While I did eat the allowed vegetables and have salads while on the plan, it just wasnt enough to make up for the other stuff that doesnt have fiber.  I mention frequently that I have stomach issues and try my hardest to get enough fiber.  The amount of fiber I take in along with tons of water would make an average person be in the bathroom quite frequently... But not me.  What can I say?  Another lesson learned I guess!

MRI done (Jennifer)

My MRI for my ankle was scheduled for this Saturday morning.  It has been scheduled for well over a week now.  The radiology place called me this morning and asked me to come in today instead.  So  I did.  The MRI is all done and on to the next phase of the waiting game.  I have been trying to walk normally which has caused some of the pain to come back and the popping to happen.  But it isnt excrutiating pain or anything.  So...if nothing shows on the MRI does that mean I am good to go(to exercise)?  Time will tell I guess.  I have a follow-up appt with the NP on Friday so I will find more out then :)

So I was laying on the MRI table for a while and I almost felt...thin???I am far from thin and have lots of flubba in the belly area.  But  I was flat on my back, my pants were nice and loose and I didnt feel like a blob.  An improvement, I thought.  Then, the guy gave me headphones because apparently this is a loud and lenghty(20 minutes) test.  He asked if I wanted anything in particular to listen to.  I am easy.  I said no, whatever was fine.  So, he puts on our local hip/hop station.  I must be crazy because I thought ...wow...maybe I am looking younger and stylish these days because this is what he thought I would like!  Do I look like a hip hop kinda girl?  Am I looking younger?  Me?  If not, oh well.  But it was nice to tell myself so!  I am crazy right?!  All that from the guy turning music on in my headphones...haha!

Thanks for all the comments on my little ones!  You guys are so sweet.  My girls are my life :)

Week 2.1 (Tricia)

Hi Everyone!
First, Thank you to Jennifer for saying how nice it is to see me back, its hard getting back into the blogging routine! Second, my week one went great, and I lost 9.1 lbs. That means I am down about 3lbs from when I first went on Medifast. That was so exciting for me! However...then came the weekend and I went off the diet a little. I am disappointed in myself since I made it three months the first round and only a week this time around. And, I am always saying that the plan doesn't work if you don't do it to the T. But, I am over it and time to move on to this week. I don't think I will be able to do Medifast for very long this time around because it is quite expensive, so I am trying to think of what to do when I am off the plan to control my weight and to keep losing. I had a very long conversation with my good friend Brooke on Saturday about all of the choices I have. I am considering WW and counting calories, but I am always looking for other ideas. So a question to all of our great readers out there.. What plan works best for you and why?

Teresa

Hello!

I just finished a session with JM.....The 30 Day Shred. So I felt ambitious and had the need to blog! I feel so good! It is amazing what exercise does for you both mentally and physically. This weekend we celebrated my son's 2nd birthday and like Jen I cannot believe how quickly the time passes. Anyway we had a bouncy bounce and I got in a few times and I just felt so wonderful and free....it made me want to start exercising again! So as school gets a bit easier I will get back to the gym full time, until then I will do it at home! Yesterday we went to Citi Field to see the Mets play.....well to see the Mets. Anyone who knows baseball knows they do not actually play.....which makes me sad because I LOVE the Mets! Back to the point...I did not eat too healthy this weekend especially at the game but I did not over eat which makes me proud. I have no idea what I weigh because my battery died in the scale. But yesterday my husband asked me if I had my "big girl" jeans on and I did. He said I should get rid of them because they looked bad...way too big. So today I got out some old pants from 3 years ago and they fit....went on with ease! So all in all I guess I am moving along!

Just doesnt feel right (Jennifer)

Today my big little one went to preschool!  Wow!!!  Where did the time go?  There were no tears today though which was an improvement.  I got them out on Friday when we went for orientation.  She was so excited to go!  And I here I was in disbelief that the day was here!  Wasnt she just born yesterday?  Next year my littlest little one will go too!  I will probably be beside myself.  She already cant wait!

I appreciate every minute I have with these little girls.  They are my pride and joy and they are getting so big so fast.  Okay...tearing up...sniff...

Where was I?  Right...It just didnt feel right(my title today).  I have been following South Beach for about a week now.  I have been saying all along that it just didnt feel right.   It felt like dieting eating when I am allowed to eat certain foods and not others and so on.  The scale this morning did say 161.4 this morning.  And for that I am grateful.  I have flirted with that number before but never stayed for longer than a day.  I have battled all week with my head telling me the way I have been eating is not right.  Meat, cheese, eggs, and some veggies.  So....I made the decision to come off.  It wasnt like I caved and got ice cream or anything.  No.  I got up and had a whole grain sandwich thin with whipped cream cheese and all natural jelly...for 160 calories :)  I appreciate food again and for that I am happy.  For snack, a yogurt.  For dinner tonight:  turkey chili.  So...it was a good thing for me to do because the plan made me appreciate food again.  And that is important for me.  It allows me to eat in moderation better.  Before, I got a little greedy and was nibbling here and there, and having this or that snack just because I felt like it.  And for the most part, I have handled it well.  I have maintained within a few pounds for months now.  That, to me, is a huge deal.  It lets me know that I CAN do this.  I CAN be healthy!  I am feeling on track and appreciative.  I know the 161 will be short lived as it is probably water weight but I will continue with what I consider to be healthy eating (whole grains, fruits, veggies, etc).  To me...this is what feels right.  This whole  journey, to my surprise, has become so much more than a number on the scale to me.  Thanks to you all for your continued support.  It really means the world to me.

Hanging in there-weigh in results (Jennifer)

I am hanging in there on my variation of the South Beach diet.  It still feels odd eating so much meat. And I am watching my cheese intake so my stomach doesnt get too out of whack. Yesterday we were out and I was starving.  This is a constant battle I am finding on this plan.  I just dont know what to eat...ever.  Veggies and meat and cheese is the jist I get out it.  I had gotten used to my staple foods that I love and get me through,  but most of them(like 99%) are not allowed on the first 2 weeks of the South Beach plan.  But I am trying to hang in there because the next phase will likely be much easier for me.  I can add my foods back in and pretty much return to the way I was eating.  South Beach wants you to eat whole grains and such.  I already dont eat many plain white bread products or bad sugars since losing the 65 lbs and I try to eat whole grain whenever possible.  I am a changed person in that aspect I think :)  So,  the next phase which is in 11 days (who's counting though, right?) should be better.  I have a re-appreciation of food which will help with my eating in moderation.  I think it is just what I needed.  Sometimes I think it is easy for me to lose that appreciation of food, and to get it back is one of the keys to my success.

Oh, todays weigh in:  164.6.  I am getting back down there. 

Hope you all are having a great day :)

Debate (Jennifer)

A few things:  First, I would like to welcome Trish back into the world of blogging.  I have missed her and I am so glad to have her back participating in our blog.  You all are the best support I have ever had in my journey.  And I am sure that Trish will find it to be equally as supportive.  Her mind is in the right place and I am just so happy for her.  She is my cousin, and I love her like the sister I never had.   Second, my MRI is scheduled for Sept 18(a Saturday).  I am looking forward to some answers and a plan to move forward one way or another!  The ankle does not "hurt" per say but this popping/snapping with every step is uncomfortable and pretty annoying too.

So, I decided a few days ago that I would try a variation of the South Beach diet.  There has been much debate in my mind over this.  Doing it yesterday(day 1) made me feel like I was on a diet, unsatisfied at times,  a bit confused, unsure what to eat, feeling like I should count calories even the plan doesnt want you to...etc.   I know for a fact that I am taking in way more calories in than when I was counting calories.  But on this plan they only want you to restrict the carbs for 2 weeks.  So on the other side of my debate.... I think:   it is only 2 weeks, what do I have to lose?, I am unable to exercise much at this time so maybe this is what I need, and the biggest thing for me is that after the 2 weeks you go into another phase of the plan.  After researching it I realized that it instructs you to eat (get this...) pretty much the way I have been for months!  Whole grains, fruits, and pretty much healthier choices!  So I will tough it out for a bit, but then I would transition into something much more doable and much less diety.  But I do have my doubts about this two weeks.  But, a good thing is that I have again, after just one day on this plan, started to appreciate food again.  And maybe this is just what I need.  My hubs said "you seem to really enjoy the rigidy of it".  Like Medifast...they tell you what to eat and that is it.  I have to keep reminding myself that this phase of the South Beach only lasts 2 weeks.  It just doesnt seem like REAL eating and causes me a lot of contradiction and confusion.   I am so used to the eat less, eat more healthy stuff, and exercise theory.

I will take this day by day.

Getting it back together (Jennifer)

Alright.  This blog is meant for honesty and that is what you will all get.  All was well until the inlaws came into town.  My mother in law is quite a snacker and brings all sorts of things that I love and have a hard time turning down.  I overindulged and have this disappointed and dusgusted feeling in myself.  I didnt count calories and it was so bad I just threw the whole day out.  I have been yoyoing in and out of control  for a few weeks now.  And my weight has fluctuated just a few pounds over several months. 

Enough.  Is.  Enough.

I am back in control.   I dont like how I feel mentally, I dont like how my body feels physically, and I am extremely unhappy with  my being unable to exercise fully.  Its time to get back into control.  Starting right now I will be meticulous with my eating and be happy with the results I see.  I am going to lower my carbs and fat,  and up my protein. I will eat my 5-6 meals a day as I did on Medifast.  I will not completely take carbs out of my diet(as you dont on MF either) but for the time being while I am doing much less exercise than I am used to I think it is a good idea.  When my ankle gets better and I resume my exercise routine I will no longer watch the carbs.  At that point I know it is essential to eat carbs to have beneficial workouts.  So here it goes!  I learned a lot on Medifast and while I will not be doing the plan again, I will use many of the skills that made me successful.  I may even follow something like South Beach as a guideline but I wont officially be on that plan.

I feel better already.  I am down 65 lbs and wont allow myself to spiral downward now.  I have come too far.

Jennifer

Medifast day 2.1 (Tricia)

So I decided to start my Mideast while I am waiting for the doctor's apt about my gallbladder. I figured that I had to stick to a low fat diet anyway...and I couldn't wait any longer watching my food just sit there. I bought enough for two weeks. My goal is to do another three months of it, but the cost of the food probably won't allow me to. Here's to hoping!
I started this weekend because I thought it would be perfect having three days off to get over my crankiness, headaches, and dizziness. This time I was prepared and did all of my shopping before hand so I wouldn't have to deal with the grocery store for the first week of the diet. The last time I went in the first day and wanted to ransack the bakery. This time, I knew what to expect and tried to make the firs few days as easy as possible.
I woke up on Saturday morning really excited about starting. When I drank my first shake that morning, I found that it was very comforting to me. I must have gotten so used to the routine before that it felt so natural now. Hopefully that feeling will last through my future cravings. I am so excited to be on the diet again and to get back on track with my weight-loss!

Not so bad appt and weigh in (Jennifer)

Well, my dr appt today was not as awful as I had anticipated it would be.  And as promised I will eat my words :)   I got there and since it was a Saturday it was a much smaller scale than how it is on a weekday at this large medical complex.  When she came in she had a big smile on her face and was nice as could be.  She asked what happened, I told her how I twisted my ankle and fell while jogging off the pavement onto the grass to get out of the way of an oncoming car.  She asked some questions, I answered and she examined my foot.  She touched it a certain way which I have never done and the popping feeling began.  She said immediately that I needed an MRI and that it is a tendon thing.  Since I hadnt had an x-ray yet she said they would do that and then schedule the MRI after the insurance approves it next week.  She pretty much said that the X-ray was to make sure the structure of the foot is okay and mainly the first step to getting the MRI approved.  So, I still have to wait for the call to get the MRI scheduled but at least it is better than having to go back 5 times for them to believe something is wrong.  That, and she was nice and seemed caring even.  Now that is just what I needed after having such awful experiences in the past. 

I weighed in today and it wasnt pretty.  My hubs told me how good I had been when we were out of town and that when I do indulge it isnt anything like it used to be.  Maybe so...so why would that darn piece of glass and metal tell me I gained 6 lbs from last week?  Today's weight:  168.   The exercise has been different without running and zumba.  But I am actually doing the 30 day shred to the best of my ability with the ankle injury.  I am sweating when I am done.  I also am doing some upper body workouts as well as abs at the gym.  I am hoping it is water weight from the different foods that I ate over the past few days that are no longer part of my normal eating habits.

 I did some research about why I can eat over my calories for a few days and seem to gain 5-7 lbs that takes me weeks to get off.  And the answer I found makes perfect sense.  I have been saying that I want to find the right calorie intake right for my body to lose, and that everything I was finding was saying that 1200 calories wasnt enough for me, right?  The losses have been slow and pretty minimal over the last several months.  It seems like a long plateau.  Well, ALL the info I found today said that I most likely had been undereating  for what my body required.  And that makes sense.  I was doing a lot of exercise and 1200-1300 calories just wasnt enough.  So when I indulge and put the extra cals in,  my body grabs them up and holds on to them...hence the immediate large gain.  It is a process.  I looked up how many calories I should be eating with my now reduced exercise and it says around 1400-1500 a day to lose weight.  I was taking in like 1200-1300 plus all the intense exercising I was doing and now it makes sense...ding ding ding...a bell went off in my head.  So, I am going to try to use this change in my exercise routine due to my ankle injury as an opportunity to get this calorie thing figured out.  I know it wont be easy or quick but I will give it my best.  I will eat between 1400-1500 calories a day for now and let my body get used to that.  And then I will work it out using that as my starting point. 

I am learning something new all the time on the journey. 

Jennifer

Going tomorrow..for real this time. (Jennifer)

Okay, I have finally had enough of the ankle.  I thought it was getting better.  And the pain part really has improved drastically.  However, I still have the popping feeling behind the ankle with every step.  It is a big enough pop that it is affecting how I walk.  So I broke down and made the appt for tomorrow.  I would have gone today but we didnt get back into town until this morning and then my daughter had a dance performance midday and there just wasnt enough time.  Luckily the dr office has Saturday appts. 

The reason I was so hesitant about going is because I have really lost a lot of faith in the medical profession over the past few years.  Its a long drawn out story that I wont bore you all with, but in short our daughter was misdiagnosed with leukemia at 4 weeks old(even though it was a misdiagnosis that I was glad for she was still very sick), and then I also had an extremely painful joint inflammation sickness of some sort which no dr seemed to care about until like my 8th visit... when I was finally just about incapable of walking and taking care of my kids(not exaggerating).  By that point my ankles were HUGE from inflammation and I couldnt even bend  many of my joints, I had fevers every day and it hurt to just exist.  I coudnt even sleep because moving in bed was excrutiating.  One dr I saw, while telling her my symptoms had the nerve to tell me I had to make an appt for a physical because she didnt have the time for this.  What?  She wasnt even in the room for 5 minutes.  So there I was just about in tears because I am trying to tell her my symptoms that had come on so quickly and changed my life and that is her response?  She doesnt have time?  Finally after no help from the several visits to the regular drs, I went to the ER.  I was desperate and in so much pain.  And after a 7 hour wait (I kid you not) they told me they dont have a rheumatologist on staff at 2 am (I went in at 7pm) and handed me pain pills that did not help one bit.  They said they could clearly see how much pain I was in and felt bad for me.  Seriously?  For so many weeks I felt helpless and was in so much pain because no one took the time to help me.  However, the ER  did give me a referral to a rheumatologist which I had to make an appt myself and finally caught a break when there was a cancellation the next week.  Otherwise I would have had to wait several months.  Seriously????????????  It was probably almost 2 months before I saw a dr who while he was not overly friendly, he took the time to hear me out and relieved my pain and did further testing.

So...in my head, here is how I think it will play out tomorrow:  I will be sitting on the little exam bed, the NP will come in with all of 2 minutes allowed to spend with me, barely listen to what I have to say, maybe take an x-ray, tell me its not broken and to go home.  In which time I will go back home and suffer for more time until I have to go back again because it isnt getting better.  Maybe after a few visits they will refer me out to a specialist which will also take several weeks, or maybe do an MRI.   All this while collecting $20-$40 each visit.  Then off to the next patient. 

I apologize for being bitter.  I truly hope that I am wrong.  I would be the first to say so if that is the case.  I am generally not a negative person as I hope most of my posts reflect, but the medical field is just a tough thing for me.  I dont have a family dr that I love and trust.  I wish I did because maybe I wouldnt avoid the visits so much.  My hubs must agree because he said he doesnt think the dr will help me.  They whiz in and out in less than 5 minutes and that is that.  I am just a number, not a real person with a real problem that is affecting my life.  I used to have a dr I respected but he no longer takes my insurance :(

Well, that was a deep post...much deeper than intended.  But I just wanted to let you all know WHY I have been procrastinating on going.  It isnt that I dont care.  I truly do.  I want so much to get back to running and exercising in general.  I have been doing what I can do.  Exercise makes me feel good.  And like my mom says, even if it does take 10 visits to get somewhere I should at least get the ball rolling and be my own advocate.  I am not really the stand up for myself person she is!