Today was weigh in after 3 weeks on Medifast. I felt like I handled the week pretty well and got very excited to get on the scale this morning and see 161.2!! Thats a loss of 3.7 lbs this week! So why is it then that I am trying talk myself into coming off the plan all day? My back hurt, I was ready to blame Medifast. Really I am just looking for an excuse. We are having company all weekend. I look forward to it but hate that I will not be enjoying the yummy food that will come along with it. But on the other hand, I am so close to my lowest weight and think that I should be even more motivated! Two more lbs and I will be in the 150's. I havent been in the 150's since college which was well over a decade ago. Since having children via c-secions and getting this *new body* I know that I wont look like I did back then but I am still excited. I have had a few people tell me that I dont have any more to lose. According to the BMI charts I have 15-20 more lbs to lose to be considered healthy. I again talked to my husband about what he thought and he agrees that I should keep going. My goal all along has been 150, even though I still am considered overweight by the BMI standards at that weight.
I feel the anxiety of my unexplained health situation coming back and somehow it has taken away a little of the excitement of losing on Medifast. There are some new symptoms, and some old ones that have revisited that get me concerned. But I am trying my best to have faith that it isnt serious because they havent found anythng yet. I am trying so hard to find comfort in that.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*Today my daughter had a mothers day event at her preschool. It was so cute. And there are always a lot of pictures taken and posted for everyone to see. When looking at them today, I realized that I didnt think "wow...I look fat". Now, I didnt exactly love how I looked but I did not pick at my weight like I have so many times in the past.
Today I am thankful for:
*my ambition to clean my house today! Its so much nicer to do when you are ambitious!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Spring
Could it be that I woke up this morning to some sunshine?? We live in NY, near a huge lake and therefore cloud cover is much more common than sunshine, especially in winter and spring. Its one thing I noticed fairly quickly(along with the tons of lake effect snow) when we moved here. So, it was kind of a treat to wake up to the sun, especially with all the rain we have had this past month.
However, the hubs had to go to work pretty early today. Around 5:30 I hear him calling for me asking me to help him. I hopped out of bed immediately because I know him and he doesnt ask for help...ever. So I went into the bathroom and see that he has a tick on his leg. A deer tick...embedded with the red mark and all. I removed it and looked it up online, even though I knew it was a deer tick and what he needed to do. We have pulled many ticks off the dog and I have done my research. I finally convinced him that he needs to go to the dr right away and get specific anitbiotics. He finally agreed to go as soon as they opened. I am waiting to hear from him.
***Update: the hubs went and they gave him antibiotics just from what they could see on his leg. They sent the tick away for testing to see how long it was embedded but this will not determine if it had lyme disease. For now we need to watch the site on his leg for any changes. Please say a prayer. Thanks.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*Self confidence. Is there anything better than feeling good about yourself? It can overflow into other parts of our lives.
Today I am thankful for:
*having the opportunity to do Medifast. I had a friend give me some left over food she had and that has helped to make it financially possible. I am also thankful for my appetite that seems to have shrunken. This can be a tough plan if you are hungry. I am thankful that for the past few days I have been able to manage that.
However, the hubs had to go to work pretty early today. Around 5:30 I hear him calling for me asking me to help him. I hopped out of bed immediately because I know him and he doesnt ask for help...ever. So I went into the bathroom and see that he has a tick on his leg. A deer tick...embedded with the red mark and all. I removed it and looked it up online, even though I knew it was a deer tick and what he needed to do. We have pulled many ticks off the dog and I have done my research. I finally convinced him that he needs to go to the dr right away and get specific anitbiotics. He finally agreed to go as soon as they opened. I am waiting to hear from him.
***Update: the hubs went and they gave him antibiotics just from what they could see on his leg. They sent the tick away for testing to see how long it was embedded but this will not determine if it had lyme disease. For now we need to watch the site on his leg for any changes. Please say a prayer. Thanks.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*Self confidence. Is there anything better than feeling good about yourself? It can overflow into other parts of our lives.
Today I am thankful for:
*having the opportunity to do Medifast. I had a friend give me some left over food she had and that has helped to make it financially possible. I am also thankful for my appetite that seems to have shrunken. This can be a tough plan if you are hungry. I am thankful that for the past few days I have been able to manage that.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The plan... (Jennifer)
I have decided that I need to hit the gym and start toning my muscles. Unlike intense cardio, weight lifting I can do while on Medifast. I should be taking advantage of my gym membership. So thats my plan. I look forward to getting back into the swing of things. Once summer comes and school is done for my daughter I plan to get back into the actual weight training classes they offer. I havent been able to go to them because the times conflict with school drop-off. Those classes were the ones that REALLY made me feel the muscles that I didnt even know I had. The classes were so tough that there were many times I literally could barely walk for several days after. This time I plan to use lower weights when starting to avoid that if at all possible.
So thats it. Thats the plan. Physically I still feel like something isnt right with my body. But I cannot put my life on hold like I have for the past several months(like 6). I am trying to have faith. And today I realized that by me doing Medifast and getting back into the gym that I am finally making an attempt to move on. I also realized that as of my last weigh in of 164.9 lbs that I am only 5 lbs away from my first goal...to get into the 150's. I have not been there since college more than a decade ago and I really look forward to it.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to accomplish my goal and see the 150's! Its so odd how sometimes it feels like its impossible because I have been trying for soooo long to get there. And other times it feels like its only 5 small pounds away and I am so close! I much prefer to think of it being so close and feasible!! What's 5 lbs when I am already down 65 right? Thats the mindset I need to have to succeed. No more poor me negativity.
Today I am thankful for:
*I found a lump in my breast. I called the dr, got in right away and they did a sonogram right in the office. This literally all happened within 3 hours of me making the call. I am thankful that it turned out to be glandular tissue, and also that I was able to get some answers so quickly. I really wish the whole healthcare system worked like this. But for now, I am thankful that it worked that way for me today!
So thats it. Thats the plan. Physically I still feel like something isnt right with my body. But I cannot put my life on hold like I have for the past several months(like 6). I am trying to have faith. And today I realized that by me doing Medifast and getting back into the gym that I am finally making an attempt to move on. I also realized that as of my last weigh in of 164.9 lbs that I am only 5 lbs away from my first goal...to get into the 150's. I have not been there since college more than a decade ago and I really look forward to it.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to accomplish my goal and see the 150's! Its so odd how sometimes it feels like its impossible because I have been trying for soooo long to get there. And other times it feels like its only 5 small pounds away and I am so close! I much prefer to think of it being so close and feasible!! What's 5 lbs when I am already down 65 right? Thats the mindset I need to have to succeed. No more poor me negativity.
Today I am thankful for:
*I found a lump in my breast. I called the dr, got in right away and they did a sonogram right in the office. This literally all happened within 3 hours of me making the call. I am thankful that it turned out to be glandular tissue, and also that I was able to get some answers so quickly. I really wish the whole healthcare system worked like this. But for now, I am thankful that it worked that way for me today!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A little shopping and my "big girl" mentality (Jennifer)
I did a little shopping this weekend. Since I have lost some weight I have really begun to love shopping again. Its such a different experience to shop for "normal" sized clothing as opposed to the plus size clothes I used to have to wear. When I started Medifast a few weeks ago I would say I was comfortably wearing a size 14. And since its that time of the month for me I felt like I would be lucky to fit in a size 14 when I went shopping yesterday. I grabbed some things and despite how bloated and big I felt, only the size 12 stuff fit! There was one point when I held up a size 12 capris and put them down and said to my friend, "wow, these look really little". She grabbed them and threw them in our pile and told me I had to try them. So I did, and dont you know they turned out the be the best thing I put on!
Then there was another great experience. I walked by a cute pair of pants and they caught my eye. I went back to look at them and realized that they were a size 12, but that they were tapered on the bottom. That is not a good look on me... So I moved on and continued looking. A few minutes later I see this skinny girl looking at the pants. She picked them up and brought them into the dressing room. I almost fell over. I went running over to my friend and told her what I had saw and asked her how could it be that she is such a "little thing" and we were looking at the same size pants? This made me realize that I still struggle with a *big girl* mentality, even after losing so much weight. I look in the mirror and even though I have lost a large chunk of weight(65 ish lbs), I only see a smaller version of the *big girl* me. I still have an awful midsection with stretch marks and surgery scars. I still have a HUGE FUPA(the area below my belly button that literally hangs off the front of my body) that the doctors have clearly told me will only go away with surgery. It is very noticable. I still have cellulite on my legs. So, while I am a smaller version, I still see the same me. Does that make sense? I once showed a friend my FUPA and she said "wow, I didnt know you had that". I work very hard to hide it.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I cant wait to get below 160 and see what changes my body will have. 160 is the lowest I have gotten in this journey so anything below that is new territory. I cant wait!
Today I am thankful for:
* my friend who I went shopping with. True friends really are hard to come by so when I do, I am so appreciative.
Then there was another great experience. I walked by a cute pair of pants and they caught my eye. I went back to look at them and realized that they were a size 12, but that they were tapered on the bottom. That is not a good look on me... So I moved on and continued looking. A few minutes later I see this skinny girl looking at the pants. She picked them up and brought them into the dressing room. I almost fell over. I went running over to my friend and told her what I had saw and asked her how could it be that she is such a "little thing" and we were looking at the same size pants? This made me realize that I still struggle with a *big girl* mentality, even after losing so much weight. I look in the mirror and even though I have lost a large chunk of weight(65 ish lbs), I only see a smaller version of the *big girl* me. I still have an awful midsection with stretch marks and surgery scars. I still have a HUGE FUPA(the area below my belly button that literally hangs off the front of my body) that the doctors have clearly told me will only go away with surgery. It is very noticable. I still have cellulite on my legs. So, while I am a smaller version, I still see the same me. Does that make sense? I once showed a friend my FUPA and she said "wow, I didnt know you had that". I work very hard to hide it.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I cant wait to get below 160 and see what changes my body will have. 160 is the lowest I have gotten in this journey so anything below that is new territory. I cant wait!
Today I am thankful for:
* my friend who I went shopping with. True friends really are hard to come by so when I do, I am so appreciative.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Medifast week 2 results
I ate more protein than "allowed" this week. I mentioned that even though my choices could have been worse that I have felt guilty for not following the plan to a T. The result: a loss of 2.3 lbs! Weigh in today was 164.9. I am happy to see this number but frustrated at the same time because this is not my lowest weight and I feel like I am redoing the hard work I did once already. Having said that, I am proud of myself though because this is a far cry from 233 which was my highest recorded weight. I had some intense cravings yesterday (pms) and I am also proud to have made it through that still on plan...even though I did try to talk myself into quitting Medifast! I am glad I recognized it. I feel much more in control of my appetite today luckily. I look forward to another week. Five more lbs would bring me to 159.9 and a new territory for me! I can't wait to feel the success of that! It feels so close and is keeping me motivated!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The only thing stopping me....
After watching The Biggest Loser last night it seemed like those girls who are 160 to 170ish are so thin and dont look like they have another ounce to lose. Then I look at myself who is in the same range and see something totally different. I recently had someone tell me I should be happy with how I look and that I dont look like I have anything to lose. When I look in the mirror at 170ish pounds I see so much loose skin and cottage cheese. I know so much of this can be improved with toning and I am sure that I am capable of doing so while on Medifast. So, I think I will set that as my goal. I did the 30 day shred a few days back and literally could not have done another workout for the next few days I was so sore. But thats good! I need to stop being lazy. When I really think about it not exercising and eating extra on MF is just prolonging my current weight. It really isnt helping me to lose and get to my goal. The only thing that is stopping me is ME. I guess I have been thinking about it like this: If I am doing MF and giving up all sweets and lots of other stuff then I should be losing quickly and be happy with how I look. But I now realize that I need to do more than just the bare minimum. I need to follow the plan to a T. I need to be toning, etc. The weather is nice-ish lately so I should be out walking the dog at the very least! Sometimes it feels good to call myself out :)
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to tone up the loose skin and lose some of the cottage cheese. Again, I am realistic here. I know I will never look like a model but there is much room for improvement.
Today I am thankful for:
*my mother who is so supportive. I have been missing her so much lately(she lives a few hours away from me). Here is one of her comments on one of my recent posts:
Hi Jen, I was stunned by your willpower on Easter!! I never thought I would see such a thing from you, it just goes to show you that if you want something bad enought you'll dig deep down and go to the ends of the earth for it. You did it baby!! Thank goodness for your husband encouraging you because I would have said to go ahead and have a bite, it's Easter! I'll keep your stash for as long as you need! Love mom.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to tone up the loose skin and lose some of the cottage cheese. Again, I am realistic here. I know I will never look like a model but there is much room for improvement.
Today I am thankful for:
*my mother who is so supportive. I have been missing her so much lately(she lives a few hours away from me). Here is one of her comments on one of my recent posts:
Hi Jen, I was stunned by your willpower on Easter!! I never thought I would see such a thing from you, it just goes to show you that if you want something bad enought you'll dig deep down and go to the ends of the earth for it. You did it baby!! Thank goodness for your husband encouraging you because I would have said to go ahead and have a bite, it's Easter! I'll keep your stash for as long as you need! Love mom.
Monday, April 25, 2011
A sneak peak (Jennifer)
After a struggle with the holiday this weekend and being on Medifast I couldnt resist a sneak peak on the scale this morning. Even though my weigh day is on Fridays, I wanted to know how I handled the weekend visiting my family(in the scales eyes). There were so many temptations and like I posted yesterday, I think I handled it pretty well despite not following the MF plan 100%. I aimed to keep my carbs in check. And apparently I did good because the scale said I was down another 1.5 lbs since Friday :) I definately needed to see that on the scale this morning!
Last night while everyone was feasting on ice cream cake, cookies and Italian pastries from the bakery, I made myself a cinnamon roll using the MF pancakes and some cream cheese. This is from Sandys website and I am so grateful to her! It made dessert time totally doable for me. I did, however, feel a little deprived because there were so many things in the the past few days that I would have eaten in the past. Its one thing to pass something up but to pass just about EVERYTHING up while everyone else is indulging kind of took a toll on me. How did I fight back? I took some of the leftover pastries and cookies and put them in a freezer bag and stuck them in the freezer....for a later date when I am not doing MF and can enjoy them...in moderation of course. Just doing this made me feel better. My family was laughing so hard as the freezer bag got bigger and bigger. It was pretty funny I admit. But I dont think there has ever been a canoli passed up by this girl...hehe. I know it probably looked like I was planning a future binge, but I feel like I have it under control to eat such yummy things in moderation. During dessert my grandmother made sure she told me what self control and determination I have. It felt good.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to look in the mirror and feel proud of myself. And I must say that I think I am realistic in this thought. I know I will never have the body to wear a bikini or a size 4. But seeing progress again is what I am looking to achieve. It would be nice to lose some of the nastiness off the back of my thighs . Thats a perfect example of progress. I hope that day comes!
Today I am thankful for:
*My cousins thought of me when planning their next running event. They want to do a half marathon this summer. I know right now while on MF I cannot possibly train for a marathon of any sort but I thought it was so great that they think of me as a runner! And I will get back into running after my MF days. I dont know it there will be enough time at that point to train for a half marathon.
Last night while everyone was feasting on ice cream cake, cookies and Italian pastries from the bakery, I made myself a cinnamon roll using the MF pancakes and some cream cheese. This is from Sandys website and I am so grateful to her! It made dessert time totally doable for me. I did, however, feel a little deprived because there were so many things in the the past few days that I would have eaten in the past. Its one thing to pass something up but to pass just about EVERYTHING up while everyone else is indulging kind of took a toll on me. How did I fight back? I took some of the leftover pastries and cookies and put them in a freezer bag and stuck them in the freezer....for a later date when I am not doing MF and can enjoy them...in moderation of course. Just doing this made me feel better. My family was laughing so hard as the freezer bag got bigger and bigger. It was pretty funny I admit. But I dont think there has ever been a canoli passed up by this girl...hehe. I know it probably looked like I was planning a future binge, but I feel like I have it under control to eat such yummy things in moderation. During dessert my grandmother made sure she told me what self control and determination I have. It felt good.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to look in the mirror and feel proud of myself. And I must say that I think I am realistic in this thought. I know I will never have the body to wear a bikini or a size 4. But seeing progress again is what I am looking to achieve. It would be nice to lose some of the nastiness off the back of my thighs . Thats a perfect example of progress. I hope that day comes!
Today I am thankful for:
*My cousins thought of me when planning their next running event. They want to do a half marathon this summer. I know right now while on MF I cannot possibly train for a marathon of any sort but I thought it was so great that they think of me as a runner! And I will get back into running after my MF days. I dont know it there will be enough time at that point to train for a half marathon.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Week 1 Medifast results
Just a quick post since I am using my new phone and it takes me forever! Results from week one... Down 5.5 on Friday morning! Weight: 167.2. But this holiday weekend with my family has been a struggle. But all in all I think I handled it pretty well. It definitely could have been way worse. I think I kept the carbs in check. But still, the feeling that I strayed even a little from plan is uncomfortable and I look forward to my normal routine again tomorrow. For those of you who celebrate Easter, happy Easter! I really enjoyed our family gatherings this year. :)
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Why was I obese? (Jennifer)
So tomorrow is weigh day. When I originally started Medifast over a year ago, I remember the first week seeming like it took forever. And although I have come up on some small challenges (and hunger) this week I really think I did fine. The week did not drag. I looked forward to my lean and green meals each night and really enjoyed my 5 MF meals throughout the day. Some things never change though because each time I had a MF meal I wished it were bigger! hehe. I love food and there is nothing more to it.
That leads me to this thought... How had I become obese for so long? I was not an overweight child. My mother always cooked healthy meals every night. When I started putting on weight I wasnt depressed or unhappy. I went to college and got up to 180. I thought at the time that was big. And for me who was at 160 before it was uncomfortable. So I joined Weight Watchers and got down to 152 or so. Then I met my husband. He is a big guy, but not fat. We both started gaining weight shortly after we started dating. I am convinced it was happy fat. Another downfall for me is that I discovered I love fast food. I rarely had it growing up. And once I got a taste of it, I wanted it all the time(and thats how I got a fatty liver I am sure!). I learned that fast food is quick, easy and cheap. And I believe that is what started my laziness.
It has been a fight to get out of that way of life. When I had children it was no longer about just me. They deserve the best start to life. They deserve healthy nutrition. And I have been working hard on that. I have switched to whole grains whenever possible. I even shop in the organic aisle at the store sometimes. I am trying new things. Now, if I could just get my husband on board... He doesnt think twice about giving them crappy sugary snacks. He, while he is no longer overweight, eats no veggies other than potatoes and very few fruits. I know he means well. He just doesnt see the harm in giving them crap or the benefits in giving them healthy things. Its something we are working on!
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to set a good example for my children.
Today I am thankful for:
*having lost the 65 lbs I have lost to this date. Although there is more to go I have come a long way.
That leads me to this thought... How had I become obese for so long? I was not an overweight child. My mother always cooked healthy meals every night. When I started putting on weight I wasnt depressed or unhappy. I went to college and got up to 180. I thought at the time that was big. And for me who was at 160 before it was uncomfortable. So I joined Weight Watchers and got down to 152 or so. Then I met my husband. He is a big guy, but not fat. We both started gaining weight shortly after we started dating. I am convinced it was happy fat. Another downfall for me is that I discovered I love fast food. I rarely had it growing up. And once I got a taste of it, I wanted it all the time(and thats how I got a fatty liver I am sure!). I learned that fast food is quick, easy and cheap. And I believe that is what started my laziness.
It has been a fight to get out of that way of life. When I had children it was no longer about just me. They deserve the best start to life. They deserve healthy nutrition. And I have been working hard on that. I have switched to whole grains whenever possible. I even shop in the organic aisle at the store sometimes. I am trying new things. Now, if I could just get my husband on board... He doesnt think twice about giving them crappy sugary snacks. He, while he is no longer overweight, eats no veggies other than potatoes and very few fruits. I know he means well. He just doesnt see the harm in giving them crap or the benefits in giving them healthy things. Its something we are working on!
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to set a good example for my children.
Today I am thankful for:
*having lost the 65 lbs I have lost to this date. Although there is more to go I have come a long way.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Excitement (Jennifer)
Excitement is something I have been needing lately. We havent taken a vacation in a while, or my weight loss kind of came to a standstill, I havent done much fun shopping, etc. So when my friend Karen told me about Sandy's blog and I checked it out...I got excited. There are so many recipes on there. Some are MF recipes and some are regular recipes. When I saw the MF recipes I got so excited to try them. And I am having a ball experimenting with it! There are recipes on her blog to make using the actual MF meals and also recipes for Lean and Greens. So today I made the cauliflower pizza. I was going to have it last night but didnt get home in time to make it. I have made this before and it is a favorite of mine, whether on Medifast or not. But Sandy's recipe varies slightly because you flip the *crust* and cook it longer and it actually becomes crusty...like crust!!! That was the one and only thing that I could possibly critique was the flimsy crust...but no more! Here is a pic or what I will be having for dinner:
Fresh out of the oven. She suggests using parchment paper for lots of her meals so I bought some and gave it a whirl. It made cleanup a breeze! I added some garlic and basil and yumm.... I inhaled ate 1/4 of the pizza before it made it to the fridge. I wanted to test to see if the crust really was crunchy. It was!!!!
Another amazing recipe I made from Sandys site was using the MF pancakes. I turned it into a muffin and added cream cheese on the top. It was sooooo delish and a new favorite of mine for sure. I am definately going to have to buy more pankcakes now that I have made this recipe. I am so thankful to have found her blog because it allows you to learn to make regular MF foods into some really delicious stuff! Who knew? I only wish I had this knowledge when I did the plan the first time around, even though I did great without!
Right now, I have some zucchini and yellow squash slices in the oven. I am baking them for about 4 hours at 200* and apparently that will make them crispy like chips. I added a little salt and garlic/basil powder. This, just like the cauliflower pizza, is something that I will eat when I am no longer on MF. Why not make healthy alternatives right? The recipe for this is also on her website.
Although right now most of my blogging is Medifast based, it wont continue to be like that. I am just using it right now to get back into my daily blogging. Because, honestly I dont feel I have had much to say lately. It feels good to get back into blogging. I dont get nearly the comments I used to get but thats okay. I know that as the weight loss starts again I will have so many more things to say.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I would like to wear a size 10 pants. Right now I am about 170 and I am in a 14, sometimes a 12. Although part of me wants to aim for a smaller size, I think for my build a 10 will be fine. If I get lower though...even better.
Today I am thankful for:
*actually being excited about doing Medifast. I really wasnt thrilled about it until I found Sandys website. It opened up so many more options for how to prepare foods. That makes a world of difference on this plan(in my opinion anyway).
Another amazing recipe I made from Sandys site was using the MF pancakes. I turned it into a muffin and added cream cheese on the top. It was sooooo delish and a new favorite of mine for sure. I am definately going to have to buy more pankcakes now that I have made this recipe. I am so thankful to have found her blog because it allows you to learn to make regular MF foods into some really delicious stuff! Who knew? I only wish I had this knowledge when I did the plan the first time around, even though I did great without!
Right now, I have some zucchini and yellow squash slices in the oven. I am baking them for about 4 hours at 200* and apparently that will make them crispy like chips. I added a little salt and garlic/basil powder. This, just like the cauliflower pizza, is something that I will eat when I am no longer on MF. Why not make healthy alternatives right? The recipe for this is also on her website.
Although right now most of my blogging is Medifast based, it wont continue to be like that. I am just using it right now to get back into my daily blogging. Because, honestly I dont feel I have had much to say lately. It feels good to get back into blogging. I dont get nearly the comments I used to get but thats okay. I know that as the weight loss starts again I will have so many more things to say.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I would like to wear a size 10 pants. Right now I am about 170 and I am in a 14, sometimes a 12. Although part of me wants to aim for a smaller size, I think for my build a 10 will be fine. If I get lower though...even better.
Today I am thankful for:
*actually being excited about doing Medifast. I really wasnt thrilled about it until I found Sandys website. It opened up so many more options for how to prepare foods. That makes a world of difference on this plan(in my opinion anyway).
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Day 5 of Medifast (Jennifer)
Today is day 5 of getting back on Medifast. Yesterday I had some extra protein to combat the hunger. I actually feel guilty about it though so I am going to try to be on plan 100% today. My plan is to have cauliflower pizza for dinner (yuuuum). I was able to sleep in this morning for a change, thanks to my hubs, so that means I didnt have my first MF meal until later than usual. That should help out with the hunger too. I knew the first few days would be hardest and I made it through them so I am not going ot beat myself up over extra calories and protein. Its not like I caved and had ice cream milk shakes with my kids and hubby last night. Although it was at that time that I started second guessing my choice to go back on Medifast. I wanted to snack. And the only reason I didnt is because my husband ordered food for me last week and I cannot waste it. We are not in a financial position to waste that kind of money. The food I currently have was given to me so cheating wouldnt have been so bad. But when we actually spend big money on it, it somehow becomes more a committment. And I am thankful for that!
Several months ago I blogged about how I had a fatty liver and my dr was concerned about it. Some of my liver functions were off and the ultrasound showed the fat on the liver. He told me to get the weight off before it was too late. He said it could be reveresed and the fat globules could be reabsorbed if I acted now. If not it could lead to end stage liver disease. Scary. That was more than three years ago. A few months ago, after seeing my dr for a followup (after losing 65 lbs) he ordered another ultrasound of my liver and some bloodwork. He told me to call him the next day for the results. I did, but the cranky lady who answered the phone said that if there was a problem he would have called me. I had my followup appt last week(he was not thrilled that the woman had not put the message through that I wanted my results). I was so excited to learn that the ultrasound showed NO fatty liver and my liver functions were totally normal! How exciting!!! Its one of those weight loss benefits that you cant see from just looking at someone. I left there so proud of my weight loss and that I was able to undo some of the damage I had done to my body by eating bad.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I have lost some of that boney look in my neck and chest area. I look forward to seeing that again!
Today I am thankful for:
*My husbands support in me wanting to do Medifast again. It really isnt in our budget but he made it happen for me. He might not be much of a romantic type but its these things that let me know that he loves me.
Several months ago I blogged about how I had a fatty liver and my dr was concerned about it. Some of my liver functions were off and the ultrasound showed the fat on the liver. He told me to get the weight off before it was too late. He said it could be reveresed and the fat globules could be reabsorbed if I acted now. If not it could lead to end stage liver disease. Scary. That was more than three years ago. A few months ago, after seeing my dr for a followup (after losing 65 lbs) he ordered another ultrasound of my liver and some bloodwork. He told me to call him the next day for the results. I did, but the cranky lady who answered the phone said that if there was a problem he would have called me. I had my followup appt last week(he was not thrilled that the woman had not put the message through that I wanted my results). I was so excited to learn that the ultrasound showed NO fatty liver and my liver functions were totally normal! How exciting!!! Its one of those weight loss benefits that you cant see from just looking at someone. I left there so proud of my weight loss and that I was able to undo some of the damage I had done to my body by eating bad.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I have lost some of that boney look in my neck and chest area. I look forward to seeing that again!
Today I am thankful for:
*My husbands support in me wanting to do Medifast again. It really isnt in our budget but he made it happen for me. He might not be much of a romantic type but its these things that let me know that he loves me.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Like riding a bike... (Jennifer)
Being on Medifast again is like riding a bike. Today is day 4 and although I am eating only the allowed foods, I have added a few extras to my serving sizes. A little extra chicken here, an extra few olives there, etc. But I have done this only because I know that the first few days are toughest and I wanted to make sure I got through them. I am trying to set myself up for success to get these last 20 lbs off. Like I have said in the past, if I get hungry, thats when I lose control of my eating. Plus, the last time I did Medifast I struggled with not enough calories for what my body needed, and my weight refused to budge after a while. So I figure if I am adding a few calories with the allowed foods for now I am not too worried about it.
It actually feels good to be on a "plan" and feel like I am heading in the right direction. I struggled for so long with calorie counting and exercise and just couldnt bust past that 160 mark no matter what I tried. So I backed off a little bit(or a lot) of the intense workouts and calorie counting and to my surprise only gained 5-10 lbs. And that is now the weight my body has accepted as normal for me as I have maintained around 170 for several months now. I actually take pride in that. The old me would have yoyo-ed until I eventually gained all of my weight back. But I havent. Not even close. And that in itself is a success for me.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*Health...plain and simple. We only get one body in this life. Its important to take care of it so it can perform at its best.
Today I am thankful for:
*Blogging has been such a helpful tool for me. I have met some amazing people, and there are even a few I wish I lived closer to so we could be real life friends. When I wasnt blogging every day, or even every week for that matter, I found myself missing something. I am glad to be back. Thanks to those of you who stuck around.
It actually feels good to be on a "plan" and feel like I am heading in the right direction. I struggled for so long with calorie counting and exercise and just couldnt bust past that 160 mark no matter what I tried. So I backed off a little bit(or a lot) of the intense workouts and calorie counting and to my surprise only gained 5-10 lbs. And that is now the weight my body has accepted as normal for me as I have maintained around 170 for several months now. I actually take pride in that. The old me would have yoyo-ed until I eventually gained all of my weight back. But I havent. Not even close. And that in itself is a success for me.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*Health...plain and simple. We only get one body in this life. Its important to take care of it so it can perform at its best.
Today I am thankful for:
*Blogging has been such a helpful tool for me. I have met some amazing people, and there are even a few I wish I lived closer to so we could be real life friends. When I wasnt blogging every day, or even every week for that matter, I found myself missing something. I am glad to be back. Thanks to those of you who stuck around.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Day 2 of Medifast (again ) - (Jennifer)
Today was day two of Medifast. I expected to be hungry the first few days, and I have been. But, its not anything I cant handle. This time around I feel more "prepared". Having done Medifast and successfully lost a large chunk of weight, I already know the ins and outs of the plan. I know which foods I like, what times to eat to curb my hunger, and I am thinking ahead for my lean and greens. I also expect the temptations that come my way and I am prepared to handle them. So, yes...I have been hungry here and there. But I am finding my second time on this plan to be easier. Maybe its because I know I only have twenty lbs or so to go. Or maybe its because for the first time in a while I feel like I am helping myself.
Thanks to all of you who have left such sweet and sincere comments. They are so appreciated.
Jennifer
Thanks to all of you who have left such sweet and sincere comments. They are so appreciated.
Jennifer
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Some decisions (Jennifer)
I have made some decisions and some changes in my life. I have been so consumed with my health situation that I felt that some change was needed. My weight has remained about the same, around 170 lbs for several months now with very little effort. I am thankful that this seems to be my new weight that my body has accepted for me. It used to be 230 so 170 is fine with me! My eating has been awful, and although I have exercised here and there, it hasnt been with the excitement that I used to have.
Soooooo....after speaking with my friend Karen and my cousin Trish, I have decided to recommit myself to Medifast. They have recomitted themselves on their own and support is such a great thing on this plan. Medifast is how I got the majority of my weight off. And I have kept it off for over a year now. It was quite a thought involved decision that I didnt make lightly. Its an expensive plan and the last time I was on it I did not cheat even once. I am going to aim for 150lbs, maybe a little less. Then I will get back into my running. I will do some walking and weight training while on the plan, but I know from past experience that I cannot run while doing Medifast. I have learned that running makes me feel sick(nausea) because of the lack of carbs and calories on MF. And, running also burns too many calories for MF and puts my body into starvation mode and I am unable to lose weight. It took several weeks for me to figure that out.
Its time.
Its time to refocus my attention on something other than my health issues that still remain a mystery.
Its time to get the rest of this weight off and be get to my goal weight.
I look forward to this journey again. I am so thankful for the changes that Medifast made in my life the first time around. I went from an obese woman with little confidence to a capable, confident, more fit woman. There are no words to explain the difference.
Soooooo....after speaking with my friend Karen and my cousin Trish, I have decided to recommit myself to Medifast. They have recomitted themselves on their own and support is such a great thing on this plan. Medifast is how I got the majority of my weight off. And I have kept it off for over a year now. It was quite a thought involved decision that I didnt make lightly. Its an expensive plan and the last time I was on it I did not cheat even once. I am going to aim for 150lbs, maybe a little less. Then I will get back into my running. I will do some walking and weight training while on the plan, but I know from past experience that I cannot run while doing Medifast. I have learned that running makes me feel sick(nausea) because of the lack of carbs and calories on MF. And, running also burns too many calories for MF and puts my body into starvation mode and I am unable to lose weight. It took several weeks for me to figure that out.
Its time.
Its time to refocus my attention on something other than my health issues that still remain a mystery.
Its time to get the rest of this weight off and be get to my goal weight.
I look forward to this journey again. I am so thankful for the changes that Medifast made in my life the first time around. I went from an obese woman with little confidence to a capable, confident, more fit woman. There are no words to explain the difference.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
A very honest and deep post (Jennifer)
I feel like things have been a little turned upside down for me lately. I dont feel like I am depressed. Just frustrated and anxious. I havent been feeling well physically and have been to several dr appts over the last few months. They all have different thoughts and opinions and its been scary. Some have talked of biopsies, some say I am fine, and one even told me I had cancer while others have assured that was not the case, but no one seems to be on the same page as to whats going on. The bottom line is that I still dont feel good so something is going on!
Not having answers as to what is going on with me gives me a few different emotions. Part of me is glad because I would like to think if something serious was going on it would have been found by now. But part of me cant ignore how I feel and therefore I am frustrated by not feeling well. I have tried so many different medications of which none have helped, had so many scans(and probably more radiation than is healthy), and I am now in TMJ therapy as well. So far it hasnt helped but I am trying so hard to be hopeful that it will work soon! I dont feel confident that anyone has really pinpointed what is going on, and therefore I dont feel assured that I am okay. That lack of confidence is where my frustration and stress comes from I think.
I think about how just a few months ago exercising and losing weight to become a healthier me was a huge committment for me. My life had changed and I loved the "new me". I gave it all I had and was so dedicated. And now there is a shift. I am so frustrated by not feeling well and being so very scared(more so as the time goes on and my symptoms intensify) and I just want to put it behind me. I want to move past this. Part of me is so worried that there is possibly something serious going on that they just havent found yet. I have been so scared and have come up with some worse case scenarios which have only intensified my fears. My children are little. I want to be here for them for a long time and the thought of not being here petrifies me. And I want to grow old with my husband. These are things I hadnt really considered before. I just assumed I would. I have gone from a confident person to someone who now feels so scared.
I thank those of you who have been able to bear with me through this. I know it hasnt been my normal style of blogging. I want more than anything to get back to my weight and health committment! As of today, my weight is 171. Not too bad but not my lowest. I did manage a run in this beautiful sunshine today, and I got to use my Garmin running watch for the first time. My friend is training for her first 5k and we ran together. I ran at her capability. We did about two miles, mostly jogging and walking just a few times for a minute or two. It felt good to get out there and run. And even better, it felt awesome to bring the kids outside and play with them today. The love to play outside and it was a great time!
This was a deep and heartfelt post for me and I was hesitant about posting it. But I thought it might help to get it out. In the meanwhile I am going to schedule a massage for myself and try to think positive. I thank God everyday for my children, and my family. They are my sunshine and bring me such joy! Thank you to those of you who have been asking about me. It is greatly appreciated.
Not having answers as to what is going on with me gives me a few different emotions. Part of me is glad because I would like to think if something serious was going on it would have been found by now. But part of me cant ignore how I feel and therefore I am frustrated by not feeling well. I have tried so many different medications of which none have helped, had so many scans(and probably more radiation than is healthy), and I am now in TMJ therapy as well. So far it hasnt helped but I am trying so hard to be hopeful that it will work soon! I dont feel confident that anyone has really pinpointed what is going on, and therefore I dont feel assured that I am okay. That lack of confidence is where my frustration and stress comes from I think.
I think about how just a few months ago exercising and losing weight to become a healthier me was a huge committment for me. My life had changed and I loved the "new me". I gave it all I had and was so dedicated. And now there is a shift. I am so frustrated by not feeling well and being so very scared(more so as the time goes on and my symptoms intensify) and I just want to put it behind me. I want to move past this. Part of me is so worried that there is possibly something serious going on that they just havent found yet. I have been so scared and have come up with some worse case scenarios which have only intensified my fears. My children are little. I want to be here for them for a long time and the thought of not being here petrifies me. And I want to grow old with my husband. These are things I hadnt really considered before. I just assumed I would. I have gone from a confident person to someone who now feels so scared.
I thank those of you who have been able to bear with me through this. I know it hasnt been my normal style of blogging. I want more than anything to get back to my weight and health committment! As of today, my weight is 171. Not too bad but not my lowest. I did manage a run in this beautiful sunshine today, and I got to use my Garmin running watch for the first time. My friend is training for her first 5k and we ran together. I ran at her capability. We did about two miles, mostly jogging and walking just a few times for a minute or two. It felt good to get out there and run. And even better, it felt awesome to bring the kids outside and play with them today. The love to play outside and it was a great time!
This was a deep and heartfelt post for me and I was hesitant about posting it. But I thought it might help to get it out. In the meanwhile I am going to schedule a massage for myself and try to think positive. I thank God everyday for my children, and my family. They are my sunshine and bring me such joy! Thank you to those of you who have been asking about me. It is greatly appreciated.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Consumed (Jennifer)
I have been so consumed with how I havent been feeling good, and frustrated with the lack of answers. I think I hit a low and I hope I never feel that way again. Although I still dont have any answers I am learning to move on. I cannot and will not spend all of my time wrapped up in how I dont feel well and be consumed with worry. I have had several tests and its time to move on. Its time to focus on the positive!
I have been running here and there and it feels great. I went for a run when visiting my parents last weekend, despite the flurries that were falling! I didnt use my new running watch so I dont know the distance but it was an amazing feeling to get out there and accomplish a run. It was cold when I started but by the end I was fine. It was about a half hour so must have been about 2 and a half miles or so I am thinking. Not bad. And the park near my parents house is great for running which made it even better. There are special color coded paths and just a nice environment to be in. I dont have a place like that near our house that I am aware of. Its nice to think that when I go home to my parents house that I actually look forward to going out and having a great run. And going home to see "my people" is such a warm feeling. I find that I am getting homesick lately, even though its only two hours away. I am thinking its probaby from being couped up in this cold and snowy winter! We are supposed to get more snow today and some chilly weather for the next week but I hoping that will be it for the winter weather. One can hope right?
Today's reason for losing weight:
*Today I watched Margene's video on her blog. It is truly inspiring and really touched me. I had goosebumps and tears throughout the whole thing. If you havent already maybe stop by her blog and watch it. Its quite moving.
Today I am thankful for:
*My family. There are times when life gets hard and there are certain people you turn to. For me, its my family and God.
I have been running here and there and it feels great. I went for a run when visiting my parents last weekend, despite the flurries that were falling! I didnt use my new running watch so I dont know the distance but it was an amazing feeling to get out there and accomplish a run. It was cold when I started but by the end I was fine. It was about a half hour so must have been about 2 and a half miles or so I am thinking. Not bad. And the park near my parents house is great for running which made it even better. There are special color coded paths and just a nice environment to be in. I dont have a place like that near our house that I am aware of. Its nice to think that when I go home to my parents house that I actually look forward to going out and having a great run. And going home to see "my people" is such a warm feeling. I find that I am getting homesick lately, even though its only two hours away. I am thinking its probaby from being couped up in this cold and snowy winter! We are supposed to get more snow today and some chilly weather for the next week but I hoping that will be it for the winter weather. One can hope right?
Today's reason for losing weight:
*Today I watched Margene's video on her blog. It is truly inspiring and really touched me. I had goosebumps and tears throughout the whole thing. If you havent already maybe stop by her blog and watch it. Its quite moving.
Today I am thankful for:
*My family. There are times when life gets hard and there are certain people you turn to. For me, its my family and God.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I did it! (Jennifer)
Yesterday I was feeling a little cranky and still not all that great. So I decided to fight back and get on the treadmill. I have to help myself where I can. I was hoping I could accomplish a 5k. I am not best friends with the treadmill and definately prefer to run outside. But this crappy weather hasnt made it possible yet. So I hopped on the treadmill knowing that a few weeks ago was my last run and it was about a mile and a half. I was pretty happy with that because before that I hadnt run in probably months. Well, I accomplished it. I set the treadmill on 5 mph which is leisurely for me and off I went. It was like I had something to prove and I did just that. 3.1 miles. And it felt good. It was that accomplished feeling I have been missing all winter while not running.
Today's reason for losing weight:
Health. Plain in simple. I want to be healthy for myself and my family. Wanting to be healthy has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.
Today I am thankful for:
*my husband who made a comment that running and exercise really does make a difference for me. Its kind of easy to *forget* that when you get away from it.
Today's reason for losing weight:
Health. Plain in simple. I want to be healthy for myself and my family. Wanting to be healthy has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.
Today I am thankful for:
*my husband who made a comment that running and exercise really does make a difference for me. Its kind of easy to *forget* that when you get away from it.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Waiting (Jennifer)
Yesterday we went to visit some friends for dinner. They just happen to live in our old house. We sold our house, they bought it, and now we are friends. We hit it off the first time we met. They stayed and we talked for hours. Its odd, but true. So yesterday when we were getting out of the car in our old driveway, I noticed that some of the flowers I had planted a few years back were coming up!!! I was so excited to see that even though there was still several feet of snow most places, that there wasnt any on the edge of the house and the flowers were budding!
It got me thinking about how Spring *must* be around the corner even though the snow makes it feel impossible. The flowers wouldnt be coming up otherwise right? I havent done much exercise this winter, and I realize that I am forever talking about how I cant wait for it to be nicer out (40-50 degrees without snow or rain would be a real treat!) so I can get our running. I really have been waiting and waiting on the weather. Actually, I have been stalking the weather reports. And to me thats funny because when Summer gets here there will be days it will be too HOT to run and I will be complaining then too! haha. Anyway, this year is different from past years when I wanted spring to come so I could see some green, so I could sit on the deck, open some windows, enjoy longer days of light, or just to BBQ. While I am still looking foward for all those things, what I am really *waiting* for is to run. We had one day a few weeks ago that was nice and I was able to go for a run. It was awesome!!! Sometimes I will be in the car and a great song comes on and I think "I cant wait to go running!" I love running to some of my favorite upbeat tunes. It pumps me up!
So...I am offiicially welcoming Spring. Maybe that will hurry it along....hehe.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to enjoy what I see in the mirror and feel proud of what I have accomplished. Lack of exercise and gaining a few lbs back has taken that joy away from me. Cant wait to get it back.
Today I am thankful for:
*finding my Ipod that I thought was lost! Whoo hooo! Nothing like running to some good tunes.
It got me thinking about how Spring *must* be around the corner even though the snow makes it feel impossible. The flowers wouldnt be coming up otherwise right? I havent done much exercise this winter, and I realize that I am forever talking about how I cant wait for it to be nicer out (40-50 degrees without snow or rain would be a real treat!) so I can get our running. I really have been waiting and waiting on the weather. Actually, I have been stalking the weather reports. And to me thats funny because when Summer gets here there will be days it will be too HOT to run and I will be complaining then too! haha. Anyway, this year is different from past years when I wanted spring to come so I could see some green, so I could sit on the deck, open some windows, enjoy longer days of light, or just to BBQ. While I am still looking foward for all those things, what I am really *waiting* for is to run. We had one day a few weeks ago that was nice and I was able to go for a run. It was awesome!!! Sometimes I will be in the car and a great song comes on and I think "I cant wait to go running!" I love running to some of my favorite upbeat tunes. It pumps me up!
So...I am offiicially welcoming Spring. Maybe that will hurry it along....hehe.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to enjoy what I see in the mirror and feel proud of what I have accomplished. Lack of exercise and gaining a few lbs back has taken that joy away from me. Cant wait to get it back.
Today I am thankful for:
*finding my Ipod that I thought was lost! Whoo hooo! Nothing like running to some good tunes.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Its been so long! (Jennifer)
Its been so long since I have been truly careful with what I put in my mouth for the whole day. And I found myself maybe even a little confused as to what to eat today. It used to come so easy to be healthy. I spent most of my pre-meal time today standing in front of the fridge and in the food cabinets asking what I had just bought at the store for $245. So, I pulled out my handy book which I used to log my calories into regularly to *remind* me of how I used to and should eat. I was so happy that I had kept track for so long. So obviously its going to take me a little while for it to feel natural to eat healthy again. But I really do look forward to it. And so far today, I think I have done pretty good. I wont count calories forever but at this stage in the game its important for me to remind myself what portion sizes should be and how certain foods work better for my body.
I thought about attempting a run today but it is so cold and windy out there. I want to start it back up on a positive step. That, and my little one had some kind of stomach bug this morning so we just hung out and took it easy. But I really look forward to that day when I can get out and have a great run!
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I realized that my weight loss and healthy living journey started at the end of last February. Wow...one year ago. Although I have had some bumps in the road it made me realize that all in all I have kept the most of my weight off and have maiintained pretty well. And even though I havent been paying much attention to diet and exercise for the past several months I DID NOT fail! I talked to my friend Teresa about this and she said my body has adjusted to this as my weight. Really? Could it be? So I am thinking that if I havent been eating the best and havent been exercising, then maybe I can really get some results now that I am? Its great motivation for me since I was at a plateau for several months in the 160's. Right now I am around 170ish.
Today I am thankful for:
*One of my newer friends asked me to do her first 5k with her in June. She never knew me when I was obese but she knows that I was. It dawned on me that she is much thinner than I am, and here she is looking up to me as a runner. Wow. That hit me hard for some reason. It remotivated me. And I should say that about two weeks ago we had a nice day of warm weather and I attempted a run. I assumed after all these months that my endurance would be gone and I would have to recondition myself all over again(when I first started running I couldnt even run 30 seconds at a time). I was totally surprised that I went a mile and a half with no problems. I could have went longer but not sure the dog could! I am going to work on conditioning her too. She deserves to be healthy too right?! Here she is sleeping with her toys with her tongue sticking out :)
I thought about attempting a run today but it is so cold and windy out there. I want to start it back up on a positive step. That, and my little one had some kind of stomach bug this morning so we just hung out and took it easy. But I really look forward to that day when I can get out and have a great run!
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I realized that my weight loss and healthy living journey started at the end of last February. Wow...one year ago. Although I have had some bumps in the road it made me realize that all in all I have kept the most of my weight off and have maiintained pretty well. And even though I havent been paying much attention to diet and exercise for the past several months I DID NOT fail! I talked to my friend Teresa about this and she said my body has adjusted to this as my weight. Really? Could it be? So I am thinking that if I havent been eating the best and havent been exercising, then maybe I can really get some results now that I am? Its great motivation for me since I was at a plateau for several months in the 160's. Right now I am around 170ish.
Today I am thankful for:
*One of my newer friends asked me to do her first 5k with her in June. She never knew me when I was obese but she knows that I was. It dawned on me that she is much thinner than I am, and here she is looking up to me as a runner. Wow. That hit me hard for some reason. It remotivated me. And I should say that about two weeks ago we had a nice day of warm weather and I attempted a run. I assumed after all these months that my endurance would be gone and I would have to recondition myself all over again(when I first started running I couldnt even run 30 seconds at a time). I was totally surprised that I went a mile and a half with no problems. I could have went longer but not sure the dog could! I am going to work on conditioning her too. She deserves to be healthy too right?! Here she is sleeping with her toys with her tongue sticking out :)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Re-prioritizing (Jennifer)
I thank you all for your comments and support along the way, especially these last few months. I have reached this point where I feel like enough is enough. I can no longer sit back and feel sorry for myself. I cant have pity parties, and I cant let my fear run me anymore. I was hoping I would come to this point! I have mentioned before how I have been having a hard time making it to the gym to work out with my change in schedule. I talked with my husband and we made some decisions together that will hopefully change my schedule and allow me to work out at the gym more often. I want to take my life back, to help myself in the ways I can.
I went back into my past blog posts and it made me remember how good I was feeling, both physically and mentally when I was working out. It was just what I needed! I went to the grocery store today and set myself up for success by having the proper foods in the house. I feel excited again. The weather is getting into the 30's and I can feel the excitement building within me as I watch the weather forecast for a nice day to plan a run. I am excited about blogging again.
The best way to put this is to say...I AM RE-PRIORITIZING! I deserve this...right? I wish it hadnt taken me so long but I am glad that I finally reached this mindset. It wont be easy. I have lost a lot of strength and muscle these past few months, but I accept this challenge. I know it is good for me. I thank you all for bearing with me along the way!
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to see the changes in my body again. Although I have gained about 10 lbs, its feels like tons more because of how my body has added those lbs. It seems like it should be way more based on how my clothes fit and how my curves arent quite curves anymore. I am lacking tone. I look forward to getting these back.
Today I am thankful for:
*making a decison that I was nervous about in order to make it possible for me to be successful. As guilty as I feel even saying it, I guess I put me first. I stressed over it for several weeks as the lbs kept creeping on. And I am thankful that I was capable of re-prioritizing.
I went back into my past blog posts and it made me remember how good I was feeling, both physically and mentally when I was working out. It was just what I needed! I went to the grocery store today and set myself up for success by having the proper foods in the house. I feel excited again. The weather is getting into the 30's and I can feel the excitement building within me as I watch the weather forecast for a nice day to plan a run. I am excited about blogging again.
The best way to put this is to say...I AM RE-PRIORITIZING! I deserve this...right? I wish it hadnt taken me so long but I am glad that I finally reached this mindset. It wont be easy. I have lost a lot of strength and muscle these past few months, but I accept this challenge. I know it is good for me. I thank you all for bearing with me along the way!
Today's reason for losing weight:
*to see the changes in my body again. Although I have gained about 10 lbs, its feels like tons more because of how my body has added those lbs. It seems like it should be way more based on how my clothes fit and how my curves arent quite curves anymore. I am lacking tone. I look forward to getting these back.
Today I am thankful for:
*making a decison that I was nervous about in order to make it possible for me to be successful. As guilty as I feel even saying it, I guess I put me first. I stressed over it for several weeks as the lbs kept creeping on. And I am thankful that I was capable of re-prioritizing.
Monday, February 28, 2011
A plan (Jennifer)
My primary dr suggested a third opinion from yet another ENT...with a third diagnosis. And honestly, I am not sure I am buying that one either. I told him my *story* from start until now. He reviewed all of my scans that I brought with me. He said he is not concerned with my enlarged lymph node, and he also doesnt believe I need sinus surgery as the first dr suggested. He scoped my through my nose and down to my esophogus. This is the third time for this and I am sure my insurance will be having a fit at any time now. He said the top of my esophogus, my vocal cords, and my throat are all pretty irritated. Surprising? Nope. I have been feeling like crap for months. His opinion: Silent Reflux. I am having no heartburn which is why its called silent reflux apparently. It causes damage with different symptoms than regular reflux(gerd) and according to him takes a while to be repaired even with the new meds that I am on. He did however, tell me I could stop all the other meds I was on which was thrilling to me because before this I had been on no meds. Having been on so many different things that werent even working was not making me happy. I am not much of a mediciney kinda person. So, I am now on Prilosec and have been for the past week. The day I saw the dr I left there such a believer. I had hope. I just wanted to hug him. But as the days go by and I am not feeling any better I am starting to lose hope. My neck/throat/ear is still bothering me on the left side. It still feels like something is in there. And I still have that feeling like there is something in my left chest area like I cant clear my lung. I did have an angiogram (to rule out an embolism) so I would like to think that if something were going on in the lung area they would have seen it? And my primary dr keeps listening and saying everything sounds good in there. Then why do I feel this way?????????????????
So....my plan is to move forward. I cannot sit and dwell on this any longer. The temps are rising into the 30's here, and sometimes we even get a treat of seeing the 40's. Thats acceptable running weather (to me...although it is still snowing here and there)! So I am going to get back onto my health kick, eat properly, exercise more and stop feeling so bad for myself. No more wallowing in my frustration.
With all of this, I have been forced to look at what bothers me so much about this situation and here is what I have come up with... I am petrified that I have some sort of cancer that is being missed for all of this time and therefore spreading. I feel helpless. My biggest fear is becoming terminally ill. I wish it werent a fear of mine, but it is. If I drop dead of a heart attack, fine. Its not death I am afraid of I guess. But becoming terminally ill where I slowly die and cannot do anything to help myself is a huge fear for me. Now, if I could figure out how to combat that fear....
Another deep post....
Hope you all are doing well!
So....my plan is to move forward. I cannot sit and dwell on this any longer. The temps are rising into the 30's here, and sometimes we even get a treat of seeing the 40's. Thats acceptable running weather (to me...although it is still snowing here and there)! So I am going to get back onto my health kick, eat properly, exercise more and stop feeling so bad for myself. No more wallowing in my frustration.
With all of this, I have been forced to look at what bothers me so much about this situation and here is what I have come up with... I am petrified that I have some sort of cancer that is being missed for all of this time and therefore spreading. I feel helpless. My biggest fear is becoming terminally ill. I wish it werent a fear of mine, but it is. If I drop dead of a heart attack, fine. Its not death I am afraid of I guess. But becoming terminally ill where I slowly die and cannot do anything to help myself is a huge fear for me. Now, if I could figure out how to combat that fear....
Another deep post....
Hope you all are doing well!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thanks and an update (Jennifer)
Thanks to those of you who have been "checking" on me. My weight loss and priorities have kind of been on hold these last few months. And I really didnt want to drag down the blog with my health issues...even though at this point I still dont know what they are exactly. So, I havent been posting that much to spare you all of the negativity and frustration I am feeling. But here is an update for those of you who have been asking. I have had 4 CT scans in the last month and a half. Please dont comment on that because that much radiation scares me without others saying it. I have been pretty stressed actually. The drs did speak (primary dr and ENT) to each other in making the decsion for the additional CT's I just had but their opinions from that point on dont seem to be the same.
I got a call from my primary the night I had them done and he said I have enlarged lymph nodes, and the scan, although not of the sinuses, did pick up on a sinus infection. I had a sinus CT done with my first ENT a month and half ago who I later found out did not take my insurance so I had to leave him. He wanted to possibly do surgery for a blocked sinus but wasnt sure this was what was causing my issue. Anyway, my primary dr said I also had bloodwork that came back concerning so I had to have more done which they said came back better. The lymph nodes dont surprise me because I have been saying for months that the left side of my neck, ear and throat feels swollen. It is relentless and scary for me. The further tests, he said, were looking for cancers and lymphomas and he said those came back okay. I had to wait several days for them....STRESS. The dr said the lymph nodes combined with the bloodwork, in his opinion, means that I am fighting an infection. However, I have been on(and still am right now) 4 rounds of pretty strong antibiotics since September so that I do not understand at all. If its an infection then why doesnt it go away with the antibiotics. And why doesnt the ENT seem concerned? He(the primary dr) thinks this is all sinus related as I have had this post nasal drip that wont go away since this all started. However, I do not have a stuffed nose. He gave me some antibiotics to put right into a neti pot to try to treat the sinuses directly. And in my opinion its not helping. I am also having pressure on the left side of my head, as well as my neck and ear. I am hoping it is just the post nasal drip causing the cough that I am having. I have been on tons of different meds and nothing seems to be working. This is extremely frustrating to me because before this I was not on any medicine and for the last 5 months I cant seem to get past whatever this is that is going on. I told the dr its ironic that I finally started taking care of myself, lost 65 lbs and now I am not feeling well.
So...then the ENT dr called me and said the scan looks fine overall and he doesnt need to see me until my next appt...a month away. What? The other dr just called and said I had enlarged lymph nodes, bad blood results, and a sinus infection. Yet he is not concerned? The primary dr said that to the specialist that isnt all that bad because they see the worst of the worst, and he will treat me until I get back to the ENT. So now I wait. For what I dont know. I will keep using the neti pot with the antibiotics and hope it starts working. I am just hoping we are barking up the right tree here. I am trying so hard to be patient. I just want to feel better and I hope that I do soon. I feel that I will have a new appreciation for life, and health, and my body if I can just get past this.
Please keep me in your prayers. And if anyone knows anyone who could possibly add a little insight to my situation I would be open to hearing it. There are no doctors in my family :(
I hope you are all doing well!
I got a call from my primary the night I had them done and he said I have enlarged lymph nodes, and the scan, although not of the sinuses, did pick up on a sinus infection. I had a sinus CT done with my first ENT a month and half ago who I later found out did not take my insurance so I had to leave him. He wanted to possibly do surgery for a blocked sinus but wasnt sure this was what was causing my issue. Anyway, my primary dr said I also had bloodwork that came back concerning so I had to have more done which they said came back better. The lymph nodes dont surprise me because I have been saying for months that the left side of my neck, ear and throat feels swollen. It is relentless and scary for me. The further tests, he said, were looking for cancers and lymphomas and he said those came back okay. I had to wait several days for them....STRESS. The dr said the lymph nodes combined with the bloodwork, in his opinion, means that I am fighting an infection. However, I have been on(and still am right now) 4 rounds of pretty strong antibiotics since September so that I do not understand at all. If its an infection then why doesnt it go away with the antibiotics. And why doesnt the ENT seem concerned? He(the primary dr) thinks this is all sinus related as I have had this post nasal drip that wont go away since this all started. However, I do not have a stuffed nose. He gave me some antibiotics to put right into a neti pot to try to treat the sinuses directly. And in my opinion its not helping. I am also having pressure on the left side of my head, as well as my neck and ear. I am hoping it is just the post nasal drip causing the cough that I am having. I have been on tons of different meds and nothing seems to be working. This is extremely frustrating to me because before this I was not on any medicine and for the last 5 months I cant seem to get past whatever this is that is going on. I told the dr its ironic that I finally started taking care of myself, lost 65 lbs and now I am not feeling well.
So...then the ENT dr called me and said the scan looks fine overall and he doesnt need to see me until my next appt...a month away. What? The other dr just called and said I had enlarged lymph nodes, bad blood results, and a sinus infection. Yet he is not concerned? The primary dr said that to the specialist that isnt all that bad because they see the worst of the worst, and he will treat me until I get back to the ENT. So now I wait. For what I dont know. I will keep using the neti pot with the antibiotics and hope it starts working. I am just hoping we are barking up the right tree here. I am trying so hard to be patient. I just want to feel better and I hope that I do soon. I feel that I will have a new appreciation for life, and health, and my body if I can just get past this.
Please keep me in your prayers. And if anyone knows anyone who could possibly add a little insight to my situation I would be open to hearing it. There are no doctors in my family :(
I hope you are all doing well!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Todays weigh in (Jennifer)
Today I hopped on the scale and it was different. It wasnt with hesitation, or nerves, or even excitement. It was more of a "lets see where I am at" thought. The verdict: 166. Not too shabby. Right in *my range* where I have been hanging out for several months, even when I was counting calories and exercising regularly. It kind of does excite me that when all this medical stuff gets out of the way and I can really pursue some intense exercise that my weight may really start to drop. I am happy with 166 right now. Of course its not my goal weight but it reassures me that mentally I am where I should be in the weight loss world.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
A quick update (Jennifer)
A quick update. I have not been paying too much attention to my eating and in an amazing way it feels great. There is no guilt and I am feeling like a "normal" person eating normal portions of normal food. Wow...I never thought that day would come. I havent been on the scale in a few days but the last I checked I was about 168. Still in my "my range".
I greatly look forward to the nice weather to begin my running and such again but right now that is not what's on my mind. I am still not feeling well and have been back to the dr. I have the new ENT and the new primary dr. The primary took my bloodwork and said my white count is a bit high and wanted me to have it redone along with some other tests. I went yesterday for that. Then he had a call with my ENT and they decided I needed two CT scans... yesterday. Yup, ordered them and I had them in the same day. I was a nervous wreck. I havent heard on the latest bloodwork but my dr himself did call me last night at 6:00 with my preliminary CT results. He said my lymph nodes are enlarged on the left side. I kind of knew that since I havent felt good in that area in months... He also said that although they did not scan my sinuses again it did pick up on a sinus infection. I have been on 4 rounds of antibiotics and I am even on them now so I do not understand this. I am hoping that is what is causing all my my issues. I am forever clearing my throat and have awful post nasal drip on top of all of this. I am going to call my ENT tomorrow to make sure he got the CT results and see what is next. Obviously the antibiotics are not working for me. I dont want to be a pain in the butt to them but I dont want to wait until my next appt which is scheduled sometime in March.
I pray all of this gets worked out soon so I can be on my way to a healthier me. Yesterday I was praying to God and I had this realization about what is important in life. An epiphany? Health is important. Family is important. Self love is important. It made me realize that I cannot sweat the little things in life and let them get me down. I need to stop and smell the roses so to speak. I found myself asking God to make me better and telling Him that I have learned my lesson and that I will be much more appreciative in life. I hope I do get better and past whatever this illness is so I can move on in my life as a much healthier person, both body and mind.
Wow. That was deep. Thanks to you all for your continued support and kindness. I apologize for the lack of blogging but I figured most people dont want to hear about all this medical drama on my weight loss blog so I figured I would keep it at a minimum.
I greatly look forward to the nice weather to begin my running and such again but right now that is not what's on my mind. I am still not feeling well and have been back to the dr. I have the new ENT and the new primary dr. The primary took my bloodwork and said my white count is a bit high and wanted me to have it redone along with some other tests. I went yesterday for that. Then he had a call with my ENT and they decided I needed two CT scans... yesterday. Yup, ordered them and I had them in the same day. I was a nervous wreck. I havent heard on the latest bloodwork but my dr himself did call me last night at 6:00 with my preliminary CT results. He said my lymph nodes are enlarged on the left side. I kind of knew that since I havent felt good in that area in months... He also said that although they did not scan my sinuses again it did pick up on a sinus infection. I have been on 4 rounds of antibiotics and I am even on them now so I do not understand this. I am hoping that is what is causing all my my issues. I am forever clearing my throat and have awful post nasal drip on top of all of this. I am going to call my ENT tomorrow to make sure he got the CT results and see what is next. Obviously the antibiotics are not working for me. I dont want to be a pain in the butt to them but I dont want to wait until my next appt which is scheduled sometime in March.
I pray all of this gets worked out soon so I can be on my way to a healthier me. Yesterday I was praying to God and I had this realization about what is important in life. An epiphany? Health is important. Family is important. Self love is important. It made me realize that I cannot sweat the little things in life and let them get me down. I need to stop and smell the roses so to speak. I found myself asking God to make me better and telling Him that I have learned my lesson and that I will be much more appreciative in life. I hope I do get better and past whatever this illness is so I can move on in my life as a much healthier person, both body and mind.
Wow. That was deep. Thanks to you all for your continued support and kindness. I apologize for the lack of blogging but I figured most people dont want to hear about all this medical drama on my weight loss blog so I figured I would keep it at a minimum.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Normal (Jennifer)
My friend gave me the rest of her Medifast food which was very nice of her. The only problem is that I didnt get it until Monday...and the inlaws came to stay with us this weekend. Those of you who read regularly know that this is such a struggle for me. I like when they come because I love to have company, but my MIL brings so much yummy, and definately healthy food with her...every single time She is diabetic, yet doesnt seem to pay much attention to it :( Anyway, the first day I did okay. I stayed on plan and all was well even thoug I did struggle. Day 2 came and I totally caved. Now...I am the first to admit to my failures, but in this case I really have to say that a huge part of this was not having many MF foods that are appealing to me, or still in date for that matter.
However, I got on the scale this morning and saw that I am still at 170.6. Not my lowest but I didnt gain any of the weight I lost on MF for those few days :) So, now I have some MF foods that I like and I am in debate about what to do with them. I know I want to use them. I am thinking that instead of doing the plan 100% that I might use them as my daily foods (about 500 calories or so) and then eat a nice dinner(not a restricted one as on plan) and also exercise. I say this because yesterday I went to the gym and it was great. I felt great all day. So, I am thinking of doing a modified type plan. Most of the foods I have I like so it wont be an issue there, and I dont see any harm in eating them, regardless of whether I am on any plan, because they are so packed with vitamins and minerals.
While thinking about this today I had a comforting feeling come over me. I felt like I am capable of eating well and that I am at no risk of going back to the Old Jen and the old eating habits. It was very comforting to feel that. Plus, my husband said something last week to me while I was in debate whether I should continue MF. He said that I have come so far and that I can eat the way I want to within reason and if I exercise it will be okay. I can indulge here and there while still making good eating choices most of the time. Exercise is the key he said. And he is right. That has been the missing variable for so many years. Although I may have struggled over the past few months when I step back and look at the big picture I see that I have been living life and really havent done too bad! Normal peoples weight fluctuates a few pounds. Normal people indulge a little during the holidays. Normal people can indulge and then eat well again for the next meal. Maybe I have become normal? Could it be? What wasnt normal was the Old Jen who indulged every single day of life at every single meal. Wow...this is pretty eye opening for me.
Still not feeling great...going to start all the meds the dr gave me(5) tomorrow-including more steroids. I am praying that something works and we can get this figured out. Thanks to you all for your kind comments along the way. It really means the world to me.
However, I got on the scale this morning and saw that I am still at 170.6. Not my lowest but I didnt gain any of the weight I lost on MF for those few days :) So, now I have some MF foods that I like and I am in debate about what to do with them. I know I want to use them. I am thinking that instead of doing the plan 100% that I might use them as my daily foods (about 500 calories or so) and then eat a nice dinner(not a restricted one as on plan) and also exercise. I say this because yesterday I went to the gym and it was great. I felt great all day. So, I am thinking of doing a modified type plan. Most of the foods I have I like so it wont be an issue there, and I dont see any harm in eating them, regardless of whether I am on any plan, because they are so packed with vitamins and minerals.
While thinking about this today I had a comforting feeling come over me. I felt like I am capable of eating well and that I am at no risk of going back to the Old Jen and the old eating habits. It was very comforting to feel that. Plus, my husband said something last week to me while I was in debate whether I should continue MF. He said that I have come so far and that I can eat the way I want to within reason and if I exercise it will be okay. I can indulge here and there while still making good eating choices most of the time. Exercise is the key he said. And he is right. That has been the missing variable for so many years. Although I may have struggled over the past few months when I step back and look at the big picture I see that I have been living life and really havent done too bad! Normal peoples weight fluctuates a few pounds. Normal people indulge a little during the holidays. Normal people can indulge and then eat well again for the next meal. Maybe I have become normal? Could it be? What wasnt normal was the Old Jen who indulged every single day of life at every single meal. Wow...this is pretty eye opening for me.
Still not feeling great...going to start all the meds the dr gave me(5) tomorrow-including more steroids. I am praying that something works and we can get this figured out. Thanks to you all for your kind comments along the way. It really means the world to me.
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