Imagine my disgust....

Today I did my long run for the week-5 miles.  It went well I think.  59:10 was my time.  Here I am after my run today:

This is an awful picture of me but we are keeping it real right?  My husband is clearly much taller than I am and apparently from his angle while my legs look much smaller than they really are, my stomach and boobs look terrible.  And maybe my head looks to big for my body here?  hmmm....  Obviously not a good angle to take a pic..I will have to speak to him about that...haha.  I can just picture him crouching down or standing on his knees to take a pic for me...  Oh...and see my sports bra?  I got it at the running store for $50+ dollars and let me tell you something....nothing short of duck tape would work better than this thing.  Worth every single penny.  Maybe I will do a post on that someday.

I have been running miles and miles and I have been proud of myself.  So imagine my disgust the other day when I got on the scale to see:  178 lbs... What?!?!?!?!?  That is like a 15 lb gain.  Yup, 15 as in like 1  5, double digits.  I have been noticing my pants have been pretty tight and that my appetite has been huge.  Not to mention my 4 year old told me my belly was "jiggling" when we were shopping yesterday.  Then I tried on a life jacket and it was too tight.  She pipes up with "that is for smaller mommies".  She is right!

I have talked in the past about how if I can get ahold of my hunger before I get to that hungry point I am much more able to keep in control of what I am eating.  But once I actually get hungry its all over.  The "beast" within comes out and takes over at that point.  And then I eat the way the old Jen used to...I eat sweets, fatty things and whatever looks good...including fast food :(   Oh...and ice cream.  Ice cream has been a problem for me this season... So while I havent been eating as great as I should be, I have been running many miles a week and thought maybe it would cancel out?  Apparently I was way off on that thought. 

I have noticed that running has really increased my appetite so I decided that that is where I need to start *repairing* the damage.  I have done yet more research online and by talking to other runners and here is what I have come up with...

*I will eat GU before(and during once I increase my miles) my runs instead of a breakfast since I seem to get cramps when I eat before running.

*I invested in some Athletes Honey Milk (thanks Shelley!!) and I cant wait for it to come in the mail.  I bought a case. 

*Until then I bought some other protein drinks to try for after my runs so I can hopefully recover better and get my appetite under control before reaching the very hungry out of control point.  Here is what I tried today:

170 calories and tastey.  Although its not as *natural* as some of the other products out there... But hey, this is a learning curve right?

*I have purchased some running books on ebay, some specifically for women to see what I can learn. I am like a sponge with all this info.  Heres what I ordered:

Sorry they are so little??? Anyway, I will be sure to share anything helpful that I learn!

*I went out and bought some healthy foods to have in the house.  That always helps. 

*I am going to eat more (smaller) meals throughout the day to try to ward off the hunger.

*I am going to cut down on my ice cream intake but still allow myself some enjoyment! It is summer afterall...

*I am drinking more water.

The dr put me on steroids a couple weeks ago for a few days.  I think it has messed up my monthly cycle and I am thinking that is why I have been so hungry.  I usually  have a few hungry days that come and go but with it being off I am thinking it has extended my hungry days.  I am hoping everything goes back to normal soon...

I found myself here the other day.  I am looking into some new running shoes as I seem to be having an issue on the bottom of one of my feet.  Maybe a corn from all this newly applied pressure from running?  I am thinking some new hardcore running shoes would benefit me regardless. I just stopped in the other day to check the place out.  I will go back.





Well, thats it for now.  I stink too much for me to sit here any longer.  I could really benefit from a shower(and so could everyone who might come near me).

The Benefits of Running

First, thanks for the comments on how to fix my commenting issue.  I did what you all said and it worked!  I unchecked the keep me signed in box and whalah...fixed.  Thanks so much!

This post is an important one to me.  For those of you who may be new to the blog or dont know my story, a little over a year ago I was much larger than I am now.  I was 230+ pounds.  I got some weight off and started to run.  When I first started running I couldnt even run for 30 seconds at a time without gasping for breath.  I was amazed at how quickly my stamina, endurance and overall capabilities expanded.  I am now training for a half marathon in October. Running has changed my life.  And while some runs are tougher than others I have never regretted a run, or felt crappy after finishing one.  NEVER.  I have just reached 150 followers and I thought this would be the perfect time to do a post that may possibly change someones life for the better. 

Before I was a runner I didnt know much about running other than I hated it.  It was something that hardcore skinny people did and I surely wasnt that.  I knew it was supposed to be good for you but that was about it.  Now that I am running and I see the changes in myself, I thought it would be nice to post some of the real benefits of running that I have found in my research.  I have gotten these from various online sites.  And like I said, if this helps just one person who is on the fence about trying running then its well worth it.  I know that after posting this I will look back on this time and time again to rekindle that spark and to remind me why running is so great.

BENEFITS OF RUNNING (copied and pasted from various websites)

*Running is one of the top activities for burning fat. In fact, with the exception of cross country skiing, running burns more calories per minute than any other form of cardiovascular exercise.




*Running reduces the risk of stroke and breast cancer.


*Running increases your sex drive. -Need I say more? Well, check this out: several studies have shown that people who exercise regularly have more and much better sex.



*Jogging builds confidence and self-esteem like few other individual sports can. It allows the runner to defeat trial after trial, growing stronger and more sure of themselves with each footstrike. 

*It provides a feeling of empowerment and freedom that comes with knowing that your legs and body are strong and capable. Confidence is even more a product of running for those who lose weight and gain a better self-image through running.


*Aside from just the stress relief, jogging has also been proven to improve attitude. Running, especially outside and on trails, creates a release of endorphins that can cause euphoria (runner’s high) or just a general sense of happiness.


*Running has been used for years to treat clinical depression and addictions of all kinds. Less tension, less depression, less fatigue, and less confusion are just a few of the changes that patients have seen after beginning a regular running program. Running gives something for them to focus on, allowing them to see something besides their depressed state or addiction.


*Not many sports can be done almost anywhere with almost no gear. we just need a good pair of running shoes and off we go.


*Those who are looking to lose a few pounds often find running to be one of the most effective forms of exercise for helping them to achieve their ideal body weight. Running is an excellent form of exercise for losing weight because it requires a great deal of energy. This energy requirement means the body burns a large number of calories while running.


*Lowers blood pressure and helping the arteries to maintain their elasticity. While running, the arteries expand and contract approximately three times as much as they do when you are sedentary. This means you are not only working out to improve your physical appearance but also the overall function of your body. In doing this the risk of heart attack and stroke becomes diminished.


*Running is also beneficial for slowing down the aging process. Those who run regularly are less likely to experience bone and muscle loss as they age at the same pace as those who do not run regularly or at all. The bones grow and become stronger by responding to physical demands.


*Jogging helps to reduce stubborn belly fat. Stubborn fat can be very hard to shift, but a running program can really help to cut down on the last of your stubborn fat


*If you suffer from poor appetite, jogging will improve your appetite. Along with all other forms of exercise – the harder you work, the more you need to eat to repair your muscles and refuel them. When you start to run longer distances you will start to eat to fuel your body, and may even find that you need to eat more food everyday, than you did when you were overweight.


*Jogging will strengthen the muscles and bone density of your legs, hips and back. Running does not produce bulky muscles, like weight training or even circuit training does, but it does increase leg strength. Also, the constant impact caused during running can increase bone density, so long as you follow a healthy diet.


*Running can give you both physical and mental joy, so long you do not exhaust yourself! When jogging is done correctly, you will actually feel less tired after you have finished a tour than before you began. You may even start to enjoy the feelings in your muscles during the jogging and afterwards.


*Running is one of the best activities most people can do to improve their health. It raises HDL (or “good”) cholesterol, reduces the risk of blood clots, and encourages use of the 50 percent of your lungs that usually go unused. Running also boost the immune system by creating a higher concentration of lymphocytes (white blood cells that attack disease).


*Much improved sleep. Millions of people suffer from insomnia, sleep apnea and various other sleep related problems and disorders. Several studies have been able to successfully link a positive relationship between running and getting a better nights sleep.


*Running improves your cardiovascular endurance. Heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States. Again, need I say more?


*More good news: -you don't have to run races or marathons to receive all these running health benefits. It can be part of an overall fitness exercise program, meaning you'll only need to run a few miles total per week.


*Its easy! Some high-tech gear will make your run more fun, but really, all you need is a good pair of shoes, and a supportive sports bra. It couldn't be simpler. And everyone knows how to run.


*Most experts agree that regular exercise reduces the risk of many kinds of cancer, including some of the scariest: colon, breast, endometrial, and lung. One recent study in the British Journal of Cancer calculated that the "most active" (e.g. walked briskly 5-6 hours/week) people were 24 percent less likely to develop colon cancer than the "least active" people (e.g. 30 minutes of walking/week). In a study by the National Cancer Institute, women of a normal weight who reported the highest levels of "vigorous activity" (running, tennis, aerobics) had about a 30 percent lower risk of breast cancer when compared with women who did no vigorous activity. Becoming a regular runner may help you cancer-proof your life.



*It can even prevent vision loss, it seems. Two studies from the U.S. Department of Energy’s Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory have found that running reduced the risk of age-related macular degeneration and cataracts.

If anyone made it all the way through this post please let me know what you think!!!

Any ideas please?

This post is going to be all over the place....

First, I have been having a problem leaving comments on other blogs.  Is anyone else having this issue?  I go to leave a comment and for some reason it asks me to choose an account and makes me log in again. So I do and then it still comes up as anonymous  and then it wont even let me post it that way.  Sooo...if some of you are wondering why the lack of commenting from me...this is why.  I have rebooted my computer, checked my blogger settings, my google settings and still cant figure it out.  Any ideas?  I have also noticed that I havent had my usual number of comments on my blog.  So either I am getting boring or maybe others are having the same issue?

Second, I have noticed that my mentality has changed a bit.  I used to be an all or nothing kind of girl.  If I ate good, I exercised and vice versa.  And if I slipped up and ate bad I wouldnt bother exercising.  I'd thrwo in the towel.  That was a tough way to be and led me to several years of yoyo dieting.  I just figured its how I was.  But as disgusted with how poorly I have been eating lately, I have NOT given up my exercise.  Yaay!  I have been running.  Which leads me to new territory which has its own frustrations.  So I run 3 miles, and then negate it by eating two donuts right?  So whats the point?  WRONG!  I am excited thatI have the new mentality to realize that exercise, despite what I put in my mouth, is still great for me!  Imagine that?  My muscles are still getting stronger, I am still burning calories, etc.  I cant express how exciting this concept is for me.

Third...ugh.  Why?  Why did I feel the need to eat 3 candy bars( yup, 3....) along with some freshly microwaved marshmallows and several graham crackers to make smores...inside.  Really?  It used to be that I didnt want to undo my hard work once I learned how many calories I was burning while exercising.  Now, that is one concept I would gladly welcome back into my mentality. 

Fourth, I am glad to say that despite my crappy runs this past weekend that I am still looking forward to my run tomorrow!  Yaay! When I have a bad run I always find it hard to get back out there again.  And since I had two tough ones in a row I thought I would dread getting back out there.  I have been doing some research on the benefits of running to kind of rekindle the spark...hehe.  I am happy with what I am learning and I think I will make it the topic of my post tomorrow.

Hope you are all doing well.

What happened?

Seriously...I dont know what happened on my runs this weekend.  Remember on my last post how excited I was to go to camp so I could do my runs there?  A change of scenery, the two mile loop that I have run before and am famaliar with...remember my excitement?  Well, I am glad that I have been running for a while now because if I were a new runner (and didnt know that it can actually be a pleasurable thing) I would give it up! 

Saturday morning I decided to do the two mile loop.  It invloves quite a hill and usually I have to walk for a minute or two and I was expecting that.  So I suited up and the hubs came along with me.  I struggled from the minute I put my sneaks on the ground.  And it all went even further downhill from there!  The hill is early in the run and since I was struggling before I even arrived at it I was really dreading it.  I stopped and walked a bit.  Then started back up running again.  I stopped a few more times.  I just could not get "comfortable" running.  Everything felt so *off* to me.  I was definitely lacking any sorta pleasure.  Even after the hill I  had to stop at another point and walk.  My breathing was uncomfortable but I wasnt gasping for air or anything like that.  I was tired and had to stop.  I had hoped for two loops for a total of 4 miles but it was all I could do (seriously) to complete the 2 miles.  It bothered me most of the day that I had such an awful run.  I was disappointed in myself.  It wasnt overly hot, although it was humid.   I was sweating like a pig.  The hubs and I talked about it and here is what we came up with for possible reasons.  First, I drank a cup of coffee before we went.  My hubs swears this is what my problem was.  There is no doubt in his mind.  I dont usually drink coffee.  Some other things different in this run:  I wore different sneakers, I have been eating like total CRAP for a while now and my body isnt happy about it, and its been almost a year since I have tackled that hill.  I think (and really hope) its a combination of these things that made me struggle and that its a freak thing.  All runs cant be perfect right?

Todays run was again with the hubs.  I was a little nervous about it after yesterdays run!  I wore my regular sneakers this time, didnt drink any coffee or caffeine, and went a non hilly route.  I wanted to make it as positive of an experience as possible because I didnt want to be soured by yesterday route.  Also, today is my long run of the week-4 miles, so it was important.  The first mile and a half was kinda rough for me.  I was trucking along wondering why this was so tough.  What was different?  I was thinking about how I was going to have to blog about this.  My ankes hurt.  My knees hurt.  There was food *revisiting* and I kept burping.  I was asking myself how I am going to possibly run a half marathon. Then we came up to flashing lights, and I joked "how did they know I would need them???".  As we got closer I realized it was an accident  :(  After that I managed the run with much more ease.  The soreness seemed to disappear.  And when it was all said and done, it was almost two minutes faster than my last 4 mile run.   So not too shabby I guess.  Oddly, when I was done I realized I was barely sweating....hmmmmmm.....

  I am not sure why some runs seem so hard for me in the beginning?  The first mile or so is tough on me.  I have my running watch so I have been careful to watch my pace and not start out too fast and tire myself out.  I am really thinking my main problem is the garbage (and the large amount of it) that I have been eating.  Its another wakeup call.  Eat well and your body will thank you.  I will keep you posted on that.  I will be making a huge effort in that department this week.

I didnt take my phone running with me but here are a few pics of my Sugar Marie!

She was less than amused that her highness had to be attached to a leash while outside...

Really?  I dont need a leash outside....cmon....

Feeling gross!!!

Today I am feeling like a big fatty.  Not only do I feel it but I *SEE * it every time I walk past the mirror.  My pants were tight yesterday and I shrugged it off.  Today, I cant shrug the gross feeling.  I have said before that part of me is thankful for this feeling when it comes...because it is my cue that my weight is getting out of hand.  And therefore, my eating needs to be improved.  And that is totally the truth.  I have not been paying much mind to what I have been putting in my mouth.  That combined with the lack of (structured) running the past week has gotten me a 170 on the scale this morning.  But thats fine.  Its good that I feel uncomfortable at this weight because it tells me that I will never go back to 230+.  I wont let myself.  I have come too far, and if a few extra pounds makes me feel gross then in my opinion thats a blessing.  So my 10's and 12's are a bit snug...I get the hint...  So what am I going to do about it?  RUN!  I am going to run this weekend!  I have a few runs planned that I am excited about because they will not be in my neighborhood.  Its always nice to have a change of scenery, right?  Now that I have my new phone I will start taking more pics and share them with you all!  I always love to read blogs that have pictures for some reason.  Do you all agree?

Its time to get serious about this half marathon in October.  I can *say* I am training for it until the cows come home but until I am out there running 4-5 times a week consistently its all talk.  So, less talk and more action outta me from now on.  Having said that, I downloaded the CD that came with my Garmin running watch after reading Shelly'd blog yesterday.  Its great and I think it will really help me!  Its nice to be able to review your run when you are done.  Now...if I can just figure out how to share the screen with you I would post that on here too.  Yup, this blog is gonna start including some more pics...

Starting.....NOW   :)

Hung out with the girls in the yard in the baby pool! 

Sugar Marie hanging in the yard....

No more pics please....

Enjoying the yard without skeeters...

Limbo(sorta...I chickened out last minute)!!! Did I mention the hubs and I had a great weekend on our little getaway???

Me and my baby girls  :)

Thats all for now.  But now that I have a phone that takes decent pics I will start sharing more!  Any objections?

I am still here!

I never take this long from blogging but boy has it been a crazy few weeks.  The little ones had a dance recital, the big little had a moving up ceremony, the hubs and I had our anniversary and then a little weekend getaway alone.  Oh, and the hard drive crashed...ugh.  I have been running on and off but not following the training schedule for about a week now.  But I am back on it.  I have more than twelve weeks to train for the half marathon so it says its okay to take longer if you have longer.  So yesterday was a three mile run.  It felt good.  My time has been slower than it was when I was running a ton last fall but I am sure with time it will get better.  Here are some pics from our past few weeks:

Hiking!

Sugar enjoying the campfire.

My new hairdo.

Mittens new hairdo....

So thats about it!  I will keep up with my running and loving it!  Does anyone recommend a good set of headphones/earbuds?  I seem to be having a problem.  The ones that go around my ears keep falling off.  I must have little ears.  The ones that go in my ears keep falling out, or I shove them in too far and everything is muffled.  Recommendations?  I need a good pair in order to run long distances for sure!

I hope everyone is doing well.  I will be spending some time later on trying to catch up on some blogs.  I didnt forget...just been busy. 

Week one down!

Week one of my half marathon training schedule is done! My long run on Sunday was four miles. I set out for it an accomplished it without much struggle. My time for 4 miles was 50 minutes. Not the quickest but I was more impressed at the capability of my lungs. Thats awesome in my eyes and means more to me than my time. I did most of my running and walks at the park near my parents house. It made me excited to run because there are so many nice paths to take. It made for great scenery. But now I am home and will have to get more creative for making scenic running routes.

This is a short post today because I left my computer at my my parents house and blogging on my phone is not that fun for me... So.....I hope you all had a great weekend! I will check in again soon.

Happy Saturday-a quick post

I am in week one of Hal Higdons Half Marathon training schedule.  And I am happy to report that besides some minorly sore knees that it is going well.  For my cross training I have been taking some nice walks with a friend.  There is lots of food involved in this holiday weekend but I am doing my best.  It feels so much less concerning when I know that I am training for a half marathon.  And by that I dont mean I am shoveling food in, but if there is something I reallllllly want I will have a little of it. 

There is a nice little park I go running at when here visiting my parents.  And today I even inspired my friend to do a little running too!  She said she felt so happy that she did it and will continue it.  I remember when I first started running last year and I couldnt even run for 30 seconds.  I have come a long way.  Tomorrow is my 4 mile run.  Hopefully my allergies will be better tomorrow than they are today. 

My first training run!

First, thanks to you all who commented and provided me with such support on my post yesterday announcing my plan to train for a half marathon!  The support was really amazing and touched me so much.  And because of that some of my fears have subsided (for now anyway) and my excitement is growing!  (Shelley-your excitement had me grinning from ear to ear!!!!  Thank you!!!!)

Last night I made plans with my husband so I could sqeeze a run in before the daily routine began.  Our children are still little so the hubs has to be home in order for me to run.  So this morning I got up and grabbed some breakfast.  I was groggier than usual this morning but my mind was set that I had to get out and run.  So I ate a light breakfast, got geared up and out I went.  Its been a while since I have done a run so I was aiming for 2 miles.  The first run on the schedule is 3 miles and the next is 2 miles.  But I read that you can rearrange the runs to fit your schedule.  But once I was out there I was surprised that I had it in me to do 3 miles.  It felt great!  I used my running watch.   I started the run out strong (9-10 min/mile) and knew I would probably burn out so I slowed down a bit.  The watch really helps to put speed into perspective.  By the end of the run it was all I could do to keep below a 13 min/mile.  I did 3.1 miles and my time was about 38 mins.  That is much slower than my 5k times I had last fall but like my husband said its been so long since I have been running.  So really I very excited that I handled 3 miles without  a problem.  

Then I loaded the kids up and went to the gym for some weight training and a little more cardio.  I wont be able to make it there the rest of the week so I put of effort in today.  The rest of the week will probably be running for exercise.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to wear skirts.  Today I wore a skirt.  In my obese days skirts were a no-no(for me anyway).  I was just too self conscious to wear them.  And although I was still a little self conscious it wasnt enough to not wear it.  Actually, I was more conscious about my legs being so pale next to the dark denim! 

Today I am thankful for:
*its been a while since I had a the pride that seems to come along with working out.  I am sure my body is not yet any smaller or firmer after just a few days of exrcising but in my mind it is.  And to me, that feeling is priceless.

My huge (and maybe crazy) decision!!!

Before I tell my *huge* decision, I just want to say that I do believe that my choice to stop Medifast was the right one.   This morning I got on the scale after a normal weekend of eating and saw a gain of 7 lbs....  yup...7 lbs in just 3 days.  So, having been this route before I know that this is because my body was indeed in starvation mode.  I have seen this before.  When I was counting calories very strictly last year and eating 1200 calories I was maintaining.  If I ever splurged for an ice cream cone or a piece of cake I would immediately gain 3 lbs or so.  This journey has taught me a lot of things.  I must say though that even though seeing that gain on the scale this morning was not fun, it was eye opening and really I am not down about it.  I am going to be conscious of what I am eating and work out at the gym.

And of course there is running......

Which leads me to my *huge* decision I have made for myself.  There is a hallf marathon and marathon coming to my town in October and I want to do the half!!!!!!!   I must say that while I am so excited about this, I am also petrified and there is a little self doubt haunting me.  But I have the 12 week training schedule hanging on my fridge and I am going to give it a whirl.  Part of me says "Go for it!!!!!"  and the other part of me says "Are you crazy?  This is for serious runners!".    But now that I am off Medifast I am able to begin my running again.  Having a tangible schedule on the fridge that I can cross off as I complete the sections is great for me.  I am not part of any running club so this is something I will probably do on my own.  Although I have told a few people and asked if they were interested in training with me.  But I am quite aware that training for such an event is a huge committment so I am really not planning on anyone joining me  :(

Shelley- (and anyone else who has completed a half marathon)-I would love to hear from you?!?!  Did you have the same self doubt?  What can I expect for my weight?  I hear people actually gain while training?  How do I eat?

For anyone interested in what the twelve week novice training program ( provided by Hal Higdon)  looks like here is the link.  It seems doable?!!?

http://www.halhigdon.com/halfmarathon/novice.htm

Big decisions (Jennifer)

I spent the day yesterday thinking of what I should do next.  Two weeks in a row and no loss.  And here is what I have decided.   I am coming off of Medifast.  I am going to focus on exercise and be conscious of what I am eating.  I went to the gym yesterday in a very good mmod.  And I am so happy that "my plan" worked.  I went feeling sorry for myself that I havent lost weight, that I cant seem to get under 160.  And once I started exercing the self pity disappeared.  I felt my muscles working.  And I realized this is what I need to be doing for myself.  I need to be toning my muscles, burning fat and calories (and then enjoying the sauna when I am done  :)  .  So thats where I am at.  I left there is much better spirits.  I will continue to eat my medifast food as part of my regular diet but I will not be following the plan exclusively.  The weather is nice. I am in debate about whether I should count calories or not.  That is still up in the air.  I expect a small gain having come off Medifast and increasing the calories, but I hope to counteract that with exercise.  The people at the gym are happy I am  back.  And one of the trainers and the owner seem to be keeping tabs on me asking me how many times a week I will be coming and when I will be in next.  To me, thats heartwarming.

And also...to justify to myself that its okay to come off of Medifast without feeling like a failure I have made a very HUGE decision.  I will share that decision tomorrow, unless I come to my senses first and change my mind...hehe.

Have a great weekend everyone.  It was supposed to be warm and sunny here as the weatherman said yesterday but again he seems to have lied.  Its cloudy and about to rain...   Its the only job I can think of where you get paid whether you are right or wrong in what you do!  hehe. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I really want to lose that tummy roll I have going on....well, at least one of them.  I am trying to be realistic here...

Today I am thankful for:
*After deciding to come off MEdifast I did not run to the cabinets for all the junk food.  I feel appreciative of food again and I am so thankful for that.

Why????????????????

Today is weigh day.  I woke up with a little feeling of dread.  I think it was the fear of disappointment.  I have worked REALLY hard this week.  I was very careful with my eating on Medifast and also went to the gym.  I have been trying to reach the 150's for a long time now and I had such hope this was the week.  The scale did not agree.  It said the SAME EXACT WEIGHT as last week.  161.4.  Why does my weight refuse to go below 160?  My husband came in as I was on the scale and saw the number.  He came over and gave me a hug.  He could feel my disappointment.  He told me he knows I have been working hard and that I will get there.  I feel defeated.  My best wasnt good enough for the second week in a row.

Am I running into the same problem as last time?  Is MF not enough calories for me?  I definately drank enough water this week.  I went to the gym.  I walked the dog.  I stuck to the plan, no extras except a few olives.  Is my body trying to tell me something?  Is it telling me to eat more calories and then it will budge?  This is what happened last time.  So what do I do next?  My husband suggested staying on plan because I have another week or so of food but I am not sure I can bring myself to do thiat.  I am going to spend some time thinking about it and I will post again later.

Sore...but good! (Jennifer)

Today I woke up sore from my workouts from the past few days.  I love it!  I feel accomplished.  Proud. In control of myself.  The sun is shining this morning, although according to the weatherman, it is going to be short lived.  But we will take what we can get these days.  The sun seems to be a rarity this spring for some reason.  And from what I read on other blogs, regardless of where people are located, they agree!  The 10 day forecast shows two decent days...thats about it.  But I try not to take too much out of the 10 day forecast because it never seems to be accurate in my opinion.

Tomorrow is weigh day.  I hate to say it but I am really putting a lot into that weigh in.  After my gain last week which was undeserved in my opinion, and the fact that I have been exercising, I am hoping to see a good number this week.  Maybe even see the 150's??!?!?!?!?   I have so much hope but at the same time I really hate to get myself so excited in the event of a letdown.  I dont want to be dependent on the scale but yet at the same time seeing the 150's is such a huge goal for me.   I have been trying for so long!  It is like that hurdle I have been trying to get over for what seems like forever now.  I get so close time and time again and just cant seem get there.  So when it happens it will be so exciting for me. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*When I feel happy with myself it overflows into all other parts of my life.  Does anyone else feel the same way?

Today I am thankful for:
*the sunshine, regardless of how long (or not so long) it graces us with its presence.

The itch (Jennifer)

Yesterday and today I hit the gym.  Even though I am still doing Medifast I decided I really wanted to do some toning with weights.  So I went yesterday not knowing what to expect.  I was so happy that the people there were so nice and welcoming when I returned!  Its been a few months since I have gone and even longer since I was on a regular routine of going several times a week.  There were hugs and sweet words from people and it really made my day.  It motivated me for some reason to work harder.  I decided before starting that I wanted to redo my measurements.  They were all right on or pretty close to when I had them done last which was quite a while ago.  And I was happy to learn that my weight was even down 2 lbs.  I think the last time I did my measurements I was probably the smallest I have been in this journey, so it felt good to know I was in the same ballpark!  I know that toning and going to the gym in general is a great thing for me.  I am excited to be back.

So, I went and decided I would not do much cardio because I am on Medifast.  The last time I was on Medifast I learned that when I did cardio that my body refused to lose weight.  And I would also feel sick to my stomach as well.  I am sure thats not the case for most, but it definately was the case for me.  I learned this through much trial and error.  So today and yesterday I did my regular weight training machines that I am used to and even learned how to do some different ones.  I only wish I had found them sooner!  Did you know there is a machine that works that awful part of your legs under your butt?  I am sure there is an actual name for this part for this but I just cant think of it right now.  Today, after the weights I thought, hey...I am going to try some cardio.  I hopped on the rowing machine and within 3 minutes my stomach was sick.   It was such a blast from the past and I recognized it right away.  My body just does not like cardio while doing Medifast. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I love how after working out I get some sore muscles.  I can feel their presence when doing simple tasks throughout the day and its a reminder that I am helping myself and on the right track!  I l ove it abd want this to be a lifetime committment for me.  Its makes me feel good.  Period.

Today I am thankful for:
*I have the ITCH to run.  Even though I ordered more Medifast food and I cannot run as of right now, I am actually excited that the day is coming when I will be off plan and I can RUN!  Its not like I am looking for an excuse to stop Medifast.  No doubt about it, its a tough plan but thats not the issue.  I will give it two more weeks until my food is gone an see how things are then.

For now...two days till weigh day.  I will not step on the scale until then. 

I hope you are all doing well.  I am missing some of my regular commenters...where are you?!?!

Jennifer

Comfort Eating (Jennifer)

I have realized over the past year of this journey that I am Not a comfort eater. Actually, if I am stressed or down my body doesn't want to eat. It's when I am happy that I eat. I love food. Period. So many enjoyable options, especially the ones that are extra tasty and earned me a fatty liver. Food makes me happy. Some people enjoy fishing, or scrapbooking, or partying. Me... I enjoy food! Not necessarily cooking it but surely eating it! It's been important for me to learn this.

I am still not feeling "normal" physically. There is no doubt something is going on with my body and it just hasn't been discovered yet. I pray it's nothing serious. This week is the last of my physical therapy visits and as much as I had hoped they would help, they haven't much. But the therapist there agrees with me that there is definately something larger going on. She said she was going to call my dr, who in my opinion seems to have thrown his hands up in uncertainty. I almost hate calling or going there because I know it frustrates him that it hasn't been figured out yet. Plus, the people at the front desk arent always pleasant, which is sad in that type of environment.  I am glad  she will call him for me. I am trying to be my own advocate and trying to be patient as well. But it's scary.

Todays reason for losing weight:
*I love knowing that I am putting healthy things into my body. I love eating things that I like that I also know are good for me!  I enjoy learning about how certain foods are beneficial to my body.

Today I am thankful for:
*Food!  Because this is the second round of Medifast for me (round one was successful and I kept the weight off...round two is to try to get the last bit off) I am again getting an appreciation for food.  I want things like peanut butter and jelly, yogurt, fruit, granola...  things that if I werent on Medifast I wouldnt crave like I am now.  It puts things into perspective that there are lots of healthy things that are enjoyable.  Thats a tough point for me to get to and I am thankful I am there.  In the past, yummy foods were cookies, cake, ice cream, fast food(LOTS of fast food), etc....  But now I just want a yogurt and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole grain bread. 

Still trucking along...

I will be totally honest and say that if we(me and the hubs) hadnt made the financial committment and ordered more Medifast food that I totally would be done right now.  My lack of a loss last week was frustrating and makes it hard to stay on plan.  I am very much a results oriented gal.  Although I must say I am handling much better than I would have in the past.  There have been a few slips here and there since my weigh in.  But I know once my food comes tomorrow it will be much easier to stay on plan.  I ran out of bars and that isnt a pretty thing for me. 

Tonight for dinner I plan to have some baked cod with some spices on it and a small amount of tartar sauce.  The sauce is a requirement to me eating fish.  I just cant do it without it.  I will use it sparingly.   I will have a nice side salad along with it and continue drinking my water and eating my sugar free jello as a snack. 

The wheels have started in my head already about what food choices I will make when I am done with Medifast.  Its almost like I forgot how to eat healthy but I know I will get back into it.  I bought about two more weeks worth of MF food and then I plan to come off.  I read the article that Dawne had linked on her blog and it really spoke to me.  I have been successful at Medifast and kept the weight off for about a year now.  I went back on it to get the rest off.  Yeah, I may have gained a few pounds but nothing I couldnt handle.  The article talked about the last 10 lbs and how they shouldnt be the hardest to get off.  And for me, they definately are!  The roadblock seems impossible to surpass at times.  But I know I can do it.  The article says that you should change something if you are struggling with the last 10 lbs.  It also said that if you are losing weight via a method that is not a lifestyle change you will be less likely to keep that last 10 off when you do lose it.  This spoke to me.  It made me realize that I want to get back into running and the gym, and to feel my muscles working.  I miss that feeling.  Did I just say I miss sore muscles?  Yup :)  Its a reminder that I am working hard and can accomplish it. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*Along my journey I have learned that I have inspired others.  I have been approached by several people asking for advice or just questions about how I did it.  And while I am not a dr, I have learned a lot along the way and I am glad to share it with whoever asks.  I didnt start this journey to inspire others but now that I see that I have I think its great.  I love to help people.

Today I am thankful for:
* the actual DESIRE to exercise.  It feels good to WANT to go to the gym and to feel my muscles work.  These past few months have been tough for me and I look forward to getting back into the health groove!

Weigh in Results (Jennifer)

This weeks weigh in was not very exciting.  The scale showed 161.4 which is a GAIN of .2 lbs this week.  Its frustrating and I reallly cant think of anything I ate that would reflect that.  Although, I do think I could be retaining some water.  But, after my pity party yesterday morning and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to put it behind me and move on.  I am not sure why getting below 160 seems to be such a task for me.  I definately have the weight to lose.  But I am now more determined than ever.  I have been trying to see the 150's for over a year now flirting now and again with 160. 

I am fighting back this week and heres how...

*I will drink 100 oz of water every day this week.
*I will exercise at least 4 days
*I will be extra careful with my lean and greens.

My husband must have seen my frustration yesterday morning because he chimed in with a pep talk telling me not to give up on myself.  And hes right.  If I give up I will never see the 150's.  So thats where I am at.  Moving on.  So I didnt see the 150's this week...who cares?  I will see it next week or the week after and I will be just as excited, if not more!

Progress (Jennifer)

Tomorrow is my weigh in after being on Medifast for 4 weeks.  I was kind of shocked to realize that a month has gone by since I started the plan.  The first week was tough but after that it was kind of like riding a bike.  My hubs and I talked last night about whether I should order some more food and do the plan through the end of May.   We decided to go for it.  Its only a few more weeks and hopefully by then I will be sitting comfortably in the 150's?   One can hope!

I decided to do a post about some of the progress I have made.  Here are some things that have changed since the beginning of my weight loss journey 65 lbs ago...

*I fit better in the seats in the car and restaurants.
*I am much less self conscious of how I look, when alone and also in front of other people.
*I love shopping again (this is NOT good for the wallet though...)
*I try on things that *different* for me.  Its fun!
*I have some self pride.
*I buy healthier things for my family to eat.
*I am more educated on health and nutrition.
*I discovered I enjoy running and feel excited every time I accomplish a run.
*I found some muscles under the flubba...
*I no longer worry about who I will bump into when out (for the fear of people seeing how much weight I had put on)
*I am a more active mother and wife for my family.

I am sure there are more things but thats what I can think of right now.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*just knowing that I can improve myself is a great feeling.  I cant tell you how much of my life I spent feeling like I was a failure at losing weight. 

Today I am thankful for:
*Last spring and summer was when I was losing the biggest chunk of my weight.  I went from a size 20/22 to a 14/16 pretty quickly so buying new clothes was necessary.  I am so thankful that I was able to give all those clothes to someone that will wear them now that I have gone down into a size 10/12.  My friend was here last weekend and every single thing I gave her fit AND looked great!  Its so great to know that my clothes and all that money that was spent on them was not wasted!

I hope you are all doing well!

Week 3 Medifast results (Jennifer)

Today was weigh in after 3 weeks on Medifast.  I felt like I handled the week pretty well and got very excited to get on the scale this morning and see 161.2!!   Thats a loss of 3.7 lbs this week!  So why is it then that I am trying talk myself into coming off the plan all day?  My back hurt, I was ready to blame Medifast.   Really I am just looking for an excuse.  We are having company all weekend.   I look forward to it but hate that I will not be enjoying the yummy food that will come along with it.   But on the other hand, I am so close to my lowest weight and think that I should be even more motivated!  Two more lbs and I will be in the 150's.  I havent been in the 150's since college which was well over a decade ago.  Since having children via c-secions and getting this *new body* I know that I wont look like I did back then but I am still excited.  I have had a few people tell me that I dont have any  more to lose.  According to the BMI charts I have 15-20 more lbs to lose to be considered healthy.  I again talked to my husband about what he thought and he agrees that I should keep going.  My goal all along has been 150, even though I still am considered overweight by the BMI standards at that weight. 

I feel the anxiety of my unexplained health situation coming back and somehow it has taken away a little of the excitement of losing on Medifast.   There are some new symptoms, and some old ones that have revisited that get me concerned.  But I am trying my best to have faith that it isnt serious because they havent found anythng yet.  I am trying so hard to find comfort in that.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*Today my daughter had a mothers day event at her preschool.  It was so cute.  And there are always a lot of pictures taken and posted for everyone to see.  When looking at them today, I realized that I didnt think "wow...I look fat".  Now, I didnt exactly love how I looked but I did not pick at my weight like I have so many times in the past. 

Today I am thankful for:
*my ambition to clean my house today!  Its so much  nicer to do when you are ambitious!

Spring

Could it be that I woke up this morning to some sunshine??  We live in NY, near a huge lake and therefore cloud cover is much more common than sunshine, especially in winter and spring.  Its one thing I noticed fairly quickly(along with the tons of lake effect snow) when we moved here.  So, it was kind of a treat to wake up to the sun, especially with all the rain we have had this past month.

However, the hubs had to go to work pretty early today.  Around 5:30 I hear him calling for me asking me to help him.  I hopped out of bed immediately because I know him and he doesnt ask for help...ever.  So I went into the bathroom and see that he has a tick on his leg.  A deer tick...embedded with the red mark and all.  I removed it and looked it up online, even though I knew it was a deer tick and what he needed to do.  We have pulled many ticks off the dog and I have done my research.  I finally convinced him that he needs to go to the dr right away and get specific anitbiotics.  He finally agreed to go as soon as they opened.  I am waiting to hear from him.

***Update:  the hubs went and they gave him antibiotics just from what they could see on his leg.  They sent the tick away for testing to see how long it was embedded but this will not determine if it had lyme disease.  For now we need to watch the site on his leg for any changes.  Please say a prayer.  Thanks.
Today's reason for losing weight:
*Self confidence.  Is there anything better than feeling good about yourself?  It can overflow into other parts of our lives.

Today I am thankful for:
*having the opportunity to do Medifast.  I had a friend give me some left over food she had and that has helped to make it financially possible.   I am also thankful for my appetite that seems to have shrunken.  This can be a tough plan if you are hungry.  I am thankful that for the past few days I have been able to manage that.

The plan... (Jennifer)

I have decided that I need to hit the gym and start toning my muscles.   Unlike intense cardio, weight lifting I can do while on Medifast.  I should be taking advantage of my gym membership.  So thats my plan.  I look forward to getting back into the swing of things. Once summer comes and school is done for my daughter I plan to get back into the actual weight training classes they offer.  I havent been able to go to them because the times conflict with school drop-off. Those classes were the ones that REALLY made me feel the muscles that I didnt even know I had.  The classes were so tough that there were many times I literally could barely walk for several days after.  This time I plan to use lower weights when starting to avoid that if at all possible.

So thats it.  Thats the plan.  Physically I still feel like something isnt right with my body.  But I cannot put my life on hold like I have for the past several months(like 6).  I am trying to have faith.  And today I realized that by me doing Medifast and getting back into the gym that I am finally making an attempt to move on.  I also realized that  as of my last weigh in of 164.9 lbs that I am only 5 lbs away from my first goal...to get into the 150's.  I have not been there since college more than a decade ago and I really look forward to it. 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to accomplish my goal and see the 150's!  Its so odd how sometimes it feels like its impossible because I have been trying for soooo long to get there.   And other times it feels like its only 5 small pounds away and I am so close!   I much prefer to think of it being so close and feasible!!  What's 5 lbs when I am already down 65 right?  Thats the mindset I need to have to succeed.  No more poor me negativity.

Today I am thankful for:
*I found a lump in my breast.  I called the dr, got in right away and they did a sonogram right in the office.  This literally all happened within 3 hours of me making the call.  I am thankful that it turned out to be glandular tissue, and also that I was able to get some answers so quickly.  I really wish the whole healthcare system worked like this.  But for now, I am thankful that it worked that way for me today!

A little shopping and my "big girl" mentality (Jennifer)

I did a little shopping this weekend.  Since I have lost some weight I have really begun to love shopping again.  Its such a different experience to shop for "normal" sized clothing as opposed to the plus size clothes I used to have to wear.  When I started Medifast a few weeks ago I would say I was comfortably wearing a size 14.  And since its that time of the month for me I felt like I would be lucky to fit in a size 14 when I went shopping yesterday.  I grabbed some things and despite how bloated and big I felt, only the size 12 stuff fit!  There was one point when I held up a size 12 capris and put them down and said to my friend, "wow, these look really little".  She grabbed them and threw them in our pile and told me I had to try them.  So I did, and dont you know they turned out the be the best thing I put on! 

Then there was another great experience.   I walked by a cute pair of pants and they caught my eye.  I went back to look at them and realized that they were a size 12, but that they were tapered on the bottom.  That is not a good look on me...  So I moved on and continued looking.  A few minutes later I see this skinny girl looking at the pants.  She picked them up and brought them into the dressing room.  I almost fell over.  I went running over to my friend and told her what I had saw and asked her how could it be that she is such a "little thing" and we were looking at the same size pants?  This made me realize that I still struggle with a *big girl* mentality, even after losing so much weight.  I look in the mirror and even though I have lost a large chunk of weight(65 ish lbs), I only see a smaller version of the *big girl* me.  I still have an awful midsection with stretch marks and surgery scars.  I still have a HUGE FUPA(the area below my belly button that literally hangs off the front of my body) that the doctors have clearly told me will only go away with surgery.  It is very noticable.  I still have cellulite on my legs.  So, while I am a smaller version, I still see the same me.  Does that make sense?  I once showed a friend my FUPA and she said "wow,  I didnt know you had that".   I work very hard to hide it.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I cant wait to get below 160 and see what changes my body will have.  160 is the lowest I have gotten in this journey so anything below that is new territory.  I cant wait!

Today I am thankful for:
* my friend who I went shopping with.  True friends really are hard to come by so when I do, I am so appreciative.

Medifast week 2 results

I ate more protein than "allowed" this week. I mentioned that even though my choices could have been worse that I have felt guilty for not following the plan to a T. The result: a loss of 2.3 lbs! Weigh in today was 164.9. I am happy to see this number but frustrated at the same time because this is not my lowest weight and I feel like I am redoing the hard work I did once already. Having said that, I am proud of myself though because this is a far cry from 233 which was my highest recorded weight. I had some intense cravings yesterday (pms) and I am also proud to have made it through that still on plan...even though I did try to talk myself into quitting Medifast! I am glad I recognized it. I feel much more in control of my appetite today luckily. I look forward to another week. Five more lbs would bring me to 159.9 and a new territory for me! I can't wait to feel the success of that! It feels so close and is keeping me motivated!

The only thing stopping me....

After watching The Biggest Loser last night it seemed like those girls who are 160 to 170ish are so thin and dont look like they have another ounce to lose.  Then I look at myself who is in the same range and see something totally different.  I recently had someone tell me I should be happy with how I look and that I dont look like I have anything to lose.  When I look in the mirror at 170ish pounds I see so much loose skin and cottage cheese.  I know so much of this can be improved with toning and I am sure that I am capable of doing so while on Medifast.  So, I think I will set that as my goal.  I did the 30 day shred a few days back and literally could not have done another workout for the next few days I was so sore.  But thats good!  I need to stop being lazy.  When I really think about it not exercising and eating extra on MF is just prolonging my current weight.  It really isnt helping me to lose and get to my goal.  The only thing that is stopping me is ME.  I guess I have been thinking about it like this:  If I am doing MF and giving up all sweets and lots of other stuff then I should be losing quickly and be happy with how I look.  But I now realize that I need to do more than just the bare minimum.  I need to follow the plan to a T.  I need to be toning, etc.  The weather is nice-ish lately so I should be out walking the dog at the very least!  Sometimes it feels good to call myself out  :)

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to tone up the loose skin and lose some of the cottage cheese.  Again, I am realistic here.  I know I will never look like a model but there is much room for improvement. 

Today I am thankful for:
*my mother who is so supportive.  I have been missing her so much lately(she lives a few hours away from me).  Here is one of her comments on one of my recent posts:

Hi Jen, I was stunned by your willpower on Easter!! I never thought I would see such a thing from you, it just goes to show you that if you want something bad enought you'll dig deep down and go to the ends of the earth for it. You did it baby!! Thank goodness for your husband encouraging you because I would have said to go ahead and have a bite, it's Easter! I'll keep your stash for as long as you need! Love mom.

A sneak peak (Jennifer)

After a struggle with the holiday this weekend and being on Medifast I couldnt resist a sneak peak on the scale this morning.  Even though my weigh day is on Fridays, I wanted to know how I handled the weekend visiting my family(in the scales eyes).  There were so many temptations and like I posted yesterday, I think I handled it pretty well despite not following the MF plan 100%.  I aimed to keep my carbs in check.  And apparently I did good because the scale said I was down another 1.5 lbs since Friday  :)   I definately needed to see that on the scale this morning! 

Last night while everyone was feasting on ice cream cake, cookies and Italian pastries from the bakery, I made myself a cinnamon roll using the MF pancakes and some cream cheese.  This is from Sandys website and I am so grateful to her!  It made dessert time totally doable for me.  I did, however, feel a little deprived because there were so many things in the the past few days that I would have eaten in the past.  Its one thing to pass something up but to pass just about EVERYTHING up while everyone else is indulging  kind of took a toll on me.  How did I fight back?  I took some of the leftover pastries and cookies and put them in a freezer bag and stuck them in the freezer....for a later date when I am not doing MF and can enjoy them...in moderation of course.  Just doing this made me feel better.  My family was laughing so hard as the freezer bag got bigger and bigger.  It was pretty funny I admit.  But I dont think there has ever been a canoli passed up by this girl...hehe.  I know it probably looked like I was planning a future binge, but I feel like I have it under control to eat such yummy things in moderation.  During dessert my grandmother made sure she told me what self control and determination I have.  It felt good.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to look in the mirror and feel proud of myself.  And I must say that I think I am realistic in this thought.  I know I will never have the body to wear a bikini or a size 4.  But seeing progress again is what I am looking to achieve.  It would be nice to lose some of the nastiness off the back of my thighs .  Thats a perfect example of progress.  I hope that day comes!

Today I am thankful for:
*My cousins thought of me when planning their next running event.  They want to do a half marathon this summer.  I know right now while on MF I cannot possibly train for a marathon of any sort but I thought it was so great that they think of me as a runner! And I will get back into running after my MF days.  I dont know it there will be enough time at that point to train for a half marathon.