Monday, May 10, 2010

I am scared (Jennifer)

I decided to post tonight about some of the feelings and thoughts I have been having over the past few weeks. As I have mentioned before I have been thinking about how much longer I will be doing Medifast for. And my thoughts and feelings are all over the place when it comes to this topic. They range from one end of the spectrum to the other. So here it goes (and I sure could use some outside thought on this one...):

Part of me wants to come off of MF...to eat REAL food and exercise and so on. And maybe to even follow WW guidelines which after 10 years are pretty much embedded in my head :) However, I am surprised by the fear of coming off of MF. Actually, after much thinking over the past few weeks I have decided that I am petrified to come off of it. Why? I sat down with my husband last night and we talked about it. And this is what we came up with. MF is rigid. And it has worked even though at some times it has worked slower than I would have like it to. But anyway, it has worked. I am down 31.5 lbs from MF in 10 weeks. It is structured, almost effortless. I eat 5 of their meals and I havent gone off plan once. I am scared to eat real food now. I am scared to alter the protein, the fat, carbs, etc that is carefully measured out for me in each MF meal. I am scared to stress over each meal. I am scared to gain some weight back and then fall off the wagon and go back to square one. I like to think I wont but I am still scared. I am scared that my willpower to say no to the things that were not allowed on MF. Will I be able to say no the cake, or the cookies, or the kids leftovers? To MCDONALDS? These are all things that arent allowed on MF's structured plan so I dont have any issue with passing them up. But will I still consider them No No foods when I am done with MF? Will I still have the control that I have now? There isnt much gray area on MF. It is pretty black and white. But eating in the real world seems so much more complicated and stressful to me and this is where my fear comes in.

There are lots of things I am trying to work out right now to ensure that I do the best thing for my long term success. I have discussed it with my husband and we decided that I am going to do MF for at least one more month. He has been very supportive of me and would be no matter what I chose to do. I am ordering my food tomorrow. I still have over 30 lbs to lose and when it comes down to it why mess with what is working(even if it is working slowly at times)? Another month will give me time to think more about how I will manage when I come off. Of course MF gives you a transition guide which is great. And this makes me think why do I want to transition NOW when I still have more to lose. I dont want to transition and maintain or gain. That would defeat my purpose. So I am committed to one more month. And part of me is relieved. But part of me tells me I will be fine when I done. That I should transition into the healthy ways of WW and merge what I have learned there with what I have learned from MF(to eat 6 times a day, eat more protein, drink my water).

So that's where I am at. I am at 175 as of my last weigh in. Why not keep going with what is working. Period. Lets just hope it keeps working. This week I exercised twice. I walked/jogged yesterday and tonight was zumba which was fun as always.

Today's reason to lose weight:
*My health. Its one thing to want to look and feel good. But it is another thing to take care of my body and all the "parts" that need to work together to make me a healthy person. I dont want to have a fatty liver anymore. I dont want high cholesterol, and I dont want a ticker that has to work overtime to carry the extra weight. I want a healthy digestive and immune system that come from eating good foods. And these are things that I can do for myself with a little knowledge.

Today I am thankful for:
*My girls. Yesterday my 3 year old saw me with my towel wrapped around me after my shower and didnt she tell me that I looked like Barbie Island Princess(we own the movie). Too sweet. And my two year old who came up to me today and threw her arms around me and told me she loved me...just out of the blue. It is moments like these that melt my heart. And one more thing that made me chuckle. Today my 3 year old came to me and asked me to fix her hair. Daddy had put a ponytail in like she asked him to and she told me "he didnt do too good". So I said sure and I explained that there are some things that mommy is better at(you should see some of these hairdo attempts although I give him full props for being such an awesome dad to even try) and that there are other things that daddy is better at doing. I asked her what Daddy was better at doing and she said "going to work". I am a stay at home mommy :) Gotta love the thoughts of a 3 year old.

2 comments:

Karen said...

LOL-yes 3 year olds...they are funny. I love the things Shaylin says. The cool thing is, she seems to say them at the exact time I need it!

FrugalMom said...

I honestly don't know how you do it, but I can understand why you are scared to go off, since you finally found something that is working for you.


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