Friday, May 28, 2010

Week 13 (Tricia)

Today was my week 13 weigh in and I am down 4.4lbs. I am really excited about this since my last few weigh-ins have been somewhat lacking. I am around 3lbs from making my mini-goal of 50. mini-goal is 50.
I was watching biggest loser the other night and was so shocked at how different Shay looked from the last time we saw her and she was down 54lbs. And then I wondered...Do I look that different? I certainly feel different in the way I walk and move around etc. And I know that I am different because there are parts of me that I can actually see now and bones that I found that have been hiding under my rolls. I also know I do look different...but how much?
Jennifer was smart enough to take before photos, but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I didn't want to look at them. I don't like pictures as it is because I am embarrassed about how I look in them. Somewhere inside of me I like to think I am not that big...until BAM! A friend posts a horrifying picture on facebook and you beg them to take it down. And I am thinking about it now how I would like to have those pictures to compair to my thinner self, but I change my mind because I don't want to see how far I still have to go, the scale is a reminder every week. I seem to be lost somewhere between how far I have come and how far I have to go. As I have said in recent posts, I have had some trouble staying focused and excited about my diet. I have never really been one for binge eating, but over the past few weeks I have had the worst time fighting the urge to walk into the pantry and shovel food in my mouth. I don't of course, but it is on my mind all the time. I know that I will always have to be monitoring my weight and what I eat, but will I ever lose those urges? I hope so, because they are wearing me down!


Jennifer said...

I had a few weeks where I was hungry and wanted to eat everything in sight too. Luckily it passed and I am sure it will for you too. It saddens me to hear you sound so down after your amazing loss of 47 lbs! 47 IS AMAZING. And if you think about really has taken no time at all. 13 weeks to lose almost 50 lbs? That is awesome. YOu should be proud of yourself. I wish I knew what I could say or do for you for YOU to want this for YOU. But it isnt something that I can make happen. I get scared by my urges to eat more than a normal portion too. However, I must say that today I could BARELY finish my cauliflower pizza. My stomach has shrunk and no doubt yours has too. I have not seen you in a while to do the oohs and aahs that I am sure are warranted. And I cant wait!In the meanwhile maybe you need to revisit WHY you want to lose the weight. And if you would like I am sure I have a before picture. Actually...I KNOW I do :) if you would like me to email it to you. Get yourself back into the mode of what you are doing and WHY you are doing it. What are the things in your life that you want to change? And now that you got 50 lbs off (almost) every pound that you lose fom here on out is really going to show on you. The first part is always hard because we lose and sometimes it isnt as noticeable in the beginning. But soon you will be at like 70 or 80 lbs down and you wont even look like you. That is what happened with Shay. And Ashley too. Hope this helps. I am always here for you :)

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

Tricia -
I can relate on not wanting my picture taken. I didn't have mine taken for YEARS. Then it dawned on me that if I died, my kids and family wouldn't have pictures to remember me... and I learned from a friend to be able to laugh at myself in pictures. My body doesn't represent the real me.

So now I let pictures be taken of me (and I have some doosies!) but it's been a process of learning to love the me inside. And now that I am losing weight, it's easier to look at my fat pictures and think "that was then... that is not the real me" and see how far I've come.

Thanks for your post and take care!