Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Nerves (Jennifer)

I knew this "I am on top of the world" feeling couldnt last forever. I am no good at dealing with stress. If there as one thing I could change about me it would probably be my worrying. I dont think it is excessive and I am not on meds or anything like that but still, I dont like it. I have been getting this rash every time I go in the sun for even a few minutes (remember Trish??). Well, finally I had enough and went to the dr. While I was there today, they did a mole check since my grandmother had melanoma. Well, she didnt seem too phased by the rash(which is why I went) but felt that a few small moles on my stomach looked abnormal and she wanted to remove them right away. So....she did and now I have two whole weeks of waiting and worrying before I get some results. I hate the waiting game. I have had too much of it over the past few years in my opinion.

I was starting to feel like a "normal" person lately and maybe even feeling like DRAMA was doing me a favor and moving its cloud away from me. Anyone who knows me knows that a drama cloud has been following me around for years. But recently I have been enjoying the freedom from that and trying to lay low and feel...NORMAL. I will say this though. In the past I may have dealt with my stress by eating. Not this time. This time I am going to remain in control of what I am putting in. Tonight when I was putting on my jammies I caught a glimpse of me in the mirror. And I thought..."wow". I really am getting there. I really saw it tonight. Despite the three bandages on my stomach I actually was pleased with what I saw and what I have accomplished so far. I am not really a "pat myself on the back" kind of person so this was a big step for me. And at that very moment when I saw myself in the mirror I thought "THIS is why I am sticking with Medifast for a bit longer". I feel like I have been looking for something to sway me one way or another for whether I should stay on or go off. And there it was.

So...regardless of what the scale shows tomorrow (it is that time for me so I dont expect exciting things) I will be happy with my decision and keep trucking on.

Today's reason for losing weight:
When I go horse back riding (we do sometimes in the summer) I dont want to feel like people(the owners especialy) are looking at me or feel like they gave me "the big horse". The big horse for the big girl.

Today I am thankful for:
Medifast Peanut Butter Crunch bars. These bars are so good and I feel guilty eating them. I have to say that there has never been a time in my almost 11 weeks on MF that this bar has not satisfied my demanding sweet tooth. Yummmmm.

Stay tuned for my week 11 weigh in tomorrow!



Lesia said...

I am new to your blog and I really like the way you put what you are thankful for and the reason you are losing weight. Enjoyed your post. I do WW not sure what your diet is about but glad it is working for you.

Laura said...

Sounds like you're doing great! Keep on trucking!