My appointment (Jennifer)

Today I had my follow up with my gastro dr.  It has been a while since I have seen him, and that is a good thing.  I usually see him when my stomach acts up.  But today was just a follow up.  He is the one who told me they found a fatty liver while also discovering the extremely painful gallstones that had to be removed  about 3 years ago.  He told me to lose weight and hopefully it would be reversible.  It scared me when he was talking about how it could lead to cirrhosis and end stage liver disease and death.  It scared me enough to take action.  I shouldnt have been surprised about the fatty liver because I used to eat fast food probably on  a daily basis at one point.  But I was scared and I really wanted to help myself and take myself off that scary road.  But then I got pregnant again and he told me to focus on the pregnancy and not to lose weight at that time.  Then after she was born she was sick and we had so many challenges and stress, and there just wasnt time for me to take care of me.  Hindsight being 20/20 I know now that I should have made time, not just for my weight, but for the stress management.  So when things "got better" I knew it was time to take time to focus on me and address my new body.  I was pregnant for about 2 years with only 6 months off in between, and it was then that I began having really painful gallbladder attacks and had my gallbladder removed.  So...it has been a pretty challenging few years on my body when you take into account the c-sections too.  Three surgeries in 15 months...4 if you include the tonsils coming out right before I got pregnant with my first!  Wow...I just realized the gravity of that!
Anyway, the last time I saw this dr was when I first started losing weight but had gone on steroids and started gaining it back.  I am probably down at least 30 lbs more than the last time I saw him.  He said he wanted to redo some blood work and reasess my fatty liver.  But honestly, I dont want to.  I kind of want to live in the world of denial right now.  I want to feel like I am helping myself and feel happy doing it.  I dont want to hear that it isnt better, or that there is another problem they happen to stumble upon while looking on the ultrasound, or a problem with the bloodwork.  I just want to avoid it.  I didnt used to be like this but now I am.  It has a tough few years with all the medical stuff that has gone on with our family and I just want to turn off the drama and stress. I want to run from the "drama cloud" that has been following me.  And apparently in my eyes it is best by pure avoidance.  But I will go.  And I will stress, just like I am still stressing over the results of the mole biopsies that she felt she must remove immediately.  I just want to continue on in my happy little "I am helping myself" world where the sky is the limit.  I dont want any setbacks.  It is time for me right now.  I hope that doesnt sound selfish but it has just been a tough few years. 

Wow, that turned into quite a therapeutic post for me.  I hope I have not bored you all.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to continue to have this self pride I have been feeling.  It really beats beating myself up for eating what I want and then feeling bad about it after...again and again and again.

Today I am thankful for:
*going out to lunch with my family.  It was so hot that my husband decided he didnt want to be in this house anymore(hopefully this will help him to get the AC guy here quicker).  I have told you how awful it gets in this house.  So we went to Ruby Tuesdays for lunch where I got turkey burger minis.  I ate the mini burgers with no buns, and pickles and salad from the salad bar.  Yumm.  Today I did not have two regular meals.  I am still full from lunch!