Week 13 (Tricia)

Today was my week 13 weigh in and I am down 4.4lbs. I am really excited about this since my last few weigh-ins have been somewhat lacking. I am around 3lbs from making my mini-goal of 50. Sigh..my mini-goal is 50.
I was watching biggest loser the other night and was so shocked at how different Shay looked from the last time we saw her and she was down 54lbs. And then I wondered...Do I look that different? I certainly feel different in the way I walk and move around etc. And I know that I am different because there are parts of me that I can actually see now and bones that I found that have been hiding under my rolls. I also know I do look different...but how much?
Jennifer was smart enough to take before photos, but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I didn't want to look at them. I don't like pictures as it is because I am embarrassed about how I look in them. Somewhere inside of me I like to think I am not that big...until BAM! A friend posts a horrifying picture on facebook and you beg them to take it down. And I am thinking about it now how I would like to have those pictures to compair to my thinner self, but I change my mind because I don't want to see how far I still have to go, the scale is a reminder every week. I seem to be lost somewhere between how far I have come and how far I have to go. As I have said in recent posts, I have had some trouble staying focused and excited about my diet. I have never really been one for binge eating, but over the past few weeks I have had the worst time fighting the urge to walk into the pantry and shovel food in my mouth. I don't of course, but it is on my mind all the time. I know that I will always have to be monitoring my weight and what I eat, but will I ever lose those urges? I hope so, because they are wearing me down!