I must be dedicated (Jennifer)

This counting calories and measuring food and writing it all down sure is a pain in the butt.  But I do it because I must be dedicated.  I want this...I want the rest of the weight off bad.  I have come so far and I will not quit now.  And when I get "there" I will be a better person for have measured, and counted and such.  I wont do it forever but right now, even though it is a less than fun task, it is teaching me quite a bit about portion sizes and how much I should be eating in a normal day.  I must say however, that I do catch myself picking here and there.  And this is where the couting and meauring and such gets tough because how much is "a pick"?  There is a lot of guestimating and I dont like that.  Soooo...for now I will try to limit the picking so I can be a little more accurate.  Having said that, I have been doing the best I can and have been letting the calories fall into the 1300 to even 1500 calorie range(in an attempt to eat a little more and maybe stimulate a loss?  We will see how the scale likes this tomorrow morning.  Stay tuned :)

No gym again today.  My little one was sick yesterday morning and then pretty okay for the rest of the day...until bedtime.  Then she woke up and got sick and then again a bit later.  We were in bed and all of a sudden we hear her screaming "I'm gonna do it!!!"  Poor baby.  And this time I was ready.  She is two and the toilet proved not to be the best option.  So...I was in front of her all ready with the towel and bucket.  I knew it was coming and I was ready.  So...what does she do?  She turns around and throws up all over my husband (who does NOT have a towel or bucket ).  He is a great dad and was good for it  :)   Today she seems fine but we will see how she is tonight.  She got up this morning and asked for milk, pancakes AND eggs.  I decided she could have *A* plain pancake with no butter or syrup, and pedialyte.  She was saying "mmmmmmmmmmm" through the whole thing like it was the best thing she ever ate.  She wanted cereal for dinner.  So thats what we had.  A nice change, and extremely simple :) No complaints here.

An odd note:  I am actually excited to wear my new dress on Saturday  :)  I dont remember the last time I was excited to wear anything.

Keep your fingers crossed that the scale is nice to me tomorrow  :)

Jennifer

No gym, McDonalds, and THE DRESS (Jennifer)

There was no trip to the gym this morning.  Just as I thought all was back in order after my 3 year old's 6 day long stomach virus my 2 year old gets up and throws up today :(  I hate when they are sick.  It breaks my heart and I feel so helpless because I want to "fix" them asap.  I hate to see them unwell or sad, or just laying around on the couch when they dont feel well. 

I am actually glad not to go to the gym today.  I push myself and that is a good thing.  But...this gives me the opportunity (since I am guessing this bug will last a few days) to turn the exercise down and still eat my 1200 calories.  Then I weigh in on Thursday and see what it says.  Plus, yesterday I did my 3 mile run AND went to Zumba.  I do dread the next visit to the gym because taking a few days off is never pretty.  hehe.  

Last night after Zumba we went out to get a dress for a wedding we have to go to.  I was hungry so we stopped through McDonalds.  The girls already ate but I knew they would want some so I got a 10 piece nugget meal.  I ate 6 nuggets for a total of 276 calories and had about half the fries(about 190 calories.  And this fit into my 1200 calories for the day.  I felt in control yet treated.  It isnt the most healthy food but I didnt overdo it.  I dont eat fast food barely ever anymore. 

And as for the dress...I tried on dresses from size 10-16 and they all fit.  Interesting right?  The one I ended up getting was a size Medium!!!!  It is a stretchy material but that is not the point!  Medium?!?!   Hooray!!!  And I sent the picture to Teresa who said it looked great and so different from something I would normally wear. It took me a second to get that but she is right.  It is form fitting and like she explained, "it is colorful and not a skort!".  haha.  Thanks T, for opening my eyes!

Have a great day everyone.

TV (Tricia)

So tonight my husband and I sat down and watched a show on TV and a commercial came on for Hell's Kitchen. I got so excited and asked my husband if it was starting next week. To my dismay, he informed me that it had started six shows ago...OH? Where have I been for six weeks? Riggght, apparently not watching TV. It used to be that I had a nightly line up of shows to watch for most of the week to keep me occupied, but tonight I realized that I really don't care whats on TV and told my husband not to bother recording it because I wouldn't watch it.
Last week I came home from work and realized I didn't have anything to do so I sat down and turned on the TV. And, three minutes later, I turned it off and decided to rearrange my shelves in the living room. Just a little improvement I have been thinking about for weeks, but never did. I just found myself wanting to improve something around me that before took a backseat to my couch-potato impression.
But I realized that night that I had been numbing myself in front of the TV for too long, loosing myself in the mindless shows because it was easy. Easy to just let my mind tune out to life and tune in to a show that didn't make me think about much. It allowed me to procrastinate and not deal with things for a few hours of the day..but I followed that routine every day.
I am not saying TV is bad by any means, just that I was using it badly. I never really realized how much I could get done between coming home from work and going to bed because I always filled it with shows that I needed to watch. I have set up a plan for myself to do one thing for my self or my house every night to keep me busy. It keeps my mind working and thinking of things I have been avoiding for a while.
And speaking of doing things for me...I have been contemplating going back on the Medifast diet to keep my weight loss going. I didn't plan on getting back on the wagon to be so difficult. I haven't quite decided if I should go back on it, or try to eat healthier, or if my indecision is just an excuse to keep me snacking on the bad things for one more day. I know I have to make my decision soon before I go back to my old ways, but it is getting tough to make that first step back into the swing of things.
However, tomorrow is back to the dreaded gym with Naomi to work off some of the treats I have been allowing myself.

3 miles even though I was exhausted! (Jennifer)

I didnt sleep well last night at all.  I kept waking up throughout the night.  Then my 3 year old had a nightmare (I am guessing) this morning around 5:30ish.  I woke up to this awful scream and jumped out of bed so fast because it was such an awful scream.  I was shocked when I got into her room and she was pointing into the air screaming something about shoes?  For those of you who know my husband you are probably giggling because he is known for talking something fierce in his sleep.  In college Trish and I used to wait for him to fall asleep then go in and talk to him.   hahahahaha....the days....Of all the traits he could have passed...hehe. 

So this morning I was totally exhausted.  I am not really a coffee drinker but this morning I should have been!  We had plans to go to the gym.  So out we went and I just felt like I could not wake up.  But I didnt give myself a break.  Not only did I go to the gym but I got on the treadmill and decided to conquer my 3 mile run that I have only done once before.  I was hoping maybe it would even wake me up.  Well...it did :)  And I made it all the way again!  I think that is where I will stop for a while.  I will get comfortable with that run and then maybe alter some of the speeds.  Today I did it at 5.2 mph.  The last time I did it on 5.1.  Then I did my lower body workout and skipped the abs.  I have plans for zumba tonight and figured I deserved at least that break.  But really, my lower back has been bothering me and I wanted to see if taking a rest from the abs would help.  Which is a shame since as we all know I am constantly complaining about my midsection.

Thats all for now.  I hope you all are having a great day.

Week 1 Again... Teresa

Well today was my one week weigh in after beginning my new program and the grand total was (drum roll please...) 9 pounds!!! Very exciting especially since I actually like the shakes, bars and food. I am glad to be back blogging again because this is really my only support system. People say nice things here and there but no one really cares like you guys! So thanks! I want to get back to the gym. So many things factor into me going to the gym that is is just crazy. I need to just make a schedule and go. I don't have much to say today because my mind is in other places. But I wanted to make the effort and share my good news!

Glad (Jennifer)

I would like begin by saying I am so happy that Tricia and Teresa have returned to our blog.  Although I created the blog in my name I did it as a way for the 3 of us to share and learn about ourselves along the way.  And I really have to say that blogging has really been interesting for me.  I love to read other blogs and I really have learned so much about myself while blogging along on ours.  I dont blog for accountability though.  I think it is working for me because it is kind of an outlet for me to get my feelings, regardless of what they, are out!  I love to hear what others have to say and the support is amazing.  Just knowing other people are out there and having the the same struggles and figuring it out just like I am is helpful.

Last night I was doing a little more research about good foods to eat and how to properly lose weight.  Now that I am off Medifast, my motivation is as strong as ever to get this weight off (which I am so excited about!).   I really want to educate myself to be a healthy person.  I am exercising as most of you know and that is a part of this "new Jen" that I really like!  I would like to lose another 20-30 lbs which would put me at a healthy weight for my height.  So, anyway, I posted a few weeks back about how I upped my calories after coming off Medifast from about 1000 to 1200....and I lost 4 lbs.  Last week I lost nothing.  Which to be honest is fine with me.  I would have liked to have lost some but I feel so satisfied (and even privileged) with what I am eating that I really wasnt too bent out of shape about it.  99% of the reseach I have found shows that I should be REDUCING my calories to 1500-1600 calories a day in order to LOSE.  See...that is where I am running into an issue.  I was eating 800-1000 on Medifast and the weight loss stopped.  I added some calories, I lost 4 lbs and then stayed the same the next week.  The other 1% of research I found said that if you are in my situation and up your calories too much I will have a big gain.  One girl gained 9 lbs by doing this.  The recommendation was to up your calories in slow increments.  So I think I will wait until Thursday and see what the scale shows.  I also asked the owner/trainer at my gym and she said I should be eating 1400 calories a day to lose(after doing some calculation of some sort).  That is 200 more than I am eating a day now!  If I were going down in calories I dont think it would be an issue.  But since when on Medifast you eat so few calories there isnt an option to go down any more.  So, I WILL figure this out.  I will continue to exercise and count my calories and take it week by week.  I am very much a "let figure this out and do it" kind of person...so I cant wait until Thursday!  I dont want to eat whatever I want for a week and gain a whole bunch of weight and get frustrated.  But sometimes I think that might make it easier to get on a losing streak and be able to REDUCE my calories.  But I will try to increase my calories slightly first and see what comes of it.  I am shocked by my self control in the food department.  It has always been something I have struggled with and now just feels like it is a new way of life.  It isnt me against food anymore.  Yeah?  Wow.  Thats huge.

Margene commented the other day on my post.  She wrote:  "I think that "Old Jen" is gone... and there is this NEW and IMPROVED Jen that is here for good!! And she loves to exercise and has a new zest for life!! :)"  That comment hit me like a brick.  I thought...wow...maybe she is right.  Maybe I have succeeded at changing me for the better!!!  Really?  Because that is what it sounds like!!!  Thanks Margene for opening my eyes.  You are such a doll!

And Dawne...yes, lets do it!!!!  159 here we come!!!!!  I am excited that we are at the same point in our journeys and can support each other!  How do you know how much to eat a day?

A dark place (Tricia)

Yes, Its true that I went off the Medifast plan. I am done making excuses for it. I wanted to. I needed one piece of normalcy back in my life and apparently food is the one thing that is a constant. It is my friend. While I was going through the problems with my car, it was all I talked about, all I dealt with, all I thought about. I don't think people understood how taxing, frustrating, aggravating, and saddening this whole situation was. I had many options after I decided that Ford was never just going to do the right thing by me and I had to make my choices fast. I can't tell you how sad I was to let my car go. I know in my mind that my car was unsafe and I would never be able to drive it with out thinking if it was going to drive me. But at the same time, I loved that car. It was my big-girl purchase. All by myself I researched, negotiated, and picked exactly what I wanted. I found pride in that car. But, I had to say good bye. It was the right thing to do. And with that, I bought a new car. It still brings a tear to my eye, and if you know me, you know that I am not a crier.
I know what people are thinking, really? you are acting like this over a car? There are worse situations (and you are right) Well, the saying good-bye to the car was hard, but it wasn't so much that as the fighting constantly with the dealership and the manufacturer to do the right thing. Knowing that I was being lied to and mistreated. The amount of energy I had used on fighting them constantly and getting someone, anyone, to listen to what I had to say was really worthless. Because in the end, I didn't have the money or the time to challenge them. So they got away with it in the end. Dealing with this situation has really left me in a bad place. I feel mistreated, angry, abandoned, and alone. It has left me broken in a way. And me left to pick up the pieces.
This brought me to an even lower place. My self worth has been challenged and I let the situation get into my head and win. I let Ford eat me alive. But being down and out sometimes makes you take a glance in-ward. The good news is that I want to get out of my funk. Acknowledging that was the first step. Looking inward is my next. Over the past few days I have been reviewing and taking stock in my life. What do I like? What do I want to change? Where is me in my life?
I know that Jennifer and I started this blog to share the good and bad times of dieting. And while I was going through this, I started to slack off on my blogging. I was thinking that people wanted to hear about how great I was doing all the time and how I was surviving this drastic change in my life.And since I was declining, I didn't think people wanted to hear about that. But then I realized (during my look inward) that part of this journey is finding myself and isn't always about the struggles of weight loss. Because lets face it, how many of us are just dealing with weight loss out there? We are dealing with weight loss, feelings, situations, and just plain life. We all need an outlet. So, I have decided that I am going to start blogging again. But I can't promise that everything is going to be roses and chocolates (mmm...) or weight loss. If its all right with you, I am going to start blogging about life.

Taking the day off (Jennifer)

It is Saturday and I am taking  the day off from exercise.  Although I did clean the house and that for sure has to be some form of exercise :)  I have decided that I really like this little routine we (me and the girls) have going on.  We got to the gym when we get up during the weekdays.  I had only intended on exercising 3-4 times a week at most.  But our little routine works out nicely.  Working out in the morning really sets the mood for the day :)  And with Zumba added in I realized I am working out 5x a week at this point. 

I am still waiting for the "old Jen" to pop out from somewhere and be starving and out of control with my eating.  But Medifast has taught me that eating 5-6 times a day, and eating the right things like protein, really makes a huge difference for me.  I am the type who totally loses it when I am hungry.  When I get really hungry whatever is in sight will get eaten.  But now, my "hungry" feels more like physical hunger, not a ravenous starving feeling.  I know as soon as I get even a little hungry I better feed the beast of a stomach I have  :)  This is an excellent lesson learned for me that I feel will be key to my long term success.

Also, I am an all or nothing person.  I wish I werent and that is something I am working on.  In the past if I went over my points on WW or got hungry and ate a lot in one sitting I would say screw it and tell myself I would start over the next day. Sometimes I would and sometimes I wouldnt.  I would usually start the day with good intentions but fail by the end of the day. Until finally I was up 75 lbs...at least.  I usually at light in the early part of the day trying to save my points for dinner.  Little did I know that was just setting me up to fail.  But now, going to the gym or taking a run keeps me on track for my eating since I dont want to "undo" my hard work!  I am really seeing a different side of me.  I used to dread exercise, regardless of what time of day.  I have even shocked myself lately.

***I really want to THANK all of our readers and those of you who comment especially!  I find that this blog is a really useful tool for me and my weight loss...as well as reading others.  I always look forward to what I can write next and who will say what about it!  So thank you to you all!!!  You probably dont even realize what an important part you play in my weight loss world!

(Teresa)You are not alone....(For Jennifer and MJ...RIP :) )

Doesn't that title just make you laugh...lol!!! I crack me up, isn't that funny. Yes it is and let me tell you why..... I love MJ and yesterday was the one year anniversary of his death, and Jennifer's post talked about how lonely she is feeling on the Blog cause Trish and I abandoned her. As luck would have it MJ has a song titled You Are Not Alone so a fitting tribute to both. Anyway apparently I should blog more because clearly I have a lot to say. I am super excited if you have not been able to tell. I found this new diet (which I love) called Wonderslim. The concept is the same as Medifast but the food is 100x's BETTER and 1/2 the price. Plus it allows me to eat some fruit and starches which are key for me because I do not like meat. I started Sunday and since then I am down 7 pounds. I am only supposed to weight once a week, but I look every day. It helps me know which foods help me lose. Literally the food tastes so good that I feel like I could do it forever. I have more options now then ever. I am a real picky eater so I eat the same things all the time (bad things, hence the reason I was invited to the blog) but now I have like 20 options plus whatever fruit and starch I want. It is a match made in heaven. I have been waiting to find something like this. Structured, but fitting. It has been a life long struggle and here it is!!!! This could not have come at a better time. I like to think of it as good Karma. I will be making many changes in my life and feeling good about myself will help me face them straight on.

Thursday's Weigh In and My Accomplishment (Jennifer)

Yesterday's weigh in results:  the same:  165.5.  No gain, no loss.  And even though I exercised quite a bit last week I am happy with that.  I know my body is in a transitioning stage.  I have been eating more carbs, especially for breakfast before I go to the gym.  And I am finding that there is a huge difference in my performance and how I feel overall.  Apparently carbs are excellent before working out.  And having made that realization on my own was exciting.  Today on the news they were saying that before a workout you should eat a meal with a ratio 75% carbs and 25% protein.  I havebeen eating cereal with skim milk or a bagel thin with light butter.  My breakfast is usually between 160 calories and 250.  Either is fine since I work off probably double that at the gym :)  

Today I made a new accomplishment.  I ran for 3 miles.  I am so proud of me!  Its like once you get past that "I cant breathe and need to sit down and take a rest" which was several weeks back for me, I can just add a little extra on here and there.  I dont want to become a marathon runner like some people aspire for themselves.  I just want to be healthy.  Sometimes I wonder if people are looking at me since I am on the treadmill running for a while asking themselves, "How is she that big and running for that long?".  And that is where my big girl mentality comes in.  Am I still big?  Am I just being hard on myself?  I look in the mirror and see my midsection and all the rolls it entails.  And I wonder if I will ever be at a place where I like that part?  Is it even a possibility?  I see some of these girls/women doing classes after classes which are pretty darn hard and intense and yet they are big.  Why?  Because they arent eating properly?  I doubt it.  Or because that is what their body allows for them.  Or.....since I am still new at the gym...was she a very big girl and on her way down to a healthy weight?  Hmmm....now that is something I hadnt considered.  My point is....I wonder what will be my "best" that my body allows.

My poor little girl hasnt been feeling well.  I have been so worried about her.  I am hoping it is a virus that passes and thats it.  Does anyone know if there is a stomach thing going around that lasts like a week?  That is what the dr said but it seems like a week (almost) is too long.  I hope she feels better soon.  I just want to see my baby her happy and energetic self again.  Seeing her laying on the couch not acting herself breaks my heart.

FYI:  According to Trish she is back on plan with Medifast and says she will be making a reappearance on the blog....  I have been feeling a little lonely on "OUR" blog.  lol.

Before and Current Pictures (Jennifer)

I think its time to post some before and after pics.  However, the before pic is not really the before because I was already down 20 lbs before taking that pic.  And, the after pic is truly not an "after" at all because it is me right now and I am far from done!  Here is me at 206 lbs when I first started Medifast and already 20 lbs down from my highest weight:

And here are some recent pictures I have of me now at 165.5.  I am down 61 lbs total including the 20 I lost before Medifast.  There is a difference of 41 lbs between these pics.  After looking at these I realized that I look really tired and my hair looks awful in all of them.  But hey, these are the pics I have so thats what I am posting!  I really had no intention of putting these on here and had my hubby take them for me for ME to compare my progress.  But maybe its time to share.  I see lots of differences but still see a lot of work needed in my midsection.  I was looking at it in the mirror trying to figure out why I have soooo much extra skin in my midsection.  I mean I was big but the amount of skin seems excessive for my high weight of 226.  Then it hit me.  When I was pregnant with my first daughter she was transverse (laying sideways in my uterus) until a whopping 36 weeks when she amazingly decided she should get in proper position of head down.  So...my stomach stretched pretty far left to right and I was really wide.  Now it makes sense.  She was and is totally worth it even though my body is all stretched out  :)

Anyway it took a lot of guts for me to post these so please be "gentle".  hehe.

A new milestone (Jennifer)

Even though I went to the gym 5 times last week I decided to hop on the treadmill last night since my husband was down there working out.  Plus it was so much cooler down there.  I have been counting calories and although I am usually pretty close to 1200 I went over by 300 or so on Friday night when we had company.  But no guilt really.  They brought the makings for smores... and they were so yummy.  I had two but in my opinion two is better than like the 4 or 5 I probably would have had in the past.  I felt very in control of my eating!  Anyway....I got on the treadmill last night aiming to do my new 2 mile run that I am now excitedly capable of.  I got to two miles and decided to push myself a bit more since I seemed to be doing okay.  I ran 2.5 miles last night for the first time ever.  I am so proud of my accomplishment.  My next goal is to do a 5K and that is probably going to be happening in the fall when we work out the specifics.  I am excited.  And when I was done jogging I had this energy.  I didnt want to turn the IPOD off.  I wanted to dance and sing.  FYI:  I didnt...for too long anyway.  I loved being all sweaty and felt like I just accomplished a marathon.  haha.

I went online and looked up the benefits of running and I was happy with what I saw.  There are so many benefits : weight loss(or maintenance if not overweight), healthy lungs and heart, stronger muscles, better mood, treatment for depression and even addictions of all sorts, etc.  Apparently after a jog your body releases endorphins which explains the whole "I feel like a rockstar" feeling when I am done  :)  I only looked it up because Teresa and I were talking the  other day and she said lots of her friends are addicted to running.  She said they pretty much eat what they want but run.  So I wanted to know why other people think running is so great.  I found the article pretty interesting actuaIly.  It is quite a 180 for me to go from HATING exercise and sweating to enjoying running which in my opinion is higher intensity exercise! 

Today's reason for losing weight:
*I have now decided that when I reach the 80 pound weight loss that I will contact the breast surgeon for a reduction.  I have begun my research and have a pretty good idea who I would like to go to.  But I just want to make sure that I get down to a weight that I am comfortable with before I make that change.  I am down 61 lbs as of now so 19 more to go!!! 

Today I am thankful for: 
*my dad.  Although we bumped heads a lot during my teenage years, I realize now that I am a parent that he really did have my best interests in mind.  I dread when my girls become teenagers and think they know it all like I did  :( 

Enjoying my choices(Jennifer)

Since I got on the scale on Thursday and saw my 4 lb loss I have transitioned from pure fear of not knowing what to eat to enjoyment and excitement!  I am counting calories for everything I am putting in my mouth and I am really enjoying a lot of the foods that I am eating.  We brought the girls strawberry picking which was so fun by the way, but I am really enjoying eating just some plain old strawberries.  Did you know a whole cup is like 46 calories?  A pure and natural food.  No added sugars and I feel good about eating it.  I have also been eating my Fiber plus bars for my gastro health  :)   and I love them.  I sometimes eat cereal for breakfast (measured out along with the skim milk) or a whole wheat bagel thin (only 110 calories).  Last night I had a hamburger and a salad for dinner.  But instead of a bun I used a whole grain bun flatbread sorta thing made my Arnold(100 calories with lots of fiber :). It kinda looks like a bagel but without the hole and it is nice and thin.  I dont mind eating the carbs because I know I am doing the exercise to burn them.  I am not plopped on the couch letting them exhaust me.  And actually, since coming off Medifast I am shocked by lack of tiredness.  I should probably knock on wood at this point though.  hehe.

Yesterday we stopped at a garage sale.  I love a good garage sale.  I usually dont buy clothes at them though.  But there were a pair of crop pants (which are almost long enough to be actual pants at my height).  They were a size 12 and looked small for me.  But the brand was Christopher Banks so I knew they were quality and they looked pretty new to me.  So I figured...why not?  Maybe they would fit me eventually, and if not they were only $2 and it wasnt a huge loss.   I have been complaining that none of my bottoms have been fitting right and am getting desperate again for clothes that fit.  So anyway, today I took them out and said to my husband that I wanted to see how far I had to go before I fit in them.  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They fit!  They buttoned!  And they looked like they were made for ME!  They are my new "confident, skinny pants"!  I was totally shocked!   My husband even said they looked nice and he is not a man of many words.  So coming from him that is nice.  I dont think I have ever been so excited about an item of clothing, especially something from a garage sale!

This morning my 3 year old had her last dance performance.  Only 4 out of the 10 girls in her class went to this performace so I wasnt sure how she would do.  Plus, it was close up as it was in a random parking lot surrounded by people.  But.....................she danced like a rockstar again!  I was again beaming and almost in tears.  I am hoping that her stage fear is a thing of the past now!!!   Come fall both of my babies will be in dance.  That oughta be fun!!!They are getting so big.

Week 16 results (Jennifer)

As you all know I have come off of Medifast and I was pretty nervous to get on the scale this morning.  I almost didnt actually.  But then I said, "it is what it is and that's it".  This is not a game.  This is my life.  Get on and face it and then see what it says next week.  To my shock....the reading was(about 5 times)  165.5!!!  Down 4 pounds from last Thursday!!!  Wow!!!!!   What is going on here?  I have been counting calories but thought for sure with the carbs added in I would have a gain.  I feel a little more at ease now about eating like a normal person(while counting calories of course). 

Today the girls and I left the house to go to the gym.  We went into the garage and heard a loud meowing.  I followed it and there was a cat in a box.  She jumped out and clearly wanted to be pet.  She was obviously hungry too.  I picked her up and was so sad to feel that she was so skinny...just skin and bones really.  I gave her some food with my husband tellling me that we cant keep it and feeding it will only keep her here.  I did it anyway.  She is so skinny and was very appreciative of the food.  We went to the gym and when we got home....she/he was there howling for us.  She came right over when we got out of the truck and the poor thing just wants love.  We have 3 cats and I would love to keep her but just dont have the money for that first vet bill right now.  Our central air goes in next week and that clears out the savings!  They have to test for FIV and leukemia(in order to be with other cats) plus the visit, deworming, distemper, rabies..etc.  It goes on and on.  I am such an animal lover and dont want her to suffer!  It was chilly here last night so I am sure that is why she had herself nuzzled into a box for warmth.  She is outside my house howling to come in.  When we came in she was trying to get in too (while the dog was trying desperately to get out to see what was going on!).  Here are some pics I took with my phone.

Regressing (Tricia)

Please bare with me through this post, I think I re-wrote it three times. I am going to try and not go into much detail about my current situation, because its very drawn out and some people, I am sure, are tired of hearing about it. They have to be because I am tired of dealing with it. But, I promise there will be a relevant weight-loss point that follows my story. For the past year and a half I have been dealing with a re-occring problem with my car that the dealership and the manufacturer refuse to fix, even though my car is still under manufacturer's warranty. It recently has come to a head and I am at war with them trying to get a resolution to a car that is unsafe for me to drive. I am at the point now of deciding to proceed with a lawyer and paying a ton of money to fight the big bad corporation, or to shut my mouth and pray I can get a good trade in for a new car. There are a lot of decisions that I never wanted to make and that I am not prepared to make, and its becoming very hard on me. For those of you who don't really know me, I am a planner, a researcher, a weighing of options kind of girl and this situation is not conducive to those traits. The worry, stress and aggravation have consumed my life at this moment, its all I think and talk about. And the repercussions are starting to show their fat little faces. I realized today that the motivation for my diet and self-preservation began to dwindle around the time that this problem became prevalent. I have noticed so many negative feelings and attitudes resurfacing. I am not putting myself first anymore. I am not the priority. I am starting to skip the gym and eat out more again. I am of course still doing my best to stay on plan while out, but really the best thing for my wallet and my body is to make my dinners at home. But after dealing with this problem day after day, its becoming emotionally draining and all I want to do is not deal with it or anything else like worrying about cooking dinner, blogging, or working out. I haven't gone back to all of my bad habits like sitting on the couch all night and eating terrible foods, but I can feel I could if I let it continue and it scares me. I am in a bad place and I am starting to lose sight of me again and I am only seeing the negative. I know I have to snap out of it and focus back on me, but how? I know that we all have problems and worries and I am not trying to blame my failure on the hand that life dealt me. But, it is much easier to focus on ourselves when life is going well. The question is: How do we focus on ourselves when life gets tough? I know this ordeal with my car will be over soon and when I look back on it in 20 years I will probably think of it as just another obstacle that we had to over come but right now it is the main attraction in my three-ring circus and I my weight loss has become the side show.

Still counting...(Jennifer)

I am still counting calories.  And, today it seems a little less stressful than yesterday.  I went to the gym this morning and did my zumba class.  And when we came home the girls took a nap and I decided to too...maybe I could drop this headache?!!  So I did and when I got up my husband said the dinner we took out this morning was still frozen.  And since I napped I was behind on my meals.  And I was hungry...and very cranky.  Cranky because I didnt know WHAT to eat!  But once I ate all was well again.  But I seem to be struggling on WHAT to eat exactly.  I am so anti carb trained now and that is quite a struggle when you are watching calories and not eating prepackaged foods.  But I will figure it out I am sure.  I have this internal desire to help myself and be healthy.  And this is a different thing for me.  So when I say I am stressing about what to eat it is out of a sheer want to succeed and do right!

After I ate I saw that I ate around 1150 calories for the day.  I am aiming for 1200-1300.  The gym has a sheet where they want you to eat 1200 calories for 6 days a week and then on the 7th day you can eat as you please and indulge a little.  We all deserve that I think, but not to a point where it undoes all my hard work for the other 6 days.  I think my plan is to do a little more research and blog reading and see what kinds of foods I should be eating since I am eating 6 meals a day and then get them in the house.  With Medifast they told me what to eat, even prepackaged it and it was great.  But...now I am on my own and will figure it out day by day.

I am still in shock about how my last 2 mile jog went the other night.  I am so amazed at how well I did that I really cant wait to get out there and do it again!  Yesterday I was just too wiped and today it rained.  I could do it at the gym but I really think I prefer to do the jogging outside of the gym.  Maybe I can even get Sugar conditioned to do 2 miles with me.  That would be nice.  She handles a mile walk and then a mile jog back fine but I dont know about two whole miles jogging.  I do believe she has lost some weight though,which is good because my mom kept telling me she looked like a stuffed sausage.  Poor dog...

Today's reason for losing weight:
*after a conversation with Teresa last night I realized that once the weight is off I can probably stress a lot less about what I am eating(counting calories and such) as long as I am active.  And I have learned that I really enjoy jogging and hope to keep this up and enjoy it forever.  It makes me feel good.  Who knew that the girl who hated exercise would become such a huge fan of such an active exercise like jogging? 

Today I am thankful for:
*my husband said he would buy me some new bras and undies for my birthday(a few weeks away).  The size hasnt changed much up top but enough that I need to make some changes...  and the bottoms...well...I just deserve new undies!  I told him I shouldnt be wearing the same undies as I was wearing 58 lbs ago.  He must have agreed since he piped up and offered to buy me new ones for my bday.

The measuring... (Jennifer)

Today when I got to the gym and pulled my card there was a note on it saying I need to be remeasured.  It has been a month and I guess that is how often they do it?  And in my opinion how awesome that that the gym automatically includes this as part of my membership?!  But I was a little nervous.  So I went over and she sent me right to the scale.  It said:  168 with my light workout clothes on it.  I am pretty much hovering in the area for weeks now.  According to their records I have lost 5 lbs in a month.   Then for the measuring... Lots of spots to measure and I didnt really know what to expect.  Obviously I was hoping to lose inches but how much do you lose in each area they measure?  See...not really something I grasp.  When she was done she said I did well and lost 6 inches(total) and although the pounds may be slow the inches are good.

Today I was technically off plan and actually pretty stressed about eating real food.  But I think I did okay, and I hope soon it will feel natural.  I decided to count calories and I am at about 1100 as of now.  I am going to aim for 1200-1300 a day for now and see what happens.  I know I should probably expect a little gain at first but I am not too sure I am prepared for that!  Probably at least a dozen times I thought "this is stressing me out, I should just get back on plan(MF)".

And being off plan opens up so many doors that I am not sure I want open.  Today I had some dried fruit.  I was picking like an old habit.  I immediately recognized it and counted it in my daily calories.  And then I poured my daughter a cup of milk and took just a tiny sip...because I could.  And I dont even drink milk.  Now...what I AM craving is cereal for some odd reason.  The heathy stuff too.  But let me tell you...all this calorie counting and measuring...ugh.  I hate it.  Medifast is so easy.  Pick a meal from the cabinet and eat it and then be excited the rest of the day about what REAL food I will have for dinner and not feel guilty about it because it is allowed.  I knew this would be stressful but geez.... And to be totally honest...if I wasnt short on food and if money wasnt so tight right now I would probably be on there ordering it up...

 I slept like a log last night after my jog.  Sometimes after I jog I get an upset stomach a while later.  I always took that as a sign over overdoing it for the calories I am eating.  But last night I had my burger so I was surprised by it.  I went to bed.  I went to the gym this morning but was totally exhausted.  I did my 40 minutes of cardio, half of my lower body workout and then when someone was on my machines I needed I threw in the towel and went to the sauna.  And just sat there sweating.  Totally exhausted.  And I still am :( That is not the new Jen I have been enjoying.   I have been battling a headache for like a week now.  Allergies?  I hope so.

This new me (Jennifer)

Tonight we met my inlaws for dinner and I was up in the air about what to get.  The last time I got the chicken salad at Friendly's I wasnt too happy with it.  I have decided that Friendly's is not Medifast friendly :(  So I figured tonight I would start the new eating that I have been talking about.  I got a cheeseburger (gasp) and ate maybe 2 or 3 fries.  And this was helped along by me getting on the scale this morning and seeing the same weight that I saw last Thursday.  It just wont budge.  I just feel that with the amount of exercise that I am doing that I should be losing more weight (or any weight for that matter at this point).  I think I am down less than 4 lbs in the last month and it just doesnt seem right because that is when I joined the gym and started really working my toosh off!  So....I think it is time to try something else with my eating because I certainly refuse to stop going to the gym.  I think with all this exercise I am just needing more than the 800-1000 calories a day that Medifast is allowing.

these are NOT my legs....

And that leads me to the title of my post..."this new me".   So tonight after I had my cheeseburger which isnt the end of the world even if I felt it was....I was guilty.  So when I got home I decided to go out for a jog.  I did go to the gym this morning and do 40 minutes of cardio (burned almost 400 calories) and then did upper body.  But I went for a jog anyway.  I figured I would see if I could do a 2 mile jog.  The last and first time I did this last week was on the treadmill at a set incline and speed.  It can be much different on a the paved road with ups and downs along the way.  So I started along and to me starting is always the hard part.  Getting going the first minute or so is rough for me.  But then I was going and I reached my 1 mile mark and thought "wow, could it have been that easy?  Nah...the way back will probably kill me at some point!".  But I made it ALL THE WAY.  And I felt great.  Barely even winded.  Hmmmm...  Jogged right to my doorstep and even wished I had gone  further. Why?  Because I felt like I had so much more in me and like that jog was easy for me.  WHAT???  Who is this new me?  Loving to jog...and more importantly...capable of doing it???   Maybe it was easier because I was probably going at a slower speed than on the treadmill.  But there were hills and I handled them.  Or maybe it was because I ate a dinner with more calories and had more fuel?   I dont know but I just cant get over "this new me".  I like me.  That is probably the first time I even thought that in I dont even know how long.  I want to push myself to accomplish things and feel good about me!  This weight loss journey has taught me so many things about myself.  And I look forward to what I will learn  or accomplsih next.  And I am hoping that no food in the world can take this feeling from me.

A comment from "Winner at a losing game" today suggested I post some before and after pics.  And I think maybe I will as soon as I take the latest pics.  The pics wont really be the before since I had already lost 20 lbs before Medifast and before my blogging, and the after wont really be after because I am far from done.  But I will post them so stay tuned!

Mixed feelings (Jennifer)

I really have some mixed emotions about my weight loss.  I am down 57 lbs from my highest weight.  On one hand I am totally excited and proud of myself.  I am proud that I am HELPING myself and that I have taken back control of me(although I am not sure where it ever went to!!).  I think that is where a lot of my postive feelings come from.  I am going to the gym, accompllishing and experiencing things I never thought I could.  And there are lots of "little perks" that I am enjoying with the weight loss such as fitting in the car better, no heartburn/reflux, the clothes sizes are going down, I am less tired and cranky, and when I look in the mirror I am able to see improvements in myself. 

HOWEVER...on the other hand I think I still have somewhat of a "big girl" mentality.  It hit me that normal people weigh in the 160's like I am weighing now.  Yet, I do not see myself as normal yet.  I still see myself as fat...sometimes.  When I sit I still feel like there is tire around my waist.  But is there?  I wonder if when I am walking down the aisle at the grocery store if people see me as obese?  And while I have gotten smaller, sometimes I think I am just a smaller version of the bigger girl I was.  Does this make sense?  . I still see the same rolls and imperfections but just on a smaller body.  Today I noticed while sitting down that the width of me is much less (if you were looking from left to right).  And this is something I am proud of.  But do I look healthy to a random person on the street?  Because my mentality seems to be confused!  You hear a lot of overweight people say this after they lose weight.  And it takes time for it to click.  And I think that I am in the clicking stage.  When we went to Wildwood last week I asked my husband to take some pics of me so that I could actually see me.  Not that I dont look in the mirror every day but sometimes pics and video give us a different perspective.  And that is what got this ball rolling :)   The other thing that got me thinking is that my mom told me I dont have much more to lose.  I guess I have just made this weight loss battle such a big thing that I just assumed that the goal is always so far away!  But she said, "Jen, you cant possibly lose more than another 20 lbs." and then all of a sudden I had to stop and think about that.   Deeply.  What is my goal?  Twenty pounds would put me at 149 lbs.  Will I be happy with my body by then?  Is goal really that close?  So many thoughts....

On a different note...I am starting to not fit into my new clothes I bought on my shopping spree in the spring.  While that is a good thing I am a little sad too!  I love these clothes!  My 16's are getting roomy and I am pretty sure the 14's would fit great.  I do have some bigger 14's and some of them are getting too big too.  I am going to keep wearing them for a while until they look too "sloppy" to wear. 

And, today I remained on plan.  I am just not quite ready to go off yet...

A busy few days (Jennifer)

I am still on plan.  It has been a busy few days and that is where Medifast is an awesome program.  There is very little to think about other than the lean and green meal and easy to stay on plan even when busy!  Wednesday was dance class, Thursday rehearsal for my little girl's first recital, and then Friday the actual recital ( I was a volunteer so it was much more than just going and watching), and today we were in a parade!  And for all of this we had company visiting.  My mom and grandmother came out to see all of this and it was a great time.  And the best part...my baby danced on the stage in front of everyone and she was really good!!!!  This is most exciting because she has had a few public performances with her dance class and for all of them she froze when she got up there and didnt dance.  But not this time.  She was really awesome up there, and I was just beaming from the front row!!!  Her parade was great today too.  I am so glad to have her involved in the community.  She was so cute as we were riding in the back of a pickup truck with her princess dress and tiarra waving.  Three years old and so innocent.  And my two year old....just the same.  She watched her sister so proudly on that stage, and again today as the truck went by her.  She was clapping and so excited!  Yesterday she was saying "I want to get on the stage and dance!!!".  Next year then will both be involved.  My girls...where does the time go??? 

So the busy week/end took a lot of thought off of food and it was nice to be focused elsewhere!  I was forgetting to eat and to be honest, I wasnt real hungry either.  But I caught up with my meals.  I am running out of bars and need to make a definate decision for my next step.  Figure it out Jennifer!!!!! 

I would like to say that I am so proud of Tricia who is now down 53 lbs!  She is doing so great and I am so glad to see the optimism and even excitement in her to see this journey through.  It takes a whole lot of dedication and she definately has it! I am so sad that I have not seen her in a very long time and I cant wait to see the difference in her when I do see her!!!!!  I bet I fall over.  I bet its been since Easter?????

Today's reason to lose weight:
*I think I will set my goal to be in a size 8 pants.  I am not sure if this is possible but the smallest size I ever remember wearing is a 10.  So why not push myself just a little further?  Size 8 here I come.  Right now I am wearing 14 or 16 which is a great improvement from the 20's I was wearing.  And honestly, I was squeezing in those and should have been wearing a size 22 for sure.

Today I am thankful for:
*Teresa, Ron and Shea sent my baby flowers to our house for her big recital day!  It just about brought tears to my eyes.  And our other friends who live out here actually came to her recital!  I was so touched that these people are my friends and all would go out of their way for my baby girl.  Okay...the tears are starting again.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!!!

Week...15?! (Tricia)

Well, I guess we are on week 15 aren't we? Week 15. That's almost 4 months of being on Medifast. How did the time fly by? And, to think that this week I made my mini-goal of 50lbs ( 53 to be exact). 105 days to lose 53 lbs, That's (...divide by two...carry the one...round up...) about .5 lbs of weight lost a day. A DAY! Putting that all in perspective, I am almost at the same weight I was around the end of 2001. 6 years to put it on, three years to talk about taking it off, and four months to do it. That is really eye opening for me and gives me optimism that I can take off the other 47lbs before transitioning to WW.
And, back down to reality for a moment. This week has been crazy! I had an apt with the infertility doctor to get everything in order to start trying for a baby. I am going to get tested for PCOS, which I am pretty sure that I have. Once there is a diagnosis, we can go from there. Its not going to be an easy road. Then I had a follow up apt with my PCP to check on my weight. When she opened the door to the exam room, I thought she was going to dance a jig. She was so excited that I had lost 50lbs and wants me to keep going and follow up with her in another three months. I went over everything with her that I had discussed with my OBGYN and she gave me a great fertility book to read. She also decided to test my iron and my cholesterol just to see where I was at. I thought my iron might be low because I have started to bruise really easily and I can't remember what I did to cause the bruising. The office just called me today to "discuss the results and review the suggestions"...that can't be good. But hopefully if it is just my iron, that will get taken care of with my pre-natal vitamins I have started.
Also, Nate and I had our first consult with the lawyer about my car...UGH, it costs a pretty Penny to make people take responsibility for something. All I can say is, what happened to good customer service? What happened to relying on someone to do the right thing? It is so sad that it has come to this.
Well, on that note, I think I will give a few shout outs. First, to Jennifer for being strong, working out, and being the lowest weight since...what?...highschool? That's terrific!
Second, to Teresa for hanging in there and sticking with her diet even though times are tough. Good for you, We are really proud. Keep your chin up and keep moving forward.
And third, to Naomi, my friend from work who drags me to the gym, (when she can get me to give in to her). She lost three lbs over the past two weeks and I am so happy that she is starting to see results!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Week 15 results (Jennifer)

I did go off plan this weekend as we went away for our anniversary.  It was the first time and I thought I handled it pretty well.  I exercised a ton this week, even on our vacation.  The scale did not agree with my rockstar-ness that I previously posted.  A gain....  I gained .5 lbs this week  :(   Today's weight:  169.5.   It is also "that time" too so I am trying to take it all in stride.  However, the weight loss has been extremely slow and this gain is getting to me. 

I think it is time...very soon.  I have been talking about it for a while.  Time to try something different.  I have bought some groceries and have them ready for when I make the change.  I will do it for a few weeks and see where it takes me.  I will continue my exercise and take in a few more calories.  I know it will take time for my body to adjust and that is why I will give it a few weeks.  And after a few weeks I will re-evaluate.  If it isnt working out and  I need to restart medifast from scratch and do it strictly then I will.  Maybe it was a shock needed for my body.  I am a little nervous but excited at the same time.  I feel very  motivated to get this weight off...one way or another.  And I just dont feel that exercising can be bad for me.  So I will continue on in my journey.  I intend to keep up on the protein and also to count calories.

I am not sure when though.  I have been preparing myself for this for a while now. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week.  I will keep you all posted.

I want to make one thing very clear here.  This is NOT me giving up or failling.  It is just the opposite actually.  It is me wanting to continue on in my weight loss journey and achieve my goal!  I will journal what I eat every day.  I wont bore you all with that unless you want it.  I am just thinking that the 800-1000 calories a day on Medifast is not enough for my exercise level.

Please explain (Jennifer)

Soooo....I have done a little research about how many calories I should be taking in.  And what I came up with is very confusing to me.  According to several sites I have looked it, my RMR(resting metabolic rate) is around 1500 ...give or take 50 calories.  And apparently this is the minimum number of calories I need to take in for my body to function properly...if I were at rest all day.  One site said that anything less than this amount of calories for a period of time will put my body into starvation mode.  My question is this....  I know I am taking in 1000 calories or so on Medifast and that is normal for Medifasters.  So...how is my body NOT going into starvation mode?   Or is it?  Is this why my weight seems to be not moving these days with all of this exercise I am doing (and enjoying) ?  If there is anyone out there who can explain this to me I would be greatly appreciative.

My bars are running out and I have lots of shakes left, and pudding.  But I think soon I am going to wean off and attempt to eat normal.  I have reached a point that I like exercise.  I like getting out of the house and doing something for me.  So maybe its almost time to figure it all out and try to eat normal.  Scared?  Yes. But not petrified like I was before.   It will have to be done eventually.  I am in research mode which is what has prompted my question and request for explanation.  So if anyone knows, or knows someone who cann help me understand please contact me!!!

Today I went to the gym and did Zumba and then hit the sauna.  It was nice.   I cant get over this whole "I love to sweat" thing.  It is so different for me.  But I think the difference is that before the sweat was not doing me any good and exercise was actually an uncomfortable thing.  But now I am trying to sweat to burn calories and get healthy.  I guess it doesnt seem the same when I am shoving pizza, cake, cookies, french fries, potato chips (you get the point) down my throat.

Like a Rockstar (Jennifer)

Today was a good day.  I feel like a rockstar.  I went to the gym this morning.  It felt good.  And when I looked in the mirror I saw my progress.  This isnt an everyday thing...although I wish it were!!!  I saw that my arms are starting to take shape.  And when I walked in front of the mirror on the way to one of the machines I noticed the FUPA is getting smaller.  Yaay!  I went in the sauna when I was all done and relaxed and talked to my new friend I met at the gym.  Tomorrow morning it is Zumba.  I cant wait!  I went to my zumba class last night too.  It was good but not as good as usual.   After the gym today I picked up my friend Erin and we brought the girls to the zoo.  It was a good time.

Anyway...then the most amazing part of my rockstar day...  Tonight after dinner I realized I had energy and wanted to exercise.  I had this motivation I cant explain.  So when the girls went to bed I went and changed into some workout clothes and got on the treadmill.  I am sooooooooooo excited that tonight I have achieved my latest goal and jogged 2 miles...and on 5mph.  For me, this is great!  I used to have to jog at 4mph and could only do a minute or two on 5mph. But I did the whole thing at 5mph.  And the best part...I was comfortable doing it.  There was no uncomfortable out of breathe feeling and no feeling like I needed to stop and rest.  Is this what conditioning is all about?  Is that what in shape feels like?  It cant be because I still have so far to go and afterall I am still at the high end of the overweight category on the BMI chart.  Almost obese actually.  But even that is an accomplishment for me.  I have been in the obese category for over a decade so bumping down into "overweight" is progess.  I realize now that I really have come so far in this journey. 
I ate a MF maintenance bar when I was done because it has extra calories and carbs.  But I am not sure that is even enough.  I really need to educate myself in this department and bite the bullet and start counting calories when I figure out where I should be at for my activity level.  I will see what the scale thinks on Thursday.

off plan....the saga continues (Teresa)

So it sounds like 14 weeks may be the points where we just need to let loose!! I too have been having trouble sticking to my plan. I feel like I am so sick of thinking about everything I put into my mouth. I want to just eat with out thinking about it and without a consequence. I did not even weigh in this week because I know I have not been watching what I eat and I do not want to stress about it. I have been under a ton a stress and sadly not handling it as well as I was in the beginning of my journey. This time the stress is different. It has literally taken over my whole body. I think getting back on the horse will help and at least put my mind into a better place. I am toying with the fact of doing a diet where I cut down on carbs. I am allergic to yeast and according to my doctor basically everything even fruit can make this allergy worse. I hate meat but I could try adding in more veggies, eggs and cheese. I dont know what to do and like I said I do not even want to think about it. I have been to this point so many times. The point where I have lost weight and I feel better about myself but then I lose total focus. I dont want that for me this time. I want to regain focus and keep going. I have been wishing I stayed on medifast because if I did you would be reading a totally different blog.....

I am back (Jennifer)

My husband and I decided to go to the beach for our anniversary.  Its been years since we celebrated with all the goings ons.  It was a very much needed trip and we really enjoyed ourselves.  I had written before I left that I was thinking about maybe going off plan and enjoying myself and that if I did choose to do this it would be a thought out decision and not a failure.

On Thursday we went out to dinner.  We went to an Italian restaurant that came highly recommended.  At this point I had decided that I was going to stay on plan.  I was searching the menu for a steak or a chicken salad or something that I could eat.  And I kid you not there was nothing!!!  I was like shocked.  Finally after the 3rd time the waiter came back he asked if he could help me pick something.  I told him I needed something low carb.  His response "that's too bad.  We have some of the best food around.  We make our pasta right here".  Great.  So I decided to get veal parm and that I would try to scrape the breading off.  Then it came and I didnt really care for it so my husband and I switched and I had some of his chicken parm.  I kept my veggies.  I had ordered green beans.  I am serious when  I say they came totally drowning in some kind of oil or something.  But I did the best I could.  Then after my second glass of soda I thought it tasted funny.  My husband and I decided it was REAL soda, not diet.  Seriously?  All those wasted carbs and calories?  ON A DRINK???? When we left the restaurant I was so disappointed.  Not so much in the fact that I had gone off plan, but that it wasnt food that I even ENJOYED.  We went back to the condo and went for a jog on the beach because I was so disappointed. 

The next day I stayed on plan until dinner time.  And at this point I had decided that I would allow myself some treats because it was our anniversary and since I was probably out of fat burn mode I may as well.  I was conscious of what I ate.  We went and I got Filet Mignon with veggies.  I had a little ice cream at the end.  Then we went to the boardwalk and I had an ice cream cone in a waffle cone.  It was actually frozen custard which apparently is better for you according to my hubby.  And I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed it.  My hubby and I shared it.  Then we got some fried reeses cups.  I ate one and he ate the other.  I knew I was done and wished I hadnt eaten the reeses.  It wasnt necessary.  Then we went on the roller coaster on the boardwalk.  It was so different than when we were younger and used to do it!  I kid you not when I say we had to go straight home after the ride (while I held a bag the whole way) and go to bed.  Maybe it was the junk I ate, maybe not. 

The next morning we went out for a jog again.  It was probably close to a mile and a half.  Then we went to a breakfast buffet where I ate just eggs and some bacon. I was so proud of me. I stayed on the plan the rest of the afternoon.  Then we walked what we figured to be 5-6 MILES to and back from the boardwalk.  I got another custard cone because it was just so good and two pieces of white pizza for dinner.  The pizza was to die for.  I only ordered one but definately had to get another.  I had a few little treats here or there and remember feeling like I was still in control BUT that I was excited to get back on plan.  And Sunday morning I did just that.  And I have been on plan since. 

So overall, the trip was great and even though I allowed myself to splurge, I was in control and making decisions... with thought and care.   I was not out of control and eating whatever looked good.  And this is something new for me.  I am so proud and after 14 weeks on plan I feel that I deserved to treat myself, especially since it was our anniversary and we got to go away.   I incorporated exercise into my trip and didnt just give up.  We were active.  We jogged, walked, played frisbee on the beach.  It was awesome.

And on that note...I am off the gym :)  Back to the real world.

Where have I gone (Tricia)

As I have stated, the past few weeks have been hard on me. My stress level is at its peak because of dealing with my car problems, and I have lost my enthusiasm about the diet. Last weekend, over the long weekend, I threw in the towel. Now, I didn't go overboard and eat everything in site. I didn't even revert back to my own un-healthy eating. I just simply had reached my breaking point and needed to come off of the diet, appreciate the foods I have been missing, and get my enthusiasm back. For two of the three days I was careful about what I ate, but did give myself a little wiggle room (including a cherry cheesecake brownie). Do I feel guilty? A little. Was it oh-so-satisfying? Most definitely. But, I got myself back on track on Tuesday and geared up for the second half of my Medifast journey. Sadly, I did have to relive the first three agonizing days of hunger, headaches, and dizziness, but in my opinion, well worth it. On Friday when I did my week weigh-in I was preparing myself for the worst...maybe a 2-4 lb weight gain. I was secretly hoping for this too. Perhaps it would scare me straight and back on track and to put my urges behind me. But, the weigh-in was bitter sweet. While I was happy I only gained .4lbs, I was sad and thought it was not punishment enough for my sweat satisfaction.
I have also not blogged in over a week because I was really ashamed to tell our followers that my will-power had faltered. It was one thing for my husband to know, but another thing for the world to know. But after thinking about it this weekend, and my long conversation with my cousin over the week, I realized that we all have our ups and downs. The difference between before and now is that before I would have just fallen off the wagon, been dragged for a few miles, and just let go of my goals. This time, however, I still feel like I am in power of me and am optimistic that my weekend slip-up was just me dragging my toe off the back of the wagon. I am in full force again and even noticed that my horrible breath is back, which means fat-burning has begun!

Week 14- a day early (Jennifer)

I wont have access to my scale tomorrow so I weighed in today.  The result:  169 lbs.  Wow.  I have been eating my lunches like I have been for a about two weeks and also been going to the gym.  I have also discovered the sauna there.  I go in there for like 15 minutes and just SWEAT.  Something about it is so cleansing or something.  I just cant explain it I guess.   Going to the gym is something I never thought I would enjoy.  But since the trainer told me what to do, and I am seeing results I have grown to enjoy it.  It is a little me time.  Trish seems to think it was the "out" that I needed.  Maybe she is right.

I am debating giving myself the weekend to eat as I please.  If I decide to do this it is with caution and by choice.  It will not be a failure.  I have not yet made up my mind.  I have remained on plan  for 14 weeks now with a few adjustements that I felt necessary to make the plan work for me.  And I think that is a great accomplishment for myself.  This weekend is our 5th wedding anniversary and we are going to celebrate.  Like I have mentioned before, life has been busy with children (one who was sick) and our new house, and we havent had much us time.  I look forward to it.

Today's reason to lose weight:
*to get into the 150's!!!! 

Today I am grateful for:
*my friends.  Today I woke up and read Teresa's blog and I was just so touched by her words.  And Trish...we had a nice long talk last night (the phone said 95 minutes Trish!!!) and it was so nice.  There is nothing like a good friend.

Ladies (Teresa)

Jennifer great post. I am shocked and cannot wait to see the bathing suit. I remember a conversation we had not to long ago about how you need to leave your comfort zone when it comes to clothing because your shape has really changed and it sounds like you did just that....nice! Keep up the good work. I heard your voice in my head today saying. " I am 210 pounds I have not been this weight in sooooo long" and now you are flirting with 160's I am so proud of you. It makes me feel like I can do the same. I have spent my whole life thinking "I could never weigh that______" (insert any # under 180) and now I know that I can. Since I have known you we have always taken comfort in being big together. What I mean by that is that we could make jokes, relax and eat a slobbish amount of food and then go back for more. While there is something really great about that I am really glad that we are saying goodbye. Now I feel comfort in reading your blogs and talking to you about how we are going to become healthier people body and mind. Now that is not to say that I have totally given up on the thought of going to the outback for some gooey cheese fries and a blooming onion and some great conversation , but all in good time and in moderation. Thank you for supporting me!!!

Tricia~ We all go through times when we are not in a good place. But let me tell you that I am so proud of you and all that you have done for yourself. You may not feel like you are in a good place but you are absolutely in a better place than you were 50 pounds ago...even if it doesn't feel that way. When we go through these down times (especially on a weight loss journey) it is very important to keep in close contact with your inner self. You need to ask yourself what you are feeling and try really hard to find a way to deal with the feelings without turning to food. I think times like these are the times that have been the hardest for people like us. Food allows you to hide feelings and emotions, and I know I felt so naked when food was not there to cover everything up. Maybe it is time to go back and read through your early blogs. Read them and remember why it is you decided to begin this journey. Look at all you have been through, maybe it will give you a clear vision of where you are going. I mean seriously did you ever think that you would lose 50 pounds in 13 weeks?!?!?!? That is amazing!!! I envy you!! I am also on week 13 and I am down a whopping 23 pounds.... I think your journey has been a bit more satisfying!!! You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bathing suit (Jennifer)

I hope you all had a nice holiday weekend.  Mine was pretty good for the most part.  The hubby had to work but it was still a nice time.  We went to the beach one day with some friends, a parade, and a BBQ at my friend Karen's house on Monday(thanks again Karen!).  Sunday was a total wash though.  I woke up and after a bit started having these wierd vision disturbances like I had looked directly into the sun and had these bright things in my vision.  I could barely see and everything looked distorted.  Luckily my husband was home when this happened and he shut the panic down :)   He said that used to happen to him before a migraine.  Sure enough about a half hour later I got a bad headache.  So when the girls took a nap (and I was counting the minutes) I layed down too...with sunglasses on and the curtains closed.  It was scary and I hope to never have one again.

I bought a new bathing suit.  And I actually like it!  It fits me well.  And I decided that maybe I could even find another top to go with the bottoms and have "options".  But I figured finding one bathing suit I liked was a task and finding a second would be impossible.  But....I did it!  We were in the mall today and I tried a few on in Sears.  There were tTWO that I liked so much I had to get them.  And of course they didnt match the bottoms I bought the other day so I had to buy new bottoms too.  I am not sure my husband was quite as thrilled as I was.  hehe.  He told me I should be good for bathing suits for a while now :)  But I am still shocked that I found A BATHING SUIT that I love?!  I put it on and it is one of those halter tops that have the ring between the two boob areas.  A very different style for me (I usually avoid halter tops since I am top heavy) but I really thought it looked so nice and fit so well.  THEN... my 3 year old says "Mommy!!!!  Your boobies are hanging out!"  So out of the dressing room I went and found two random women who were also trying stuff on.  I could tell by the way they were talking that they would be honest.  And it is just what I wanted.  So I asked their opinion since I am sure they heard my daughter's opinion of the "girls".  They both said they loved it and asked me to turn around and all.  They said they would never look at me and think "what is she wearing?" if they saw me out.  I have not shown my husband yet so we will see what he says.  Although sometimes his opinion doesnt really count.  One time I made meatballs and I told my mom that Steven loved them.  She said his opinion didnt count because he always agrees.  hehe.  I could leave the house in a tent and he probably wouldnt say anything...hehe.  Except for the other day when I was in the middle of a sentence and he blurted out "Is your nose getting bigger?".  Nice.  Nope, my face is getting thinner....apparently my nose isnt....


Well, I hope that post was not too much for you all.  But it is what is and was happening in my life these days :)

Tricia-WHERE ARE YOU???????????  No blogging worries me....
Teresa-glad to hear from you!

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to enjoy clothes shopping again!

Today I am thankful for:
*the words that come out of my girls' mouths.  Such innocence.  They make me smile.