A dark place (Tricia)

Yes, Its true that I went off the Medifast plan. I am done making excuses for it. I wanted to. I needed one piece of normalcy back in my life and apparently food is the one thing that is a constant. It is my friend. While I was going through the problems with my car, it was all I talked about, all I dealt with, all I thought about. I don't think people understood how taxing, frustrating, aggravating, and saddening this whole situation was. I had many options after I decided that Ford was never just going to do the right thing by me and I had to make my choices fast. I can't tell you how sad I was to let my car go. I know in my mind that my car was unsafe and I would never be able to drive it with out thinking if it was going to drive me. But at the same time, I loved that car. It was my big-girl purchase. All by myself I researched, negotiated, and picked exactly what I wanted. I found pride in that car. But, I had to say good bye. It was the right thing to do. And with that, I bought a new car. It still brings a tear to my eye, and if you know me, you know that I am not a crier.
I know what people are thinking, really? you are acting like this over a car? There are worse situations (and you are right) Well, the saying good-bye to the car was hard, but it wasn't so much that as the fighting constantly with the dealership and the manufacturer to do the right thing. Knowing that I was being lied to and mistreated. The amount of energy I had used on fighting them constantly and getting someone, anyone, to listen to what I had to say was really worthless. Because in the end, I didn't have the money or the time to challenge them. So they got away with it in the end. Dealing with this situation has really left me in a bad place. I feel mistreated, angry, abandoned, and alone. It has left me broken in a way. And me left to pick up the pieces.
This brought me to an even lower place. My self worth has been challenged and I let the situation get into my head and win. I let Ford eat me alive. But being down and out sometimes makes you take a glance in-ward. The good news is that I want to get out of my funk. Acknowledging that was the first step. Looking inward is my next. Over the past few days I have been reviewing and taking stock in my life. What do I like? What do I want to change? Where is me in my life?
I know that Jennifer and I started this blog to share the good and bad times of dieting. And while I was going through this, I started to slack off on my blogging. I was thinking that people wanted to hear about how great I was doing all the time and how I was surviving this drastic change in my life.And since I was declining, I didn't think people wanted to hear about that. But then I realized (during my look inward) that part of this journey is finding myself and isn't always about the struggles of weight loss. Because lets face it, how many of us are just dealing with weight loss out there? We are dealing with weight loss, feelings, situations, and just plain life. We all need an outlet. So, I have decided that I am going to start blogging again. But I can't promise that everything is going to be roses and chocolates (mmm...) or weight loss. If its all right with you, I am going to start blogging about life.