Shopping (Jennifer)

Yesterday I decided to come home and visit the family for the weekend. I got in yesterday around 5:30 and my nomal dinner time is around 5:00. Normally I dont have a specific time but since I am on Medifast I realized that I really do keep quite a schedule to ensure I dont get too hungry. If I get really hungry that is when the trouble starts for me. So while on the drive here I called my mom to make she she had the necessities for my lean and green. She did which is good since I try to avoid the store when I am hungry. I figured we would all eat together when I got here. But they had company and it didnt work out that way. So I decided that was going to go ahead and fix myself my dinner in order to remain in control of my hunger. It was Good Friday so I had some tuna with pickles and some mayo and a little salad dressing in it. It was okay but not as good as the last time I had it. I bought different tuna this time and they werent my favorite pickles. Who knew I would get so picky when it comes to the one meal that I can make for myself. I had it with some leafy green lettuce. I ate it and while it made me not hungry anymore I didnt really enjoy it all that much. When it was all gone and I went back to the company thinking "all is well. the beast has been fed." haha. A few hours later (I kid you not) everyone else had pizza and I had my last medifast meal but boy did that pizza look and smell great. But I did it. I passed it up and was successful, even while helping my little Em eat hers.

Then Trish called. The weather has been getting warmer here and I dont have too many clothes that fit me anymore. A good thing, yes...but still, I need clothes. So I asked Trish if she wanted to come pick me up and go shopping. So off we went to Kohls last night around 8:30. I tried on almost everything in the store twice(Trish was quite a trooper :) and then Trish said it...this stuff isnt fitting me like it normally would because my size changed! Could it be? I no longer had to shop in the "big girl" section...well at least at Kohls? I was wearing an XL in normal people sizes! That was quite an accomplisment for me! What is odd however is that while I am wearing a smaller size my body shape doesnt seem to have changed much. I am hoping that with time that will improve. Boy do I hope that improves. As for now I appear to be a smaller version of "me".

A while back I mentioned that I had been down 40 lbs a bit over a year ago. Then I had some intense medical stuff come up and ended up on steroids... for a month. I was hungry...VERY hungry(like a ravenous animal) and gained 20-30 lbs of it back over a years time. My appetite had grown and seemed to stay that size even after the meds. It could have been worse because that was also an extremely stressful time in my life. So I try not to beat myself up too bad about it. Well, I am down 20 lbs on Medifast and was down 20 lbs before Medifast for a total of 40 lbs down from my high weight (not counting the picture from Trishie's wedding of course). And I am at the exact weight that was my lowest weight before. So now I am excited and feel like my real journey has begun. I have seen myself at this size(as brief as it was) before and anything lost from this point on will be a new and exciting experience. Its been over 10 years since I was at a healthy weight.

When I got home from shopping last night I was excited about our trip to the store. Then I borrowed some jammies from my mom (she is little) and they fit. I am not even sure why she had them since then are an XL. but not the less...they fit! Then she gave me a pair of pants that didnt fit her right. I tried them on an dont you know they fit? A little snug in the tummy but they fit! I looked at the tag after I took them off and there were a large. Obviously a loose fitting large for someone who truly wears a large but still! I hope this is a sign of things to come.

I would also like to take the time to comment on my cousin Tricia. I know I say this over and over again but there is such a difference in her. Not only did I notice her 25 lb loss but her whole attitude and demeanor is so pleasant and wonderful. I am not saying she was a cranky bag before Medifast but that I am so happy that she has found this internal control and happiness that I think she (and lots of overweight people) lost along the way. Way to go Trish...I am so glad to see you happy. Its important to look deep inside and understand where it is coming from so when its time to eat like "normal people" we can handle it. For me that has been eye-opening.

Today's reason for losing weight:
*to continue to build my self esteem and comfortability with my body. And on that note I am off for my date with Tony Little :). Have a good day everyone.