Wednesday, April 7, 2010

To sit, or not to sit. That is always the question. (Tricia)

Some of you fellow large ladies out there will know what I am talking about here, if you don't I hope you never do. But for a big girl, I always am very aware of just how large I am. When ever I am in a restaurant or a new place, I have to scope out the best seat for me. I.E. one that will support my weight. It could be at a bon fire when I have to find a non-resin plastic chair (I usually supply my own camp chair with a larger weight limit--$20 at Walmart), or if I am out at a restaurant, I have to worry about squeezing into a small booth. And god forbid if the tables are attached to the wall, there is barely any breathing room between the back of the seat and the table (this is when I usually end up with my boobs placed strategically on the table). Also, you hear in the news now about how people get removed from planes, like Kevin Smith did when the pilot told him that it was a safety hazard for the other passengers in case of an emergency. I am always terrified of that feeling. The embarrassment of not being able to fit in a seat or wondering if I do sit in it, if it will support me. If all else fails, I will stand while everyone else is sitting. I would rather do that than risk the embarrassment of a seat collapsing under me.

This really does stop me from doing things that I truly enjoy. For example, I love amusement parks. I love roller coasters and rides that spin, and go upside down, etc. But in the past few years as I started to get larger than life, I have avoided the activities. I am would rather not go at all than watch my friends have fun on rides that I can't fit on. Now, I know that most amusement parks have begun to accommodate us larger folks, but this usually means having to get into a special line for the ride (Like at Disney World...lines 3 and 5 are always the larger seats). That's terrific, but I have this fear that just because its a larger seat, does not mean that the supports are any stronger and on a loop-de-loop, I have images of the bars breaking and me plummeting to my death. My poor husband loves these parks, but I have started making up excuses for me to go to them. I really can't explain why I just don't tell him the truth. He is my husband and heck, he married a fluffy chick, he would be sympathetic..or tell me I am being irrational. But, I just don't think he would really understand.

So, what is the reason I am spilling my guts to all of you strangers? Well, tonight my husband and I went out to dinner at Carrabas and met our friends Bryan and Laurie. I was first to arrive and the waiter showed me to our booth. I immediately thought, crap. I remembered the last time I was there that the seats were really uncomfortable and I had to shove myself in and out of the booth. I didn't want to embarrass myself and ask for a table because you know the waiter would know why, so I slid into the booth. I repeat..I slid gracefully into the booth. There was no friction, There was no squeezing. No holding my breath. There was just me between the back of the seat and the front of the table..with room in between. ROOOOOM! Now, I did not want to look like a moron and shout to everyone that I was comfortable in the booth, but I felt it. That pride. That sense of accomplishment. That little three inches of room made me remember why I am working so hard. I can only say that I was just full of joy.

My reason today for losing the weight: To be able to fit and sit at any location with out thinking of my weight first.

5 comments:

Karen said...

I know exactly what you are talking about!

mbm1forever said...

Awesome. Glad you could celebrate what so many take for granted. I looked in the window today to see my reflection expecting to see the fat girl. I saw one who isn't fat, but looking pretty good if I say so myself. Anyway, these are the quiet moments we share with ourselves. It might be an aha moment?

Jennifer said...

Wow Trish...what a motivating post and experience. I am so proud of you, and I am so happy that you are coming across all of these "little" differences which are essentially HUGE to us fluffy people trying to get the weight off. Go you!

terr2131 said...

Awesome! I wish we could have spoken more at the party! Proud of you!

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