Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A different kind of day... (Jennifer)

Today was a different kind of day for me. I have been feeling unsatisfied all day and finding myself waiting to have my next meal. The day started off full speed. I didnt sleep well last night at all. This morning I realized Olivia (age 3) had an "accident" in her bed last night. So before 8:00 am I had two bathed, dressed, and fed little girls and was already doing laundry! When the girls took a nap, I laid on the couch. I dont ever do this!!! Ever!!!! I was awaiting my lean and green for most of the day. Except...when the time got here ( I even made myself wait until 4:45 despite me trying to tell myself that 3:00 was okay to eat dinner) I didnt even finish it. I mean, I was hungry but just didnt feel my usual satisfaction. In the little bit of quality sleep that I did get last night I managed to dream that I "cheated" and had a piece of pizza. I spent the rest of my dream trying to calculate how many carbs it had it and how many medifast meals I would have to skip to make up for this. I should mention right now that I have not ever cheated and if I did I would not skip medifast meals to make up for it. At any rate...that was the dream I woke up from this morning!
Then something happened tonight that I realized hasnt happened in over a month since I have started Medifast. I found myself staring in the refrigerator. There I was...standing in front of the fridge with the door open. And then it hit me...."what are you doing?". I havent done this in so long. I have been on such a structured routine that I never "need" to do this. It never even crossed my mind. So why tonight? Am I hungry? Yes, but not starving. Am I just looking for something "yummy" to eat to comfort me? Because I am tired and a bit sluggish today? I just dont know. I spent most of the day unsatisfied. And I just keep asking myself why? What was different today?
I did not give in to my desire to eat "other stuff" so for that I am proud of me. But still...today was a bit of a challenge for me. It may be because I picked up a pizza for my husband and the girls on the way home from Zumba last night. It smelled sooooo good in the car but once I got home and ate my dinner while they ate theirs it didnt bother me anymore. I was totally satisfied with my dinner. Today Steven went to Walmart because we needed a few things. I was tired so decided to stay home. Doesnt he come home with mozzerella sticks, buffalo chicken and popcorn chicken...all hot and ready to go. Yummmmmmm. I actually felt like I was missing out. I dont usually feel this with a temptation. I held those things in my hand as I got their plates ready and sniffed..and sniffed again. I love mozz sticks, and breaded chicken too for that matter. Usually we will all eat the same thing for dinner(or at least a close variation) but sometimes it isnt that easy. The girls are picky, Steven even more picky (he eats no condiments and no veggies other than potatoes) and my lean and green is pretty limited. I am just hoping I wake up a little less pity party-ish tomorrow morning!!! I am sure these days are going to happen and I should probably feel grateful that it has been a month and this is the first!!

And I also realized something else. It is these days that made WW so hard for me. Because it is not rigid(enough for me) and I would give in when things got tough. Shoot...I did give in and that is why I was such a great maintainer and not such a great loser! So it is the rigid aspect Medifast that saved me today. Had I been on any other "diet" I would have thrown in the towel and had to live with the feeling of guilt afterwards. Dont get me wrong...I think WW is a great program hands down, and I have dont it several times. But when things got stressful (and they were for a while there) I would lose sight of the boundaries and give in. Medifast is black and white and WW has some gray areas that I didnt have the willpower to handle correctly. I actually look forward to doing WW to maintain after my Medifast days. So please....dont take any disrespect from what I am saying at all. I give all the credit in the world to people who have such great willpower!!!
Today's reason for losing weight:
*I want to have more energy to do all of the things I want to do. I want to keep up with the kids, do yardwork until its done, not until I am too tired to do anymore. I want to not dread laundry because it is "all the way downstairs". I want to be energized so when the kids go to bed I will clean clean clean instead of plop on the couch. And for the most part I am proud to say that most of these items are improving!!!

5 comments:

Tricia said...

I am glad you didnt cheat.. Its hard on these days to stay focused and not go back to the old ways when we just want to feel comforted. cuttle with Sugar tonight and feel loved even if you arent full of food. I heart iffer.

Jennifer said...

Sugar doesnt give me much of an option other than to snuggle. She insists on sleeping in the middle of the bed so I must be close to her no matter where I lay. I am going to have to figure something out with her because its tough fighting all night for some covers!!!

Laura said...

Great post! Crazy dream you had; Luckily, it was just a dream. :) And great job not cheating! I know how tough it is.

When you said you were on WW and you were a "great maintainer and not such a great loser", I realized that's what I'm struggling with. I've lost 10 pounds on weight watchers, but I've been there 11 weeks now, and there have been alot of weeks where there was a gain. I've basically been maintaining. I've thought about Medifast, but I don't like the rigidity in my schedule, (and I can't afford it right now).

Thanks for putting it like you did though. Kind of eye-opening.

You asked on my blog when I weigh; I generally weigh myself daily to keep an eye on where I'm at, but my "official" weigh-in is Tuesday evenings at weight watchers.

Have a great day!
Laura
http://nomoreweightforme.blogspot.com

Ali @ Fat to Fit said...

I just found your blog, and really enjoy it!!! I'll be following:) If you get a chance, check out mine!
www.fatbutchanging.blogspot.com

Ali

Jennifer said...

Welcome Ali! I surely will check out your blog. Support is the best thing out there!

Laura-so glad you could relate! Its a matter of kicking it in to gear and figuring out what makes us awesome maintainers...haha.