a mini goal? Day 15 (Tricia)

Today was a busy day for me. I got up early, went to the dr, picked up my car from the shop, grocery shopped, cleaned the house, and made dinner. Whew! I usually would be exhausted at this point but I am not that tired. I guess a little weight off really makes a difference!

I was talking today with my doctor about the Medifast plan and she asked me what my weight goal was. I actually had to pause for a moment because I hadn't decided that yet. She then asked me what my lowest weight was as an adult. Hmm....170 I think...and that was still way over what I should be but It was the lowest in my adult life, in college. Here I actually started to tell you about my child hood and perhaps the many different reasons why I am over weight today, but I had to delete it because I don't think I am ready to discuss that yet. So lets take it from college. I really didn't gain that much weight in College until, umm.. I would say my junior year, and that was still only about 10 lbs. Maybe perhaps because school was getting harder or I was getting less active. I think that this is around the time I began having symptoms of sleep apnea, but I didn't really recognize the signs, even though I was always exhausted even thought I would get a pretty decent night's sleep. I did try WW with Jennifer around that time, as well as a few diets. We did lose some weight, but the dieting never lasted that long. HAHA, we even tried one that restricted your carb intake for the day, but you could eat whatever you wanted for 1 hour a day..Lets just say we we were trying to stuff a whole roll of cookies in our mouth before the buzzer.
Then came our senior year. Mid year, Jennifer and I suffered a great loss when our grandfather died. It really was devastating to us both. Senior year, second semester became four moths of juggling my school work, my boyfriend (my husband), and driving back and forth from school to home twice a week. I came home for two reasons: to take my Nanny to bingo and stay with her on Wednesday nights, and to see Nate and my friends on the weekend. Our Nanny had a very difficult time dealing with the death of her husband, whom she had been married to for over 50 years. I think that I felt I had to be strong for her and myself and that was really the moment when I learned how to push my feelings deep inside of me. So, what did I do to push them further down? Right. EAT. I gained weight and gained weight. I remember that by the following year, I was up almost 50 lbs. Yeah. I said it. 50.
And then once I started my bad habits of course, my weight began to continually rise. Now, I am not saying that this is the only reason for my weight.( I do realize that there are other factors involved, which may be saved for another blog).
So, what was the point of a slow walk down memory lane with me? ( I say slow walk because if you ask my friends, and my cousin, I am the slowest person ever, and there is no jogging-Yet) Well, after the doctor asked me what my weight goal was, I began thinking. All day today I have been trying to think about when I took dieting seriously. I mean a stab at WW here or there, but I would start and not last very long on it. And then I realized that I never have really put my heart into it. I have never really given it a chance. I have never lost more than about 15 lbs on any diet. This is the first time I am making a serious commitment to myself to lose the weight. And because of that, I have decided not to look at the big picture (because that is a BIG picture) but to start with a reasonable goal from where I am at now. My mini goal is to lose 20 lbs. To prove to myself that I can do this. To keep me motivated to do something I have never achieved before. To do it for me.